Just venting out a heartache

[sparkles_and_me]

My (ex) bf of 10 months decided to call it quits.

 

Last week, I asked him why he acted so different and cold the past few days, he told me that he's been confused and he wasn't sure if we still have a future. He said he loves me but it wasn't just the same. A fool as I was, I tried to hold on to him. Begging for him not to give us up. We are in a long distance relationship and tried to see each other at least once a month. We knew that from the start and was talking about planning for me to move where he is. When he told me that he doesn't feel the same way anymore, i tried reasoning out with him, saying it's normal to feel that way and staying in love is a choice and if he wants, I'll move closer to where he is sooner. But he just answered yes but i know that he didn't really care at that point.

 

So yesterday, I called him again. He has been trying repeatedly to evade to talk to me to have the discussion. I asked him where we stand right now since I feel like I am hanging, I wasn't sure if we are still together or what. In his words, he doesn't want to hurt me further by staying in the relationship. According to him, his feelings had changed and they were not as strong as before and it makes him confused about us. He isn't sure if he sees me in his future like he did before. And if we stay in this relationship, he will only hurt me more. I asked him if she met someone else, he denies that. After speaking with him, we messaged each other a bit. He said "sorry" for hurting me. To which I responded, "that's just it." Then I blocked him off.

 

I have been NC since last night. I was really hurt and didn't see it coming. I was blindsided. We had plans on going on a vacation on November for our anniversary. I miss him. I still love him. I wish and pray I can get over this. Wish me luck.

[Oregon_Dude]

I understand your pain. Heartbreak is when we think we know how someone feels about us, and we find out we were totally wrong.

 

Your best bet now to preserve your dignity is to let him walk away, initiate and stay no contact, and begin to heal during the self-imposed silence. Continuing to talk to him in any form will only delay said healing. You have a whole new life out there; you just can't see it until you accept that your r/s is over.

 

Let him know what silence feels like - eternal silence. Truth is he probably won't care - he's getting what he wanted - but our presence in others' lives is special, and now you get to show him what that feels like.

 

Good luck! This isn't easy at first, but it's the only way when someone breaks up with us. Stick around LS for a while; you'll see how not alone you are in all this. You will be just fine, provided that you stick to NC and making a new life for yourself.

[BlueBlood]

Ah the pain of being tossed aside. Ouch. Sigh. I'm sorry you're hurting. It may overwhelm or it may come in waves. Rejection just sucks. There is always someone here at LS, always. When you want to break NC, you can always come here, and talk. Time will heal this hurt but until then, talking, reading others experiences, both can go a long way towards helping your heart begin to mend.

[Liono84]

Sorry to hear about your loss. You gotta be strong and accept the new reality of your life. It's over and whatever you say, won't change your ex's mind, in fact, it will do just the opposite in reaffirming his stance. He's been thinking about this for awhile, and it just came to light. It sucks on some many levels, but you have to accept that it's over and he's not coming back. Go NC all the way through because that's the only way for you to heal with time.

 

 

I went through a very similar situation as you, LDR of close to a year with my ex. She broke up face to face when she came down to visit family as she regularly did every 2 months. I was blindsided as well since I had already bought my tickets to fly and see her 3 weeks later. We regularly visited every 7 weeks for a week at a time. What made mines a little worse was that she was from the same city as me, we had a bunch of mutual friends, and she was planning on returning back as soon as she finished grad school. You'll prob get a lot of responses on here telling you LDR are doomed to fail, or it's inevitable for them to not work out etc, etc.. And yeah, while a lot of that is true, for example, the odds are certainly against you, and it's harder than a regular relationship, I don't buy into that because I have several friends who got married with their partner and had a LDR relationship at one point or another. The only thing I can say is if somebody truly loves you, they would stick with you through thick and thin. They wouldn't give up so easily. You have to keep reminding yourself of that because that is the truth and the more you come to that realization, the easier it will be for you to move on. Distance definitely makes it harder, but shouldn't be the reason in it's entirety. You'll go through a wide range of emotions the first month, and it won't be easy, but slowly you'll realize that this person was not right for me because they didn't love me enough. You deserve better. Keep your head up. You will find someone better.

[EO422]

This sounds EXACTLY the same as me and my ex. We were in long distance, and she was about to come closer and our relationship is basically called off..even tho know she is closer still. It's just over. STAY NC..I made the mistake of keeping contact..NO NO NO DO NOT. Stay in NC..never cave in..I though my situation was different from everyone else's...NOPE..it's not..please trust me and stay NC...PLEASE..I made this mistake a little over a month ago...I stayed I. Contact..bad decision..she just got further away...STAY NC PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!!

