buddha84 Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 (edited) So I made a post a while ago, but I'd just like to recap and get some encouragement for my period of no contact. So my Ex and I still technically live together, and we broke up in June. It was a rough breakup, with her saying she just needed space, being very distant, and came out of the blue. I'm 30 and she is 24, we were together for 4 years and started out as friends. I understand it is probably a grass is green thing, but since the break up, there have been so many ups and downs. About a few weeks ago, I found out that she had been seeing someone for the last 4 months of before our breakup. She has continued to see this person, yet she has played with my emotions. A lot of future faking and going back on whatever she would say. Recently, like last Sunday, I come home from work around 11 and she is just balling. She won't stop crying and is saying stuff like "I'm so sorry for everything" and I talked her down from crying. We ended up saying we loved each other, and I let her get to bed (big mistake on my part to even take part in this). Another time, about a week before, she sent an email saying how great of a guy I was and how she missed me. Then she added a PS about how sexy I looked when I was standing outside, and how it reminded her of when we first met. She even said she wanted to keep the apartment because it was symbolic of our relationship and she expected that we would reunite someday. On Monday, I get home around 11:30pm and she has been up waiting for me. She tells me that she had slept in my bed, but decided to get out of the bed before I got home in case that was weird. She tells me she has a present for me, and I find out she bought me this really expensive book of art prints. Then we get to talking and she says that she thought she could do better but she's still not over me and still has feelings. We talk some more, til about 1:30 at night, and then we give each other an intimate hug and I let her go to bed because she has work the next day. On Tuesday I get home at 11:30pm again, and her door is closed. She had ignored any texts from me most of the day, and I see italian food left overs plus a large amount of flowers in a vase. The next morning I hear her leave with her other guy. I then text saying what the hell is up, and how I thought we were working on things. She texts back saying "I'm sorry if you got the impression that I wanted to get back together, I just wanted to be friends and don't want to lose you completely. I'm in a committed relationship now." We had talked on Monday about how she was going to quit pot, and then in the text on Wednesday, she is like "I didn't smoke pot (not that it's any of your business)" and she says she is going to block me from text. So I told her to come and get her stuff, and get the hell out until I move on the 25th (of course she brought the other guy to help her while I was in my room). The first few days I meditated, etc, but today it has been getting to me more. The feelings of loneliness and wanting to talk to her (which I know are irrational) keep coming up and getting in the way of my reading and feeling good. The guy is a maintenance worker at her job who has the same first name as me. He's 34 and she is 24. I would guess that judging by the cheating, they have been together for around 6 or so months not, since the cheating started in March. I know I have to get away from her, and not have her in my life ever again, but I'm looking for some words of encouragement and advice I guess. I also want to add that both her and I are college graduates from a prestigious state school. She wants to go to graduate school and be a writer, while right now I am a supervisor at a hotel and I'm studying for my GMAT. Since the breakup, I'm super fit, lost about 35-40lbs, got a promotion at work, and I'm meeting tons of new people. The guy she is in a relationship with now used to be a big drug dealer, is a maintenance worker at her hotel, is conservative politically (she is very liberal and feminist) and has a community college degree. While he does make more than me right now, due to being a maintenance manager, and I know it shouldn't concern me, I just feel like she has lost her mind. I don't even see how you can cheat on someone with someone else who has the same first name - how do you get over your ex in the long run when you are now in a relationship with someone who has the same first name? I'm not going to be dating for a while until I feel happy on the inside and over her, while I feel like she has overlapped our relationship and isn't allowing herself to learn anything about the fall of our relationship. Last thing to add: she grabbed all her sextoys when leaving and is now living at his place. From what I have heard, they are going to be moving in together to our apartment. Edited September 13, 2015 by buddha84
thunder777 Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 i only bothered reading your first 2 paragraphs man get the hell out of there 1
JsC11 Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 (edited) You have so much going for you and you have so much to offer someone else who would appreciate that. I posted a thread the other day and many people have helped me realise that my ex breaking up with me was the best thing for me . I'm like you, the one working hard, making money, on a path to a better career (I'm back in college and working on my degree). And the person they're talking to is the complete opposite. Someone who isn't taking life seriously and that guy is a low life. Seriously, leaving you for that loser . We have so much to offer someone else who would love us just as much. Who would want to make us happy. Who would never want to see us hurt. Who can't imagine walking away from someone so amazing. Women want a guy like you. Trust me. I would love a man with a degree, good job, and working towards a higher degree. The thing is why not go no contact?! Get excited about someday meeting the woman of your dreams! Be excited for your journey on self improvement after this relationship. Go out on hikes or hang out with your new friends. It's good you've been working out, exercise helps your mind (and helps your ex be jealous later;) ). Yes, it gets lonely at times but it's all because of habits! You lived with her; I saw my ex every day. It's very hard at first. But honestly, the moment my ex broke up with me, I went NC. He texted me and I texted back and broke NC for 5 mins. But quickly ended the convo telling him we can't be communicating anymore and told him he needs space to find himself and I need time to heal and to please not contact me. I haven't contacted him since. Sometimes I think about him and remember how I felt about him and how I felt he was the one but then I get angry that he left me. Screw my ex and your ex. If they could leave us for trashy people, DO NOT take them back!! She'll see some day that she messed up. She'll get sick of that guy and sick of taking care of him because he has nothing to offer. But you need to go NC for this to happen. She'll think about you when she's miserable and realise what she had. Be the bigger person and let her go. I had to do the same. I've been cordial this entire break up and never begged him back or cried in front of him. I left him with a good impression of myself for him to look back on: someone mature and understanding that break ups happen. I faked it. But fake it so you'll benefit later from it. They'll look back and think about how mature you were when you could be screaming and crying at them. That's usually what makes the dumper not want to get back with the dumpee: crazy behavior, crying and pleading. I'm sorry you two lived together, it makes NC and break ups harder. But get out asap!! Find a temporary room for rent on Craigslist, save money and get a nice apartment later. Take lots of photos of you having fun and post them on social media. And do what makes you happy, stay busy. It gets easier, trust me. Edited September 13, 2015 by JsC11
bluefeather Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 get the hell out of there Seriously. Freaking run.
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