Author drseuss Posted October 11, 2015 Author Posted October 11, 2015 It's all jusy so frustrating! ! This weekend I've been going over things in my head for some bizarre reason ,like I can't stop think long about seeing my exs best freind shortly after our brrak and in wish I didn't speak to her about my ex because she will have obviously told her what I said .... why am I thinking about that now all this time later
Author drseuss Posted October 28, 2015 Author Posted October 28, 2015 Been just over 3 months since my ex of less than a year broken up me with me, nc for all of it , she wasn't over her long term ex and was all over the place through out our rs .some days it was amazing and others not so good I felt like in was getting better but the last week she has been more on my mind than ever and it so annoying , analysing everything , thinking what I could have done to keep her and wanting her back I thought in would have forgoten her by now ,there is much less pain now but it's just on my mind all the time !!
Samuel_22 Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 Been just over 3 months since my ex of less than a year broken up me with me, nc for all of it , she wasn't over her long term ex and was all over the place through out our rs .some days it was amazing and others not so good I felt like in was getting better but the last week she has been more on my mind than ever and it so annoying , analysing everything , thinking what I could have done to keep her and wanting her back I thought in would have forgoten her by now ,there is much less pain now but it's just on my mind all the time !! Mine has been 2 and half months as well, I have 2 weeks to hit 3 months. Today I had one of those awful days, I had a dream last night in which we had reconciled and we were happy, well I was. I woke up in the morning and well there was nothing there, I had to cry. Some of my best friends who had supported all this time, have left me alone too. I can't start talking to them about my BU, because as soon as I do, they say, ''c'mon don't start it again, 3 months have passed why can't you get over her?'' I feel terrible, I have been questioning everything and everything from the beginning, I always wonder what might have been. Ifs and buts all over my mind, I know someone will show up now, and will say, ''you were just a rebound.'' Before anyone say that, I want to say, shut up, just shut up, slap me three times in the face but don't say that anymore. I think it is true when someone said happiness fades away faster than pain, this pain mate is not eternal, but it is going to torment us. I sometimes wish the RS just had continued a little longer, it would have been easier. They left us in the honeymoon phase, when things were like a dream, when we did not even expect a break up. I don't have much to say I am just struggling myself, I just needed an ear to hear what I am going through, and no one can understand me better than you do.
Samuel_22 Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 Tomorrow is my birthday, and well this is going to be the happiest birthday since my birth I presume. I won't even pray for her coming back, because if prayers were true, she would not have left in the first place. I am stranded, I am trapped in a vicious triangle. I wanna free myself, and even for that I am out of options. I am utterly depressed, I have sought medical help, it has not helped one bit. I just wish I knew, who the painter who is painting my life in blue is. It is hard, no matter what others are going to say, the picture on the wall is living its life, and I never asked for it. It is strange but today even looking through an empty bottle makes so much sense.
Bo34 Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 I can totally relate. I'm at the 3 month mark and for whatever reason, I've been in a set-back mode the past week. It was also initiated by me having a dream of her last week and since then, I have been thinking about her a lot. It sucks because I thought I was making progress. It pisses me off because although I'm no longer emotionally hurt, the thoughts that come throughout the day, just don't seem to go away. I was interested in a girl I met at a mutual friends party a few weeks ago, and that helped me put my thoughts off of her completely, but apparently, she was interested and since then it's back to thinking of her again. 1
Bo34 Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 I'm not advocating getting into a rebound, but I really think that when the time comes where you meet someone else and have attraction to them and start dating them, it is only then where you can truly make strides in completely moving on, at least it has always been that way for me. 2
Author drseuss Posted October 28, 2015 Author Posted October 28, 2015 Happy birthday for tommorow !! Have you heard anymore from your ex samuel22 ? I seem to be reading quite alot about relapses at the 3-4 month mark and I can safely say I'm having a bit of a relapse, The what ifs seem to be on my mind and I haven't really thought like this until now , we broke up in Feb and she came back and was more keen than ever , what the hell cplould in have done wrong to have lost her again ........ she soon wenr back to her old ways and I'm sure it was guilt that bought her back .... 2
Blanco Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 You all are making progress. Don't lose sight of the fact that healing from something like a breakup isn't a linear process. This isn't a broken arm we're talking about. Emotional healing usually involves waves; one day you're great, the next, you feel awful. What matters is that as time goes on, these bad days become less frequent. They may still happen, but at a certain point, they're far outweighed by the good or normal feeling days. Just know that so long as you're doing productive things with yourself, it really is only a matter of time before you're in a better place. Don't beat yourselves up for not being where you THINK you should be after a certain amount of time. Keep investing in yourself and eventually, time will do the rest. 2
Samuel_22 Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 Happy birthday for tommorow !! Have you heard anymore from your ex samuel22 ? I seem to be reading quite alot about relapses at the 3-4 month mark and I can safely say I'm having a bit of a relapse, The what ifs seem to be on my mind and I haven't really thought like this until now , we broke up in Feb and she came back and was more keen than ever , what the hell cplould in have done wrong to have lost her again ........ she soon wenr back to her old ways and I'm sure it was guilt that bought her back .... Thank you man! I think you are the first one who said happy birthday to me...I remember how blissful I was back on her birthday, things we did that day...uh these memories, embrace me sweet oblivion... now I am not even going to receive a simple happy birthday from her...I wager she does not even know it is my birthday. I blocked her on my cellphone, she can't send messages or make phone calls, I think she knows that by now, because 4 days after the message, I received an e-mail from her, she said how making contact with me was a bad idea, and she was really sorry for that. Well obviously I didn't respond, I don't want to break NC under any circumstances now, I know how it cuts, I wish I had not opened the E-mail either.
