Does she "like" like me?

[Surfer Joe]

First of all, let me start out by saying that there are obstacles to the potential relationship I'm about to discuss - more on that as this discussion proceeds...

 

We work together - but in different offices. We actually do the same job: her on a corporate level and me on a divisional level.

 

I've known her for about a year. I'm 38 and she's 28 - so there is an age gap - but she is a mature 28 and I'm a youthful 38.

 

I'm going to leave out some of the other details and just discuss our interaction to see what you all think.

 

We text a lot. Sometime she initiates - sometimes I do. Sometimes it is work related - mostly, however - it is life related. We've shared some personal stuff.

 

I think we have a rather flirtatious banter between us - a lot of fun teasing.

 

We don't spend a lot of actual time together - she lives an hour away. When we do get the chance, however - we get on very well. We screw around (and not in the way you're thinking) - but we kind of act like kids.

 

The past week we sort of created a trip up to the city where I live. It started as a one day visit - but then somehow we turned it into two days and she was adamant that she was staying overnight even if the company wasn't paying for it (which they did).

 

A couple days before she asked if I had plans because if I did she had a friend in town who she could have dinner with. I said no and that we should hang out. The day of it wasn't really mentioned until I kind of hinted at it and she was like you can come hang out with me.

 

We had dinner together - it was friendly. We discussed mostly personal stuff.

 

I don't know - there are so many subtle things I'm leaving out. How about the fact that she was constantly applying lip gloss and lip stick when she was in town last week.

 

I'm not a relationship novice - I've been in relationships far more than I've been single and honestly I'm at a point right now where I shouldn't be pursuing a relationship - but this girl is special and if she is putting out signs I don't think I'd want to pass this up.

 

So...ask away. How do I know what her game is??

[madjac74]

Well you claim not to be a relationship novice but you are 38 years old and your subject title is "Does she "like" like me?" and her putting on chapstick and/or lipstick is somehow a sign to you?

 

You are a safe male friend to her

[Surfer Joe]

...and I could be okay with that. Personally, I'm really in no place to begin pursuing a relationship with anyone. I just got out of a 12-year marriage (not by choice). In the past 20 years - I've been single for maybe a combined 2-years. I've run the gamut of relationships more than I care to remember.

 

Right now, my main concern needs to be on getting my head together and being there for my two kids (who are both young). I do question my motives for even being interested in her. Am I just looking for someone to make me feel better? Do I want to be the one who finds someone first (rather than my ex)? I don't know.

 

I just know I like talking to her and when we hang out we have a good time. If that's all it is - that's probably for the best.

 

I mentioned the lip gloss thing because it was the first thing that came to mind. She was like obsessive about applying her lip gloss and lip stick. She kept asking me how it looked and so on. She did it enough in a 2-day span that I noticed and almost thought it was weird.

 

...then she'll say something like how she never wants to get married...but then adds the only reason she ever would get married would be if she met a guy who already had kids and getting married would make it seem like more of a family.

 

There are just a lot of little things that could be interpreted in different ways. I tend to overthink things - but also to be very cautious. I know that while she seems intriguing and while there does seem like "something" there (we're definitely beyond simply co-workers - and maybe that is only friends) I know deep down that it's not anything I should actively pursue.

 

I'm willing to sit back and continue our friendly and flirtatious friendship or whatever it is for the time being.

[clam]

So after all this time spent flirting and texting, you go to dinner and... then what? Was there a kiss at the end of the night? Did she seem like she wanted to kiss you? It sounds like you're in her friend zone.

[d0nnivain]

There is only one way to find out . . . Bite the bullet & ask her out on a dinner date without any work pretext. Pick someplace in the middle.

 

If she says no, say no worries & ask a work Q. Then make a point to remain focused on the job when you interact.

[Surfer Joe]

So after all this time spent flirting and texting, you go to dinner and... then what? Was there a kiss at the end of the night? Did she seem like she wanted to kiss you? It sounds like you're in her friend zone.

 

I probably am. She's smart. She knows what I've just gone through. We had a long discussion (she brought it up) about how I would feel if my ex started dating again and my response was that it would hurt to have her date someone so soon and that I'd question the motives on both sides behind it.

 

She went back to her hotel and I went back home. She then sent me a text saying how bored she was and I said yeah - and joked we should have gone somewhere else after dinner and we went back and forth on that - but never seriously. We both had work to do. We both had had enough to drink already.

 

Again...I'm okay with being her friend because I don't think it would be a good idea to be anything else right now. I don't think I have it in me to pursue her. I need to get my head on straight and process what I've just gone through.

 

She just really intrigues me.

[clam]

Ok, wait. This changes everything. She sent you a text afterwards telling you how "bored" she was?

 

I think that was an invitation for you to go back over to the hotel. Instead, you tap danced around it, discussed going out to a bar (which clearly wasn't her intent) and then begged off after deciding you had too much to drink already.

 

I think you missed an opportunity. And she probably feels like an idiot for sending that text since you clearly rebuked her invite. Instead of acting on it, you chose to make a joke of it.

 

No one sends a text like that unless they are hoping you'll pick up on the cue. She was just too chicken to come right out and say it.

[Surfer Joe]

Possibly. I should back it up a little. As I mentioned - just got divorced (been final less than a month). My ex and I are splitting house right now until she gets her own place next month. On nights when it is not my night I stay by my mom and dad's.

 

I went back there after dinner and sent her a text complaining that I got there and nobody was home. Her response was that she was "bored too" and that "this hotel sucks".

 

I joked that it felt like I had entered the Twilight Zone and said we should have never left the restaurant and she said "Never ever" and then added "Told ya. Should've forgotten about tomorrow (work) and gone crazy".

 

I simply replied "We still could :)" and then we had a long back and forth.

 

I don't know if it it was exactly an invitation - it was more of a playful back and forth: we should go out - no, we need to be responsible because we have to work tomorrow - we'd totally go back out if we didn't have to work and so on...