Author Shinebrightforever Posted September 17, 2015 Author Posted September 17, 2015 Road, I appreciate you taking the time to read my thread and comment. I understand this is a public forum and therefore, am opening the door to all thoughts and opinions. However. I am protecting my family from OM contact by not responding. I remain NC even though he doesn't. My priorities ARE to protect my family and I am doing so. MM had power over me before, but he no longer does. I choose whether or not A continues, not MM. And I say it's OVER. I don't need to uproot my children for the A to be dead. 1
66Charger Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 His priorities are probaly with his best guy freind. Doesnt excuse your waffling. Concrete steps. this weekend. You are coming to a crossroad. The job is one thing, but if you cant even shut him completely down, and maintain the job/school, your fork in the road may only have one direction. Get harsh with this guy. Get this done.
Furious Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 Road, I appreciate you taking the time to read my thread and comment. I understand this is a public forum and therefore, am opening the door to all thoughts and opinions. However. I am protecting my family from OM contact by not responding. I remain NC even though he doesn't. My priorities ARE to protect my family and I am doing so. MM had power over me before, but he no longer does. I choose whether or not A continues, not MM. And I say it's OVER. I don't need to uproot my children for the A to be dead. Gently.. Your children attend school that your recent former OM has some role in their academic life. Odds are if OM's wife were to discover the affair between you and her husband your children will be most likely caught in the middle. If you are serious about protecting your family, move away to another neighbourhood and school district and have no reason for you or your children to have any contact or association with the your ex OM.
Chrisstro6692 Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 SBF, This whole thing about the AP having control over you is crazy. You are a grown woman. No one has control over you. You enjoyed what you were doing. You don't care about your husband at all. If you did you would never have even considered doing what you did. You don't want to lose your lifestyle is all. I bet that if you could keep doing it without anyone finding out you would. You have broken your VOWs to your marriage. Your husband deserves to know what you have done to him. You have emasculated whether you believe it or not. How do I know this. The AP is not afraid of your husband because of your actions. He knows that you will eventually cave in and be back in his bed, while your husband takes care of the kids. Your husband needs to know so that he can make the decision to kick you to the curve or keep you and if he does keep you, it will always be in the back of his mind if you are being faithful to him, he will always wonder who was the better man in the bed. You have destroyed your marriage and your family. Don't even say that you love your husband that is just a slap to his face. Your husband just helps you pay bills and helps with the kids. He is just a roommate to you. You may not feel that way, but that is what it is. I feel sorry for your husband to be married to you.
SawtoothMars Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 Road, I appreciate you taking the time to read my thread and comment. I understand this is a public forum and therefore, am opening the door to all thoughts and opinions. However. I am protecting my family from OM contact by not responding. I remain NC even though he doesn't. My priorities ARE to protect my family and I am doing so. MM had power over me before, but he no longer does. I choose whether or not A continues, not MM. And I say it's OVER. I don't need to uproot my children for the A to be dead. In regards to you staying in your job and maintaining contact with your OM.... isn't that a decision you should be making together with your husband?
Author Shinebrightforever Posted September 17, 2015 Author Posted September 17, 2015 In regards to you staying in your job and maintaining contact with your OM.... isn't that a decision you should be making together with your husband? When that time comes, yes. And it will be soon. If that is what my H feels is best, then i guess we head that way and determine what's best as a new beginning for US. I wouldn't confess if I only wanted things according to my terms moving forward.
World's.Edge Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 I feel this whole situation with your former affair mate trying to start up with you again could easily be resolved with a can of pepper spray.. just sayin'. If/when you do confess your affair, I think it would also be a good idea to inform his wife. Since he feels that it's safe enough to try to get you back and has been persistent in his efforts, it's likely that he has managed to lie and gas-light his wife into thinking that she's crazy, paranoid or wrong about him being unfaithul. You've made a lot of progress. I remember a time when one of your biggest concerns was you fearing that he might have another affair partner. So this is great, like I wrote earlier.. ... ヽ(´ー`)ﾉ ... 2
understand50 Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 When that time comes, yes. And it will be soon. If that is what my H feels is best, then i guess we head that way and determine what's best as a new beginning for US. I wouldn't confess if I only wanted things according to my terms moving forward. Shinebrighrforever, You are doing fine, the time is comming soon when you will have your D day. Keep nc, all else will follow. Remember this is your life, keep that in mind with us, and your AP. As always luck 1
Clay Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 OP... Did you tell your husband yet? Hopefully she did and he moved on with his life to. Everyone deserves to be happy and have a truly healthy loving relationship. C
Mr Mind of Shazam Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 Good luck. You are evidently married to a high quality man, you're lucky. Given the details of your story, I would have quit on you and given up on the marriage.