 

I AM BEGGING YOU, do NOT MAKE MY MISTAKE ....STAY IN NC

[Hell Yeah]

when a person says the the classic I don't know, I'm confused etc etc

 

F**K THEM!!!!

 

Your time is too precious and if you were blindsided, and thought things were great etc F**K THEM again

 

Don't get me wrong, some relationships just don't work out sometimes and there are 'red flags' that can be unseen or we choose to not see them during the relationships but......

 

I'm just fed up with peoples bulls**t, emotionally unavailability etc coming into a relationship making out your going somewhere then BANG your not

 

Those people need to emotionally grow up, no bulls**t games and stay away from us good people so that we good folk can find and have what we deserve.....a loving emotionally healthy person making us feel connected and not having to worry about their crap during and after

 

hope your find it, and you will

[sparkles_and_me]

The wound is still fresh. I miss everything about us. I am so tempted to message him but I am fighting it. I hope that this pain will go by quick. Why am I hurting, while he acts as if nothing happened.

 

Thanks for all the advice and words of wisdom. It helps enlightening my distraught mind.

[Ellie35]

Do not contact him. The only thing that can heal the pain is time. He cannot fix this.

 

Do you know what I said to myself , I said I'll send him a card approx two months after break up. Two months after break up, I found LS and decided I'll never contact him, ever. He dumped me, May or may not have been irrational and impulsive however who cares, he is out!

 

I've read all the stories about breadcrumbs and people breaking no contact.. They are not good.

 

So tell yourself in a month you can contact him. When that comes add a month etc... Or even do it by week.

 

Read the posts in never breaking it. You need to find yourself.

[Liono84]

The wound is still fresh. I miss everything about us. I am so tempted to message him but I am fighting it. I hope that this pain will go by quick. Why am I hurting, while he acts as if nothing happened.

 

Thanks for all the advice and words of wisdom. It helps enlightening my distraught mind.

 

It's normal. You will be hurting for awhile. The beginning is the hardest part. The first month, especially. Just let it out, cry if you have to, talk to all your friends, it helps in the long run. After time passes, you will see that it doesn't hurt as much as it used to. I'm not going to lie, you will still think about them even as time has passed, but what you'll realize is that it no longer will effect your mood like it did in the beginning. The thought of them in your head will be there for a long time, and that's normal too, but the important thing is to accept that it's over and move on with your new reality. I still think about my ex everyday, but they're just thoughts that come and go, whereas before it severely F'd up my entire day and people all around me.

 

I'm only speaking because I had a very similar experience not too long ago. Do NOT just pin the blame on the distance and bring yourself false hope. If this person really loved you, they wouldn't have broken up with you. Period. Keep emphasizing that because that's the truth. Having hope is a very dangerous thing for a dumpee. Accept the reality that the odds are you will never hear from them again.

[Hell Yeah]

The wound is still fresh. I miss everything about us. I am so tempted to message him but I am fighting it. I hope that this pain will go by quick. Why am I hurting, while he acts as if nothing happened.

 

Thanks for all the advice and words of wisdom. It helps enlightening my distraught mind.

 

totally understand that the wounds still feel fresh, they should do and will do for sometime it shows your human, and there's no shame in feeling that so that you remember and acknowledge that you can let someone into your life, heart to love unconditionally.

 

Be proud of yourself by showing the other person in who your are, that you did the best you could and what you had to offer which is unique, its just a shame that the person chooses not too reciprocate back. Our ego, trust and respect for ourselves gets damaged but that can be repaired, healed with time, learn from this with understanding that the love given to another can be put back to the most important person we know which is ourselves.

 

Its really there loss in the long run.......plus there a twat!!

[sparkles_and_me]

I hope time heals this wound fast. I keep telling myself that it is his lost not mine. I have been talking to my friends as well and they've been telling me the same thing. All I need to do right now is move on. He gave up on me and I don't need to do anything about it since it won't change anything.

 

I am always a positive person and I always love myself first than any bf I had. Now, I'm just trying to find for the girl I was before this guy came. I miss the kind of girl I was prior to this wreck...

 

I can't thank you enough, LS friends... You keep me focus on moving forward though it is still a long road for me. I certainly need all the encouragements so that I won't get tempted and go back to square 1.

[TunaCat]

I am so sorry you're going through this.

