piem Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 Hello everyone, Ive been friends with some guy for a year or so. He was a member of some friends' group. A few months ago I saw him being interested in me. But not in a way a 'normal' guy would do . He is actually a really busy guy so we only met on parties. Everytime he saw me he would comment about my boyfriends ( i didnt have one) he would comment about my appearance, touch my hair, would stare at me all the time. I saw that he would only talk to me when high or drunk even a bit as he would be very stressed or shy inside ( the way he dresses or behaves is like a bad boy style- but he comes from a good family, he has tatoos, have a good educational background and actually I find him very shy inside with a complex of being 172 cm not taller - but i liked him!!!!! and still like him!!!) So everytime we met on house parties or in clubs he would stare at me, ask if i had a bf or if that guy around me was my boyfriend. I didnt know how to answer for questions like this so I would answer total true - that i didnt have anyone. For me he was a good guy but I saw him talking and flirting with other girls on parties. But whevener I came around and smiled or just glanced at him he would stopped talking and smile at me or so. There was a friend who told me about him that I would protect myself because he is an *******. I didnt believe in this because I thought inside he was a good guy ( NAIVE ME). She sometimes was trying to block him while hugging me or whenever he wanted to talk to me. I thought that maybe she was jealous or maybe she wanted to protect me from him. 2 months ago we spent a night together after the party and it was great. He didnt treat my like a whore or someone. After everything he was the one that would hug me all the time and he wanted to spoon me. I didnt know what to think because he was very gentle. BUT. The problems start later on. He invited me over next day . I came to his place,met his friends and actually he behaved like he would care or I would be someone special. There were kisses, some hugs, delicate touch and so one. He wanted me to stay in but I didnt want. A friend told me he told her he didnt want anything from me but he didnt want to make problems in the company. When I heard it I decided to leave home and I didnt stay in. Since that moment we havent talked about this. I got a job as a freelance designer and I worked with his friends ( didnt know about it). He came to the place where we worked and just shortly said HI and thats all. I texted him when would we meet and he said next week. And we didnt . Since then there have so many weeks passed. And actually we were only meeting up on parties. In august we met 2-3 times. And whenever he met me he would ignore me in a company, he would not look into my eyes when talking. From a perspective it would look like nothing was happening. Because he was nice always saying HI but I saw him being cold and ignoring me very delicately. Later on we didnt have contact. There again some weeks passed. And he invited me over for his bday that he was organising in a club. I bought some present with my friends and we gave it to him. He was acting like he wasnt thankful. He didnt thank me for that present as the only person in a company. ( 3 people). He would not look into my eyes, ignore me when talking and reading a present card. All night I spent with other friends talking about some other stuff. At the end he sat in front of me when talking to others, was kinda tipsy or high and started talking weird things. Like he would deny/negate almost everything that I would say, that he was asking whats up in a way that I didnt like ( it wasnt rude but his voice was kind of weird, maybe high idk). So i decided to leave. He would hug me for the end and thats all. Friends told me he would go to South America for a while to do some business. I didnt know about it. Week later on his actual bday I texted him wishing luck and so one and I asked him why he behaved weirdly like he would be offended or so. And he told me he was not and he didnt understand what I was talking about. And I said so when you are not offended stop ignoring me and write or talk to me normally. And he didnt respond So my question is that. Did he just use me for sex after chasing me all 4-5 months? Or he liked me or got very attracted to me and we had sex and now its awkward? Its like maybe Im getting too attached to people being interested in me... Because Ive been alone for some 2-3 years and maybe inside I need a man. BUT for me its werid maybe I should have played this game differently. Maybe I shouldnt have let the situation end like this. I should have just kissed him not slept with him... So weird. And now its awkward among friends... No idea why he invited me over for his bday party. Probably to let me know he doesnt want anything from me at all. BUT why he just acted so weirdly and didnt thank for the present. I thought I was paranoided about this but yesterday I talked with a common friend and she told me she saw the same situation- his weird behaviour and so one... Ps Should I talk to him when I see him again? Is it worth talking? I am so scared because everytime I see him something blocks me from doing this. Maybe I should let it go? My friends tol me it was just sex so maybe I should be mature andstop thinking about it like this. But I just dont understand one thing. Why didnt he tell me personally he didnt want anything from me - he said it to my friend... not to me...and she told me this not him and next day when he invited me over he would act like he cared but then he withdrew. Scared of commitment? Which commitment? But why didnt tell me? and now its awkward among us. REALLY AWKWARD i feel it but im too scared for asking because its been 2 months... and we saw each other many times. is it worth asking him about it? ehhh
ExpatInItaly Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 Sorry to say OP, but I think this guy was just looking for sex. I also don't really see that he chased you for any length of time really, because as you said you really only met at parties when he was high or drunk and even then he'd flirt with other girls. It doesn't sound as though he really called, asked you on a date, or made much of an effort to reach out to you. That isn't chasing. I think when he realized you weren't looking for a casual FWB situation, he bailed. And good for you for standing your ground on that. He couldn't even be bothered to thank you for buying him a gift. What does that tell you about his intentions? You don't need to talk to him about anything when he gets back, in my opinion. His lack of contact and lack of response to you indicates he's not interested. I'd just let it go.