Spectre Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 (edited) Why are so many people slapping the OP on the back for this? I feel bad for her husband and her kids and from some of the questions people have asked SHE STILL HAS NOT TOLD THE HUSBAND EVERYTHING. So yes the OP is lucky, the husband is the unlucky one. I mean you have people asking the OP if she told her husband yet, which means it is entirely possible she came onto this forum to tell us all about this before she told the person who actually deserved to know first. I didn't read every single page, maybe she did tell him, but when I also see replies suggesting the guy hasn't been given the entire truth. Hopefully she did and he moved on with his life to. Everyone deserves to be happy and have a truly healthy loving relationship. C I have to agree, just by the tone of the OP the husband is better off moving on with his life without the OP. Edited November 10, 2015 by Spectre 4
Mr Mind of Shazam Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 Why are so many people slapping the OP on the back for this? I feel bad for her husband and her kids and from some of the questions people have asked SHE STILL HAS NOT TOLD THE HUSBAND EVERYTHING. I was under the impression that she had. Sorry!
66Charger Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 (edited) Why are so many people slapping the OP on the back for this? I feel bad for her husband and her kids and from some of the questions people have asked SHE STILL HAS NOT TOLD THE HUSBAND EVERYTHING. So yes the OP is lucky, the husband is the unlucky one. I mean you have people asking the OP if she told her husband yet, which means it is entirely possible she came onto this forum to tell us all about this before she told the person who actually deserved to know first. I didn't read every single page, maybe she did tell him, but when I also see replies suggesting the guy hasn't been given the entire truth. I have to agree, just by the tone of the OP the husband is better off moving on with his life without the OP. Well perhaps you should read the entire thread before making ignorant comments. Her husband probaly would be "luckier" with a divorce...with his "guy freind" Edited November 10, 2015 by 66Charger
understand50 Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 Shinebrighrforever, Hope you are doing fine, give us a shout to let us know how you are doing. Luck to you. 1
dichotomy Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 I did not read the other thread and I mean this without emotion or sarcasm - very clinical view - why would she think her husband would stay after she confesses a 4 year affair? I mean would it not be safe to assume a 90% (or higher) chance the marriage will fail and prepare for the end of the marriage? I am fine with dumping the MM, good for her, but the next step seems divorce for sure. 1
Marc878 Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 Well perhaps you should read the entire thread before making ignorant comments. Her husband probaly would be "luckier" with a divorce...with his "guy freind" Probably a lie Made up to justify the affair. Happens all the time. My affair was really his fault. He Made me do it really he did
66Charger Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 Every word written on LS could be a lie. But if you havent had intimate relations with your wife in 5 years, then which one is lying?
66Charger Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 In all likelyhood she is still with the MM with her "husbands" silent "blessing" and nothing has changed or probaly will change until the kids are gone. I am not speaking for SB, but this story is obvious. We cant save them all. She is still here. I have seen you sending likes SB
understand50 Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 In all likelyhood she is still with the MM with her "husbands" silent "blessing" and nothing has changed or probaly will change until the kids are gone. I am not speaking for SB, but this story is obvious. We cant save them all. She is still here. I have seen you sending likes SB Maybe, this is the best she can do at this time. In any case, I wish her well.
atreides Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 Or she did tell her H and the fallout has begun.... Or perhaps she is in limbo the situation status quo Or indeed as others have said she is back the OM. Regardless, my opinion as to what has been written is as with the "craft" of infidelity so is the "craft" to land the (stalled out of gas plane) as gently as possible or more to the point as if it had never run out of gas. Beyond the use of bad analogies, my point is that, what is the reconciliation here? The use of words such as "protect the family"... ring contradictive as if the damage is not done, as if the affair had not taken place. The action of the affair is not with oneself but to that which was lied against. Thus to the point of confession, thus to truly recover is to truly understand and face it head on. The complexities of the fallout from an affair always come to the forefront when it's time to face the music but are forgotten when it began, thus by action, they are not "complex" enough to bet on vs the risk. In other words, the complexities are made moot by the action itself. So as with timelines as to when to confess ring hollow in many ways as in to actually and formally have a timeline... As harsh as i have been, I do truly hope the OP is in a better place but i can only assume and the longer the confession "timeline" drags on, the further from truly reconciling she will get.
Spectre Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 Well perhaps you should read the entire thread before making ignorant comments. Her husband probaly would be "luckier" with a divorce...with his "guy freind" So as you have OBVIOUSLY read the entire thread, inform me what happened when she fully confessed all this to her hubby. Did she confess to him at night? During the day? Was it raining? Was it sunny out? Just describe what happened when she did this to my ignorant self okie dokie? Be detailed please on how she told her husband.
66Charger Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 Do i look like your grade school teacher? I can refer you to someone who gives after school reading lessons. When posters start off saying. "I havent read your whole thread" than that is showing ignorance. Or just know it all laziness. 2
HereNorThere Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 you should read her first thread. you'll find something interesting about the husband. That only makes it worse. If I've learned anything from LS, nobody hates cheaters more than cheaters! Being beat at your own game does not sit well with those entitled personality types. 2
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