 

I was blindsided nearly 6 months ago when my boyfriend dumped me. There were no signs at ALL that he was unhappy and I think that was the most confusing part. Especially considering the fact we prided ourselves on good communication. I thought things were good, we were talking about getting engaged, we had even talked about the kind of wedding we wanted.

 

The way he ripped the rug out from under me was a feeling I had never felt before.

 

He did try to contact me 3 times in the first 3 weeks after the breakup. I did not read or even open any of the messages. The day of the 3rd attempt was also the day he went Facebook official with a mutual acquaintance of ours. They are still together.

 

It's been nearly six months and while I'm not 100% healed from the break up, I am getting there. It takes time. I know that's a cliche, but it's true.

 

Take it easy the first few days. Do what you absolutely must do, but indulge yourself as well.

[sparkles_and_me]

I am so sorry you're going through this.

 

I was blindsided nearly 6 months ago when my boyfriend dumped me. There were no signs at ALL that he was unhappy and I think that was the most confusing part. Especially considering the fact we prided ourselves on good communication. I thought things were good, we were talking about getting engaged, we had even talked about the kind of wedding we wanted.

 

The way he ripped the rug out from under me was a feeling I had never felt before.

 

He did try to contact me 3 times in the first 3 weeks after the breakup. I did not read or even open any of the messages. The day of the 3rd attempt was also the day he went Facebook official with a mutual acquaintance of ours. They are still together.

 

It's been nearly six months and while I'm not 100% healed from the break up, I am getting there. It takes time. I know that's a cliche, but it's true.

 

Take it easy the first few days. Do what you absolutely must do, but indulge yourself as well.

 

Thank you. Knowing that I am not alone in this helps me somehow. It gives me hope that I can come out of this successfully. Even better than before. What makes this harder is when I remember all the memories and all the plans we already made for our future and I didn't have any bad memories with him. It's just that he had fallen out of love and he doesn't see me like he used to.

 

I pray to God that I will come out of this alive and a much better person. It takes time but I'm already on my way there.

[sparkles_and_me]

Day 2 of no contact... I am again tempted to contact him but I've been stopping myself. When I think of it, not contacting him makes a lot of sense after all he was the one who doesn't want to try to work it out anymore. But my heart has been telling me to call him for one last time. I don't know what to do.

 

I was browsing my phone a while ago, I thought I already deleted everything related to him yesterday but I still found a lot of our pictures and videos when we had a trip to NYC on my bday. A lot of memories came back once again. I deleted them all to help me to heal. I still wonder what happened. I still ask myself why he had a change of heart. I wish he could just explain but I know that it wouldn't change anything between us but hurt me more.

[sparkles_and_me]

Supposedly day 3 of NC today but I broke it. I texted him 4 hrs ago but I have yet to hear a response. I asked him if we can still work things out. I don't know if he will answer but I'm prepared of not hearing from him. I also rang his phone to make sure he didn't block my number. It kept ringing and he didn't answer, was directed to voice mail. I didn't leave a voice message.

 

I actually am convinced that he already had made up his mind about us. It was already the end. But I'm in so much pain. So many what ifs, what could have beens. There is no more reconciliation in sight. All I need to do now is gather all my strength to finally let go and move forward.

[Liono84]

Supposedly day 3 of NC today but I broke it. I texted him 4 hrs ago but I have yet to hear a response. I asked him if we can still work things out. I don't know if he will answer but I'm prepared of not hearing from him. I also rang his phone to make sure he didn't block my number. It kept ringing and he didn't answer, was directed to voice mail. I didn't leave a voice message.

 

I actually am convinced that he already had made up his mind about us. It was already the end. But I'm in so much pain. So many what ifs, what could have beens. There is no more reconciliation in sight. All I need to do now is gather all my strength to finally let go and move forward.

 

"Don't touch the stove, you'll burn your hand!!"

"I'm going to touch it."

 

Well, you can't say you weren't advised. I think you knew the answer deep down but you just had to do it. I guess, if that makes you finally let go, then so be it, but please don't do anything else after this to lower your self dignity. You deserve better.

[sparkles_and_me]

"Don't touch the stove, you'll burn your hand!!"

"I'm going to touch it."

 

Well, you can't say you weren't advised. I think you knew the answer deep down but you just had to do it. I guess, if that makes you finally let go, then so be it, but please don't do anything else after this to lower your self dignity. You deserve better.

