Hurting Over A Breakup That Was My Idea

[martin86]

Do I have a right to be in pain over a breakup even if the breakup was my idea and my decision in the first place?

 

I guess this same question can be applied to the friend-zone. What if being in the friend-zone was my idea? A woman is attracted to me but I tell her I just want to be friends while deep down I still want more and it hurts me to see her when we are just friends. Even though it was my decision in the first place to turn down a promotion to boyfriend status.

 

I don't think explaining that to her would be an option. If I tell her I regret my decision then I will look even less attractive to her. The only solution would be to go no contact but limited contact is the only option available since I work with her.

 

I regretted my decision just minutes after I told her we should just leave it the way it is as a good work friendship.

Edited September 13, 2015 by martin86

[La.Primavera]

If you truly regret your decision then maybe you should tell her that you do actually like her but you are concerned about rushing things, so if she is still interested perhaps you could just take things slowly and see how it goes.

 

If she likes you she will understand your hesitation. It sounds perfectly reasonable.

 

It can be hard putting yourself in an emotionally vulnerable position, but it is the only way to know for sure if you are making the right decision. Maybe it will feel comfortable and progress naturally or maybe you will realize it just doesn't feel right. Either way, at least you tried and were honest with her. You might even have fun.

 

There is no right or wrong answer. Try not to let fear stand in the way of what you want. Just do whatever you think will make you the happiest.

 

Good luck.

[Popsicle]

What is the reason you rejected her?

[martin86]

What is the reason you rejected her?

 

Because she caught me off guard when she tried to return my feelings.

[Popsicle]

Because she caught me off guard when she tried to return my feelings.

 

Awww well tell her that.

[nescafe1982]

I agree with Popsicle. Don't worry about what she might do/think. Be your authentic, genuine self. Who knows. Maybe it will work out.

[William]

Folks, thanks for the input but this was one of our hydras so I'll close this up.