Why am I still thinking about her??

[Gretzky99]

So, I've approached close to 3 months since I broke up with my ex. I'm the dumpee. We're both in our late twenties and went out for close to a year. I had plans on proposing to her within a year had she not broken up with me. Prior to this, I've been in a relationship only twice in my life and they were both when I was younger in college, where I was the dumper, so this is my first time being the dumpee and I'm not sure what I'm experiencing is normal or not?

 

The first month was the most difficult time. I had difficulties sleeping, eating, etc. The thought of her would effect my mood non-stop. I just stayed hope and was a complete mess. But then eventually, I slowly accepted the loss. Over the course of the next 2 months months, I grew a lot. I did a lot of self-analyzing, I started going to the gym and running again, enrolled in a basketball league, took in a new hobby, focused more on work, put more time with family, started going out routinely with friends again and even went on 2 dates (although it was just for the sake of it, no real attraction).

 

All this is great and all, but it's been almost 3 months now, and I STILL find myself thinking about my ex every single day. The thoughts are definitely less and less and no longer effect my mood, but I can't understand why the thought of her still persists in my head!!!! Why can't I just completely forget and move on?? I've gone complete NC since the breakup, deleted her number, and all social media, so it's not like I've set myself back during the juncture. I'm really starting to worry why I still can't get the thought of her and the past fully behind me yet. Is something wrong with me or is this normal???

Edited September 12, 2015 by Gretzky99

[BlueBlood]

It's normal. You're grieving.

 

Sounds like talking to a counselor might help, as a place to sort your heart out. But yeah, healing takes time.

[Samuel_22]

So, I've approached close to 3 months since I broke up with my ex. I'm the dumpee. We're both in our late twenties and went out for close to a year. I had plans on proposing to her within a year had she not broken up with me. Prior to this, I've been in a relationship only twice in my life and they were both when I was younger in college, where I was the dumper, so this is my first time being the dumpee and I'm not sure what I'm experiencing is normal or not?

 

The first month was the most difficult time. I had difficulties sleeping, eating, etc. The thought of her would effect my mood non-stop. I just stayed hope and was a complete mess. But then eventually, I slowly accepted the loss. Over the course of the next 2 months months, I grew a lot. I did a lot of self-analyzing, I started going to the gym and running again, enrolled in a basketball league, took in a new hobby, focused more on work, put more time with family, started going out routinely with friends again and even went on 2 dates (although it was just for the sake of it, no real attraction).

 

All this is great and all, but it's been almost 3 months now, and I STILL find myself thinking about my ex every single day. The thoughts are definitely less and less and no longer effect my mood, but I can't understand why the thought of her still persists in my head!!!! Why can't I just completely forget and move on?? I've gone complete NC since the breakup, deleted her number, and all social media, so it's not like I've set myself back during the juncture. I'm really starting to worry why I still can't get the thought of her and the past fully behind me yet. Is something wrong with me or is this normal???

Well, first of all lemme congratulate you on all changes you have made in your life, I am in my late twenties myself... actually I am 27 and it was the second time I fell in love with a girl...I got dumped too...well the first time I fell in love and got dumped was almost 5 years ago...and ever since I made friends with a lot of girls, until I fell in love again and got dumped again

as far as your question is concerned...You can never forget ones you love, this is so bitter, and yet it is so true....I remember my first love still...I remember all the conversations between us...and all the things we used to do..but good news is that, these memories don't hurt you anymore, at least not that much, these memories are there, and will probably be with you until you fall in love with another person, when this happens you forget all these memories, until you are with them, but as soon as the relationship is over, BANG!!! All old memories etc rear their nasty face...I mean it had been a while I had not thought of my first love, but after my most recent heartbreak....here are the memories again...but I don't find them bothersome anymore

[cookiejar]

I think it's completely normal. It took me almost 3 years to not think of my very first ex everyday. Even though I'm only about 3 weeks post break up, I know how you feel. I'm sure the mannerism in how you feel towards her has changed when you think about her even if you still think of her. I think you will come to a point when she no longer infiltrates your thoughts but for right now continue to distract yourself or only give yourself a certain amount of time to think about her and say 'okay times up' and think of something else.

