BriNyc82 Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 (edited) So I had a first date a week ago. We just got drinks and dinner. A few days later we had our second date where he got tickets for this dinner/magic show and then we went to a Biergarten after and were getting a little touchy when we were drunk. Third date was two days after and we hung out at the park under a tree all day talking then walked down to lower part of the city to a byob restaurant. We both agreed that normally we don't move this fast (3 dates in 5 days). Usually I like a date a week. After this last date something seems off. Even though he kept saying how much fun he was having with me blah blah blah. I know he came out of a really weird relationship (his ex faked a pregnancy) and I expressed concern if he had moved past that. He mentioned that he didn't want to smother me. I haven't really heard from him. He's not a big texter but then again I can't base anything off of a few days. You guys think it's weird he hasn't set anything up to see me again? I don't want him to ghost me but my spidey sense tells me something is off. Edited September 12, 2015 by BriNyc82
J21 Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 (edited) What seemed so off after the last date? The fact that he hasn't scheduled another date within a day or two? The 3 dates in 5 days streak wasn't gonna last forever, you know. Manage expectations, it's bound to slow down sooner or later. And one thing I realized about dating: Easy come, easy go. If things progress too fast, it's easy to get bored, just change minds about the person and walk away. If things progressed at a steadier pace, then the relationship was much more sturdy. Edited September 12, 2015 by J21
Author BriNyc82 Posted September 12, 2015 Author Posted September 12, 2015 Thanks J21! My thoughts exactly. I know it needs to slow down. And I actually want it to. I don't know if I'm looking too much into it. It feels off in the sense like there's a weird distance between us. Call it a 6th sense. it's hard to know what's normal anymore haha 3 dates was a lot but we both didn't have plans for the holiday weekend. We didn't go home with each other or anything like that. I guess it's in his court and I'll wait to see what happens. Just hate feeling so unsturdy.
J21 Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 Thanks J21! My thoughts exactly. I know it needs to slow down. And I actually want it to. I don't know if I'm looking too much into it. It feels off in the sense like there's a weird distance between us. Call it a 6th sense. it's hard to know what's normal anymore haha 3 dates was a lot but we both didn't have plans for the holiday weekend. We didn't go home with each other or anything like that. I guess it's in his court and I'll wait to see what happens. Just hate feeling so unsturdy. Hah, you probably had a great time and want to see him again. It's natural to want to get that "high" again. That "sixth sense" you talk about is probably the uncertainty of when you're gonna get that next "emotional high". It was just the timing both of your availability and of course the holiday which made that possible--it's not the exact same scenario so just let it unfold naturally. Like you said, you wanted it to slow down, I'm sure the past 5 days has been a whirlwind for him as well. If he doesn't initiate within a few days, you should definitely send him a text.
jen1447 Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 Your spidey sense is usually right, so it's most likely just a matter of finding out what's wrong. Could be anything - baggage, insecurity at moving quickly, maybe he's even lost a bit of the shine already. (It happens but don't worry you're still awesome. ) Why don't you just reach out and ask him what's up?
Author BriNyc82 Posted September 12, 2015 Author Posted September 12, 2015 Thanks guys. It hasn't been that long and I don't wanna look desperate. Call it pride? But I just wanna know if I should cut the chord and move on ya know? If I don't hear by tmr I'll prob say something. What do I even say?
katiegrl Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 So I had a first date a week ago. We just got drinks and dinner. A few days later we had our second date where he got tickets for this dinner/magic show and then we went to a Biergarten after and were getting a little touchy when we were drunk. Third date was two days after and we hung out at the park under a tree all day talking then walked down to lower part of the city to a byob restaurant. We both agreed that normally we don't move this fast (3 dates in 5 days). Usually I like a date a week. After this last date something seems off. Even though he kept saying how much fun he was having with me blah blah blah. I know he came out of a really weird relationship (his ex faked a pregnancy) and I expressed concern if he had moved past that. He mentioned that he didn't want to smother me. I haven't really heard from him. He's not a big texter but then again I can't base anything off of a few days. You guys think it's weird he hasn't set anything up to see me again? I don't want him to ghost me but my spidey sense tells me something is off. You say you haven't heard from him, what's stopping you from reaching out and texting him first for a change? Or do you expect a guy to do all the initiating? How long has it been, two days since you've heard from him? If it were me, I would shoot him a quick text.... something light ....DON't ask him why he has not contacted you in two days. Too intense ...you have only had three dates.
