Obsession?

[JewelD]

I think I'm losing it. I talked to this girl from okcupid on and off for a little over a month. She was hot and cold, flaky and overall just an oblivious jackass. We never met.

 

I tried to just accept it for what it was and move on bc no person is worth the amount of uncertainty and stress I felt when I was talking to her. and yet I can't get her out of my head.

 

I don't look at her pictures, all the texts are deleted, I started talking to new people, and yet she's STILL in my head. Everyday. I do get attached very easily, but never over people I haven't met, and it never takes this long to get over it.

 

I'm a completionist so I kept pursuing her despite her ****ty personality because I just wanted to meet her and see who I was putting all this effort towards, even if I ended up not liking her. Now, my brain has told me that she's not a good person and that even if we did hit it off in person, she was still an ******* in the beginning.

 

Why is this on my mind no matter what I do to distract myself? What can I do to officially close the door on this short ass chapter of my life?

[TheBathWater]

I think I'm losing it. I talked to this girl from okcupid on and off for a little over a month. She was hot and cold, flaky and overall just an oblivious jackass. We never met.

 

I tried to just accept it for what it was and move on bc no person is worth the amount of uncertainty and stress I felt when I was talking to her. and yet I can't get her out of my head.

 

I don't look at her pictures, all the texts are deleted, I started talking to new people, and yet she's STILL in my head. Everyday. I do get attached very easily, but never over people I haven't met, and it never takes this long to get over it.

 

I'm a completionist so I kept pursuing her despite her ****ty personality because I just wanted to meet her and see who I was putting all this effort towards, even if I ended up not liking her. Now, my brain has told me that she's not a good person and that even if we did hit it off in person, she was still an ******* in the beginning.

 

Why is this on my mind no matter what I do to distract myself? What can I do to officially close the door on this short ass chapter of my life?

 

Only time can heal this. I know, that sucks to hear, but it's the most valid answer.

[MissBee]

I find that stuff like this is often about control and validation. I think being a "completionist" or chasing closure tend to relate to control.

 

We would all of course prefer for things to go smoothly or end with closure and a feeling of "completion" but sometimes it doesn't work like that and I think you have to talk yourself into letting go what you cannot control.

 

The fact that you've never met and she was awful the ENTIRE time, yet you're still "obsessed" means that it's likely more an issue of not having control, wanting validation from her and not having it go your way rather than it being about her or anything legitimate.

 

I'd just tell myself that I don't know her, she could be some random person in a basement who isn't even who she said she is and she is not anyone important enough to validate me. Use those thoughts to let go of the desire for "completion." It is complete. It just didn't get completed how you wanted it to, which again is often the problem, the lack of control you feel, but it is complete nevertheless so you need to focus on letting go and accepting that this is complete.

[JewelD]

***UPDATE***

 

So I've been trying to do healthy things to get my mind off this girl. I go out with friends, I put my effort into school and teaching, I treated myself to nice clothes and makeup and such, I write in my journal every day.

 

and it's not working. It's not constant, but almost every hour I think of her. I had a dream about her. My ex also had a brief cameo. I don't know why I can't get this girl out of my head.

 

I can somewhat understand how people become stalkers. Luckily, I'm 2hrs away and don't know where she stays neway. I don't want to want this person so badly, but I do.

 

I just don't know what to do or how to make these feelings go away...

[Oregon_Dude]

Jewel,

 

GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF. You never even met this girl IRL. She's a classic catfishy type manipulator. There are literally millions of them on the internet.

 

She is NOT WORTH your mental energy. Save it for someone who actually exists in the real world.

 

Hate to say it, but if you're this shaken up by someone you never met, you definitely invest way too much in the promise of a r/s and love.

 

I see a therapist, and this may be a good thing for you to do, too. I would work on your self esteem, because getting so emotionally upset over someone you never met is just plain silly.

 

Stop it!

[jen1447]

Shaming or scaring ppl in Jewel's shoes does absolutely no good. The only thing that works in a healthy way is understanding and sympathy.

 

Have a hug hon. It sucks but you *will* get thru it.

 

I can tell you horror stories of my own detox experiences if you want - you'll think "holy crap I don't have it so bad after all."

[JewelD]

Shaming or scaring ppl in Jewel's shoes does absolutely no good. The only thing that works in a healthy way is understanding and sympathy.

 

Have a hug hon. It sucks but you *will* get thru it.

 

I can tell you horror stories of my own detox experiences if you want - you'll think "holy crap I don't have it so bad after all."

 

I actually think that would help a lot!

[mystikmind2005]

One of the big problems with talking to women on these dating sites is you have to understand the position they are in, they get tonns of asseholes ....

 

And i mean, as a guy, i do get a few female asseholes online too, and it gets me down and does not help my mood, so just imagine the effect all those thousands of asseholes must have on the mood of the women you talk to!!!