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HELP!!Mom totally disapproves of my interracial relationship. What can I do? HELP!!!!

honeybunch2k5

By honeybunch2k5
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honeybunch2k5 Established Member

honeybunch2k5

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My mom completely disapproves of my interracial relationship. She thinks just b/c he's white and I'm black he's going to cheat on me with his white girlfriends. Does this make sense to anyone? Supposedly he's only after sex. We have been dating for nearly 4 months and have sex on a regular basis but he has yet to dump me. Get this, she wants me to date a chinese boy.

 

Also:

I'm 18, he's 23. Supposedly he has a gf his own age and guys my age are not cheaters.

Yeah right.

 

He's in the navy. He will be deployed to Iraq for the second time in October, and

mom thinks he's going to cheat on me w/ an Iraqi or someone in his batallion. And I'm

too immature to deal w/ him going away for 6 or 7 months.

 

He's going back to PN(I live in MS). Yes, he's going away, and the relationship may end,

but that's between me and him, and doesn't mean we can't enjoy each other now.

westernxer Established Member

westernxer

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Your mother is paranoid. Most mothers are.

 

I wouldn't sweat it, unless he actually cheats on you.

 

Then you can kick his ass.

Pocky Established Member

Pocky

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Tell your mother if you don't make your own mistakes you'll never learn how to grow up.

HokeyReligions Established Member

HokeyReligions

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Your mother's conerns are totally understandable. You are young and you are dating a man who is in the service and will be leaving soon. A lot of interracial relationships do not last because of outside pressures---it's a lot for people to deal with. You haven't been together for very long, not nearly long enough for a lasting commitment. Your mother doesn't want you to be hurt by anyone of any race, I'm sure. Perhaps she has some experiences or insight that you don't see.

 

It's also hard for mothers to let go of their children. Do you live at home? If you do its doubly difficult for her to let go---you are still her baby and she is trying to protect you and guide you.

 

If you want her to treat you like an adult, then talk to her like an adult. Listen to her -- really listen. Then you can address her concerns in an adult manner and not just talk 'at' her, but let her know that you heard her and that you understand her concerns then ask her to let you go and make some of your own mistakes and triumphs. Reassure her that you have listened to her and that she has done a good job in raising you and instilling values and morals so that she can worry less about your ability to approach a relationship with maturity.

 

Supposedly he's only after sex. We have been dating for nearly 4 months and have sex on a regular basis
Maybe he is and since he's getting sex on a regular basis that is why he has not dumped you? A lot of guys at that age do put sex first. I would say stop having sex and see if he stays around, but that would sound like game playing. Personally, I think having sex after only four months is way too soon -- did you have any indication that he would break up with you if you had not started having sex with him? Do you think he would? Does your mother know you have sex regularly with him?

 

I hope that you are taking precautions against disease and pregnancy. Cut your mom some slack--she loves you and she will be there for you during all your breakups and when you do fall in love and are in a committed relationship--she'll be in your corner then too.

animo Established Member

animo

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Ok now...just relax, breath...

 

At the risk of being disagreeable...

 

The last thing you should start doing right now is messing up a perfectly good relationship!

 

Stop having sex and see if he stays around?! What kind of advice is that?! O_o (no offence intended)

You may freely take it from me that in a romantic relationship sex is 100% natural. The abscense of it causes stress and all kinds of undesirable emotions and situations. You are both young now reason with me. Your bf may truely love you but if you stop having sex simply out of the blue then you are going to be instilling him with doubts.

 

Not only doubts about why you suddenly wouldn't want to have sex anymore and if he can really be happy without that but also doubts abotu what role your mother is going to play in your future lives. Lets face it, it's not your mothers life, its YOURs, with the guy YOU pick.

 

White men in the service are incapable of fidelity? No offence but that is some big bull if i ever heard any. I guess it's just as good as saying that black guys who work in conveniance stores are all ex drugdealers...

 

I will admit that you are still very young (18). I know how i felt when i was 18 and i can tell you then since then my eyes have opened onto a 10x more wider spectrum in those short few years. He on the other hand is more mature (according to age atleast) which may lead to soem misunderstandings and such. But in the end it comes down to how mature you are. If you can cope with a guy who leaves for months on end without becoming unhappy because of that then there is really no reason why the two of you should not have a succesfull and loving, life long relationship.

 

Now tbh, just because your mother suddenly gets some weird ideas based on completely unsubstantial arguments is NO reason to start getting suspicious. Do you suspects him of anything? If not then really there is no reason to change anything in your relationship.

