Johnson1 Posted September 14, 2015 Posted September 14, 2015 On Saturday night I met this very cute woman at the bar where I do open mic nights. I'm 51 and she's 46. She's seen me perform there before and likes the way I sing. Anyway I approached her because I noticed her smiling at me. To make a long story short, we really hit it off. We exchanged numbers and talked about a whole bunch of stuff and made plans to do future stuff with her and her friend who was also at the bar. We had a great time. Bought each other rounds of drinks, etc. Her friend mentioned to us about going with her the next day because she was going to meet this guy she hadn't seen since she was eleven and wanted us there for a 'way out' just in case she wasn't interested. Later on ended up back at their place (they live together). Out in the parking lot before we left my lady said to her friend 'can we bring him home with us? lol (needless to say I was happy to hear that), so I followed her and her friend to their place. When we got there her friend and I chatted while my lady got changed into more comfortable attire. We all ended up sitting in the back porch and chatted for about an hour or so about music. By this time it was about 3:15am. Everything was good, then my lady said 'I guess we should go to bed' (meaning her and her friend), so her friend went into the bedroom and we said goodnight in the living room where I kissed her passionately. As she saw me to the door I kissed her again and she said 'text me when you get home', which I did. Here is the actual conversation: First before I begin let me note that she had texted me when we were driving to her house and asked me if I was behind her. I never responded because I didn't know she had. Here's what I said when I got home: Me: Hi babe, I'm home. Sorry I missed your first text. Was driving. Sweet dreams. See you tomorrow. Her: Sweet dreams. Her: Me: Next morning, 12:32. I texted her. Me: Good morning. Hope you had a good sleep. Her: Good morning. Her: Me: I have some errands to run and work to do around the house I have to do today, but would you still like to get together later? Her: Not sure if I'm going to go with (Cathy). But I think I would like to do something. My daughter is here visiting. Her: She's showing me wedding dresses Me: That's cool. Let me know what you decide. Me: My bro is playing at 7pm at a club Her: I feel lazy today Me: I had a slight hangover, but nothing coffee couldn't fix. LOL Her: LOL Me: As long as we had a good time its worth it. Her: I had a very nice time Me: I did as well babe. That conversation ended at 3:00pm yesterday. I haven't heard from her since. I know it's only been since yesterday afternoon that we spoke, but I would've thought she would say goodnight or contacted me today, but she hasn't. I don't know what to make of it. I don't know if she's waiting for me to contact her or if she was just politely blowing me off. I know we only met briefly, but everything went so well and I would think if she really didn't want to see me again she wouldn't have asked me to text her when I got home. I don't know where to go with this or how long I should wait before I respond, if at all. I don't know what she's thinking. For all I know she could've met someone else at the bar last night when her friend met that guy. I'm not even sure if she went with her. I really like this lady. She told me the same at the bar. Here are some key things she said when we were there. She told me I scare her (meaning 'make her nervous). I guess because I perform and well known and liked in that bar. She also told me she always picks the wrong guys who don't show they care. I took this as good thing because I am a very caring person, but I try not to show it too much because it comes off as needy or clingy, which I don't want to be. I played it cool. We were very close at the bar. She massaged my hand, stroked my arm, leaned against me. I kissed her a couple of times and massaged her shoulders which made her melt. She liked that. We really did hit it off. I don't know why I haven't heard from her. With all this being said, maybe you can give me some insight on how to proceed, or not to proceed. I don't want her to think I don't care by not texting her, but I also don't want to come across as needy by contacting her first, twice. How long should I wait to contact her (if I even should) and what should I say? I know if I do I have to choose my words carefully. Please help. Thank you in advance.
d0nnivain Posted September 14, 2015 Posted September 14, 2015 Your post reads more like you are a 15 year old boy then a 51 year old man. Stop the texting. Call the lady & ask her for an actual date. If that scares her you shouldn't want her any way.
Author Johnson1 Posted September 14, 2015 Author Posted September 14, 2015 Waaaay too early for "babe"s. Okay, thanks bro. I'll lay off that from now on.
Author Johnson1 Posted September 14, 2015 Author Posted September 14, 2015 Your post reads more like you are a 15 year old boy then a 51 year old man. Stop the texting. Call the lady & ask her for an actual date. If that scares her you shouldn't want her any way. The only reason I text is because that seems to be the norm these days with women. Keep in mind I was married for 31 years and have only been dating the last year and a half. I've dated 5 women since my divorce, one of which was a 5 months relationship/ Go easy. New at this.
preraph Posted September 14, 2015 Posted September 14, 2015 I've found that in general, if there's something going on with their child, particularly if it's a grown one they don't get to see as much anymore, mothers will blow off literally anyone at anytime in favor of even the remotest chance to spend time with their grown children. Picking out her daughter's wedding dress is a big and all-day event. So don't say another word about it. Wait until you think the daughter has had a chance to clear out and see if she wants to do something. Seriously, I have sat around all day on Thanksgiving trying to keep dinner warm just in case her grown daughter decided to show up. Never again.
