Panatana90 Posted September 11, 2015 Share Posted September 11, 2015 I have been chatting with a girl for over a week now who I met on a dating app. We live in the same city and it seems we have much in common. The conversation has been great and we've even shared a lot of personal details. It's strange how well we've 'clicked' through talking. But we've not yet met. She has cancelled on me three times. She is currently studying for a phd and is very engrossed in college work, which is understandable. First excuse was work related and the other two were due to illness. I wasn't annoyed with the cancelling, and to be honest after the second time I wasn't surprised. I asked her outright if she was genuinely interested and if she wasn't she should just tell me. She said the stress of college is getting to her and she very much wants to meet. She claims she is actually sick and is getting behind on school work. She has promised to "make it up to me" and said it will all be worth it. She also apologised for stopping chatting but says her time is very limited and has said things are getting on top of her. She said she feels a connection and definitely doesn't want to lose it. I simply said I understood and it wasn't an issue for me. There has been zero contact for two days now. I don't know what to believe as I haven't met her. Is she simply too stressed and can't focus on anything else but work? She says her work is her everything these days. Should I wait and leave her to it? Or simply move on? Any help is appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
xUnknown Posted September 11, 2015 Share Posted September 11, 2015 I would start to pull away a little bit. If you're the one initiating contact all the time, cut that in half. If she's interested, she'll reach out to you. Link to post Share on other sites
TunaCat Posted September 11, 2015 Share Posted September 11, 2015 My first thought is that she's too busy to date. My cousin is getting her PHD, and I'm lucky if I can talk to her once a month. She's constantly busy and really doesn't have time for anything other than school. Honestly OP, I'd back away from this girl because it sounds like she really doesn't have time for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon_Dude Posted September 11, 2015 Share Posted September 11, 2015 She has cancelled on me three times.Dude, you're a pushover. One cancellation is acceptable, WITH her insistence on rescheduling. The fact that you've ALLOWED her to cancel on you thrice speaks volumes for your lack of self-worth. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 11, 2015 Share Posted September 11, 2015 But we've not yet met. She has cancelled on me three times. Not interested, IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted September 11, 2015 Share Posted September 11, 2015 She's feeding you a lot of BS. You're not wanting to take a whole day from her but an hour to meet over coffee. If she cannot deliver that than she cannot date. Link to post Share on other sites
Siquijor Posted September 11, 2015 Share Posted September 11, 2015 You shared personal details after a week? She cancelled a date three times but is still interested in you? Hmmm...The cynical side of me says 'she' is a scam artist who doesn't live anywhere near you and is just waiting for you to fall for her so 'she' can ask for a 'favour' in a financial sense. I could be wrong but you do need to seriously consider this. What personal details did you give? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Panatana90 Posted September 11, 2015 Author Share Posted September 11, 2015 Just shared details of what we want in the future and in a potential partner and we were very much in agreement on everything. Could it be that she is avoiding talking because she just wants to think about things? Why would she say things like she definitely wants to see me, feels a connection, says it'll be worth it and will make it up to me? Then not talk for a few days? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Panatana90 Posted September 13, 2015 Author Share Posted September 13, 2015 I have been chatting with a girl for a while now who I met through a dating app. We live in the same city and talked a lot for a good week or so. Any time I asked to meet she would say yes, but cancelled twice due to work (she's in college doing a phd and is apparently very stressed) and cos she fell sick. She went quiet so I asked if she was genuinely interested in meeting. If not, she should just say so. She replied by saying she really was and is just too stressed due to college work and things are getting on top of her. She "promised" to make it up to me and said she'll make it worth my while. I just need to bear with her. That was four days ago and I haven't heard from her since. Should I just forget about it or just be patient? Why would she say all the stuff about still wanting to meet then not talk? I haven't messaged her and definitely don't want to appear needy. Any advice appreciated! Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 Here's a copy and paste of my reply in your last thread about her: She's feeding you a lot of BS. You're not wanting to take a whole day from her but an hour to meet over coffee. If she cannot deliver that than she cannot date. She is not interested in you enough to make an effort. Drop it and move to next. From now on know that I am very busy = I am not interested enough. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Panatana90 Posted September 13, 2015 Author Share Posted September 13, 2015 Here's a copy and paste of my reply in your last thread about her: She's feeding you a lot of BS. You're not wanting to take a whole day from her but an hour to meet over coffee. If she cannot deliver that than she cannot date. She is not interested in you enough to make an effort. Drop it and move to next. From now on know that I am very busy = I am not interested enough. Then why say things like "i promise to make it up", "i want to meet", "please bear with me" "i haven't lost interest"? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 Then why say things like "i promise to make it up", "i want to meet", "please bear with me" "i haven't lost interest"? She is keeping you on the back burner. How hard is it to close her books for 1 hour, walk to a coffee shop next to where she lives to meet you? Tell me, how hard it is? You're a gentlemen right, you will drive all the way to where she is to meet her. She won't have to do anything else but to get her butt out and across the street to meet you. So again, how hard is this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Panatana90 Posted September 13, 2015 Author Share Posted September 13, 2015 She is keeping you on the back burner. How hard is it to close her books for 1 hour, walk to a coffee shop next to where she lives to meet you? Tell me, how hard it is? You're a gentlemen right, you will drive all the way to where she is to meet her. She won't have to do anything else but to get her butt out and across the street to meet you. So again, how hard is this? Good point and I agree. But if she's sick and as stressed as she says so in the final weeks of her phd - is that a legitimate excuse? I just don't understand why things would go well then stop just for her to 'reassure' that she is very much interested and will make it up to me. Don't you think it's odd behavior? