learning to breathe Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 He lives in DE and I live in CA and i love him. I plan on moving there next year. but the main thing that bothers me is that he is 20 years old and he will be 21 next year and i will be 28 in Oct of this year.... Anyone have a relationship to where they are older than their significant other? or am I crazy? He says why is it okay for younger girls to date older men but vice versa others believe it is wrong? He is a VERY smart guy and he is just amazing.... i am very welcome to bad stories or successful. xoxo learning to breathe.
casey.lives Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 gooooooooooooooooooooooooooood for you!!! be happy man! live your life. the highlight of you life!!! 2010 passed!!! 2
BlueBlood Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 Aren't you the one with the maybe divorce and bad ankle? If so um, I'm not sure racing from one relationship to another, emotional or physical, is going to be the best plan... 1
blackcat777 Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 With a younger partner ( < 25 ), I highly recommend moving slllooooooowwwwwwwwwww. Really, really freaking slow because they change A LOT. If the relationship has been long distance and you haven't had much of the regular day to day grind, and you simply must move to be with him... I'd suggest not moving in WITH him. Stay strong on your own and let the relationship build naturally. I'm turning 29 soon and my man is 20. We've been together a year and a half. He lives an hour away, and I'm looking to move near him... but not in with him. I just graduated school, and he lives in an area where it would be awesome for me to do me and advance my career. I don't want to be one of his first roommates. I want him to have a huge enough pool of life experience to draw upon when he decides he is finally ready to move in with a woman and do things for real. I don't want him to question that he missed out on anything. He talks about putting a ring on it after he graduates. I let him know that the thought makes me happy, but if we're meant to be forever, I want him to take his time. Chickpea curry in my slow cooker tastes the best after about 14 hours, in a way that it is absolutely impossible to replicate on the stove... if you know what I mean. Also, I want more time to observe his party habits. Even when you can be with someone for most of the week... dating is still an observation process. Things are great, as they stand, but I definitely like to savor the process of us tackling new challenges as a team. It's interesting to watch my man manage the house he rents with a bunch of other guys. I want to watch his time management skills with school and pressure. I want to note how he supports me when I'm crisis. So far, he's doing a stellar job, but these are some things I can't take on someone else's word or faith... I need to see his life coping skills develop, I need to see them in action. There are so many things he's experiencing for the first time. 1
Author learning to breathe Posted September 13, 2015 Author Posted September 13, 2015 Blueblood yes i am the one with the bad ankle and divorce. But what i am saying is true and i understand that i cannot rush into a relationship that is why at the moment we are just friends and we are both on the same page and he is willing to wait for me and i am willing to wait for things to subside here. I say next year because that is what we plan and next year at around September or so and if not and if i am not ready then he wont be either. we both know where we stand with one another and i just wanted peoples opinion about the age because he knows that i struggle with the age difference. thank you casey im still working on acceptance so i appreciate your words. im open to what everyone has to say. thanks. xoxo learning to breathe.
preraph Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 Guys are usually pretty annoying at his age. I attracted a lot of young guys for awhile, and only one of them seemed mature enough to be worth it. You didn't say if you've actually spent a lot of time face to face with him or not. If not, do not up and move to be with him. You need a lot of face time to really get to know someone. He could be dangerous for all you know. 2
Author learning to breathe Posted September 13, 2015 Author Posted September 13, 2015 he and i have not seen each other up close or have met each other. we have video chat, talk everyday, and send pictures. i would love to see him and i will before officially moving. i plan on moving there but moving in no. we have discussed that option and i advised that it would be best not to rush. i get that things should be slow and i am in no rush to do anything fast. nor is he. congrats to you blackcat777 for graduating! thats awesome! and i hope that your relationship continues to grow. thank you preraph for your advice. i know you dont know anyone until you either see them face to face or live with them... i am just going to take one day at a time.
fred123 Posted September 15, 2015 Posted September 15, 2015 how did you guys meet? how long have you been talking for? why are you moving to his area? with regards to him being 20 and you 28 haven't you rejected a guy before for being too young as an excuse?! lol I'm cutrious 1
d0nnivain Posted September 15, 2015 Posted September 15, 2015 Have you met IRL yet? If not don't pack the moving truck just yet. Come for a visit. Unless you have other reasons to be here, you may not like DE after living in CA. The beaches alone are very different. Whatever you do, do not go from OLR/LDR to living together. That never works. My husband is 5 years younger than me. When we 1st met I was 39 & he was 34. I was incredibly freaked out by the fact that as I approached the dreaded 40 if he dated a woman 5 years younger than him (& more conventional in terms of the guy being older) she'd be in her 20s. We had our first disagreement about that. I can't call it a fight because it was me having an insecure break down & him trying to calm me down. The next time the age issue was raised was in connection with kids because I was basically out of time. 1
Author learning to breathe Posted September 16, 2015 Author Posted September 16, 2015 Hi D0nnivain, we have not yet met IRL. I do plan on going for a visit, but I plan on moving to the east coast anyway, because I am going through a divorce I don't want to be in CA and I never really liked CA anyway so I want something new. we will not be living together at least not right away. we both understand what we want and we are taking things slow. thank you for the advice. Fred123 we met online, I wasn't looking for anything (as cliche') as that sounds but we would talk forever! and after 6 months we found we really really like each other so yeah. we have been talking for almost a year now. I will be moving to DE sometime next year (around September October...) I've never been in the position to reject someone being younger than me, I usually dated older men. But I am very open to start something new with him. He is very mature for his age, and we have a lot in common. We are just taking it one day at a time. thank you everyone xoxo learning to breathe.
