Celeste.Carol Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 Hi I have been seeing a guy I really like, and I do not fall easily for a guy and I do not want to discuss with my friends about him so they will not have pre judgments. He texted me I am interested and I like you. I do think we slept together way too soon, that we have great sex but we are still tentative around one another and I guess we need to take time to develop that like people who are not sleeping together. Any guy's standpoints on what this mean when a man tells you this.
Gaeta Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 Not 24 hours ago in your other thread I told you he only wanted to have sex, and here is the proof. He's pulling away now that he got what he wanted.
Author Celeste.Carol Posted September 13, 2015 Author Posted September 13, 2015 Not 24 hours ago in your other thread I told you he only wanted to have sex, and here is the proof. He's pulling away now that he got what he wanted. No we spent last night together and had a great time. He texted this to me and called me on the phone and said he hates texting and I am free to call him whenever I wish to. I do not see that as pulling away. I am wondering what he means by this and how to go about getting to know one another better putting sex secondary. I think is he was just using me for sex he would do that and not send 4 long texts and then a phone call?
Gaeta Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 No we spent last night together and had a great time. He texted this to me and called me on the phone and said he hates texting and I am free to call him whenever I wish to. I do not see that as pulling away. I am wondering what he means by this and how to go about getting to know one another better putting sex secondary. I think is he was just using me for sex he would do that and not send 4 long texts and then a phone call? Same thing. He knows sex means something to you and now you'll have greater expectations from him. Expectations he doesn't want to deal with. By telling you he wants to put sex on the back seat it's his way of saying 'I know we had sex but I want you to know it means nothing and don't expect we are now something'. Men have different way of getting what they want (sex) I had men wine and dine me 3-4 dates before making their moves then called me or sent me long messages explaining how they were suffering from XYZ and wanted to be friends (bullsh$t is not always short, sometimes it comes in long elaborate messages and phone calls). It's all to ease his mind and feel better with himself. This man was unreliable and full of excuses before sex. Now watch him being even more unreliable and full of excuses. How to get to know him, he's suppose to invite you out on dates and do 'stuff' together. You think he will deliver that? 6
Author Celeste.Carol Posted September 13, 2015 Author Posted September 13, 2015 Same thing. He knows sex means something to you and now you'll have greater expectations from him. Expectations he doesn't want to deal with. By telling you he wants to put sex on the back seat it's his way of saying 'I know we had sex but I want you to know it means nothing and don't expect we are now something'. Men have different way of getting what they want (sex) I had men wine and dine me 3-4 dates before making their moves then called me or sent me long messages explaining how they were suffering from XYZ and wanted to be friends (bullsh$t is not always short, sometimes it comes in long elaborate messages and phone calls). It's all to ease his mind and feel better with himself. This man was unreliable and full of excuses before sex. Now watch him being even more unreliable and full of excuses. How to get to know him, he's suppose to invite you out on dates and do 'stuff' together. You think he will deliver that? We have been on dates and do stuff. We live an hour and a half away. He wanted to drive up and take me to lunch last week. We are both strong willed and have had tumultuous times and he is still around. If he wanted to dump or make excuses he would have done that and not called me that he likes me and I can call him whenever I want. He wants to speak to me not just text.
Yummm Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 I'm a male - from my perspective that could mean 2 things. Whilst I don't like sleeping with a girl i'm really interested in too quick, if I did and I really liked her and the sex was as good as he said it was, it would definitely intensify my feelings towards her. The fact that he has pulled away either tells me that he genuinely interested in you and wants to be careful not to jump in too quickly (understandable from a guy who is inexperienced and hasn't been in many relationships) or he had sex and now puts you on the back bone. I hope it goes well for you, time should tell, judge his actions and update us! 7
Popsicle Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 Hi I have been seeing a guy I really like, and I do not fall easily for a guy and I do not want to discuss with my friends about him so they will not have pre judgments. He texted me I am interested and I like you. I do think we slept together way too soon, that we have great sex but we are still tentative around one another and I guess we need to take time to develop that like people who are not sleeping together. Any guy's standpoints on what this mean when a man tells you this. I'm not a guy, but I think this is really good. You are so lucky that he not only told you these feelings (after sex), but that he wants to work on developing a deeper emotional connection with you. He sounds like a good guy, and this is a great opportunity for you and he and I hope you an do it. Take things slow, get to know each other and enjoy it. 3
Author Celeste.Carol Posted September 13, 2015 Author Posted September 13, 2015 Also need to add we spent hours talking to one another and he said he enjoys me and although he loves sex, he liked getting to know me even better. He also kept mentioning things that he wants to show me or that I will see. I don't know, with your negative vibe in your post, it makes it sound that is all guys do is use women. I have never been used for sex before so this will be a new one for me.
