kellyp1 Posted May 15, 2005 Posted May 15, 2005 So, some of us Southern Cal ladies have been discussing their online personals dates. I have another one. I think this guy is making me "Bitter, party of 1". So, I saw him Wednesday night, for our date #5. We had a great night and when he leaves, he tells me how much fun he had, sweet dreams, etc... On Friday, late in the afternoon, I get this message, "Hope all is well with you. Work has been crazy. I can't wait to go home and sleep!!! I will talk to you soon." Nice weekend blowoff! I am sure he is out dating the other women he is trolling for on the site several times a day. Now, what I do when he finally calls is up to me. I am guessing that I just let the phone ring though and call him back the next day. I hate the fact that I have to play the game.
westernxer Posted May 15, 2005 Posted May 15, 2005 I can't believe he would text you just to say he's going home to sleep. Whatever... I wouldn't have contacted you at all. But hey, if you like him enough to see him again, go for it. I feel like I'm back in college...
Jennifer'sSecret Posted May 15, 2005 Posted May 15, 2005 Kelly - I feel your pain! I feel like I'm in eternal limbo with my new guy as well. It's only been like 3 weeks/5 or 6 dates. I REEEEEEEEEALLLYY like him, but I know he's still checking in on the site. Thing is, I am checking in as well, so who knows if we're both looking at each other checking in, ya know? However, I don't think that this situation is any different from any other dating experience except to the extent that we KNOW that they are still on there. We girls, when we like someone, we automatically go into "one guy" mode, even if we haven't had any sort of discussion about being exclusive. Guys, on the other hand, no matter how much they like you, they are still "out there" seeing what else is available. If you met this guy somewhere other than on a dating site, you'd never know that he was out there talking to and/or dating other women, and you'd be blissfully ignorant. But with these sites, it's sooo in your face. Oh, how it sucks, but it is part of online dating.
Author kellyp1 Posted May 15, 2005 Author Posted May 15, 2005 LOL - so do I! I agree. I feel like he only did it for the don't call me, I'll call you thing but tried to keep it nice enough in case he wants to pick this up later. Well, some of the people that are still single in their late 20's, early 30's are that way for a reason. Guess I am starting to see his. Life's too short, time to move on!
shamen Posted May 15, 2005 Posted May 15, 2005 Hi Kelly, Seeing the guy that you're seeing online looking was the main reason that I couldn't deal with the online dating thing. Tried it for a while, decided it just wasn't for me. Besides, two of the three guys that I met were complete freaks! I'm glad that you said that, "SOME of the people that are still single in their late 20s, early 30s are that way for a reason." I'm 36, and unmarried for a reason. Gotten asked 4 times, not interested... Not all of us are wackos... Good luck with your search.
Jennifer'sSecret Posted May 15, 2005 Posted May 15, 2005 I'm not so sure that's it's time to move on, Kelly. Just because he texted you with what you thought was a weekend blowoff? Naaahh. You're still in the getting-to-know-each-other stages, so perhaps he was just avoiding the awkward "so what are you doing this weekend"? conversation when he had other plans...ya know? Picking it up later very well could be SUNDAY!
Author kellyp1 Posted May 15, 2005 Author Posted May 15, 2005 Thanks Jennifer. I will take it all in perspective. How are things going with your guy?
Author kellyp1 Posted May 16, 2005 Author Posted May 16, 2005 I took it all in perspective and he called and invited me to come over and hang out. We talked when I was there and he said he is very independent and needs to take things super slow. He said he is more than willing to change and have a relationship but it will take him time to get used to it. So, good advice and we will see where it goes from here.
Jennifer'sSecret Posted May 16, 2005 Posted May 16, 2005 Dating and developing a solid relationship is an uphill climb. Gotta take it slow and steady baby, like going through the Grapevine. Don't want to burn up that engine! I'm trying to take my own advice. When I'm tempted to call or text, I just sit on my hands or go for a run or something...and when I get back, guess what's usually waiting for me? A VM or text.
RecordProducer Posted May 16, 2005 Posted May 16, 2005 Originally posted by Jennifer'sSecret 1. I REEEEEEEEEALLLYY like him, but I know he's still checking in on the site. Thing is, I am checking in as well, so who knows if we're both looking at each other checking in, ya know? 2. However, I don't think that this situation is any different from any other dating experience except to the extent that we KNOW that they are still on there. We girls, when we like someone, we automatically go into "one guy" mode, even if we haven't had any sort of discussion about being exclusive. Guys, on the other hand, no matter how much they like you, they are still "out there" seeing what else is available. If you met this guy somewhere other than on a dating site, you'd never know that he was out there talking to and/or dating other women, and you'd be blissfully ignorant. But with these sites, it's sooo in your face. Oh, how it sucks, but it is part of online dating. 1. Nah.. he ain't checking on ya, girl, he's checking the other girls. Men! I had the same problem with my BF but he said he never dated any other women after me, although we're in a LDR. Indeed, he spent weekend nights talking to me online. He rarely goes out. So I was thinking, even if he had some dates, he eventually chose to be exclusive with me. But before I made him take his profiles off the dating sites, he was logged in all day, every day (for 2.5 months after we hooked up). Guys are curious about who's going to email them or hotlist them. I think you should just accept it as reality. You should concentrate on how they treat YOU when you're together. I don't believe that any guy who has cheated or dated more than one woman at once has treated their GF perfectly. Maybe this guy really went home to sleep. We always imagine their lives as extremely exciting and full of sex and hot girls. The truth is, most of the time they date women they don't like or they like women who don't like them. And they are also lonely in this aspect. It's just that they take it as dating (we take it as searching for love) so their temporary goal (to date many women) seems achievable. But if a guy wants to find his true love, he will stay with one woman sooner or later. Personally I don't like this non-exclusive dating. It makes me feel like a whore in two ways; first because I am supposed to sleep with a few guys at the same time, which I can't and secondly because I should be someone's toy together with a few other women until we both (the guy!) decide to be exclusive. Of course, you should play his game and search the dating site, date other guys, go out without him, etc. Or at least when you curl up with a book on Saturday night, tell him you are going out with a friend. 2. Soooooooooooooooooooo true!
RecordProducer Posted May 16, 2005 Posted May 16, 2005 Originally posted by kellyp1 1. He said he is very independent and needs to take things super slow. 2. He said he is more than willing to change and have a relationship but it will take him time to get used to it. 1. He wants to continue to date (and probably sleep with) other women for now. 2. To change? So he is reluctant to quit his bachelor's life and be monogamous with someone. He needs time to get used to having a relationship as if it's something very bad that he never tried before. If I were you, I'd be looking for other guys to date and think less about this eternal bachelor. Your only hope is if he falls in love with you. In that case, he will move the relationship to the exclusive level, but I am afraid that he might be giving you hints that it will never get there. If he acts like he is infatuated with you then time is on your side. But if you feel like he's not extremely in a hurry to see you on the weekends then...
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