Author Johnson1 Posted September 14, 2015 Author Posted September 14, 2015 She just texted me now and asked how my day was. Thank you
warshaw Posted September 14, 2015 Posted September 14, 2015 I don't see anything wrong with the texting, I agree that the use of "babe" was too soon but it's not going to be a dealbreaker. People text nowadays, it's fast, easy, convenient and doesn't require you to stop whatever it is you're doing. But like anything else there are limits. Texting is never going to replace the occasional phone call. Not seeing any problems in this blossoming relationship other than excessive unnecessary worry.
Author Johnson1 Posted September 14, 2015 Author Posted September 14, 2015 (edited) I don't see anything wrong with the texting, I agree that the use of "babe" was too soon but it's not going to be a dealbreaker. People text nowadays, it's fast, easy, convenient and doesn't require you to stop whatever it is you're doing. But like anything else there are limits. Texting is never going to replace the occasional phone call. Not seeing any problems in this blossoming relationship other than excessive unnecessary worry. SPOT ON! Thank you! and you are right. As much as I dislike texting I think its puts ladies minds at ease for some reason to fill in the 'in-between' times. Edited September 14, 2015 by Vocals5
d0nnivain Posted September 14, 2015 Posted September 14, 2015 the "rules" didn't change. Only the technology did. Being the good stand up guy who can hold a conversation & is interested in what she has to say still works. Do that.
warshaw Posted September 14, 2015 Posted September 14, 2015 the "rules" didn't change. Only the technology did. Being the good stand up guy who can hold a conversation & is interested in what she has to say still works. Do that. You can do that with text. Especially if you're a good typist.
Author Johnson1 Posted September 14, 2015 Author Posted September 14, 2015 You can do that with text. Especially if you're a good typist. I can do both. I'm very good at conversing both over the phone and in person, but thing is when you're unsure of how someone is thinking or whether or not they even want to be contacted, calling could be the worst thing. They get caught off guard.
warshaw Posted September 14, 2015 Posted September 14, 2015 I think you've got a tendency to overthink and worry. None of the things you mentioned on this thread are going to be dealbreakers. It's going to come down to how compatible you are and how much you like each other, not whether you called her Babe too soon or texted too much or called at the wrong time. Enjoy. The beginning of a relationship can be the best time. No need to water down the fun by worrying about every step you take, every move you make. 1
Author Johnson1 Posted September 14, 2015 Author Posted September 14, 2015 I think you've got a tendency to overthink and worry. None of the things you mentioned on this thread are going to be dealbreakers. It's going to come down to how compatible you are and how much you like each other, not whether you called her Babe too soon or texted too much or called at the wrong time. Enjoy. The beginning of a relationship can be the best time. No need to water down the fun by worrying about every step you take, every move you make. Thank you my friend. I appreciate that. I'm speaking with her now through text, lol. If she wanted to talk on the phone she would've called. I'll get with her again. No worries. 1
Oregon_Dude Posted September 14, 2015 Posted September 14, 2015 None of the things you mentioned on this thread are going to be dealbreakers. It's going to come down to how compatible you are and how much you like each other, not whether you called her Babe too soon or texted too much or called at the wrong time. Enjoy. The beginning of a relationship can be the best time. No need to water down the fun by worrying about every step you take, every move you make.Hmm. I agree that he probably worries too much. However, you're dead wrong if you don't think you can scare someone off in the initial stages of dating. If you call or text too much, and yes, if you call them pet names too early, these are things that can show neediness and an overcommitment for someone you do not even know. If someone were doing these things to me, it would definitely put me off. Yeah, the beginning of a r/s is often the best part. You're both somewhat "magical" still and aren't really people with faults and bad habits and all the nasty sh*t that makes us imperfect. Slow and easy wins the race on this one, IMO.