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 Good point and I agree. But if she's sick and as stressed as she says so in the final weeks of her phd - is that a legitimate excuse? I just don't understand why things would go well then stop just for her to 'reassure' that she is very much interested and will make it up to me. Don't you think it's odd behavior? No, it's typical behavior for online flaky people. Are you new to online dating? If yes then brace yourself, you will get a lot of this sh$t. I've had men tell me they're crazy about me then disappear. If you want to wait then do so. Most people need to learn their own lesson. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Panatana90 Posted September 13, 2015 Author Share Posted September 13, 2015 No, it's typical behavior for online flaky people. Are you new to online dating? If yes then brace yourself, you will get a lot of this sh$t. I've had men tell me they're crazy about me then disappear. If you want to wait then do so. Most people need to learn their own lesson. Firstly, thank you for the advice. Relatively new, yes. I think I will just talk to others and if she eventually does get in contact, then I'll see where it goes from there. I just find the situation rather strange but if she hasn't said anything after a few more days, the message seems loud and clear. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 Firstly, thank you for the advice. Relatively new, yes. I think I will just talk to others and if she eventually does get in contact, then I'll see where it goes from there. I just find the situation rather strange but if she hasn't said anything after a few more days, the message seems loud and clear. That is exactly what you need to do. When a woman likes a man enough she doesn't let him get away. You've done enough, she knows you're interested. Let her get back to you and yes absolutely meet other women. When you come across one that is really interested you will see the difference. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 Op, remember that until you meet there is nothing, so dont get invested in someone who may not even exist. As gaeta says, get used to situations like this. It happens a lot. For now focus on other options. If she gets back and arranges to meet, great. Link to post Share on other sites
LookAtThisPOst Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 I have been chatting with a girl for a while now who I met through a dating app. We live in the same city and talked a lot for a good week or so. Any time I asked to meet she would say yes, but cancelled twice due to work (she's in college doing a phd and is apparently very stressed) and cos she fell sick. When it comes to online dating, when people start talking crap about being stressed from work to go out, or too busy hittin' the books for college, blah blah blah. I immediately write them off, because IF they were so "busy" why would they even be on a dating site? It defeats the purpose. She's a cat fisher, which means she plays on your sympathies. She hopes you'll sympathize with her so-called "stressful" life and work related "busy-ness", that you'll "understand" cower down and say "Sure, I understand, I've been down that path before myself, college n stuff...even though there were hot chicks all around me on campus I could have dated" lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author Panatana90 Posted September 13, 2015 Author Share Posted September 13, 2015 So, under no circumstances should I contact her unless she initiates contact? Link to post Share on other sites
highseas Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 I agree with others that the interest level on her part is probably not high. It is possible that she is extremely busy. Doctoral work is no joke and she has to put that before everything else assuming she is truthful about her graduate studies. Don't burn bridges yet; treat her words as true for now (that she is still interested and would make it up to you). Pull back, as others have said, and initiate contact less. Check back in with her another week (with no contact in between) and ask her out on a date and give her flexible times. If she can't meet then forget this stupid woman who strings you along. I hate that kind of behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
PogoStick Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 In the end it doesn't even matter if she's interested if she can't even give you an hour coffee date. It's best you tell her "I'm really interested in you so when you have time to date then give me a call." Time to move on and leave it up to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Panatana90 Posted September 13, 2015 Author Share Posted September 13, 2015 I have spoken to a few friends (girls) and they say she is probably genuine if she says things like 'I will make it up to you' and 'please bear with me' - cos they said girls wouldn't say something like that unless they meant it. If she doesn't then she must have serious issues! Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon_Dude Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 I have spoken to a few friends (girls) and they say she is probably genuine if she says things like 'I will make it up to you' and 'please bear with me' - cos they said girls wouldn't say something like that unless they meant it. Don't listen to women's advice about women. They don't know what they're talking about, and tend to always give other women the benefit of the doubt, even if they don't deserve it. You need to move on from this one, and stay out of the dating game until you can become the MAN you want to be. This means loving and valuing yourself, and not hanging on the every word of some online chick who doesn't know what she wants or who she is. Link to post Share on other sites
Maggie4 Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 Don't listen to women's advice about women. They don't know what they're talking about, and tend to always give other women the benefit of the doubt, even if they don't deserve it. I would give this girl the benefit of the doubt ;-) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Panatana90 Posted September 13, 2015 Author Share Posted September 13, 2015 Update: I caved and messaged her. She replied immediately and apologised for the "severe" lack of contact. Just had a few nice messages before she stopped replying again. I think I'm just going to leave her be from now. I've done all I can (and then some) so if she's interested she'll make it clear, if not, so be it and I can move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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