World's.Edge Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 So as you have OBVIOUSLY read the entire thread, inform me what happened when she fully confessed all this to her hubby. Did she confess to him at night? During the day? Was it raining? Was it sunny out? Just describe what happened when she did this to my ignorant self okie dokie? Be detailed please on how she told her husband. Since you're uninformed/can't be bothered to read, basic summary.. questionable online activity and concerning bedroom behaviour by the husband in the marriage, no intimacy for many years, and wife and husband likely both have affair partners that are dudes (i.e. husband is probably gay, at the very least bi).
Horton Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 Do i look like your grade school teacher? I can refer you to someone who gives after school reading lessons. When posters start off saying. "I havent read your whole thread" than that is showing ignorance. Or just know it all laziness. Since you're uninformed/can't be bothered to read' date=' basic summary.. questionable online activity and concerning bedroom behaviour by the husband in the marriage, no intimacy for many years, and wife and husband likely both have affair partners that are dudes (i.e. husband is probably gay, at the very least bi).[/quote'] Wouldn't it be so much simpler for the OP to summarize her own story in the first post of this very thread(including the allegedly closeted husband part) instead of expecting every other poster here to read another thread of hers that's 33 pages long in order to get the missing details? Or is it the norm here for a poster to read every single thread by an OP before giving out any advice/opinions?
turnera Posted November 13, 2015 Posted November 13, 2015 Looks like she (1) chickened out and didn't tell the truth or (2) went back to OM and is too ashamed to say so.
MuddyFootprints Posted November 13, 2015 Posted November 13, 2015 or (3) decided that posting publicly isn't in her best interest. Keep reading, if it's helping you. You don't owe anyone here anything. 5
World's.Edge Posted November 13, 2015 Posted November 13, 2015 (edited) Wouldn't it be so much simpler for the OP to summarize her own story in the first post of this very thread(including the allegedly closeted husband part) instead of expecting every other poster here to read another thread of hers that's 33 pages long in order to get the missing details? Or is it the norm here for a poster to read every single thread by an OP before giving out any advice/opinions? I don't think she expected every other poster here to read her other thread. It's an open forum. Posters are free to begin threads and write whatever they want for whatever reason, and everyone else is free to read them if they so choose or not. There are multiple threads on this forum by individual posters, should all those posters be expected to summarize their previous threads in each new thread to accomodate those who can't be bothered to read? Anyone who's interested can read up on them if he or she wants to, no one is expected to. I usually try to read up on or skim through previous threads to understand someone's story before I post advice/opinions because there might be important information and details in them that might affect what I write. That's me. It's not a must, I'm not expected to and neither is anyone else. If you're someone who is comfortable weighing in on a situation without any background information and context then that's you and you're free to do so. What Spectre wrote was ignorant of information and not useful (not that every single post has to be) and I don't think he would've written what he did if he had some background on her story so I thought I'd provide some info on her story. Edited November 13, 2015 by World's.Edge 1
Author Shinebrightforever Posted December 2, 2015 Author Posted December 2, 2015 I apologize for those who cared about my status/whereabouts. I had to take a break from LS for a while. For those of who you had my back during my absence...thank you!! I wasn't expecting comments on this thread. For those of you who thought I went back to MM...you are wrong. We have to see each other for work purposes, but it has remained work. Only. Very sporadic contact, very minimal words shared. Nothing more. I do not feel a need to justify my absence - but for those who checked in on me, I needed to just unplug from the social media world for a while, and focus on more important things (marriage) and less on self. I have logged on a couple times to read up on those of you I care for, wishing you all the best, silently cheering you on....or being sad along with you. As for the marriage, we are still together. Started confession. H said he doesn't want to know, so it wasn't fulfilled. 5
66Charger Posted December 2, 2015 Posted December 2, 2015 (edited) Hello Miss Lady. I must say, I was one who thought you went back to MM. Perhaps you are regaining your strength. ....and Honor. Hope you are having a Happy Holiday season. Edited December 2, 2015 by 66Charger 2
understand50 Posted December 2, 2015 Posted December 2, 2015 I apologize for those who cared about my status/whereabouts. I had to take a break from LS for a while. For those of who you had my back during my absence...thank you!! I wasn't expecting comments on this thread. For those of you who thought I went back to MM...you are wrong. We have to see each other for work purposes, but it has remained work. Only. Very sporadic contact, very minimal words shared. Nothing more. I do not feel a need to justify my absence - but for those who checked in on me, I needed to just unplug from the social media world for a while, and focus on more important things (marriage) and less on self. I have logged on a couple times to read up on those of you I care for, wishing you all the best, silently cheering you on....or being sad along with you. As for the marriage, we are still together. Started confession. H said he doesn't want to know, so it wasn't fulfilled. Shinebrightforever, Good for you. Know starting was hard, but it does take two to do it. One to tell and one to hear. Looks like your husband is not ready. In the mean time keep up the good work. Wish you luck..... 1
Author Shinebrightforever Posted December 2, 2015 Author Posted December 2, 2015 Thanks both of you....hope you both have a blessed Christmas season.