Lois_Griffin Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 Well a 20 year old guy is a very safe bet in which to invest all your love, trust, and loyalty. Said no one ever. This kid can't even drink yet and you're 3 years from 30. Not being snarky, it's your reality. I think it's very wise to meet up with him in person before making any type of future plans. But do know that we really only meet each other's 'dating ambassador' for the first few months of any new relationship. That's when we're all on our best behavior, so I would expect he'd be on his for your visit. In other words, that still won't give you a TRUE idea of who he really is in the one or two weeks you spend with him. A word to the wise. A 20 year old's brain is not fully developed yet. Look it up, I'm not kidding. A human's brain doesn't stop developing until about the age of 25, so he's still 'cooking' and may be a very different person by the time he's 25. Good luck to you. 1
Diezel Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 This sounds like a potentially bad idea. Specially because who moves from CA to DE, willingly? 3
craw Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 Why can't you meet first before moving? Are you prepared to starting a new life and making friends? As you can't just solely rely on him...
Author learning to breathe Posted September 18, 2015 Author Posted September 18, 2015 hi everyone, we are going to meet first before me moving. that will happen sometime next year. i have so much things going on and i am not ready to rush into anything. everything is going at a great pace we both feel comfortable with and although i know he is not 21 he is a very smart man. i really admire him. things are going slow. i am really happy after all the hell i have gone through. thank you everyone for your opinions. i really appreciate them. xoxo. learning to breathe
lwalter Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 You just have to accept that you are in different stages in life. But this isn't a bad thing. You can both learn from eachother, just remember to be open and forgiving. Good luck! 1
CarrieT Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 Read this article about the Half-Baked Brain Syndrome. In short, until one's late 20s (about 27/28), the frontal cortex is not fully attached and so the ability to make insightful, intelligent, ADULT decisions isn't fully possible. Be prepared for the fact that when this guy reaches the same age that you are now, he will likely change A LOT. This phenomena explains GIGS and - for those who married in their early 20s - the Seven Year Itch. Who you are, what you want, and your outlook on the world seemingly changes drastically in one's late 20s and this scientific explanation bears this out.
TDash Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 That's just a 7 year difference. That's nothing! My best friend is 25 and his girlfriend is in her late 40s. LOL. Now, that's out there, but he's extremely happy. Moral of my post: as long as you are happy, that trivial crap don't matter unless you make it! 1
laurah Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 its okay to be older than him. age is just a number. my fiancee is younger than me. i'm 29 and he's 21 about to be 22 soon. make sure before you move there you've visited him at least once to make sure you both hit it off good and get along well. that's what i did. i visited him once and now i'm moving there very soon. i love him so much and can't wait to get there and be with him there. i know what everyone said on my post. thanks for the advice but i'm living my life. i'm happy.
LilaMarie Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 I know a couple. She's in her mid forties and he's in early thirties...been together for years and very happy and in love. I ummm...seeing a guy 8 years younger (eek!) but not the first time I've dated younger... Love has no age, no limit; and no death.” ― John Galsworthy 1
Author learning to breathe Posted September 24, 2015 Author Posted September 24, 2015 Thank you everyone. I appreciate all of the feed back.
justwhoiam Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 You're 28, he's 20 (let's not count the days here please). You didn't even meet him yet, and you're already daydreaming of moving in with him in another State next year. But you say, you're not rushing things. Anyone have a relationship to where they are older than their significant other? Not me, sorry. Men are already clueless when they're older, guess when they're younger. am I crazy? I guess. I think I'm a bit crazy myself. But there's fun crazy and unwise crazy. You seem to be more towards the latter. He says why is it okay for younger girls to date older men but vice versa others believe it is wrong? Biology? There you get your first clue that he said something stupid. Girls develop before boys, generally speaking. It makes sense they are a bit ahead of them at a young age. Maybe it was just provoking, but I wouldn't be that sure.
lchf Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 I dated a 28 year old when I was 19. Needless to say it didn't work out, but I was under no illusion that is was just a fling. When I was that age I was still trying to find my feet etc. And I'm a COMPLETELY different person compared to how I was at 19/20. Knowing how I acted at that time of my life I would seriously recommend you don't invest a huge amount into this. There's still a huge amount of maturing to take place in him, mentally and emotionally (and physically I guess with brain development etc), that you've already gone through. On top of that the stigma that comes with an older woman dating a younger man is very much there, and in the end it was too much for her to handle. Obviously happiness is the end goal but don't be surprised if he doesn't meet your expectations in the future.
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