FakeBatman Posted September 14, 2015 Posted September 14, 2015 Hi, I need some advice. I'll try to be concise as possible. -Girlfriend and I had a huge argument on the weekend, we've taken time to cool off on our own - we seem to be making amends and slowly healing now. -We usually hang out twice a week but I want to cancel one and postpone the other. She might read this as a bad sign but here's my reasons: - I want to cancel on one because I just found out my good male friend who I haven't seen in a year is back in town and he won't be available at any other time. - I want to postpone the other (visit her sun-mon) instead of (sat-sun usually) because I usually DON'T SLEEP AT ALL ON FRIDAY NIGHT and work 10 HOURS on Saturday morning (sleep pattern screwed due to full time study and part time work). I'm usually awake for 36-48 hours from fri-sat, then I go home and nap for an hour or two after work - then drive 1.5 hours to her house and feel exhausted. I don't want to feel exhausted when I see her because my exhaustion ruins my thinking which lead to the argument in the first place. - I also need space this week to recover from the argument, I'm still hurting from it. - I want to be with her but I don't know when and how to tell her I need to change my plans especially after the argument and she could read it like I'm trying to slowly end the relationship when I don't want to? Thanks for your time folks
xUnknown Posted September 14, 2015 Posted September 14, 2015 Just call her up and tell her. Don't sound like depressed when you say it (giving her the notion its about the fight)....sound happy to see your friend. "Hey hun, ___ is back in town tonight and I was wondering if we could postpone the plans for Wednesday night". 1
Author FakeBatman Posted September 14, 2015 Author Posted September 14, 2015 Just call her up and tell her. Don't sound like depressed when you say it (giving her the notion its about the fight)....sound happy to see your friend. "Hey hun, ___ is back in town tonight and I was wondering if we could postpone the plans for Wednesday night". Oh my god why didn't I think of that?! Thanks xUnknown!
d0nnivain Posted September 14, 2015 Posted September 14, 2015 Is there any way she can come with you to see your friend? Can you see her the night before or the night after? 1
sid3 Posted September 14, 2015 Posted September 14, 2015 Ask yourself, what would the real Batman do? .....Exactly!
Author FakeBatman Posted September 14, 2015 Author Posted September 14, 2015 Is there any way she can come with you to see your friend? Can you see her the night before or the night after? I would invite her to see my friend if it was just him but unfortunately it's going to be a group of guys from work there as well and she's never met them and it'd be awkward for both of us (she's met some of my friends before but she gets shy and it takes time for her to meet new people). She hinted she was busy the night before (wed) but I feel that is more of an excuse for us to cool down from each other as we need the space and the night after (Friday) I've already got plans with my best friend and I'm usually studying then.
Author FakeBatman Posted September 14, 2015 Author Posted September 14, 2015 Ask yourself, what would the real Batman do? .....Exactly! I asked the real Batman. He said 'Don't ask me I suck at relationships'
kgcolonel Posted September 14, 2015 Posted September 14, 2015 In light of the argument you two had, I would still invite her. Likely she'll decline but I can see where she could get the wrong message on this on especially on the heels on the additional rescheduling. At some point you'll need to set your priorities and not try to do everything. Only you know what's in your heart and what to expect from your GF. 1
Author FakeBatman Posted September 14, 2015 Author Posted September 14, 2015 In light of the argument you two had, I would still invite her. Likely she'll decline but I can see where she could get the wrong message on this on especially on the heels on the additional rescheduling. At some point you'll need to set your priorities and not try to do everything. Only you know what's in your heart and what to expect from your GF. That's actually a really good point, thanks kgcolonel- I had other plans in the far future that I brought up with her and I didn't ask if she wanted to come because I assumed she wouldn't be interested (she wasn't anyway) but because I didn't ask her that was a factor that lead to the argument
d0nnivain Posted September 14, 2015 Posted September 14, 2015 Then definitely ask her to join you & the guys or offer to meet them early & swing by her later. If you don't explain this right she will conclude it's about the fight. Since for the 2nd meeting you want to change the previously established routine to sleep, maybe suck it up for one more week this week & change things up next week. I know sleep is important but . . .she needs to know she is important too 1
jen1447 Posted September 14, 2015 Posted September 14, 2015 Hmmm ....seems really risky to me to have a terrible fight, then cancel and postpone future weekly dates (legit reasons notwithstanding) and then leave her free to ....do whatever ....during that time. Yeah no, I'd avoid that. 1
Author FakeBatman Posted September 14, 2015 Author Posted September 14, 2015 Then definitely ask her to join you & the guys or offer to meet them early & swing by her later. If you don't explain this right she will conclude it's about the fight. Since for the 2nd meeting you want to change the previously established routine to sleep, maybe suck it up for one more week this week & change things up next week. I know sleep is important but . . .she needs to know she is important too She most likely won't want to come, but it's best I ask her anyways that way she feels valued. With the 2nd meeting I think if I went up to hers the same schedule I would just show up - say 'Hi baby, I love you' then say 'oh I'm so tired' then pass out for a good 12 hours. That way if there's a slight misunderstanding my stupid exhausted ass doesn't make me say something stupid which could make a delicate situation much worse.