Author Shinebrightforever Posted December 2, 2015 Author Posted December 2, 2015 Charger...I get it. He did contact me. For the first few weeks, he would leave me a Voice mail every couple days...just "touching base". Did mention loving me still. We have never met up, or besides that one comment from him-talked emotions/feeling stuff or relationship stuff. For a bit, we tried to do the platonic-just-pals thing and kept things fun and lighthearted. But that was tough to do as well. Now the calling has ceased on both sides and that is obviously, for the best. I consider the A officially over. 2
kgcolonel Posted December 2, 2015 Posted December 2, 2015 Shine, The steps and choices you've made are the right ones. I am praying for your H and You and that you two are able to revive a M that excites you both. KG 1
road Posted December 2, 2015 Posted December 2, 2015 I apologize for those who cared about my status/whereabouts. I had to take a break from LS for a while. For those of who you had my back during my absence...thank you!! I wasn't expecting comments on this thread. For those of you who thought I went back to MM...you are wrong. We have to see each other for work purposes, but it has remained work. Only. Very sporadic contact, very minimal words shared. Nothing more. I do not feel a need to justify my absence - but for those who checked in on me, I needed to just unplug from the social media world for a while, and focus on more important things (marriage) and less on self. I have logged on a couple times to read up on those of you I care for, wishing you all the best, silently cheering you on....or being sad along with you. As for the marriage, we are still together. Started confession. H said he doesn't want to know, so it wasn't fulfilled. How is your BH doing?
road Posted December 2, 2015 Posted December 2, 2015 BH is unconcerned. Wow how rare. How is the marriage going? 1
dreamingoftigers Posted December 2, 2015 Posted December 2, 2015 BH is unconcerned. I would guess AP. Sorry, I've never seen that turn out any other way. 1
World's.Edge Posted December 2, 2015 Posted December 2, 2015 (edited) Your husband might seem unconcerned, and be reluctant to hear your confession because he could be hiding something as well, so he can't have you disclose anything because then he might feel pressure to disclose his thing or have to take a serious look at his own behaviour. Rather he keeps things the way that they are and maintain life as it is. Edited December 2, 2015 by World's.Edge 2
dichotomy Posted December 2, 2015 Posted December 2, 2015 There are only a handful of reasons I can think a BH would not want to hear about his WW's affair. 1) Shock - and he will snap out of it later and start asking 2) He has or had an affair of his own 3) He checked out of the marriage emotionally or other wise and it matters not to him what you do. 4) He knew about the affair previously along with some combination above reasons. 5) He is planning divorce anyway 2
Cephalopod Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 The OP is pretty guarded. She went from long heartfelt posts thanking everyone for their help to single sentence, curt replies. Something is fishy. I'm not buying it.