 

I totally agree with you. I finally deleted all his contact information from my phone which I had a hard time doing the past days. Blocked him in all social media as well. So I think that was the last stretch I was waiting for to finally let go. I am totally moving forward with my life without him. NC all the way! I can do this!

[sparkles_and_me]

It's been 10 days post break-up and had no contact from him. He moved on so easily and did not even bother to check on me, not even once so i decided that I will finally let go of him too. I feel so much better.

 

I realized that I don't have to settle to less than what I deserve. I wouldn't force myself to someone who no longer wants to be with me. I also realized that I was scared to lose him just because I was scared that I will no longer find someone else, that I will get old and die alone and lonely being 28 right now and single.

 

I'm taking care of myself more. Went back to going to the gym. Eating healthier. Scheduled a hair appointment on Friday. Planning to go to the some place soon.

 

Now, I will focus on myself and love myself more. I will have fun and see where life takes me.

 

Every morning that I wake up, I keep telling myself positive affirmations which indeed help in having a bright outlook throughout the day.

 

We can all do this!

[Liono84]

First off, you don't want him to check up on you. That's the worst thing for you as far as healing is concerned. It will only set you back. Yeah, it's human nature, we all feel like **** when the person we loved dumps us and never even bothers to text or call to check up. We feel neglected, and start asking questions like did they even love us to being with? But that's the best thing that can happen. If he were to contact you just to check up, you will be in far greater pain because you will have false hope. The most selfish dumpers are the ones that check up and keep contact weeks, months after a break with no desire to reconcile. You're still very early in the healing process. 10 days is nothing!! It's going to take time. You will still have a wide range of emotions you will go through during the next weeks. Some days you'll feel better and some days you won't.

 

 

The best advice I can give you is that this person didn't love you enough and it's a blessing this happened sooner rather than later. Like I previously mentioned, your situation is very similar to mine and although distance played a huge role in the breakup, it didn't have to. Don't blame it on the distance and give yourself false hope. It didn't work out because he was not the right person for you. The one thing I focus on with my breakup is I tell myself; "If they were willing to throw everything away after a year because they couldn't handle this distance any longer or they had too much other stuff going on with school/work and they could no longer be an invested as they claimed, then what makes me think it would have worked out when real problems came about. You don't want a partner like that. Those type of people are the types that can leave you when you're engaged or even married. Because the real problems in life arise when two people are together and somebody loses a job and there's a mortgage to pay, or God forbid, somebody has health issues later on in life. That's when you need to have a strong person who will fight with you and be there with you. You always judge a book by a cover, and you want a hard cover, someone who will be with you through thick and thin."

[sparkles_and_me]

It has been almost a month since the breakup. This morning I woke up and told myself that there is no way I will continue to let the memories of my ex ruin my life and the possibility of meeting someone more awesome and wonderful than he was and so I accepted the invite of this one guy to hang out which turned out to be great. For now, I will just enjoy being single and have fun and begin hanging out with people who like to spend time with me.

[sparkles_and_me]

First off, you don't want him to check up on you. That's the worst thing for you as far as healing is concerned. It will only set you back. Yeah, it's human nature, we all feel like **** when the person we loved dumps us and never even bothers to text or call to check up. We feel neglected, and start asking questions like did they even love us to being with? But that's the best thing that can happen. If he were to contact you just to check up, you will be in far greater pain because you will have false hope. The most selfish dumpers are the ones that check up and keep contact weeks, months after a break with no desire to reconcile. You're still very early in the healing process. 10 days is nothing!! It's going to take time. You will still have a wide range of emotions you will go through during the next weeks. Some days you'll feel better and some days you won't.

 

 

The best advice I can give you is that this person didn't love you enough and it's a blessing this happened sooner rather than later. Like I previously mentioned, your situation is very similar to mine and although distance played a huge role in the breakup, it didn't have to. Don't blame it on the distance and give yourself false hope. It didn't work out because he was not the right person for you. The one thing I focus on with my breakup is I tell myself; "If they were willing to throw everything away after a year because they couldn't handle this distance any longer or they had too much other stuff going on with school/work and they could no longer be an invested as they claimed, then what makes me think it would have worked out when real problems came about. You don't want a partner like that. Those type of people are the types that can leave you when you're engaged or even married. Because the real problems in life arise when two people are together and somebody loses a job and there's a mortgage to pay, or God forbid, somebody has health issues later on in life. That's when you need to have a strong person who will fight with you and be there with you. You always judge a book by a cover, and you want a hard cover, someone who will be with you through thick and thin."

 

 

I'm really grateful for this... Thank you for these words...