Blake18 Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 Hello this is my first post here but i really wanted help with the situation. I have been dating this guy for nearly a year now (Gay) long distances - We don't live that far from each other but he is in the next state over, and we planned to bring him down to live after this semester of uni. Ever since this started i have been so happy, he would come down ever month or 2 and we would have an amazing time together, i went up a few times too. Recently though he has been busy as all hell and he has not been able to come down recently, also the connect has been less because i of this too, for example no calls really. Ofc upset by not being able to talk to him for the past 2 or so months I was doing what i could to get him to call, but he said he never had time to call unless he was on the train to uni. Although i would get messages every day on messenger and fb and things so i know it was ause he was busy. about 2 weeks ago my birthday came up and i woke up to a nice message saying he cant wait till he an wake up every morning and hold me in his arms. Ofc i wanted to chat to him as well and he said he would call later but waiting and waiting i didn't get one again. I know its not like he wasn't trying but i would think if you really care for someone you could find 5 mins in a day and ofc you would want to talk to them cause you love them. Last week he regretted to tell me due to ****ed up family stuff he was not able to come down next semester. Anyway a few days ago he kinda said this is getting really really hard and he does not want to keep disappointing me and me waiting for him to come down when he cant right now cause he has so much going on, so he asked to be friends for now and to have a break to cool down and we will speak again in a few days. Saying that he might not be able to come down in 9 months for the semester after that even a lot can change in that time and it wont work until we are in the same state. I was shocked by this I really didn't expect this and i started to get pretty upset asking why and reminding him he said we would always work it out and be together. He deleted me on fb to i assume stop that contact for a few days while he wanted to have space to clear his head and stopped replying much. About 2 days later i needed to talk to him about something outside of the relationship he was happy to but I was still really upset and tried to get an idea of the situation a little more, he said he loved me still and we can talk about it soon just needed the break, i know at that time i should have given him his space but i panicked and was scared so I was not thinking clearly. We exchanged a few more messages the day after about similar things and he told me i was being obsessive and he was just one person and to not think about him for a bit. I kinda replied with idk how you expect me to do that so easily when i care about you so much and i just want to talk about it, cause all of this was over message. Yesterday i offered to maybe come down and see him to talk about it and support him cause of how busy or stressed he is, but that really backfired and he wrote a massive thing on how he doesn't want to see me right now and im acting like a stalker sending so many message professing my love and to give him his space and he still wants to be friends. I replied with alright im not sure if i can be friends but i will see after your ready to talk. After that i got blocked and friends got deleted from his fb too, and im scared cause i dont know if he is doing that just for the break or he wants to remove me from his life completely. I hope i have not scared him off i never meant to come off like that i was just so scared for everything and so panicked that i let my emotions drive and its why i sent all the messages, cause i do still love him. I am going to leave it now like i should have done a while back but i know he really did love me like i love him and i would hate to think it would be thrown away after this, i want to tell him sorry it was just because i was so scared about everything but i dont want to send him anything else. I just dont know if he will come back after this break or he wants nothing more to do with me. Im sorry this is so long btw and i appreciate anyone who takes the time to read it and puts their ideas on this. I never wanted to come across as crazy, like i said i just didn't know what to do, and i really do love him and miss him and im hoping he understand that soon.
Waynester Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 I think you simply have to give him the space he desires, otherwise the tighter you hold on..the more he will slip away. Perhaps there is more going on here than you know? I hate to say it, but do you think there is someone else on the scene you don't know about? My mum always said to me growing up, sometimes you have to let people go so that hopefully they come back. You cannot make or force someone to want to be with you. I hope things turn out how you wish, but in the mean time, no matter how hard this is for you.. you need to focus on yourself, your studies etc.. and give him space.
Author Blake18 Posted September 12, 2015 Author Posted September 12, 2015 Ofc i dont want to think that and I dont think he would do that to me, im thinking the best of him, I just cant believe someone could lie about all this while having someone else in the picture, not to that extent.
Waynester Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 Then there is very little you can do, other than give him what he wants..space. If you force the issue it will only make things worse, as you are finding out. Give him what he desires, and hopefully if his feelings are still there for you..he will come back. Pressure, force or constantly hassle him and he will only slip further away.
ExpatInItaly Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 I think you simply have to give him the space he desires, otherwise the tighter you hold on..the more he will slip away. Perhaps there is more going on here than you know? I hate to say it, but do you think there is someone else on the scene you don't know about? My mum always said to me growing up, sometimes you have to let people go so that hopefully they come back. You cannot make or force someone to want to be with you. I hope things turn out how you wish, but in the mean time, no matter how hard this is for you.. you need to focus on yourself, your studies etc.. and give him space. That was my initial thought too. I think he lost interest and didn't know how to break it off more respectfully. OP, of course you were upset and confused. Don't be too hard on yourself. You have a right to feel whatever you feel. All you can do is give him space and focus on comforting yourself.
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