Author Celeste.Carol Posted September 13, 2015 Author Posted September 13, 2015 He meant it as he wants to get to know me better than just sex. Not that he wants to stop it. He just wrote me it was mind blowing and many other compliments.
Gaeta Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 He meant it as he wants to get to know me better than just sex. Not that he wants to stop it. He just wrote me it was mind blowing and many other compliments. Celeste: It's just words, and words are cheap. When is your next date? That's what you should be hearing about
ExpatInItaly Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 He meant it as he wants to get to know me better than just sex. Not that he wants to stop it. He just wrote me it was mind blowing and many other compliments. I don't get what's going on here. Is this the same man as your other threads? If so, run like the wind. If you choose to stay, you need to ask yourself where your standards went. 6
katiegrl Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 (edited) He meant it as he wants to get to know me better than just sex. Not that he wants to stop it. He just wrote me it was mind blowing and many other compliments. Well if everything is so peachy, why start this thread at all? As well as all your other threads? It appears that anything we say that interferes with this fantasy relationship you've created in your own head, goes in one ear and out the other. You are in major denial....blinded by love as they say...and projecting your own feelings on to him. Sad. Edited September 13, 2015 by katiegrl 3
Gaeta Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 It appears that anything we say that interferes with this fantasy relationship you've created in your own head, And I feel it's a dangerous fantasy relationship as she referred to it, in one of her other thread, as in '50 shades of Grey' type of relationship. 1
BlueBlood Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 Ok. Between visiting with some loved ones and chatting with a friend I glanced back at the threads leading up to this one. OP, this ain't your Christian Grey, your dark knight, or your misunderstood Dom. He's just jerking you around. Erratic and demanding, hot and cold, this guy seems more a pita than anything. The op sounds miserable over some guy that has no real time spent being nice to her. It's seemingly one trauma after the next. OP, he really treats you with no kindness and the amount of second guessing this 'relationship' has caused you should say it all. This is not healthy, imo, to continue having contact with him. 2
regine_phalange Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 He slept with you while he wasn't sure whether he liked you. Afterwards he realized that he didn't like you as much as he thought. Not your fault! 2
stillafool Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 Well if everything is so peachy, why start this thread at all? As well as all your other threads? It appears that anything we say that interferes with this fantasy relationship you've created in your own head, goes in one ear and out the other. You are in major denial....blinded by love as they say...and projecting your own feelings on to him. Sad. ^^^^^^^THIS! Me thinks this is why you don't want to discuss this guy with your friends. You don't want to hear the truth.
writergal Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 OP, I read through your other threads about this guy. He's a manipulative guy who emotionally abuses you. And you are ok with that now, because he's conditioned you to accept it, because he knows your self-esteem is low. Basically, he's a predator, and you're his prey. I have dated guys like him and fortunately now see the forest for the trees so that I see the signs (thank you Ace of Base!) and avoid falling into that same trap. I know you are afraid to put your heart out there because let's face it dating is a numbers game. But please see this guy for who he is and stop all communication with him before he's pulled you in so deep, you are like a disoriented free-diver, lost in the dark waters who can't find the rope to lead her to the surface. 1
katiegrl Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 OP, I read through your other threads about this guy. He's a manipulative guy who emotionally abuses you. And you are ok with that now, because he's conditioned you to accept it, because he knows your self-esteem is low. Basically, he's a predator, and you're his prey. I have dated guys like him and fortunately now see the forest for the trees so that I see the signs (thank you Ace of Base!) and avoid falling into that same trap. I know you are afraid to put your heart out there because let's face it dating is a numbers game. ----- **But please see this guy for who he is and stop all communication with him before he's pulled you in so deep, you are like a disoriented free-diver, lost in the dark waters who can't find the rope to lead her to the surface***. Unfortunately and sadly, this is what attracts her to him. She is a strong woman and the power and control he obviously has over her psyche transcends all rational thought. She is already in too deep and she loves it. Hates it/loves it. Keeps her hooked in. He's good. 1
Jules Dash Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 This man has teenagers, he's not a young man, he's probably in his 40s. A man his age would never come up with 'we had sex too soon'. I can't think of any man this age that would say something like that - unless he was looking for the escape hatch. 2
writergal Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 Unfortunately and sadly, this is what attracts her to him. She is a strong woman and the power and control he obviously has over her psyche transcends all rational thought. She is already in too deep and she loves it. Hates it/loves it. Keeps her hooked in. He's good. It's never too late for her to detach herself though. Until she recognizes the abuse pattern herself, and decides its not worth sacrificing her self-esteem, her time and her quality of life, my guess is the OP will stay with him.
