joseb Posted September 15, 2015 Posted September 15, 2015 What you said does imply a relationship with her. It's a bit much for day 4 IMO. At least I would never talk like that to a new partner on day 4 and would be a stretch on week 4. It's more like month 4 material in my mind but I'm pretty reserved about declaring feelings for someone. If you weren't looking to commit I think you led her on and then she escalated it even further. OK Gus, I'd say 80-90% of this is her, but you do need to own a part. I agree with JJ, this talk isn't really appropriate after a few days, and would give the wrong impression. I understand you probably got carried away a bit - your last relationship was shyte, and here is a woman who is nice and who you had a crush on before. It's easy to get carried away. You totally did the right thing ending it. And her responses, well she's just lashing out. Don't take it too personally. But do try to curb your enthusiasm for next time. It's not about playing games or hiding feelings, it's about getting in a place where you are not so easily impressed by a woman in 4 days that you are talking like a teenager in love. Good call on blocking her, and deleting FB. YAY! Look, at the end of the day, maybe both of you got something out of this that you needed to move on. But don't go near her again, as I and others pointed out, a baby trapping might well be on the cards if you do. 1
Author Gus Grimly Posted September 16, 2015 Author Posted September 16, 2015 Maybe I am a Wolf in Sheep's clothing. I dunno. That kinda sounds cool. I am a pretty nice guy, but if I use that expertise for devious purposes I could be dripping in women, huh? lol Oh man, I might be getting out of my depth here. Someone talk some sense into me before I become an arse.
Redhead14 Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 These claims are often made but there is no data to back up these claims but there are studies to support the strong resilience of children. I think we are often overprotective of them. Parading men around is much different than an occasional boyfriend not sticking around until the kids is an adult. What is important is that a child receives a lot of love. The occasional guy not lasting until marriage won't damage them in most cases. No data to back up these claims? Oh kay, if you say so . . .
Popsicle Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 Gus, you wolf!!! You took advantage of a poor, suffering little lamb. Bullet dodged, handsome devil. My advice is to heed all baggage before boarding the plane next time. Don't break too many hearts today, Casanova Why on earth would you praise him (or anyone for that matter) for this?
Oregon_Dude Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 Why on earth would you praise him (or anyone for that matter) for this?Gus is my friend. I'm not "praising" him. I also don't think he did anything wrong. He got involved (temporarily) with the wrong woman. So be it. 1
Author Gus Grimly Posted September 17, 2015 Author Posted September 17, 2015 Gus is my friend. I'm not "praising" him. I also don't think he did anything wrong. He got involved (temporarily) with the wrong woman. So be it. Thanks Dude. I didn't do anything wrong. Just got a little carried away is all. It was a mistake, we all make them. Why on earth would you praise him (or anyone for that matter) for this? He was obviously being facetious as I'm totally not that way and he knows that. Look I feel bad for her, truly. I never pressured her into sex. She's the one who texted me about bring protection over. It takes two to tango. Am I proud that I ended it the next day? Of course not, I think she's awesome but my hand was forced. I don't believe either of us were ready for this amour fou (Uncontrollable or obsessive passion). She was already planning for more intimacy. Today she wanted to spend all day in bed with me. That wasn't my idea. If I were a true dog I wouldn't have ended it, played it off legit and continued having sex with her. No one is giving me 'high fives', I've been pretty bummed out the past few days.
Maggie4 Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 Oh... she made a mistake, and seems she realized it soon after, but couldn't take it back. She spoke out loud something other women probably have thought about you Gus, only they knew better than to say it. She got caught up in the moment and scared you away. It just wasn't meant to be 1
Jules Dash Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 No data to back up these claims? Oh kay, if you say so . . . You don't have to take my word for it. Try to find it. It 's just not out there. Relationships to unwed mothers and fathers are just a part of life. Most of them never make it to marriage and are short term while the single parent finds someone compatible for a long term relationship. This does not destroy the child. Now if you are bringing around criminals and abusers, that is different story and it is up to the parent to at least bring around decent partners. 1
casey.lives Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 sounds like you have a type or.... a pattern
Author Gus Grimly Posted September 17, 2015 Author Posted September 17, 2015 Oh... she made a mistake, and seems she realized it soon after, but couldn't take it back. She spoke out loud something other women probably have thought about you Gus, only they knew better than to say it. She got caught up in the moment and scared you away. It just wasn't meant to be Unfortunately, this was the case, Maggie. I just got over a really messed up relationship, so it was very bad timing for her to say that. I did get scared. I tried to explain that to her, that I needed a 'breather' before I jump head first into another LTR with possible children and marriage. She got an annoyed look on her face and said "I see, you're not ready to settle down". That certainly wasn't a 'caught up in the moment' talk. I could have easily seen myself with her long term, just as she wanted. I just needed it to flow like a tranquil stream. Let the progression happen naturally.
Popsicle Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 I think what have been a better solution is just to tell her that you want to slow down. That's all this is too heavy for you right now considering what you just came out of and that you just want to take it slow and easy without the heavy talk. I don't say this just so she or you can cling to the other, but rather because, and some may disagree with me, but I think with casual dating (in which you should be honest about on date 1), you will get lower quality girls, and you won't be happy with that ultimately. Or, maybe for right now, you will...
Author Gus Grimly Posted September 17, 2015 Author Posted September 17, 2015 you will get lower quality girls, and you won't be happy with that ultimately. Or, maybe for right now, you will... I appreciate your honesty, but you've been rather copious in your assumptions about me in general. Life isn't how anyone perceives it, that's only a personal refelection. In this situation, I lost sight of how I should have behaved because I let myself get too caught up in the excitement and positive emotions I was feeling. Perhaps she is the woman I need to be with or maybe she is not. I as a mature adult trying to live his life with as little pressure and drama as possible, found her behavior to be that of a woman who does not have qualities I'm looking for in a LTR partner. You cannot fault me for that.
Popsicle Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 I appreciate your honesty, but you've been rather copious in your assumptions about me in general. Life isn't how anyone perceives it, that's only a personal refelection. In this situation, I lost sight of how I should have behaved because I let myself get too caught up in the excitement and positive emotions I was feeling. Perhaps she is the woman I need to be with or maybe she is not. I as a mature adult trying to live his life with as little pressure and drama as possible, found her behavior to be that of a woman who does not have qualities I'm looking for in a LTR partner. You cannot fault me for that. My misunderstanding then. I thought you liked her, and I said earlier in the thread that you weren't wrong for not wanting to move so fast
Maggie4 Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 Well, anyway her final reaction was not good. So I think you did the right thing. Although I feel bad for her situation, I also think she was not considerate of your feelings. Sometimes in dating, people start to be too goal oriented and treat others as objectives, targets or "catch", and they fail to relate with care and understanding. 1
Author Gus Grimly Posted September 17, 2015 Author Posted September 17, 2015 Well, anyway her final reaction was not good. So I think you did the right thing. Although I feel bad for her situation, I also think she was not considerate of your feelings. Sometimes in dating, people start to be too goal oriented and treat others as objectives, targets or "catch", and they fail to relate with care and understanding. You seem very caring and compassionate. In the long run, who really knows if I did the right thing or not? I just went with my gut instead of my heart as I've done in the past to unfavorable results each time. I think you're right, she must have had an agenda in mind otherwise she would have been more subdued. I say this with no ego, but considering her financial state, the kid situation and her very low means living situation, I probably would have been considered a 'catch'. I'm no Jude Law but I'm told often I am 'handsome'. So, you put all those ingredients into the pot and I think we get a fairly decent idea of what she's cooking up. It's too bad as I really adored her. Thanks again Maggie for your input.
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