 

My advice to you would be just keep going the way your going. Aslong as nothing is hampering then there is no need to start doing strange and unnatural things. If you really feel like you want to talk about it then just talk to him about it the next time you see him. Tell him your concerned about what he does when hes away for so long. Tell him about your concerns. If they are completely unfounded then the conversation will make that apparant. But please, the arguments your mother is using arent even arguments so don't do anything rash with those in the back of your head. It's YOUR life and you live!

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honeybunch2k5 Established Member

honeybunch2k5

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He has never threatened to end the relationship if I did not have sex w/ him. Everything seems great. I've met all of his friends, and I've even spent a holiday or two with them. From what I hear meeting a guy's friends is a good sign.

 

Yes, it is possible he only wants me for sex, but this is a two way street. One could say I am using him for things too. (Hint hint he's over 21) BTW having sex was my idea, I am the one who seduced him first.

HokeyReligions Established Member

HokeyReligions

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Originally posted by animo

 

 

Stop having sex and see if he stays around?! What kind of advice is that?! O_o (no offence intended)

You may freely take it from me that in a romantic relationship sex is 100% natural. The abscense of it causes stress and all kinds of undesirable emotions and situations. You are both young now reason with me. Your bf may truely love you but if you stop having sex simply out of the blue then you are going to be instilling him with doubts.

 

Not only doubts about why you suddenly wouldn't want to have sex anymore and if he can really be happy without that but also doubts abotu what role your mother is going to play in your future lives. Lets face it, it's not your mothers life, its YOURs, with the guy YOU pick.

 

 

Did you even read what I wrote?! Try reading it again---slower. BTW - I've been married to the same man for over 20 years, I know a few things.

 

He has never threatened to end the relationship if I did not have sex w/ him. Everything seems great. I've met all of his friends, and I've even spent a holiday or two with them. From what I hear meeting a guy's friends is a good sign.

 

Yes, it is possible he only wants me for sex, but this is a two way street. One could say I am using him for things too. (Hint hint he's over 21) BTW having sex was my idea, I am the one who seduced him first.

 

That's good that he's never insinuated that he would leave if the sex stopped. But I wonder just how much was really YOUR idea, or if the idea came from both of you.

 

It doesn't sound like you are head-over-heels in love with him, and that's good. Have fun and be careful.

animo Established Member

animo

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Originally posted by HokeyReligions

Did you even read what I wrote?! Try reading it again---slower. BTW - I've been married to the same man for over 20 years, I know a few things.

 

Well i'm sorry if i offended you in any way. I just don't share your views thats all. And yeah your right it is gameplaying. Furthermore the '4 months is way to soon' is maybe a bit of a golden oldie. If i was going steady and after 4 months there was still nothing happening i'd start to wonder if soemthing is wrong. I mean...

 

What timeframe would you stamp on there? 5 months? 6 months? A year? And then how do you figure it would work. You keep a calender and count down the days till you can have sex with your steady partner...whatfor? How can you really put a timestamp on something like that and to what meaning or purpose would you do that? Imho you have sex when you both feel comfortable, if thats after a week well, good for you i guess.

 

With my last gf 3 months passed before we first did it. And the reason was something like 'i want to know i have a relationship without sex aswell'. Well those were basically games and i didn't like it at all. Not somuch because of the wait but more because of the reason because lo and behold, 5 years later our sexlife went completely downhill followed by a depression from my now ex-gf. The relationship didn't survive it in the end. Ofcourse that wasn't the only reason why it didn't survive but it definitly played it's role...

 

So my opinion on the matter is that GAMES are never a good reason to mess with a perfectly natural thing and putting soem sort of timestamp on howlong you should wait sounds like a game to me...

HokeyReligions Established Member

HokeyReligions

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So my opinion on the matter is that GAMES are never a good reason to mess with a perfectly natural thing and putting soem sort of timestamp on howlong you should wait sounds like a game to me...

 

I don't like games eithers -- that's why I said what I said. Look how confused people are about sex and love! I do not play games. IMO sleeping around is slutty behavior and falling into bed with someone you have not known for long and have no commitment with is trashy. I place a much higer value on sex I guess than some people do. Its not like scratching an itch, it is more special and something not to be given lightly. As for a time stamp? How about an engagement or wedding ring? A firm commitment is what I required. If a guy left because I wouldn't put out for him---his loss, not mine.

 

He has never threatened to end the relationship if I did not have sex w/ him.
honeybunch2k5 elaborated on her original post, answering my query and I hope reassuring herself (if she needed that) that he might not be 'in' the relationship just for sex.

 

She has a pretty good attitude about it and needs to come to terms with her mother's worry about her future and her feelings.

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