Gaeta Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 We have been on dates and do stuff. We live an hour and a half away. He wanted to drive up and take me to lunch last week. We are both strong willed and have had tumultuous times and he is still around. If he wanted to dump or make excuses he would have done that and not called me that he likes me and I can call him whenever I want. He wants to speak to me not just text. Oh yes he wanted to drive up ...but he didn't, didn't he? He had an excuse about his youngest teenager, same thing with this weekend, he was making plans then everything felt through because of one of his teenagers. So you got together last night, I bet it was a last minute arrangement. Did you go out last night like you wanted? or it was a home date like HE wanted? and everyone told you he was aiming at sex. 2
Yummm Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 Also need to add we spent hours talking to one another and he said he enjoys me and although he loves sex, he liked getting to know me even better. He also kept mentioning things that he wants to show me or that I will see. I don't know, with your negative vibe in your post, it makes it sound that is all guys do is use women. I have never been used for sex before so this will be a new one for me. Don't be disheartened! Take everybody's advice here with a pinch of salt as it's genuinely down to his actions and how you feel, and everybody's opinion here is based on their own perspective, not FACT. It could mean either or, but as I said, if I slept with a girl i'm really interested in too quick, it would intensify my feelings towards her and i'd also be inclined to take things slowly to build a more mature emotional connection rather than infatuation. The other scenario could be true aswell, that's why you have to judge based on your feelings and his actions. Take things slow! 3
katiegrl Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 Hi I have been seeing a guy I really like, and I do not fall easily for a guy and I do not want to discuss with my friends about him so they will not have pre judgments. He texted me I am interested and I like you. I do think we slept together way too soon, that we have great sex but we are still tentative around one another and I guess we need to take time to develop that like people who are not sleeping together. Any guy's standpoints on what this mean when a man tells you this. Is this the same guy who demanded you get down on your knees to prove how sorry you were for daring to speak your mind and stand up for yourself? If so, this sounds like just another manipulation tactic to control you. Why are you allowing this shyt? Flakey, elusive, manipulative, controlling? Because you like him and you rarely like anyone? That's not enough, what if he started physically abusing you? Would you still be saying you can't leave because you like him so much? You say you are very attractive, but where is your self-esteem? This relationship sounds toxic! 3
writergal Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 Hi I have been seeing a guy I really like, and I do not fall easily for a guy and I do not want to discuss with my friends about him so they will not have pre judgments. He texted me I am interested and I like you. I do think we slept together way too soon, that we have great sex but we are still tentative around one another and I guess we need to take time to develop that like people who are not sleeping together. Any guy's standpoints on what this mean when a man tells you this. I didn't read your other thread (and assume you would have included pertinent information about your relationship here if you felt the need to). On the surface, when a guy texts you: I do think we slept together way too soon, that we have great sex but we are still tentative around one another and I guess we need to take time to develop that like people who are not sleeping together. It means he's trying to indirectly tell you that he doesn't want to have sex with you anymore or pursue a relationship with you. Sorry, but that's how I see it. He's making excuses. A guy who wants to suddenly pull back on sex and physical intimacy is a guy who got the cow's milk for free and decided he was lactose intolerant afterwards and now wants to drink Soy milk instead. Know what I mean? If he was really into you, he would have texted you something completely opposite: I'm so glad we finally slept together. We had great sex and I definitely want to see you again. I think his text was lame. On the upside, now you know that he's not interested in seeing you long-term so you can dump him. Keep Calm and Carry On [Dating Other Guys]. 6
Gaeta Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 This man has teenagers, he's not a young man, he's probably in his 40s. A man his age would never come up with 'we had sex too soon'. 4
Author Celeste.Carol Posted September 13, 2015 Author Posted September 13, 2015 I'm not a guy, but I think this is really good. You are so lucky that he not only told you these feelings (after sex), but that he wants to work on developing a deeper emotional connection with you. He sounds like a good guy, and this is a great opportunity for you and he and I hope you an do it. Take things slow, get to know each other and enjoy it. Thank you Popsicle! That was so sweet what you wrote. I am scared to give my heart away. BUT, he is busy at work now, owns a big company, and he just texted: whatcha doing...eating (Name) are leftovers from last night.
