Guy that dated my friend, now seeing me, wants to now bring her to a concert

[WildHorses]

I have never been one to go after a friends ex. But it finally happened. They dated for 7 months. She was never happy with him. She cheated on him and she was always online dating. She would belittle him. She's my roommate and an alcoholic. I realized he was not what she claimed. He's a nice guy. A month after they separated I met up with him.

 

We have been seeing one another since the end of June. Feelings developed. We didn't tell her about this because of the fear of her drinking. And, she drinks to dangerous levels.

 

Well, we are not committed. He I now realize is a great guy, but he's 41. He was married through his twenties. He's now ready to party. In the club scene. Im 34 and have lived that life in my twenties. He's not a bad guy, just kind if in a midlife crisis.

 

He contacts me today to inform me that my roommate, the girl he once dated, had contacted him. He had purchased tickets to see Ed Sheenen for her bday back when they dated. She inquired about them and he wants to fulfill what he had promised to her. Only he's going to go. As a friend. He is the one who has to claim the tickets due to the card he put them on. He hoped I would understand and not be upset. He tells me this hours after giving me some money. He tells me this a week after realizing he likes me and has feelings for me.

 

Whether we are together or not, I can't tell somebody what to do. I'm hurt and I I feel conflicted. I told him that he can go, I hope that they have a good time and that if there's a spark, that I'm happy for them. I'm hurt inside. I told him that I must bow out of this situation as the dynamic is just too odd. A little too much jerry springer. He is upset that I will not stick around. But I know that she is hoping things could maybe rekindle. She's been sober for 7 days. Wants to show him she has changes and that she is better. I feel stupid and hurt. I'm not going to compete with my gf. He says it's too bad I'm bowing out. I'm also moving out at the end of the month. I'm hurting because I liked him. He could just get the tickets and give them to her so she can bring a friend. Is it smart of me to bow out? Is he being selfish? He told me he would like to understand my views as he thinks this is fine.

[phineas]

He promised his abusive ex he would take her to some concert before they broke up and now that he is with you he is going to take her instead of you?

 

And you are still sneaking around because you fear the alchaolic wrath of his ex?

That is your roommate?

[madjac74]

She cheated on him but he feels the need to be faithful to a promise he made to take her to a concert?

 

No.No.No. Red flags everywhere.

 

You said he is into partying now and you arent so much...but the ex that he wants to take to a concert is a partier....Do you see some red flags there too?

[WildHorses]

Thank you for both replying. I wouldn't say she's abusive. She's insecure and has a serious drinking problem. She's a good person and also suffers from depression. But while she was dating *Brad, she was never happy. She always complained about him, hated the sex. She would belittle him. So, in a way I guess that could be a form of abuse. He was there for her everyday. They broke up as he was not happy, hated her drinking. Her blaming. He later admits to me, which was last week actually, that she may have been a rebound. He had dated a girl 16 years younger than him for 2 years, which then they became engaged. It was called off. So then he was sleeping with her up until he started dating my roommate. Then when they broke up this past May, he started sleeping with his ex. He also met up with me in late June to discuss his business he owns and real estate. From there we continued hanging out on average 1-2 times a week. He was nice but I was weary. He started then asking me questions that pertained to his ex before my roommate. I had a feeling his ex was around. He became frustrated and told me I was not worth the stress. We stopped hanging out for over a week. I was also refusing sex with him because I wanted to take my time. I was not wanting to jump into anything.

 

He contacted after a week and he wanted to continue trying...but he appeared distant...that's when he started getting involved in some new lame social club. He was going out to events at a club and out on boat trips. He never invited me. I don't drink but I still like going out. As time has gone by...up to this past weekend he learns his ex was lying to him. He tells me he is wanting us to continue. He was back to being his normal self. Well, what he was before we stopped speaking for that week off.

 

I'm not stupid. We both are able to see others so I can't be upset about that. But when he's such a bad liar, things feel off, then I know something is up. He admits I haven't done anything. I never have tried locking him down.

 

Yesterday however, to hear he's going to bring my roommate to the concert, that is a red flag to me. I don't believe he's doing it just out of the kindness of his heart. I have expressed how vulnerable she is. She will be hoping something can be different between them is apparent. I care about her but really I see how she's still working on herself and is still being the victim. I don't think it's healthy for me to be OK with him bringing her. He could meet her at ticketing and give her the tickets since he is the only one who can get them due to paying on a credit card of his.

 

He thinks it's tragic that I'm bowing out if he is going to bring her. He claims it's not a date. We'll be very well appears to me that he's not healthy himself. What sucks is he just gave me 750 in rent. Which I owe to my roommate. I will pay him back.

 

Does a guy really just be nice and go go the show with this last ex? Are his options that limited that he wants to explore his sick ex? He has no game. I have never been in a situation like this. He tells me he would love to hear my view point as he doesn't see anything wrong with going to this concert.