regdent Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 We were supposed to go roller skating tonight, but she texted me yesterday this: "My sister gave a virus and I'm in rough shape. Can we resched? She said she and her boyfriend got over in in 3-4 days. I can do any night Tuesday and on. You name it." I wrote back, "get better soon! You can cook me dinner next Fri." No response since yesterday. Asked a few friends what they thought of the response, and I'm getting mixed opinions. One friend said, "you basically gave her a F off, but I'm sure she'll respond if she wants to see you." Others said they liked it. What do you think?
clam Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 Send her a text today and ask her how she's feeling. Tell her you're concerned about her health. That will more than make up for any thing weird she might be thinking about your previous text. Personally I don't think it's a big deal.
Ami1uwant Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 Unsure your ages. How long has this relationship been going on? You should text her today or call her and ask how she is doing--I.e. Show that you care.
carhill Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 It's one date. IMO don't worry about details of text responses.... If she's sick, she'll be home tonight. Brief call early to express best wishes for a speedy recovery. If no pickup, leave brief VM of same. Don't mention dating stuff at all. Same if on the phone. She's sick. Dating isn't on her mind right now. Of course, she'll sound sick too. Things will match up. Then, leave it at that. You asked her on two dates and showed concern when she became ill and needed to reschedule. I hope she gets better soon and calls or texts you to do that. In the meantime, date other women.
katiegrl Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 We were supposed to go roller skating tonight, but she texted me yesterday this: "My sister gave a virus and I'm in rough shape. Can we resched? She said she and her boyfriend got over in in 3-4 days. I can do any night Tuesday and on. You name it." I wrote back, "get better soon! You can cook me dinner next Fri." No response since yesterday. Asked a few friends what they thought of the response, and I'm getting mixed opinions. One friend said, "you basically gave her a F off, but I'm sure she'll respond if she wants to see you." Others said they liked it. What do you think? She can cook you dinner next Friday? WTF .. How long have you been dating her? Unless she is your long time girlfriend, and she knows you to say dumb things sometimes, yes it's pretty bad... sorry. 4
Jj66 Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 Does no one else see a problem with him inviting himself over to her place, especially for date #2? 6
katiegrl Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 Does no one else see a problem with him inviting himself over to her place, especially for date #2? Uh yes, see my previous post.
carhill Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 OP, to clarify, did you ask her out on both dates? Was roller skating your idea?
warshaw Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 You said to a girl you dated ONE time, "cook me dinner next Friday"? Seriously? You don't need people to vote on how inappropriate that response was, it was way out of the park, and it appears it was enough for her to say "the heck with this guy". You can try to make a save, and say "Hope you're feeling better, how about I take you to xx on xx day, I was just kidding about the cooking dinner thing, hope you know that!" Work on your communication skills dude, don't be so aggressive. 5
Ami1uwant Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 She can cook you dinner next Friday? WTF .. How long have you been dating her? Unless she is your long time girlfriend, and she knows you to say dumb things sometimes, yes it's pretty bad... sorry. That's shy I didn't react that way.....the OP didn't say how long they were dating. Maybe she has made dinner for him in the past and he liked it, maybe she has talked about doing that for him on one of these dates. Maybe her profession is as a cook or going to cooking school. Since I don't know I'm not going to react that way. I agree if thus was a first/second date then there could be issues in that comment.
Jj66 Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 The title of the thread implies roller skating was to have been the second date
oberkeat Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 I'd say there's a good chance there won't be a second date after that text. 3
carhill Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 Reading this thread, the OP has apparently been dating other people and also apparently being worried about people canceling. Some interesting passages: "We have gone on three dates thus far. Those three dates went well, and I really like her so far. She seems like a total package to me. She is a jill of all trades, has accomplished a lot, and is well liked by a lot pf people. Very easy to talk to. I ended up at her place on our third date (about a week ago), and we went down on each other." She agreed to go hiking this weekend. So, I guess that is going to be our fourth date as long as she doesn't cancel on me. I am starting to wonder where I stand because she has not really initiated the contact the last five days at all." It appears the OP is dating around and is successful to a certain degree in progressing with some of their dates. IMO, a lot would improve in the communication area if OP would relax and let things happen instead of forcing things or following a schedule. Additionally, residency, presuming medical, is very hard work and very stressful and that can warp a person's perspective on many things. We have no way of knowing for sure how this latest response was received, if it was even received, but OP can certainly reflect on their patterns and make different choices. It's up to them.
