7675 Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 Met a girl through a friend a few weeks ago. We went out on our first date this weekend. The date was alright. Nothing bad but nothing exceptional either. She did mention that we should go out and see the art museum close to our university, so I know thats an invitation to possibly make a second date. She did also ask if I arrived safely after I dropped her off and thanked me for taking her out to lunch. There wasn't much flirting or physical contact and I definitely know I'll have to change that if I want to avoid being friend zoned. The reason I'm making this thread is because she hardly ever initiates contact. Most of the contact we've had has been initiated by me. I don't text or call her that much. But whenever we do chat, its mostly me who initiates it. So what I want to ask is whether that might mean something or whether she's just one of those people who aren't on their phone much or expect the guy to initiate.
d0nnivain Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 It may simply mean she is shy or reserved. If everything else seems OK, don't borrow trouble.
newmoon Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 what makes you think the date was exceptional for her if it wasn't for you? maybe she isn't interested after a bit more thought?
nic05 Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 If I'd initiated conversation about a second date I'd be a bit nervous about sounding too keen. As stupid as that sounds and by my age I should know better. She might just be shy or wary. Or could be that she's playing safe by letting you contact first, and mirroring how keen you are. Either way fingers crossed for you.
Author 7675 Posted September 13, 2015 Author Posted September 13, 2015 I'm not saying it was exceptional for her. I had a good time and I think she did too. But its not about the date. Its about communication. Even before the date, she hardly contacted me to ask how my day was and all of that. I did it now and then, but not always. I'm not saying I expect her to contact me everyday. But I have noticed that she doesnt really initiate.
d0nnivain Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 Have you told her you would appreciate it if she initiated contact more often? If not, try that
Ami1uwant Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 Some women won't initiate early on ...when you call her how is she then? Does she have a regular conversation.
Author 7675 Posted September 13, 2015 Author Posted September 13, 2015 No I havent told her, and I don't want to come off as needy so I don't plan on doing that at this stage. We've never really had a chat over the phone. Whenever we've called each other it was because we needed to say something. Short and to the point
jam.over.jelly Posted September 14, 2015 Posted September 14, 2015 I never knew we women give you guys so much headache when it comes to initiating contact. I apologize on behalf of every girl that does this, cuz I am one of them. NOt that I'm not interested, just because I don't want to appear too eager about someone I really like. That I have learned is a bad move on my part. However, I would say, if every single time you initiate contact with her and she shows enthusiasm in her responses, and that she always responds to you, and she keeps the conversation going, then you can be pretty sure she likes you even though she might not initiate contact. When you know her a bit better you can gently suggest that she can hit you up sometimes too. 2
Qboro90 Posted September 14, 2015 Posted September 14, 2015 I'd say that the vast majority of girls/women tend to be reserved as far as initiating contact during the early stages of dating. I expect to have to initiate the first 1-3 dates. However once the 2nd-3rd date has passed I expect her to reach out once for every 2-3 times I do. Just a courteousy and respect thing in my mind. But don't read into her not texting you at this point. I'd also suggest more phone calls and less texting. Phone calls are personal and actually allow someone to intimately talk to you and gauge your tone and emotions by hearing your voice. Texting is very effortless and almost an afterthought. Show her you're interested and call her every now and then. You can text her saying "hey wanted to see if you were free to check out that museum you mentioned last time... Lemme know if you're free later today. I'm working till 6 but can call you once I get out if you're around". Boom ... Done
fitnessfan365 Posted September 14, 2015 Posted September 14, 2015 It's funny because you say the date was lukewarm at best, yet you're bothered by her never contacting you first. It seems like you don't know what you want to be honest.
Author 7675 Posted September 14, 2015 Author Posted September 14, 2015 I appreciate all the responses The thing is, my ex practically threw herself at me in the early stages. There's another girl who likes me right now (I don't feel the same about her) and she's also throwing herself at me. Its just so much easier when the girl is making it so obvious. The date I went on was good, I'm just making sure not to give anyone the impression that we held hands, kissed etc. I know she likes me, I'm just very wary of coming off as too eager. That's messed me up before. So I don't know how to react to her lack of initiation
d0nnivain Posted September 14, 2015 Posted September 14, 2015 No I havent told her, and I don't want to come off as needy so I don't plan on doing that at this stage.t Then say something light at the end of your next phone conversation, like "Why don't you call me tomorrow?" You are putting the ball in court & expressing your desire for her to call you but not in a "needy" way.