katiegrl Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 I'm not a guy, but I think this is really good. You are so lucky that he not only told you these feelings (after sex), but that he wants to work on developing a deeper emotional connection with you. He sounds like a good guy, and this is a great opportunity for you and he and I hope you an do it. Take things slow, get to know each other and enjoy it. Popsicle, read her ten other threads on this guy. Seriously.
writergal Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 Thank you Popsicle! That was so sweet what you wrote. I am scared to give my heart away. BUT, he is busy at work now, owns a big company, and he just texted: whatcha doing...eating (Name) are leftovers from last night. Since learning that he is middle aged with two teenagers, his text message is mind-numbingly lame, especially considering that middle age men don't suddenly pull back from having sex with a woman when they're interested in seeing her again. He doesn't want to have sex with you again translates as: he doesn't want to get more seriously involved with you. His text to you today doesn't mean anything. Now I'm intrigued and will read your other threads. Sorry OP but please don't fool yourself into thinking he wants to be serious with you. If he did, he wouldn't ask you to stop having sex. That is a huge waving red flag right there. 1
Author Celeste.Carol Posted September 13, 2015 Author Posted September 13, 2015 I do not think he would have just texted me out of the blue, right this moment, if he was pulling back or just used me for sex the few times we have.
katiegrl Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 OP, you created a previous thread asking if his behavior was abusive. IMO, yes it was, emotional abuse. And withdrawing physically (i.e. sex) ..... which is what he is doing now.... is also a form of emotional abuse...in an attempt to manipulate and control. No matter how flowery he makes it sound. It's not just that either, it is everything you have posted about him, plus this. He's toxic, your relationship (together) is toxic. If you want to keep it going, that's your call, but don't ignore what's gone down previously. Good luck... 1
katiegrl Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 Also need to add we spent hours talking to one another and he said he enjoys me and although he loves sex, he liked getting to know me even better. He also kept mentioning things that he wants to show me or that I will see. I don't know, with your negative vibe in your post, it makes it sound that is all guys do is use women. I have never been used for sex before so this will be a new one for me. I don't think he used you, but I do think he felt that by having sex, he was losing control of his emotions, and as such losing control, of himself and YOU. He needs to get that control back ...hence why he no longer wants sex. He's a control freak! So proceed with caution hun, seriously. Control freaks can really mess you up! 2
ExpatInItaly Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 OP, i read your other threads. Is this the same man whose behaviour you wondered was abusive?
Gaeta Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 I do not think he would have just texted me out of the blue, right this moment, if he was pulling back or just used me for sex the few times we have. Seems like you only see what you want to see. When is your next date? The proof is in the pudding. He can call and talk sh$t all he wants, it means nothing if he doesn't make time to spend time together. 2
BlueBlood Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 I feel like I need to go root around and read some of these threads. Kneeling for forgiveness? O.o I'm absolutely lost on this (admittedly intriguing sounding) backstory but as for the current thread, I wouldn't take his text as a good sign. Now I have a somewhat limited experience in this regard, I've had fewer partners than many people but I have never had a man tell me sex was too soon. Did he recently lose his spouse or long term gf and is like, still in grief? (I realllly gotta read those backstory threads!)... Cause I could see that as a reason a 40 something yo man might say that...
d0nnivain Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 Having read your other thread I can see where you are confused. This guy doesn't make much sense. First, texting is a lousy way to communicate. If he wants to get to know you better, he need to talk to you, not text you all day. Him seeming to want to come over & have you cook rather than go out is an indication that he wants sex not a relationship. If he wants to "date you" he needs to plan & follow through with activities you can do together outside of either of your homes. In that context I see his latest comment telling you that he thinks you slept together too soon in a very negative light. My take is that he's actually applying a double standard & sort of telling you that he thinks less of you for having sex with him too soon. I'd sit in him down -- preferably in public but where you can talk quietly somewhere in between your two homes. Tell him you don't understand his contradictory behavior. Asking him how he proposes to get to know each other more if he texts rather than calls & he doesn't want to go out. If he doesn't have a plan, you need an exit strategy 3
bcnguy Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 OP I have to say it sounds to me like really bad news. I can't think of a good reason for such remark. 2
Gaeta Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 OP: Are you looking for a dom-sub relationship? because if it's the case you have a lot to learn about what is a dom-sub relationship and what is an abusive relationship. This man thinks it's helpful to you that he disrespect you (his words). He's telling loud and clear he will disrespect you and there you go wanting a relationship with this monster. 3
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