oberkeat Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 (edited) Reading this thread, the OP has apparently been dating other people and also apparently being worried about people canceling. Some interesting passages: "We have gone on three dates thus far. Those three dates went well, and I really like her so far. She seems like a total package to me. She is a jill of all trades, has accomplished a lot, and is well liked by a lot pf people. Very easy to talk to. I ended up at her place on our third date (about a week ago), and we went down on each other." She agreed to go hiking this weekend. So, I guess that is going to be our fourth date as long as she doesn't cancel on me. I am starting to wonder where I stand because she has not really initiated the contact the last five days at all." It appears the OP is dating around and is successful to a certain degree in progressing with some of their dates. IMO, a lot would improve in the communication area if OP would relax and let things happen instead of forcing things or following a schedule. Additionally, residency, presuming medical, is very hard work and very stressful and that can warp a person's perspective on many things. We have no way of knowing for sure how this latest response was received, if it was even received, but OP can certainly reflect on their patterns and make different choices. It's up to them. Good points. I agree, a lot of us guys seem to sabotage our chances with girls through our inability to relax and go with the flow. I saw this recently when I watched a guy approach a girl at an event. He tried to say something that he thought would look edgy but instead of looking casual and easygoing he ended up putting his foot in his mouth. Edited September 12, 2015 by oberkeat
carhill Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 Yeah, a line like that delivered in person in a flirty manner aka Cary Grant could be received completely differently than text on a smartphone screen. Context is everything, as is attractiveness, another unknown here, in that we have no way of knowing how attractive this dating partner finds the OP. Neither does he. The more attractive he is, to her, the more space he has to make faux pax and still remain attractive. If on the edge of the bin, one slip and into the bin he goes. Heh. 2
katiegrl Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 (edited) We were supposed to go roller skating tonight, but she texted me yesterday this: "My sister gave a virus and I'm in rough shape. Can we resched? She said she and her boyfriend got over in in 3-4 days. I can do any night Tuesday and on. You name it." I wrote back, ***"get better soon! You can cook me dinner next Fri." *** No response since yesterday. Asked a few friends what they thought of the response, and I'm getting mixed opinions. One friend said, "you basically gave her a F off, but I'm sure she'll respond if she wants to see you." Others said they liked it. What do you think? I am thinking an lol or haha or funny emoji at the end of the comment would have made it less egregious. That's assuming SHE thought it was egregious and/or was offended by it....or just turned off. I agree with Ami1uwant, we need more info. I mean who knows, she may have thought it was hilarious! Depending on what type of relationship you have, what's transpired between you before this, etc. The fact she hasn't responded yet isn't great, but she is sick so give it time and try not to over-think it and stress.... Edited September 12, 2015 by katiegrl 2
Philosopher Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 " I wrote back, "get better soon! You can cook me dinner next Fri." OP, I am hoping this text was meant as a joke. The problem with putting jokes like this in texts is twofold. Firstly in texts like this it can be very difficult to tell if someone is joking or not. If she took it as you being serious that it will almost certainly come off very badly. Putting emojis in the text may make it more obvious that it was joke though. Secondly some people like this sort of humour, others however do not and could be offended by it. If she does not like that sort of humour even if she realised it was a joke she may have found the joke offensive, hence why she did not reply. My advice would be to be careful when sending texts like this, perhaps leave them until after you have had a few dates until you know whether she finds those sorts of jokes funny or not. Then make it obvious they are jokes by using emojis, haha or something similar so they can't be misinterpreted. 2
xcupid Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 Sometimes trying to be funny in a text backfires. Better to find out how she's feeling a day or two later and not mention the cooking dinner part at all. Bit presumptuous. 1
Maggie4 Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 Just be yourself and say what comes to you naturally. I thought the text was fine, and no joke. Why can't she cook dinner next Friday? She should be well enough by then.
Author regdent Posted September 12, 2015 Author Posted September 12, 2015 Heeding the advice of some of the people in this thread, I called her today. She thanked me for calling to see how she's doing. She said she's feeling worse today than she did yesterday, but she's trying everything to recuperate. Me: Why don't I take you to _____ next Fri? Do you like _____? Her: Yeah, I love it! Me: By the way, I was just kidding about the cooking thing yesterday Her: (Laughing) I knew you were. So we've tentatively agreed to see each other next Fri. We'll see what happens next weekend. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 I don't think OP was trying to be funny. Personally, I would end it if I received that text. 1. Inviting yourself to her place at a second date stage (assuming there was no sex on the first) is a BAD, VERY BAD idea. To all the guys reading please please let the girl invite you to her place at her own pace. 2. The girl is sick and you are suggesting that she can make it up to you by cooking? This sounds like a lame attempt at PUA, no wonder it backfired.
katiegrl Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 Heeding the advice of some of the people in this thread, I called her today. She thanked me for calling to see how she's doing. She said she's feeling worse today than she did yesterday, but she's trying everything to recuperate. Me: Why don't I take you to _____ next Fri? Do you like _____? Her: Yeah, I love it! Me: By the way, I was just kidding about the cooking thing yesterday Her: (Laughing) I knew you were. So we've tentatively agreed to see each other next Fri. We'll see what happens next weekend. Perfect!! Have fun next Friday!
highseas Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 Good save. But you almost blew it if not for the advice of some of the sages here!
Maggie4 Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 People should just pick up the phone more and quit texting all the time. 1
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