Redhead14 Posted September 14, 2015 Posted September 14, 2015 Met a girl through a friend a few weeks ago. We went out on our first date this weekend. The date was alright. Nothing bad but nothing exceptional either. She did mention that we should go out and see the art museum close to our university, so I know thats an invitation to possibly make a second date. She did also ask if I arrived safely after I dropped her off and thanked me for taking her out to lunch. There wasn't much flirting or physical contact and I definitely know I'll have to change that if I want to avoid being friend zoned. The reason I'm making this thread is because she hardly ever initiates contact. Most of the contact we've had has been initiated by me. I don't text or call her that much. But whenever we do chat, its mostly me who initiates it. So what I want to ask is whether that might mean something or whether she's just one of those people who aren't on their phone much or expect the guy to initiate. It's only one date and it's been a few weeks? She's responsive and gave the green light for a second date. Personally, I don't initiate much at all until after the man has shown a good level of interest by being consistent, not over the top with communication and seeing me. I'd look for a request within a couple of days at least to schedule another date. If her interest is strong enough, she should start initiating a little more after the second or third date at least. You should be texting her at least every day and calling once a week anyway to keep the connection going. You should have initiated another date by now for sure. This one may just think you're not that interested.
lino Posted September 14, 2015 Posted September 14, 2015 Women who never initiate aren't interested. 1
jam.over.jelly Posted September 14, 2015 Posted September 14, 2015 Women who never initiate aren't interested. Disagree............. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted September 14, 2015 Posted September 14, 2015 Women who never initiate aren't interested. I will say that I feel like there are varying degrees of interest. A woman who never initiates may still like a guy and enjoy his company. But that is lukewarm at best. So from that standpoint, I'd agree that any woman who NEVER initiates at all isn't 100% fully invested and why would anyone ever want to settle for anything less?
Vintage79 Posted September 14, 2015 Posted September 14, 2015 If they don't/rarely initiate, they're probably neutral/on the fence...girls that are really interested will usually send you something. That said, it doesn't sound like you've really dated this girl much, so I wouldn't worry about it (yet). Get a bit further down the dating road, and if she's still never initiating, talk to her about it, and if she doesn't change, get rid of her. 1
Redhead14 Posted September 14, 2015 Posted September 14, 2015 I will say that I feel like there are varying degrees of interest. A woman who never initiates may still like a guy and enjoy his company. But that is lukewarm at best. So from that standpoint, I'd agree that any woman who NEVER initiates at all isn't 100% fully invested and why would anyone ever want to settle for anything less? This guy only asked her out once in a period of a FEW weeks without much contact from him either. She had been responsive and did initiated some though. His post comes across as lackluster, I bet he's coming across to her that way as well. He said the date wasn't all that too. If he's lukewarm, he's gonna get a lukewarm response at best. 1
jam.over.jelly Posted September 14, 2015 Posted September 14, 2015 I have to say me personally I will start initiating contact with a guy I really like after I see the consistency of him initiating contact and trying to talk to me everyday. However, if a guy only texts me occasionally, I wouldn't know what his interest level is, and I wouldn't want to risk me seeming too eager. With that said, I can totally be smitten with a guy and still not initiate.
Author 7675 Posted September 14, 2015 Author Posted September 14, 2015 We're both in university/college. We hung out a few times before the date but that was with friends. She was even cool with me going over to her place, never happened though. The reason it took so long for us to actually go out was because we had a week long recess and she went home. I'm just not used to a girl who doesn't really initiate small talk. I know people say its mostly pointless and you have to stay off the phone etc. But all the girls who've shown a lot of interest in me have always initiated a lot of contact. I guess I'm just wondering whether a girl can really be interested but not initiate that much.
Redhead14 Posted September 14, 2015 Posted September 14, 2015 We're both in university/college. We hung out a few times before the date but that was with friends. She was even cool with me going over to her place, never happened though. The reason it took so long for us to actually go out was because we had a week long recess and she went home. I'm just not used to a girl who doesn't really initiate small talk. I know people say its mostly pointless and you have to stay off the phone etc. But all the girls who've shown a lot of interest in me have always initiated a lot of contact. I guess I'm just wondering whether a girl can really be interested but not initiate that much. Girls will be all like chatty, women will be receptive/responsive but not all over you. It's been a long time since I was a "girl", but call her, ask her for another date, that'll give you a better idea of "where" she's at.
Author 7675 Posted September 14, 2015 Author Posted September 14, 2015 I asked her if she wants to meet up this weekend. She agreed. Guess I'll see how it goes. Honestly, I don't really care about us chatting via text. I just want to know how interested she is. So I'll try push things forward on the next date. Touching, flirting, etc. I'll go for the first kiss as well. That should clear everything up
jjtr Posted September 14, 2015 Posted September 14, 2015 You went on one date and are wondering why she didn't initiate contact? You're overthinking it, man. If you get three, four, five dates in and nothing is happening from a physical standpoint, then you can conclude she's not into you. But after one date? Don't worry about it. 1
fifipheebs Posted September 14, 2015 Posted September 14, 2015 Met a girl through a friend a few weeks ago. We went out on our first date this weekend. The date was alright. Nothing bad but nothing exceptional either. She did mention that we should go out and see the art museum close to our university, so I know thats an invitation to possibly make a second date. She did also ask if I arrived safely after I dropped her off and thanked me for taking her out to lunch. . Ermmm...the fact she mentioned the meusum and checked up on you getting home is her showing her interest to you. I would take that and run with it. As her out again. She's blazing signs for you to take her out again. Be like "about that museum, you wanna hit that next week sometime?" 1
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