Seth0194 Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 When is the right time to start dating? I am not talking serious dating, more casual dates to get out, meet people and start the transition on moving forward?
derek519 Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 I don't know if there is a "right" time but make sure you're up front and don't lead the person on that you're attempting to date. I would stick to very casual dating
Oregon_Dude Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 You won't know until you try. I have a date later today. Am I "ready"? Am I "over my ex"? I dunno. Don't really care. It's all about having new experiences and talking to women who are NOT YOUR EX. And no - do NOT tell your dates you are fresh out of a relationship. They will run screaming and you will look like a desperate creep. Keep that sh*t to yourself. 1
Chronograph Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 Everyone's different. I guess you have to just try and do it, if you're curious. And if it feels weird or too stressful then you know you're not ready. And yes, I would also be very clear and don't lead somebody on. 2
Author Seth0194 Posted September 13, 2015 Author Posted September 13, 2015 You won't know until you try. I have a date later today. Am I "ready"? Am I "over my ex"? I dunno. Don't really care. It's all about having new experiences and talking to women who are NOT YOUR EX. And no - do NOT tell your dates you are fresh out of a relationship. They will run screaming and you will look like a desperate creep. Keep that sh*t to yourself. Good luck. I agree telling them you are fresh out over a break up is not the way to go. I have met two women this week and have plans to get coffee with one this week and the other might turn into a dinner date. I have never had problems meeting women, the last one was just suppose to be the last one. 2
Blanco Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 I think you're ready if: - you've acknowledged your role in the relationship's demise - you've worked on either fixing that or having an awareness so that you'll avoid it in the next relationship - you've taken some time to be single and reconnect with friends and family that you probably ignored during your relationship - you aren't wanting to date just because you're lonely I have a habit of being all or nothing. I'm either in an exclusive relationship or I'm not even casually seeing someone. I think this has been a detriment, because I've extended my post-breakup pain way further than it needed to go because I was afraid to date. In my mind, dating someone always led to an exclusive relationship, which kind of terrifies me after I get out of a long relationship. Only recently have I realized that I just need to separate the two. I'm not really ready for another relationship, but I AM ready to get to know some people and see where it goes. 1
dumbass2 Posted September 14, 2015 Posted September 14, 2015 The right time is when you feel it is right. I tried dating pretty soon afterwards because I wanted to get over her so bad. It didn't work. I missed her more and more the more dates on went on. I couldn't stop comparing them to her and what I felt with her. Though I didn't lead any one on and wasn't looking for a one night stand, I may have missed out on a couple of women because I just wasn't ready. I Eventually took time away from dating and just spent time with friends and worked on myself. Looked at myself and learned from the past relationship, what I needed to work on to be the best I can then finally felt like i was ready to try again and have been dating now for while. Still haven't found that spark with anyone just yet, but feel I'm better prepared. 1
ScienceGal Posted September 14, 2015 Posted September 14, 2015 I just started a thread about this is the general relationship forum. I decided this time a month should suffice, so I'll be looking to date starting early October. All depends on where you are in the healing process. I feel slightly sad, but not devastated. And, I've let go of all hope of reconciliation. So, this timeline works for me. 1
Author Seth0194 Posted September 15, 2015 Author Posted September 15, 2015 I think you're ready if: - you've acknowledged your role in the relationship's demise - you've worked on either fixing that or having an awareness so that you'll avoid it in the next relationship - you've taken some time to be single and reconnect with friends and family that you probably ignored during your relationship - you aren't wanting to date just because you're lonely I have a habit of being all or nothing. I'm either in an exclusive relationship or I'm not even casually seeing someone. I think this has been a detriment, because I've extended my post-breakup pain way further than it needed to go because I was afraid to date. In my mind, dating someone always led to an exclusive relationship, which kind of terrifies me after I get out of a long relationship. Only recently have I realized that I just need to separate the two. I'm not really ready for another relationship, but I AM ready to get to know some people and see where it goes. I think this is one of the things I have learned about myself from my last relationship. I put everything in it and literally we were best friends, everything I think we both let go of some friends. Any way, I need to be mindful that I can not let a relationship encompass me completely from everyone. The right time is when you feel it is right. I tried dating pretty soon afterwards because I wanted to get over her so bad. It didn't work. I missed her more and more the more dates on went on. I couldn't stop comparing them to her and what I felt with her. Though I didn't lead any one on and wasn't looking for a one night stand, I may have missed out on a couple of women because I just wasn't ready. I Eventually took time away from dating and just spent time with friends and worked on myself. Looked at myself and learned from the past relationship, what I needed to work on to be the best I can then finally felt like i was ready to try again and have been dating now for while. Still haven't found that spark with anyone just yet, but feel I'm better prepared. I am worried about that as well, to some degree, the last several days I have been real good, friends and family have told me I am more like my old self, making jokes, and doing more. (I really had not noticed until my daughter told me just yesterday) "Welcome Back."