preraph Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 The only red flag here might be (or might not) that he judges you for sleeping with him too soon. You might want to have that conversation with him. If he's one of those, you don't want to keep him anyway. I don't know where else "we slept together too soon" would come from since he is presumably in control of his own actions, so that's why I worry he thinks that applies to you and not so much to him. But I hope I'm wrong, and it could be unfortunate phrasing. He may simply mean, let's slow down and get to know one another. As long as it is followed up with him asking you out to spend time with you, no need to worry. But you're going to have to ask him flat out if he now wishes to put sex on the back burner while you get to know each other or not. I seriously doubt that is what he means. But again, his statement needs to be followed by actions of spending non-sex time with you and plenty of it to prove he wants to get to know you and isn't just taking a jab at you because he's double-standard.
katiegrl Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 It's never too late for her to detach herself though. Until she recognizes the abuse pattern herself, and decides its not worth sacrificing her self-esteem, her time and her quality of life, my guess is the OP will stay with him. I agree but clearly she's nowhere near close to being there. He just keeps pulling her in deeper and deeper. Not because he cares, but because he's a sociopathic psycho, and I don't use that term lightly either! But this guy is freaking scary. I dunno, maybe when he knocks out her teeth one day, or throws acid on her face, she'll finally get it. 2
Amelie1980 Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 What a lame a$$ excuse. Sex too soon? If a guy really likes you, that shouldnt matter. He is looking for an excuse to bail. 1
Ami1uwant Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 A man his age would never come up with 'we had sex too soon'. Not true.....if he recently came out of a divorce and thus was his first relationship since he could feel that unsure/akward feeling if having sex too soon. I believe having sex too soon could change a relationship before someone is ready to handle that.
katiegrl Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 I don't think he is looking to escape.. He is enjoying manipulating her and all the power and control he has over her too much to leave. This is their "dance" -- A very sick and toxic dance. No I don't see this ending anytime soon. In fact, he could switch tomorrow, or two days from now ... and decide he DOES want sex with her. So they will have sex, then he withdraws again...giving her another lame excuse. This behavior is designed to confuse her, destroy her self-esteem, and reduce her to a shriveling weak pathetic woman totally dependant on him for her very existence. I have seen this before, I have worked with women who have experienced this. Ironically, these man target very strong women, as it's an added ego boost when they succeed at reducing her.. SICK!!!!
katiegrl Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 Not true.....if he recently came out of a divorce and thus was his first relationship since he could feel that unsure/akward feeling if having sex too soon. I believe having sex too soon could change a relationship before someone is ready to handle that. Read her past threads. This guy is an abusive psycho. 1
BlueBlood Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 Not true.....if he recently came out of a divorce and thus was his first relationship since he could feel that unsure/akward feeling if having sex too soon. I believe having sex too soon could change a relationship before someone is ready to handle that. I was on the same page as you until I went and read the prior threads on this guy. He's not a nice guy. At all. Flat out scary, in fact. A lot of nasty mental games and manipulation a going on. Worth a read, but it left me repulsed by his machinations. 3
Author Celeste.Carol Posted September 15, 2015 Author Posted September 15, 2015 I have expressed my concerns and that I would never allow myself to be a fb or hang on to a relationship solely to be in one and he has been very kind and patient and replies quickly but with thoughtfulness. He said that the chemistry is too great to stop that aspect but we got ahead of ourselves with the sex and need to work on the other aspect and let it evolve too. I do not think a man just out for bootie would even consider this and bring it up. He would just lay on the charm and go for tail. He did not disappear or run at the mention of emotions and needs. And for him getting so angry that one time, it was after I ripped his character to shreds. We have been up and down, and he is still around.
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