warshaw Posted September 14, 2015 Posted September 14, 2015 Hmm. I agree that he probably worries too much. However, you're dead wrong if you don't think you can scare someone off in the initial stages of dating. If you call or text too much, and yes, if you call them pet names too early, these are things that can show neediness and an overcommitment for someone you do not even know. If someone were doing these things to me, it would definitely put me off. Please don't incorrectly paraphrase me. I agree that you can easily scare someone off in the early stages of dating by being too needy and calling or texting too much. But that is not the case here. He is not doing any of those things. Sure the use of the word "babe" was not the best thing to do at that particular time, but for most "normal" people and situations it would not be a dealbreaker. If the girl is going to be put off to the extent that she calls it quits because he used the word "babe" too early on, then she's way too sensitive and she's going to be a difficult person to be in a relationship with and he's better off finding out now rather than later. 1
Author Johnson1 Posted September 14, 2015 Author Posted September 14, 2015 (edited) Hmm. I agree that he probably worries too much. However, you're dead wrong if you don't think you can scare someone off in the initial stages of dating. If you call or text too much, and yes, if you call them pet names too early, these are things that can show neediness and an overcommitment for someone you do not even know. If someone were doing these things to me, it would definitely put me off. Yeah, the beginning of a r/s is often the best part. You're both somewhat "magical" still and aren't really people with faults and bad habits and all the nasty sh*t that makes us imperfect. Slow and easy wins the race on this one, IMO. That's why I'm backing off on the pet names until we know each other a lot better. It also depends on how well you get on together and whether or not you feel close enough to where someone would be put off. She is very receptive and seems to have the warmth to her not mind and possibly even embrace it. Only I would know and made the call at the time. I won't from now on just to be on the safe side. Primarily because she doesn't do that. With my 5 month relationship we cared so much for each other pet names were common place and felt natural. It depends on how much you click. I am doing things very slow though. I'm not screwing this up by going to fast. That much I can assure you. Edited September 14, 2015 by Vocals5
Author Johnson1 Posted September 14, 2015 Author Posted September 14, 2015 Please don't incorrectly paraphrase me. I agree that you can easily scare someone off in the early stages of dating by being too needy and calling or texting too much. But that is not the case here. He is not doing any of those things. Sure the use of the word "babe" was not the best thing to do at that particular time, but for most "normal" people and situations it would not be a dealbreaker. If the girl is going to be put off to the extent that she calls it quits because he used the word "babe" too early on, then she's way too sensitive and she's going to be a difficult person to be in a relationship with and he's better off finding out now rather than later. I've learned from past mistakes what not to do, and that is to not overdue it at first. You are correct. I don't think I over did that this time. I only said 'babe' once to her. I don't think that should be a deal breaker either, especially since she showed so much interest, but still, I wasn't sure.
Jules Dash Posted September 14, 2015 Posted September 14, 2015 She also told me she always picks the wrong guys who don't show they care. This is the most important thing she said to you all night and you don't even know it. That statement should guide your actions more than anything else. Let her contact you.
Author Johnson1 Posted September 14, 2015 Author Posted September 14, 2015 From herein my only concern is this, who initiates the next meeting? Should I wait for her or try again, maybe this weekend? Push it ahead a few days.
Jules Dash Posted September 14, 2015 Posted September 14, 2015 From herein my only concern is this, who initiates the next meeting? Should I wait for her or try again, maybe this weekend? Push it ahead a few days. Forget about her. She will contact you within a week. Go and play music. 1
Author Johnson1 Posted September 14, 2015 Author Posted September 14, 2015 This is the most important thing she said to you all night and you don't even know it. That statement should guide your actions more than anything else. Let her contact you. I believe you may be right on that.
Author Johnson1 Posted September 14, 2015 Author Posted September 14, 2015 (edited) One of her concerns, possibly about the nervousness is the fact that she might be worried about getting involved with a musician that might break her heart since I have women coming up to me. I can understand that. I've been accused of that from past dates. They put up a wall 10 miles high to guard their heart because of it. Only what they don't know is that I am, and always will be a one woman man. It's convincing them of that is the trick, but what I also know is that the fact that I do have women coming up to me is the danger and turn on they love, but yet hate. I try to reassure that I won't F them over. I don't need a lot of women to make me happy. Only one very special one. Naturally playing music is the best way to meet a lot of women. It's the diamond in the rough who can show they really care is the one I can, and would be absolutely loyal to. Edited September 14, 2015 by Vocals5
Author Johnson1 Posted September 14, 2015 Author Posted September 14, 2015 I miss my home life with a sweet lady. If I could, I would get married again. It's kinda tough finding the right one who doesn't have a wall to be able to do that when you're in bars playing music. I know of only two couples I'm proud to call my friends who are able to hold it together. You can see they were made for each other.
Author Johnson1 Posted September 16, 2015 Author Posted September 16, 2015 Okay, so now what? She texted me yesterday and we had a good conversation, then I texted her this morning and again had a good conversation. I'm going to be joining a rock tribute band that plays large venues that require VIP passes. She really liked and was impressed by that. I asked her if her and her friend were planning on hitting open mic night this Thursday where we met and if not if she wanted to go see my brother play in his band at an event this Saturday. The paragraph was kinda long with a couple of typos, so right after I put, 'excuse the grammar, I hate my phone' to wit she replied 'that's okay ', but never answered my question about meeting up.
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