Samuel_22 Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 You all are making progress. Don't lose sight of the fact that healing from something like a breakup isn't a linear process. This isn't a broken arm we're talking about. Emotional healing usually involves waves; one day you're great, the next, you feel awful. What matters is that as time goes on, these bad days become less frequent. They may still happen, but at a certain point, they're far outweighed by the good or normal feeling days. Just know that so long as you're doing productive things with yourself, it really is only a matter of time before you're in a better place. Don't beat yourselves up for not being where you THINK you should be after a certain amount of time. Keep investing in yourself and eventually, time will do the rest. Thank you Blanco, you have been right in the past, I hope you are again. I wish I would just become the person I used to know, this is the only thing I want at the moment, nothing more.
Bo34 Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 Happy birthday for tommorow !! Have you heard anymore from your ex samuel22 ? I seem to be reading quite alot about relapses at the 3-4 month mark and I can safely say I'm having a bit of a relapse, The what ifs seem to be on my mind and I haven't really thought like this until now , we broke up in Feb and she came back and was more keen than ever , what the hell cplould in have done wrong to have lost her again ........ she soon wenr back to her old ways and I'm sure it was guilt that bought her back .... Really? Because from what I've read they say you should be healing by your 3rd month, and while all that certainly appeared that way 2 weeks ago, this relapse has me thinking otherwise.
Kehv Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 Today it has been exactly 4 months since she dumped me to chase a new guy after a 6 year relationship. I'm still not over her but I'm trying to think positively "everything will be alright". It's so easy for them to just go and try out a new guy and then if things are not as great as they seem they just get back to their ex. They will just try to figure out which one is the better fit, that's why you have to show/act like you don't take her back anymore. I suppose her ex did understand this well. I failed to do this rightaway, which is why she is still with him. The guy that chases her more eventually will lose the battle.
Simon Phoenix Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 Really? Because from what I've read they say you should be healing by your 3rd month, and while all that certainly appeared that way 2 weeks ago, this relapse has me thinking otherwise. Actually what you are going through is quite normal. The first few weeks suck, then it seems like it's getting better and then "bang!" there's a time where that pain comes back strong. Happens around the 2-4 month mark and it's usually due to the fact that you have accepted it's over and it's starting to hit you again. The first parts of recovery, after the initial shock, are a bit of a haze, because part of you accepts what has happened because you think it's a bad dream which you'll wake up from. Then you realize that this is the reality and it hits you again. But getting through this "relapse" will put you even further on the recovery trail. You might have a couple more after this, but they'll be less frequent and less painful through time. This is completely normal, so don't freak out. 1
Author drseuss Posted October 28, 2015 Author Posted October 28, 2015 Well although it is horrible you had to go through that episode of bred crumbs and then further rejection it motivates me to stay in no contact and not have to experience that , as much as I would love it I dread hearing from her ..... With Christmas on its way I hope I'm am feeling better by then 1
Bo34 Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 Actually what you are going through is quite normal. The first few weeks suck, then it seems like it's getting better and then "bang!" there's a time where that pain comes back strong. Happens around the 2-4 month mark and it's usually due to the fact that you have accepted it's over and it's starting to hit you again. The first parts of recovery, after the initial shock, are a bit of a haze, because part of you accepts what has happened because you think it's a bad dream which you'll wake up from. Then you realize that this is the reality and it hits you again. But getting through this "relapse" will put you even further on the recovery trail. You might have a couple more after this, but they'll be less frequent and less painful through time. This is completely normal, so don't freak out. ^^^ Woww. That was so nicely said. I never thought of it that way, but this is so true!!! The first few weeks were agonizing (don't ever want to experience that again), and the next phase also hurt but I was always of the mindset that it was only temporary, that she would eventually come back to me in due time. Now, that it's been 3 months and I've not heard a single beep from her, I have finally accepted the idea, that not only is it completely over, but that she isn't ever coming back to me. I think what you said is completely right; Because I've now finally accepted it's over and it's hitting me again and the gravity of the truth is very heavy 1
Simon Phoenix Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 ^^^ Woww. That was so nicely said. I never thought of it that way, but this is so true!!! The first few weeks were agonizing (don't ever want to experience that again), and the next phase also hurt but I was always of the mindset that it was only temporary, that she would eventually come back to me in due time. Now, that it's been 3 months and I've not heard a single beep from her, I have finally accepted the idea, that not only is it completely over, but that she isn't ever coming back to me. I think what you said is completely right; Because I've now finally accepted it's over and it's hitting me again and the gravity of the truth is very heavy Yep, it is, but you'll also find that that heaviness will fade quicker than the initial shock did as long as you don't tweak it by contacting her, looking her up on social media, any of that. Recovery isn't linear -- you'll go through peaks and valleys in your journey. But the further you go, the less deep the valleys get. You'll be fine -- just weather the storm. 1
Kehv Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 Yeah in my personal experience: 1-3 weeks: I was having all kinds of emotions; sad, jealous, humiliated, angry etc. It was an extremely difficult time for me. 3 weeks - 2 months: mostly bad days but some good days because my ex wanted to hang out with me, which gave me a lot of hope during this period but everytime that hope got shattered and i felt depressed again. 2-4 months: Still feeling bad (I was in NC/LC during this period) Most of the days were 'OK', still thinking about her all day. There were a few days I felt extremely bad. Now starting Month 4. I'm feeling pretty good. I try to seperate our good memories from the breakup. Try to stay positive.
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