noun123 Posted September 14, 2015 Posted September 14, 2015 A couple months on and I have gained no acceptance. I keep waiting for that call that won't come. I don't go out for fear of seeing him or wondering where he is at. At this point I'm wondering if I should just ask straight out if he is dating. I know acceptance should come from within but it's not. My thoughts are if I ask and find out that he is, I could truly move on. Is this the worst idea? I need to start moving forward and give up but I don't know how.
Michelle ma Belle Posted September 14, 2015 Posted September 14, 2015 Worst idea ever. Tell yourself that he IS dating and move on from there. Asking him is pointless and in all honesty, it won't go over as smoothly as you think it will. It never does. You're basically damned either way; if he says yes, you'll pine for him and your relationship like never before and if he says no, you'll forever remain in limbo waiting on this guy to come back to you. There is no winning here. Do whatever you need to do to move on and forget this guy. I know it's hard, believe me but you have to take control of your own happiness. It will take time and hard work. And you'll have set backs which is why you need to keep yourself BUSY. Two months isn't very long so what you're feeling is very normal. With enough time, the pain will lessen but (again) you'll need to make some effort for it to really stick. Do NOT ask him anything. Good luck.
d0nnivain Posted September 14, 2015 Posted September 14, 2015 No. Just assume he is dating & act accordingly. You want closure & you mistakenly believe the person who broke your heart can give it to you. He can't. Stop thinking he can & take control of your own recovery.
Author noun123 Posted September 14, 2015 Author Posted September 14, 2015 Thanks Michelle. My logical mind knows this is a terrible idea but this breakup has reduced me to the mind-set of a teenager. I've blocked all social media yet still find little ways to check up anyways. I can't seem to help it. I just can't accept the situation for what it is. I thought that this might force me into some sort of acceptance instead of putting my life on hold for months while I wait for him to return. I do agree, dammed either way.
Blanco Posted September 14, 2015 Posted September 14, 2015 Trust me, the less you know, the more you'll grow! At least when it comes to handling the fallout of a breakup. If I could do it again, I would've gone NC with my most recent ex after she mentioned she was interested in someone from her work. Details were sparse at the time, and it should've stayed that way. I have severely slowed down my healing by learning more details along the way, and it never seems to stick with me that any new information I pick up only further stalls the healing. Don't do it.
dumbass2 Posted September 14, 2015 Posted September 14, 2015 Chances are that if you ask questions after the break up, you will not get the honest truth. You will truly still not know for sure and it will only add to your confusion. If he did respond and say he's not, what does that do for you? give you false hope to hang in there? What if he says he is? What does it matter. That still wont give you the closure you desire. He could be seeing someone today and not a week from now. What he does cannot matter to you any more. It truly is not worth the contact.
Author noun123 Posted September 18, 2015 Author Posted September 18, 2015 Thanks everyone, after back and forth with myself for one day I was able to combat the urge. I credit my severe morning anxiety for giving me this idea in the first place. Im glad that once the day passes I move back into more logical thinking. I can't imagine any answer would have given me peace. Thanks again for the support.
Luke22 Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 Good for you. Don't ask. I did. And it crushed my self esteem and created countless more questions. The bottom line is, it's over. Nothing he's going to say to you will make you feel better or help you heal. What it will do is set you back and hurt you. I wish I never asked. I wish I left when I found out she cheated. But I stayed for 2+ more months thinking "it'll change and she'll choose me". I wasted precious time on healing and moving forward. Proud of you for not asking!
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