Author piem Posted September 13, 2015 Author Posted September 13, 2015 (edited) Sorry to say OP, but I think this guy was just looking for sex. I also don't really see that he chased you for any length of time really, because as you said you really only met at parties when he was high or drunk and even then he'd flirt with other girls. It doesn't sound as though he really called, asked you on a date, or made much of an effort to reach out to you. That isn't chasing. I think when he realized you weren't looking for a casual FWB situation, he bailed. And good for you for standing your ground on that. He couldn't even be bothered to thank you for buying him a gift. What does that tell you about his intentions? You don't need to talk to him about anything when he gets back, in my opinion. His lack of contact and lack of response to you indicates he's not interested. I'd just let it go. ok maybe i overinterpreted his intensions because I had a lack of male friends and attraction over 8 months - work, busy life, school, studies and etc. maybe it's because of that. do you think I degraded myself in his eyes texting him about that situation? and telling him he was behaving weirdly? because its been 1.5 months. everytime we met on parties on in the city in those 1,5 month after the hookup he was ignoring me very delicately. no idea why. and still dont know . WHY did he behave like he cared of me the days after. why did he invite me over and his friends were acting like they knew me and actually they told me that he was behaving very weirdly and they were in shock that he would be so 'caring' and 'loving' for me. thats why im asking. because ok, i liked him, i slept with him but i was thinking it was just a hookup. and after that he was like hugging me, being nice, he was the one that didnt want me to go home and made me stayed and hug all the time :s so i was a bit shocked. then next day i was cold and he was behaving very 'caring'. and it made me feel weird like he would wanna something more from me. and i started analysing, then his friends told me about his 'caring' behaviour and they were in shock. and then, after some time i texted him about the meeting ( because i wanted to explain ), he agreed for that but disappeared . and didnt hear from him in some weeks. so i gave up and then when we met sometimes he was ignoring me, sometimes staring at me and sometimes inviting me over when i was alone not surrounded by friends. so that is why it confused me. at the beginning of september i noticed he ignored me completly among friends, didnt even thank for the present and so one later on was aggresive, negated/denied all of the things i was saying when laughing to other boys :S that was sth confusing. because from perspective one can say , he doesnt wanna anything from you- it was just a hookup, you're too emotional, go and find new guy to talk and so one. but i experienced hot cold hot cold behaviour didnt know why. i would rather want him to be cold from the beginning. now i think with this text i was desperate, too clingy: what does she want from me , we just hooked up 1.5 months ago :S . she's so immature. but i wonder how he would behave when we meet again. you know what i mean .if he ignores me again when i look good and laugh to other friends that would be something completly out of space. im confused because whenever i saw him he just stared at me all the time, talk to others but i was on a gunpoint and he was only approaching to me when i was alone. the other side from the story is that he is 172 cm has a lot of complexes because of his height and he thinks girls reject him first. thats why his attidute is kinda weird and like a macho type. even when he talks he is nervous or so. from what i observe he only has girl - friends that are younger that haven't graduated yet, like to party a lot, drink a lot. he always 'likes' their pics on facebook, party with them as 'young stupid chicks'. friend told me inside he is very delicate and sensitive but because of complxes he plays immature. and when i met him before and started talking about my profession, books , my interests his friends and our common friends told me he liked me as i was 'different' from their other friends. so that is why i am analysing. whenever he sees me he is nervous- my sister told me the same thing. its not like im paranoied. i have vitnesses that told me he was behaving weirdly at bday party and before- like he cared of me- next days after a hookup. the bad thing is that we slept together. because now maybe he thinks im easy. but before i was a girl with 'honor'. usually i meet guys and make them wait so long.and i dont know what happened to me at this party. i just liked him . inside he is a good guy and he is very intelligent and very productive when it comes to work. when i was talking with him before we were exchanging pretty interesting thoughts and it was a normal friendship- intellectual. but now after a hookup i think he changed mind of me and you know, thinks i was easy and doesnt wanna contact me at all so i think i degraded myself in his eyes. and i regret it because still he is cool heh.. not because he parties a lot , because he is intelligent , reads a lot, watches a lot etc BUT i know we will never be friends again. because it just happened and it cant be normal even when i try to talk to him on serious things he would always think of my body not my soul )))) Edited September 13, 2015 by piem
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