hunk Posted September 15, 2015 Posted September 15, 2015 I have a habit of being all or nothing. I'm either in an exclusive relationship or I'm not even casually seeing someone. I think this has been a detriment, because I've extended my post-breakup pain way further than it needed to go because I was afraid to date. In my mind, dating someone always led to an exclusive relationship, which kind of terrifies me after I get out of a long relationship. As a man, this is a huge, huge problem that needs addressing and you will be very miserable if you keep this up. As a man you should be surrounding yourself with women whenever possible. I've gone through some huge, huge revelations in the past 2 months. I've had the two exes that brought me to this site, a blubbering mess of a man, come back to me and I turned one down, while I'm currently casually seeing the other (who LEFT ME because i couldn't commit to her, and i'm still not, but our relationship was strong enough and i kept her interested enough that she wants to be with me again). I also am seeing 3 other women and have told my ex this. She is the one i want to bond with and who i'm closest with, but I will never completely commit myself to one woman ever again and doing this is the number one source of preventable misery men bring upon themselves. It all makes sense now. Everything makes sense. You need to be sleeping with women without the intention of dating them or becoming exclusive with them. Keep them in your life and sleep with them but going "all or nothing" literally means this - "All" = an exclusive relationship, where you restrict yourself to banging this one girl long term which will eventually come to an end, most likely on her terms because she is bored with you and your monogamous relationship "Nothing" = Being single and not even having the ability to sleep with ONE woman casually, literally celibate until you find someone you can sexually depend on who will eventually sense this dependency and neediness and leave you So you can see in your situation "all" and "nothing" are one in the same. Get rid of this scarcity and idea of relationships you have in your head and enjoy yourself as a man, sleep with women and try and scrub this false idealization of fairytale relationships off your psyche. This is how women want us to be and the cool thing is you will actually be happier this way. I'm the happiest I think i have ever been in my life right now
hunk Posted September 15, 2015 Posted September 15, 2015 I also have to add that i am not in any way condoning "never being in a relationship", i'm just saying that the key to being happy in relationships as a man has to be having MULTIPLE WOMEN in your life at all times. Also i'm not against normal monogamous relationship at all, but I will never be in a long term, exclusive relationship where I am not sleeping with any other woman besides my partner, ever again. Every instance of heartbreak and desperation and life ruining tales on this site could be avoided or dramatically reduced if guys actually respected their biological and instinctual wiring and wanted happiness for themselves ok rant over
Yummm Posted September 15, 2015 Posted September 15, 2015 Hunk I think that people are wired different, so your path won't work for all men. I'm also intensely dating, meeting loads of new women and having some experiences with them, yet I still crave the emotional intimate connection that an exclusive relationship gives you - i'm definitely not more happy now than I have been in a relationship, but I am content. @OP I think you should date when you feel ready to meet new people. At first you'll be comparing the new dates to your ex, but the more people you meet the more you'll start to appreciate them for THEIR traits and personality and you'll feel better about the whole thing. It builds confidence again after the slam that comes with a breakup and you get to experience who and what you want from a relationship. In your own time buddy! I started dating 3 months after my breakup. 1
hunk Posted September 15, 2015 Posted September 15, 2015 I want that connection too man, and there's absolutely no reason you can't get that from a girlfriend/long term partner. All I'm saying is that in order to keep us from behaving in ways that jeopardize our relationship with women/the one woman we have that "real" emotional bond with, we need to be engaging with multiple women to balance us out. It's when we unnaturally give everything to ONE PERSON, we essentially biologically overbear them, repulse them and drive them away when we think it's what we should be doing. It isn't. It's bull****, goes against our nature and turns us into freaks. You can love someone exclusively while still getting your rocks off with other girls. But each to their own. I personally can't help but look at traditional, 100% exclusive relationships as ridiculous, painful and utter ****. To each their own
thunder777 Posted September 15, 2015 Posted September 15, 2015 i think the notion that one night your banging one girl then 2 days later ur with another then on the weekend ur favourite girl gets time off work so you bang her too, thats just outrageous dirty and totally unfair. i would love this but thats not integrity youll also end up infectious diseased from karma and youll knock up multiple women really fair on the kids u conceive too but yes in fantasy i would love to knock up 50 women but thats down immorral in the light of day
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