[Gretzky99]

Well, first of all lemme congratulate you on all changes you have made in your life, I am in my late twenties myself... actually I am 27 and it was the second time I fell in love with a girl...I got dumped too...well the first time I fell in love and got dumped was almost 5 years ago...and ever since I made friends with a lot of girls, until I fell in love again and got dumped again

as far as your question is concerned...You can never forget ones you love, this is so bitter, and yet it is so true....I remember my first love still...I remember all the conversations between us...and all the things we used to do..but good news is that, these memories don't hurt you anymore, at least not that much, these memories are there, and will probably be with you until you fall in love with another person, when this happens you forget all these memories, until you are with them, but as soon as the relationship is over, BANG!!! All old memories etc rear their nasty face...I mean it had been a while I had not thought of my first love, but after my most recent heartbreak....here are the memories again...but I don't find them bothersome anymore

 

Thanks for your input Samuel_22. Yeah, I mean of course I've gone out with many girls whom I physically was very attracted to but nothing developed into that relationship stage. So, the only previous examples I have, are the 2 relationships I had prior in my early twenties which involved me dumping them. There wasn't any substance/compatibility with my 2 previous ex's because we we're so young, so this is recent breakup is different on countless levels. I was planning on getting engaged with her within the year.

 

This is the first time I've ever experienced a BIG LOSS/VOID by being dumped by someone I truly loved with all my heart and wanted to live the rest of my life with and I don't know whether what I'm going through is normal, or if it's just me not getting over her since I have never been in this position.

 

You're definitely correct in that the memories don't hurt like they did before and I no longer feel depressed, but I still think about her, us, what we had, what she's up to, to this day. everyday :mad:. It's just thoughts that come and go throughout the day and like i said the biggest difference is whereas before i would dwell on those thoughts/memories for the entire day and it would severely effect my mood, it no longer does.

 

So what you're saying is that it's normal and until I find someone else, it will just naturally just be there??

Edited September 12, 2015 by Gretzky99

[BlueBlood]

Thanks for your input Samuel_22. Yeah, I mean of course I've gone out with many girls whom I physically was very attracted to but nothing developed into that relationship stage. So, the only previous examples I have, are the 2 relationships I had prior in my early twenties which involved me dumping them. There wasn't any substance/compatibility with my 2 previous ex's because we we're so young, so this is recent breakup is different on countless levels. I was planning on getting engaged with her within the year.

 

This is the first time I've ever experienced a BIG LOSS/VOID by being dumped by someone I truly loved with all my heart and wanted to live the rest of my life with and I don't know whether what I'm going through is normal, or if it's just me not getting over her since I have never been in this position.

 

You're definitely correct in that the memories don't hurt like they did before and I no longer feel depressed, but I still think about her, us, what we had, what she's up to, to this day. everyday :mad:. It's just thoughts that come and go throughout the day and like i said the biggest difference is whereas before i would dwell on those thoughts/memories for the entire day and it would severely effect my mood, it no longer does.

 

So what you're saying is that it's normal and until I find someone else, it will just naturally just be there??

 

No no, your healing should not depend on finding someone new. Don't shortchange yourself and stuff pain down befor it's healed under the fluff and thrill of someone new. That's not fair to you or your future dating partners.

[carhill]

Why am I still thinking about her??

Someone else, her, killed the relationship (she dumped you) and you're still grieving its death. She's a living reminder of it so the stages of grief go on in spite of that reminder, it sometimes dragging them out.

[Samuel_22]

Thanks for your input Samuel_22. Yeah, I mean of course I've gone out with many girls whom I physically was very attracted to but nothing developed into that relationship stage. So, the only previous examples I have, are the 2 relationships I had prior in my early twenties which involved me dumping them. There wasn't any substance/compatibility with my 2 previous ex's because we we're so young, so this is recent breakup is different on countless levels. I was planning on getting engaged with her within the year.

 

This is the first time I've ever experienced a BIG LOSS/VOID by being dumped by someone I truly loved with all my heart and wanted to live the rest of my life with and I don't know whether what I'm going through is normal, or if it's just me not getting over her since I have never been in this position.

 

You're definitely correct in that the memories don't hurt like they did before and I no longer feel depressed, but I still think about her, us, what we had, what she's up to, to this day. everyday :mad:. It's just thoughts that come and go throughout the day and like i said the biggest difference is whereas before i would dwell on those thoughts/memories for the entire day and it would severely effect my mood, it no longer does.

 

So what you're saying is that it's normal and until I find someone else, it will just naturally just be there??

A part of that is all about healing, yes!! but there is no point in sitting around and waiting to heal completely, time heals, but people hardly heal completely, without starting a new relationship...don't force yourself to find someone to love though...but if you encountered the right person, whom you feel attracted to and feel you can love, I would say, go for it, 3 months have passed, memories don't hurt anymore, so all you need is a new, true relationship, which can take you and your mind to another road, to start a new journey... and you will forget the bitterness of the last relationship...provided the relationship is with a right person, and someone you feel attracted to...not some random girls on street....once you fall in love again, you will forget your last rs easily...

[Liono84]

You'll always have thoughts of them in some way. I think that's normal, but it just becomes less and less as time goes on. And like the others said, once you find the right one for you, you'll completely forget.