understand50 Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 Shinebrightforever, When you are ready, give a update if you can. I always wonder where the courage of WS who come here looking for a way out. We may not have what you are looking for, but I would remind you that in yourself, you have what you need to move forward. You are not here for our entertainment, so only post when you think you need to and what you need to. Keep trying to engage your husband, he may not want to know now, but may later. Also, from your posts, he may have stuff he thinks is worst. As always, I wish you and yours luck. 1
Author Shinebrightforever Posted December 4, 2015 Author Posted December 4, 2015 I do appreciate responses, and yes, I'm very guarded. It's not that I don't value others thoughts, concerns, time. Please understand that!! i will open up some more, maybe it'll help. As for my M. I'm dealing with insomnia for the past few days, can't eat. Look like hell. Had a very emotional discussion with H early week that lasted hours. I pretty much told him I was ready to give up on the M. I told him I feared there were others in his life. He laughed, said I was crazy. Said he "knows he doesn't give me much. Then he said "but you are my everything. I just can't give you much right now. I don't know what's up with me. Just don't kill my heart by having an affair, or telling me you did..even though I wouldn't blame you if you did. I'd kill myself". Its embarrassing to say I have gone backwards in my recovery of letting MM go since H and I have had discussions. I want attention, love, affection soooo badly again. I know it's not the moral high road by any means...but even if that source were to come from MM again-I'd go for it. I'd restart the A. That short term fix for long term destruction...yup. That "hit" if you will. It's ridiculous, I know. I hate that I'm there-which is why I am guarded on here. Not that I fear judgement or criticism from you all....that doesn't scare me or make me shy away. My emotions are intense and making it tough to find my rationale mind right now. It's been a bad week, but I have faith it will improve. H and I are going away again in a few days to continue our discussions. I want to give back to my LS community too. Thanks everyone for chiming in. I DO value it. 1
Author Shinebrightforever Posted December 4, 2015 Author Posted December 4, 2015 (edited) Ps. Since I'm opening up...I will say MM called last Wknd. Just saying hi and checking in. He hasn't called since. I'm only clarifying that because I mentioned the calls stopped in an earlier thread. Not fully I guess. Just very sporadic and infrequent would be more accurate. There. Edited December 4, 2015 by Shinebrightforever 1
Furious Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 I do appreciate responses, and yes, I'm very guarded. It's not that I don't value others thoughts, concerns, time. Please understand that!! i will open up some more, maybe it'll help. As for my M. I'm dealing with insomnia for the past few days, can't eat. Look like hell. Had a very emotional discussion with H early week that lasted hours. I pretty much told him I was ready to give up on the M. Its embarrassing to say I have gone backwards in my recovery of letting MM go since H and I have had discussions. I want attention, love, affection soooo badly again. I know it's not the moral high road by any means...but even if that source were to come from MM again-I'd go for it. I'd restart the A. That short term fix for long term destruction...yup. That "hit" if you will. It's ridiculous, I know. I hate that I'm there-which is why I am guarded on here. Not that I fear judgement or criticism from you all....that doesn't scare me or make me shy away. My emotions are intense and making it tough to find my rationale mind right now. It's been a bad week, but I have faith it will improve. H and I are going away again in a few days to continue our discussions. I want to give back to my LS community too. Thanks everyone for chiming in. I DO value it. OK....your marriage is struggling, as are many marriages, but how or why does that give you licence to being a third party to another struggling marriage? Do you feel empathy for your MM's wife and children? Is the boost and the short term fix worth the ramifications of being found out?
Author Shinebrightforever Posted December 4, 2015 Author Posted December 4, 2015 No, it's not worth being found out and hurting people by it. It's not fair to his family, my family. My emotions will continue to heal. Time will continue to bring me further from the A. It's just a few steps back for me lately. Thankfully, the opportunity is not there from MM and I will not go after it either. 1
Furious Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 No, it's not worth being found out and hurting people by it. It's not fair to his family, my family. My emotions will continue to heal. Time will continue to bring me further from the A. It's just a few steps back for me lately. Thankfully, the opportunity is not there from MM and I will not go after it either. You're taking calls from the MM. You have admitted that you're vulnerable to restarting the affair. You say the words, you say you don!t want to hurt your family or his family but it's only words if you maintain low contact. Do you truly believe your last sentence in your response "opportunity is not there"..? 2
Author Shinebrightforever Posted December 4, 2015 Author Posted December 4, 2015 Thanks, Furious. Yes, I do believe that the opportunity is NOT there. That's being completely honest with you. I believe it's his plan of exiting it...to wean off the highs if you will. There has been nothing from him that has mentioned seeing one another...or feelings. The calls are lessening. There are no social media ties anymore. 1
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