vidal Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 Hello everyone.. So i met this girl in a class we took in college @6 months ago. We study diferentes majors (i civil Ing. And she marketing). We never actually talked in that class cause we didnt know each other. I started to like her around 2 months ago and I've been trying to talk to her ever since. I must say I really suck at talking go girls. I never had a girlfriend, never went on a date. I'm 21. I added this girl on fb and she accepted. I made the mistake of rushing into asking her out. She obviously said no because she said we didnt know each other and we should get to know each other better. That seems like good news but whenever i try talking to her, she always seems uninterested. I ask her what she's doing and she says nothing. I ask her what's her favorite music genre, she says she doesnt have one.., etc... I know I'm not the traditional handsome football player or anything like that. I know i kind of fugly but i would like to know if there's something im doing wrong? I need any kind of advise (from men who have been through what im going through and women too) Sorry for the long post but i really need help. My goal is to get her to go on a date with me. Thank you in advance to anyone who can provide any feedback.
Siquijor Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 "She always seems uninterested" That's the dealbreaker for me. No interest equals no point. Read between the lines OP. 1
d0nnivain Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 Mention places around campus where you will be studying. Invite her to show up Ask her if there any good parties this weekend. Go to one she mentions.
Versacehottie Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 Hello everyone.. So i met this girl in a class we took in college @6 months ago. We study diferentes majors (i civil Ing. And she marketing). We never actually talked in that class cause we didnt know each other. I started to like her around 2 months ago and I've been trying to talk to her ever since. I must say I really suck at talking go girls. I never had a girlfriend, never went on a date. I'm 21. I added this girl on fb and she accepted. I made the mistake of rushing into asking her out. She obviously said no because she said we didnt know each other and we should get to know each other better. That seems like good news but whenever i try talking to her, she always seems uninterested. I ask her what she's doing and she says nothing. I ask her what's her favorite music genre, she says she doesnt have one.., etc... I know I'm not the traditional handsome football player or anything like that. I know i kind of fugly but i would like to know if there's something im doing wrong? I need any kind of advise (from men who have been through what im going through and women too) Sorry for the long post but i really need help. My goal is to get her to go on a date with me. Thank you in advance to anyone who can provide any feedback. Well apart from the stuff directly related to dating her, you've got to work on your self-esteem. It's a detriment to your "luck" with dating if you believe the things I've bolded above about yourself. You've got to change that. Find some things you like about yourself, expand and focus on those. If there is a way to try to improve what you don't like, work on that as well. You will start to feel better about yourself by putting in the work not only the results you achieve. Since two of the negative things you said about yourself had to do with looks and body, work on that. You said you are not good at talking to girls so practice with others who you are not so in to. That way you can get comfortable. To be honest, I see that you are putting her on a pedestal when she isn't exactly interesting with answers such as "nothing", "no music genre preference". You are already more interesting than her for asking the question!!!! Give yourself a little credit. She's around 21 too so maybe she's shy and inexperienced with dating--a lot of times that will make girls seems uninterested because they are scared or not really focused on dating or she could truly just be uninterested. If you go laser focused on just this girl and all your effort, feeling like you do about yourself, it's a huge hurdle. Try to lower the stakes and work on improving in areas where you feel inadequate. As for the girl, start slow and becoming friendly (not friendzone but friendly) with her. That way you can gather more evidence to see if she just needs to warm up to you OR really is uninterested. You are in college--Flirt with other girls too!!!! It will up your confidence, increase your appeal and expand your social circle. All of these things will help you with whoever you like and draw people to you. Good luck
Author vidal Posted September 12, 2015 Author Posted September 12, 2015 She's around 21 too so maybe she's shy and inexperienced with dating--a lot of times that will make girls seems uninterested because they are scared or not really focused on dating or she could truly just be uninterested. If you go laser focused on just this girl and all your effort, feeling like you do about yourself, it's a huge hurdle. Thanks for the advice...gonna work on that. It's not that im laser focused but there's something about her that really caught my attention... I also dont want to start asking her friends too much about her 'cause some friends told me that would be stalking XD...
Ami1uwant Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 I also dont want to start asking her friends too much about her 'cause some friends told me that would be stalking XD... It's not stalking in talking to her friends. Do you have a friend in common..like someone who is friends with her but you see more because she's an engineering major too. You just ask one of her friends about her and your interest and then this friend could tell you don't bother or gather Intell on her. Another thing to do is try to see her in person and talk....could be at the library, at the student cafeteria, or at some party/event you know she is going to. Don't just focus on her. Interact with others as well. As another said...it's hard to tell if she is shy/naive/inexperienced in dating vs not interested.
Versacehottie Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 Thanks for the advice...gonna work on that. It's not that im laser focused but there's something about her that really caught my attention... I also dont want to start asking her friends too much about her 'cause some friends told me that would be stalking XD... Oh yeah, to me that's a golden rule. Do not get the friends involved unless you want to deal with a lot more factors (and f*ck ups!!!) in your relationship. Be mature enough to handle on your own. What do you need to know anyway that they would be able to tell you? You need to do your own "work" with her and see if there's any interest. Friends with totally good intentions can mess things up and add unnecessary pressure. Also when it doesn't happen the way they expect or as fast as they expect, they are first to say give up. I think a lot of well-meaning friends have short attention spans when it comes to other people's relationships. The point is you want to control what messages she is getting about you. Not let other people translate and filter what she is getting. And vice versa. It can be a total confidence destroyer AND it can give you false confidence when they'd like to help so they are being overly positive. You just need to see the signs and evaluate on your own. And learn about her on your own. If she can't come up with a good answer to her fave type of music, for example, are you going to ask her friends? That would be weird. This would be recipe for EVEN MORE overthinking!!
nescafe1982 Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 She said no to a date because "we need to get to know each other better?" How else do you get to know someone you're interested in? OP, she's not interested. You did the right thing by asking her out. It sounds like she was trying to let you down easy. You can't make it happen if she doesn't want to go out with you. The good news is that it sounds like your approach is genuine and fine. I think you did it right... it just didn't work out this time around. Don't fret on "what ifs." Just keep an open mind for the next girl who catches your eye. Eventually, one of them will say "yes," I promise you.
d0nnivain Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 She said no to a date because "we need to get to know each other better?" How else do you get to know someone you're interested in? Ehhh. . . . in college I would have wanted to "get to know" a guy see him in class, talk to him a few times, maybe dance a party before committing to spend 2-4 hours alone with him. I was pretty shy in college in that respect. As an adult I recognized that going on the date is the get to know you part but that wasn't as obvious to me in college. 1
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