regine_phalange Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 Poor conflict resolution skills, acting out instead of talking things out, inability to sit with boredom, talks badly about exes and failed dating situations every other hour, lack of empathy, anger issues, unwilling to see situations from other points of view than their own, wants to continue spending time with exes/guy friends who have feelings for them, etc... Not all in one woman though (yikes, that sounds like a nightmare!). I understand we all have issues, but what makes the difference to me is self-awareness. When people are self-aware and willing to explore their growing edges, they tend to reflect rather than reflex, and use the relationship as an opportunity for growth rather than as a vehicle for exercising unresolved issues. I see what you mean. Do you have a specific "type" that you find attractive? Or you have a varied taste?
Author TheBathWater Posted September 13, 2015 Author Posted September 13, 2015 I see what you mean. Do you have a specific "type" that you find attractive? Or you have a varied taste? I have a varied taste. The older I get, the more I look at personality and 'relationship material' quality. Obviously, I like for women to lead a similar lifestyle to me - healthy/fit, educated, goal oriented, no drugs, etc... but in terms of a specific 'look', no. I've dated many different types of women and am only waiting for the one who makes me forget about all the rest.
regine_phalange Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 I have a varied taste. The older I get, the more I look at personality and 'relationship material' quality. Obviously, I like for women to lead a similar lifestyle to me - healthy/fit, educated, goal oriented, no drugs, etc... but in terms of a specific 'look', no. I've dated many different types of women and am only waiting for the one who makes me forget about all the rest. Okay. That sounds like a decent and realistic outlook to me. I'm 4 years younger and female and don't share half your qualities. But I do experience a similar thing. I don't have much patience when someone isn't communicative either. Not talkative -- I don't care about that. But communicative when needed. I myself wasn't communicative to start with and I have a lot of work to do still. But I'm aware of where I stand in the "communicative" continuum. I can recognize when someone is where I used to be some time ago. It happens. Sometimes people's progress in self-improvement isn't compatible. I don't expect people to progress immediately, as I don't progress on demand either. And when the other person needs to work on something so basic for me I don't have patience because this is what makes me feel safe, what keeps my trust and makes me have a genuinely good time. I don't think it's a good idea to change our outlook to suit our experiences until now. I think it's better to keep in touch with our needs because then we won't be happy. I've tried to ignore them in the past as I liked each and every of my boyfriends. But I wasn't happy as a result. I never felt completely safe and free to expand, I felt as if something held me back. And I think I ended up hurting them too because I felt I had no other choice than end things. I also want to marry and have a family someday. But I'm not sure that will happen. I'm trying to come to terms that I may never meet the person around whom I will feel really loved and fulfilled. Or I may meet him but never have a family because we'll be 70 years old I don't know if longevity exists nowdays. I've seen longevity and enduring love in my own family, but these people ere from another generation. I don't know about our own. Also while I can't settle down with someone who isn't as communicative, the man I may think as my own ideal may feel that I'm not that communicative either. Or that I lack some other quality that he finds important. And he may want to end things with me as I have done in the past with other people. It's his right. So trying to land on earth instead of floating on the clouds like I used to, I came to the conclusion that my idea of "settling" could be having something real with someone. For as long as it lasts. One month, one year, one decade, one lifetime... i prefer the life time of course, but I'm more scared of being "tricked" than dying alone. There are many cures for loneliness but few for being fooled without being aware of it. Fooled by the man I'm with or fooled by my own self.
Guyouthere Posted September 15, 2015 Posted September 15, 2015 Regine….. To be honest…. I have rarely met any woman who has said it like this,., and to be quite honest….. as a man I think the same way. Your post is excellent and right on. Having parents that were married nearly 50 years before my dad died, I still don't think I'll ever be that fortunate to experience what they did. Our culture no longer supports it.
abby2 Posted September 15, 2015 Posted September 15, 2015 When you are not looking, there's a good chance the right person will show up. Let love find you. Don't lose hope!
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