66Charger Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 SB, I am not posting much, because I really haven't a clue as to what advice I could give. Some of my post are speculation, but it appears you are in a one person fight for your M. I guess its just best to hope you can make sense of everything soon and that the both of you can find your way. The MM is a easy answer. Your M is not. One step forward, no steps back.
Author Shinebrightforever Posted December 8, 2015 Author Posted December 8, 2015 SB, I am not posting much, because I really haven't a clue as to what advice I could give. Some of my post are speculation, but it appears you are in a one person fight for your M. I guess its just best to hope you can make sense of everything soon and that the both of you can find your way. The MM is a easy answer. Your M is not. One step forward, no steps back. Charger...you have been, and are, such a friend to me. Hope you are well. I do feel that way, but I'm not giving up just yet. I believe.that we can get to s point of full blown honesty/confession on both sides. Right now that is my focus. Not my past A.Which as you know-is a change for me. 1
Spectre Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 So then I take it from your last post you STILL have not been 100% honest with your husband and people are still patting you on the back. Well okay. Sorry but to me you don't deserve any pats on the back until I see a post with "and I immediately told my H everything because I realized keeping him in the dark for a single second longer was utterly disrespectful".
Author Shinebrightforever Posted December 9, 2015 Author Posted December 9, 2015 So then I take it from your last post you STILL have not been 100% honest with your husband and people are still patting you on the back. Well okay. Sorry but to me you don't deserve any pats on the back until I see a post with "and I immediately told my H everything because I realized keeping him in the dark for a single second longer was utterly disrespectful". Understood. Not sure if you read it, but I started the confession. H said in a nutshell-don't tell me, I don't want know. So, there's that. I think he "knows". Just like I think I "know" my H has strayed. Maybe what we are truly contemplating is what to do next with our M. Add the details and gore? Or...decide the marriages fate without. I hope we can be fully authentic. Thats what I was referring to. 1
understand50 Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 Understood. Not sure if you read it, but I started the confession. H said in a nutshell-don't tell me, I don't want know. So, there's that. I think he "knows". Just like I think I "know" my H has strayed. Maybe what we are truly contemplating is what to do next with our M. Add the details and gore? Or...decide the marriages fate without. I hope we can be fully authentic. Thats what I was referring to. SBF, These things never go as to a script. Glad you sat down and tried. Good for you. He may not want to know, but prefer things as they are. We are so used to BS reacting and demanding to know everything, I know I would, but he is not acting as such. I would play it by ear, but do keep trying. Keep NC with the MM, and work on what you can with your husband. Luck to you. 1
66Charger Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 Charger...you have been, and are, such a friend to me. Hope you are well. I do feel that way, but I'm not giving up just yet. I believe.that we can get to s point of full blown honesty/confession on both sides. Right now that is my focus. Not my past A.Which as you know-is a change for me. Then it is time. You must lead your marriage. Regardless of whether he wants to hear it,, whether he confesses or not, you must lead. Do not fear. And tell him not to. Strength and honor. 4
Author Shinebrightforever Posted December 11, 2015 Author Posted December 11, 2015 You are right, Charger. So very right. It's time...
66Charger Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 (edited) One of the things you have not done is slam your husband. I think that is because you guys are freinds. This does not have to change. The best thing you have going for you is that you are not in the fog. The OM is not part of the question. His biggest fear may not be the A, but losing you completely to another. This I think will be your challenge. Once everything is said, what are you going to do? This needs to be decided...together....as freinds. You guys need to go for a long walk. Edited December 11, 2015 by 66Charger 2
Author Shinebrightforever Posted December 11, 2015 Author Posted December 11, 2015 We are traveling together as a big family group, and then once back home, we are hosting two large family gatherings (we take the family time over the holidays to the extreeeeeeeeme). Anyway. Very limited alone time for a while. Weekend after Christmas I will say it. All. Then we can go from there. Yes, we are friends. Just not great marriage partners right now. At least-I know for sure I'm not. Thanks Charger. I wish the best for you always. 2
kgcolonel Posted December 31, 2015 Posted December 31, 2015 SB....hope things are continuing on the positive.....New year, new beginning???
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