The Return and Relapse

[FistOfTheNorthStar]

Hey guys. It's been awhile. Its been quite a rollercoaster especially within the last couple of weeks. Well as they say, once you forget them... they come back. About 3 weeks ago, finally having finally hit acceptance that the relationship was over and pushing forward with myself, I received and email.

Being a bit angry and trying to humor myself, I see that it was my ex saying "Hey, this isn't about rent, just hi..."

 

So I respond and we start having small chat again. Her contacting me after her second breakup with the guy that she had left me for, it made me think that she just wanted a cushion to fall back on. 2 days after initial contact, her sister comes into town and she asked me if I wanted to meet her, in which in my mind I was like I am okay, its just to meet her sister anyways. So we meet up, and from that interaction, it was noted that my ex was the one wanting to see me altogether. It made me feel a little awkward because I had pushed past the reconciliation phase within. So after we part ways, I have an internal struggle, saying but I am over her? Why is she wanting to see me and "be my friend" now?

 

So, knowing well that I was not going to be her fall back, I start avoiding talking to her by deleting the app used. After a week, I start lacking interest in things I did before, and my sleep starts jumping everywhere. Finally, we start talking again because I felt as though my heart did not like just going ghost.

 

I contact her again, saying that I ignored her but it made me feel uncomfortable to do so. That same day she comes to town to pay the rent for the apartment we used to live in, and she's like hey do you want to meet up for lunch? Considering she was already in the location I was at I was like yeah sure. This time the connection was very notable, she was reacting the same way it was before the breakup. We spoke as friends but I felt pieces of pain relapsing inside of me. However, she constantly denied her feelings saying that she was unsure as to how she felt. This lingered and bothered me. That night she went to a bar, and got "drunk" eventually drunk texting me that yes she admits it that she missed me and how much of a confusing amazing person I was and that she saw me as her Daddy. After that, i started accepting more that yes my feelings for her were still strong but having her there was not at all helping.

 

Although it was nice having that person with whom I had given my heart and soul to, I still felt some of the pain from the relationship. I got anxious to read any of her messages, I got angry that she did not want to admit her feelings. The sleep got worse, I would sleep about 1 hour and then wake up afterwards. This made it worse when I had a Final due that day. That same day I decided that I need my space.

 

I passed my final and I decided to open up into saying although I am happy she is working on her life and she opened her eyes, we cannot heal together. On the contrary it would have probably led up to a second chance that would have been hard considering how much trust I have lost, and I feel as though a lot of my emotions were traumatized into a bit of hiding. She then finally said that she's okay with it, now accepting how she truly feels. I asked her what is that?

 

She admitted that she still has very strong feelings for me, the love is still there, but there is pain from both sides. Me for having gone through it all, and her for having let go of something so great. I then told her yeah basically, and that in order for me to heal I cannot have the person who hurt me there.

 

She asked if I would contact her when I am ready, I told her yes but I feel as though that either may not happen or it could be a very very long time.

 

tl;dr:Ex contacted me after her 2nd breakup with guy she left me for, broke NC, met up with her, ignored her for a week but it bothered me, contacted again and met up, realized we still had very strong feelings for each other and initiated NC again.

 

It feels as though the cycle restarted from the beginning of the end. I am unsure as to whether I am depressed, as I start doing things but lose interest. I am not sad though. There is no pain now, but even with closure my scars are still fresh. It helped reinsure me that I am a great lover but those feelings have gone into hiding for the time being. So lesson here is although I told myself I knew she would be back, I should have kept with NC. But all of these things happen for a reason.

Edited September 12, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Added spaces between paragraphs ~6

[ChicagoSparty]

Here's my take on your break situation: keep it broken.

 

A long time ago, a girl I was with and I went on a break (her call). We had been together for 2 years. It hurt, but I went along with it. She then started seeing some other guy. I was devastated, but worked to get to the point where I was 'over' her. But...she never actually broke up with me, even though she was seeing somebody else.

 

Loooooong story short....

 

We got back together. 3 years later, we got married. Had 3 gorgeous and intelligent kids. Yay.

 

Well, we're now divorced. There are a lot of details as to why, but the overriding theme was, I moved past her during our break, and once that happened, I just never fully came back.

 

2 years should have been it. It never should have gone further. And, it was never really good after we got back together, even though it looked like a 'success story'.

[FistOfTheNorthStar]

Here's my take on your break situation: keep it broken.

 

A long time ago, a girl I was with and I went on a break (her call). We had been together for 2 years. It hurt, but I went along with it. She then started seeing some other guy. I was devastated, but worked to get to the point where I was 'over' her. But...she never actually broke up with me, even though she was seeing somebody else.

 

Loooooong story short....

 

We got back together. 3 years later, we got married. Had 3 gorgeous and intelligent kids. Yay.

 

Well, we're now divorced. There are a lot of details as to why, but the overriding theme was, I moved past her during our break, and once that happened, I just never fully came back.

 

2 years should have been it. It never should have gone further. And, it was never really good after we got back together, even though it looked like a 'success story'.

Yeah I don't plan on going back to that. It's more of a I love her but I'm not in love with her situation. It's more as I said I feel as though I'm restarting from step one but this time with not as much pain. I agree though. That's more of what I was afraid, that if she wanted to try it will never be the same because I couldn't feel that way anymore.

 

Thanks hermano

[bluefeather]

Thanks for sharing your story. Yeah, it really seems like once you broke NC, it just restarted emotions that might have set you back a bit in your healing process, even if you think you might have been over it. I hope that you are able to get back on track quickly. It seems like you will.

 

once you forget them... they come back.

 

Wise words. I got contacted after I finally started to feel good about myself again. It was the tiniest of breadcrumbs. I could have taken the bait, but thanks to all that I have read here, I did not bite at all. And I wanted to, and still think about it, but I refuse to go there.