jen1447 Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 Thanks guys. It hasn't been that long and I don't wanna look desperate. Call it pride? But I just wanna know if I should cut the chord and move on ya know? If I don't hear by tmr I'll prob say something. What do I even say? "Hey. Everything ok? You seem a little distant." If he's not forthcoming at that point, don't badger him, but then at least you'll know to put him on the backburner. You can communicate all you want and still have pride btw. It's just the communication has to exude security and self-respect, not uncertainty and/or desperation. So forex - You: "Hey. Everything ok? You seem a little distant." Him: [nothing] You, 6 hours later, good: "Knock knock, anybody home? Wake up sleepyhead, I sent you a text." You, 6 hours later, bad: "Fine, you're such an a-hole. Why are you ghosting me?! I hate you! No, I'm sorry, please text me back ...." etc.
Author BriNyc82 Posted September 12, 2015 Author Posted September 12, 2015 I definitely have no problem in reaching out. I saw him mon. He reached out Tuesday. I reached out wed to wish him good luck on a lease signing. He responded. Then I reached out fri with a funny little inside joke. He responded but something seems off. I'm not going to keep initiating if he's not going to keep the convo going. i don't want to wait around ether :/
katiegrl Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 "Hey. Everything ok? You seem a little distant." If he's not forthcoming at that point, don't badger him, but then at least you'll know to put him on the backburner. You can communicate all you want and still have pride btw. It's just the communication has to exude security and self-respect, not uncertainty and/or desperation. So forex - You: "Hey. Everything ok? You seem a little distant." Him: [nothing] You, 6 hours later, good: "Knock knock, anybody home? Wake up sleepyhead, I sent you a text." You, 6 hours later, bad: "Fine, you're such an a-hole. Why are you ghosting me?! I hate you! No, I'm sorry, please text me back ...." etc. Agree ...except for the part about saying he seems distant. Hell, he could say the same about her, SHE has not texted either. OP, sending one short, light text reaching out won't kill ya. In fact, since he has been doing all the initiating, that may be what he is waiting for. Guys get insecure too! Especially when they really like a girl.
katiegrl Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 I definitely have no problem in reaching out. I saw him mon. He reached out Tuesday. I reached out wed to wish him good luck on a lease signing. He responded. Then I reached out fri with a funny little inside joke. He responded but something seems off. I'm not going to keep initiating if he's not going to keep the convo going. i don't want to wait around ether :/ OK, apologies, did not know you've been initiating..... Follow your gut then......if something seems off, then probably is.
BlueBlood Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 I found for me dating one person in the early first stage to be a problem. I always was dating at least two or three great guys; I don't like putting all my eggs in one basket till the basket has proved to be a great friggin basket. So I never paid a heck of a lot of attention if one guy went silent for a bit. I was off having dinner/going to a baseball game/bar hopping/whatever with another date. I think the busier I was the more attractive men seemed to find me. I would shoot a text now and then, I wasn't expecting the man to initiate or plan everything, so I might fire off a light text: heard there is a new restaurant opening, looks delish, wanna go next week?.... Or as Jen put it a text of hey how's things/everything ok type deal. Either way, you come off as happy, busy, content with your life and someone that's cool to hang out with. You're on your own happy journey, you're just letting him know he's welcome to tag along on your fun times. And yes, even if he flitted off and is pulling a vanishing act you are still awesomeness and one of a kind. 2
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