Author FakeBatman Posted September 14, 2015 Author Posted September 14, 2015 Hmmm ....seems really risky to me to have a terrible fight, then cancel and postpone future weekly dates (legit reasons notwithstanding) and then leave her free to ....do whatever ....during that time. Yeah no, I'd avoid that. It is risky hence why I'm here Thanks for all the help folks.
jjtr Posted September 14, 2015 Posted September 14, 2015 Hmmm ....seems really risky to me to have a terrible fight, then cancel and postpone future weekly dates (legit reasons notwithstanding) and then leave her free to ....do whatever ....during that time. Yeah no, I'd avoid that. Why do some people feel as though a fight is suddenly going to lead to one partner or the other heading off to have sex with a random person (which is what I think you're insinuating here)? 2
Author FakeBatman Posted September 14, 2015 Author Posted September 14, 2015 Why do some people feel as though a fight is suddenly going to lead to one partner or the other heading off to have sex with a random person (which is what I think you're insinuating here)? Yeah I read that and I was like '????' Despite our argument both my girlfriend and I are very loyal people in our relationship, it's what brought us together and it was our mutual decision to take time off to cool down that's actually helping us recover right now. We don't intend to go sleep around in this break. She understands that I'm not as experienced as her when it comes to relationships because I've had no prior experience and that's why I'm here. I realized that I am a complete noob at relationships, I try to understand how they work but damn it's confusing!
jjtr Posted September 14, 2015 Posted September 14, 2015 Yeah I read that and I was like '????' Despite our argument both my girlfriend and I are very loyal people in our relationship, it's what brought us together and it was our mutual decision to take time off to cool down that's actually helping us recover right now. We don't intend to go sleep around in this break. She understands that I'm not as experienced as her when it comes to relationships because I've had no prior experience and that's why I'm here. I like the suggestions of inviting her along. I don't think it can do any harm, even if she says no. As for your routinely scheduled days together, what was your impression when you had an argument and decided to take a break? Was it your understanding that you would still get together on those days?
Author FakeBatman Posted September 14, 2015 Author Posted September 14, 2015 I like the suggestions of inviting her along. I don't think it can do any harm, even if she says no. As for your routinely scheduled days together, what was your impression when you had an argument and decided to take a break? Was it your understanding that you would still get together on those days? I really like that suggestion too and I can't thank you all who suggested it enough We both agreed that we needed a few days to cool off, we usually stay together Wednesday/Thursday but we both felt it was better that we probably skip that as we both felt pretty crappy about ourselves back then. I actually feel much better now though now I've had time to cool down. I believe that the next time we were going to see each other was on Saturday-Sunday.
jjtr Posted September 14, 2015 Posted September 14, 2015 I really like that suggestion too and I can't thank you all who suggested it enough We both agreed that we needed a few days to cool off, we usually stay together Wednesday/Thursday but we both felt it was better that we probably skip that as we both felt pretty crappy about ourselves back then. I actually feel much better now though now I've had time to cool down. I believe that the next time we were going to see each other was on Saturday-Sunday. How about about calling her up and telling her that your friend is in town and was wondering if you could hang out, but that you weren't sure how your break impacted your Saturday-Sunday time. If she says that she had still planned on seeing you, tell her you'd really like to see him since he's never in town and then ask if she'd like to come along. If she says she isn't interested, but still wants to hangout with you, then you'll have to make a decision.
Author FakeBatman Posted September 14, 2015 Author Posted September 14, 2015 How about about calling her up and telling her that your friend is in town and was wondering if you could hang out, but that you weren't sure how your break impacted your Saturday-Sunday time. If she says that she had still planned on seeing you, tell her you'd really like to see him since he's never in town and then ask if she'd like to come along. If she says she isn't interested, but still wants to hangout with you, then you'll have to make a decision. Thanks jjtr I think donovain is on point as well. Educated guess is that she'll be accepting of me going to see my mate as he's rarely around and it'll help if I ask her if she wants to come along but I'm definitely pushing my luck if I try to postpone the weekend get-together.
jen1447 Posted September 14, 2015 Posted September 14, 2015 Why do some people feel as though a fight is suddenly going to lead to one partner or the other heading off to have sex with a random person (which is what I think you're insinuating here)? Bc sometimes it does, and relationship strife isn't the best environment to test those possibilities.
Author FakeBatman Posted September 14, 2015 Author Posted September 14, 2015 So here's a quick rundown of what I'm going to say to my girlfriend tomorrow on the phone: Hello baby, how are you? .... ... I just found that my mate 'E' who used to work with me is back in town and I haven't seen him in a year and he wants to catch up for Thursday lunch with the other boys from work, would you like to come along to it? .... yadda yadda yadda.. I love you, bye baby. I think it sounds alright?
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