Screenplay Posted May 15, 2005 Posted May 15, 2005 To make sense of some of this, please read my last post of this thread for the intro. So, she both emailed me and IMed me Thursday night, obviously in distress over the issue. At first she was very vague and equally emotional, the combination of which made it had to console her though I did so as best I could. I listened (well as far as you can in an IM conversation) and let her talk. After a short while, she told me about what the true problem was specifically, which made it very clear why she was upset. I was very suprised, before when I joked about being a crazy stalker when I got her phone number she said she trusted me, I didn't think it was true and to the extent that she was willing to share a part of herself and her past very few people know. After a little while, we sort of got into a heart-to-heart conversation, I could sense she was wounded and I just softened the conversation a bit. She apologized for not responding in any way for so long, but I more than understood. I mentioned that I am known to be a good person to come to when people have troubles, and got "you do seem to have a lot of patience". Later on, since we were both talking frankly, I said "Ill be on the level with you, I do want to get to know you better. You interest the hell out of me If we dont grab some coffee before I fly out to LA (This upcoming Tuesday), we can always do so afterwards" and she said that she felt that would be best for her, as she has so many things to take care of (This I truly believe is not a cop out, the same friend who betrayed her is the same one shes been gradually moving in with so theres two issues there, and her Mom's getting married this weekend.) I offered to call her and talk, but at that point it was very late and she works 11 hour days on Friday. Friday evening I just sent her a short email letting her know that I won't break her trust in me, and assured her that the trust went both ways. Given that I know full well meeting in person is a wash, we haven't had a proper phone conversation yet, and shes been talking up her eyes in the past I ended the email with "Anyway, I hope things are smoothing over in your neck of the woods, and if I can't see your eyes before I travel to LA I hope I can hear your voice ;)" Anyway, Im not sure if I'm looking for advice so much as sort of comments on what I'm doing. I know that she needs space, I know there is mutual interest here, and she knows that I will be patient with her. The issue with her past could still be a fresh wound (She lived with her ex for a year, which ended 4 months ago when she kicked him out), or just inflamed by recent events. I dunno, I guess a little advice on looking forward would be welcomed from anyone who has been here before.
R O B J. Posted May 15, 2005 Posted May 15, 2005 sorry but, you WILL NEVER get anything but sympathy sex from this woman, even if you marry her. this i am 85% certain off. She WILL likely flirt with you just enough, for various reasons (some f***ed-up, others innocent and reasonable), to keep you interested and working to make something materialize. It will not. At least not to your satisfaction. You may take consolation however, in knowing that you ARE indeed, and honest, nice, genuine, caring, and attentive person. Frustratingly for you, that does next to nothing to make a woman "WANT you" WHAT YOU ARE DOING, is believing that what a woman thinks she wants and says she wants is the same thing ass knowing what a woman needs and craves. These things are DIFFERENT. very confusing, I know. Even for the women R O B J.
Author Screenplay Posted May 15, 2005 Author Posted May 15, 2005 I dont know, I mean I completely see that as a possiblity but from what I gather I'm still going to shoot for that 15%. Before I had heard of this things were going very naturally, and it was only that this issue cropped up in her life that things got disrupted; if things were normal before they will return that way. Until that close conversation Ive never shown her that side of me, I've always stuck to my cocky and sarcastic guns. However, in that situation I feel that being up-front was neccesary.
R O B J. Posted May 15, 2005 Posted May 15, 2005 i almost put 100% because I figured you'ld go for that 15%. Ever see the film Dumb and Dumber? There's a terrfic bit where she (Lauren Holly) tells him (Jim Carey) she's not interested but he absolutely insists that she give him actuall odds on their getting together. She says "less than one in a million" to which he imediately replies in a excited and hopeful manner, "So you're saying I 've got a chance!!?" that's you I'm afraid
Author Screenplay Posted May 15, 2005 Author Posted May 15, 2005 That very well may be, but I have no reason to not let the path run its course. She was completely warm and normal until that happened, and I have no reason to believe it wont return that way. Besides, there is some measure of difference between sarcastically telling someone they'd never go out with you, and putting some of the first moves forward and reacting positively to those same moves in response.
R O B J. Posted May 15, 2005 Posted May 15, 2005 my man, it is painful to see one's own destructive behaviors emullated by another. after this im giving up but I have to say that when yo claim: "...I have no reason to not let the path run its course" that is somewhat right but you underestimate the amount of insecurity and self-loathing that can grow in you while engaging in unrequited love. If you never learn to change your behavior through your actions, you will alwys be in a position to be the victim. If youu were engaging in a thrilling but dangerous sport, say autoracing, but halfway through the race your pit team realized that your brakes were failing, andyou response was that "you have no reason to not let the path run its course" and continue racing thereby putting yourself at risk of inury, wouldn'yt you say you would delusional? In any case,yo may be powerless to stop at this point. I know in my life, during stages of intense infatuation, I actually, despite my own wishes, lose all ability at being obective, and all my seemingly rational ideas are reakky ust serving as ustification for my emotional desires. good luck with you emotional states my man
Mary3 Posted May 16, 2005 Posted May 16, 2005 If she's asking for space....you better give it to her....or pretty soon you are going to have all the space you need because she wont be there anymore. I sense you are trying to control this but you are losing. Let her decide her life. With or without you. You cannot control that. Don't mean to sound harsh. But she is asking for space. Believe her when she says she wants that space
Author Screenplay Posted May 16, 2005 Author Posted May 16, 2005 Oh I know, the ball is firmly in her court now. I was trying to control things at first back when it was normal, but once the events of the past week hit I definately sensed that she needed some air, and our communication scaled back considerably. I already know she needs her space right now, and she knows that she can take it without causing me to lose interest. Like you said, its a matter of letting her make up her own mind, and I cant control that nor would I want to.
R O B J. Posted May 28, 2005 Posted May 28, 2005 just wondering how it's goin screenplay. I get frustrated here becuase so many poster never follow up on their dramas - rendering the insight & quality all our speculation and advice unverified. R O B J.
westernxer Posted May 28, 2005 Posted May 28, 2005 Screenplay, didn't I tell you she was riding a tidal wave? Some people never listen...
Author Screenplay Posted May 28, 2005 Author Posted May 28, 2005 Actually, things are turning out well so far. We went out on our first date a few days ago, and are going on a second once she finishes moving this weekend. Things are still a bit uncertain, sure, but its forward motion nonetheless.
DeaconFrost Posted May 28, 2005 Posted May 28, 2005 Well, I have to admit that a date is a good thing. Its sign of progression. But then again we are clearly dealing with a woman in an emotionally troubled state. As any guy will tell you who has been in this situation the outlook is still grim. Its incredbily possible that somewhere along the line she'll flip on you. Tread lightly dude and definately keep your options open. I wish I had. I can't tell how many times I've hooked up with chicks I was infatuated with and completely blew off others that would have definately been fun to play with. Don't do that! She hasn't proved a damn thing to you yet. Monitor her behavior with razor sharp acuteness and if she gets crazy then you know what to do...its not worth the hastle of dealing with a woman who is torn, unstable, and a bit reserved. I still say you should be looking for others who are ready to go NOW!
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