GilesB Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 So I've been with my boyfriend for 2 months (not long I know). Things went really fast pace for the first few weeks. We saw each other about 3 times a week although we live an hour from each other. He would usually do all the asking for dates which I didn't mind. After the second date he told his family about me and I spoke to his closest friends on the phone. He has also met my friends and everyone was saying how we match so well!! Anyway the past 2 weeks I've been really low...I haven't told him I've been low because I know that doesn't bode well with guys usually. He went on vacation with friends and family for 5 days, so I wasn't expecting to hear from him. He had invited me to come but I couldn't go due to work. When he got back from vacation, things seemed fine between us texting wise. He didn't act too distant and I didn't get the vibe he had gone off me. I know he isn't a natural texter so I appreciate that he texts me every day which I don't ask him to do. The texts can be random but I don't mind because at least we are communicating. I thought he would have arranged to meet up this week since he got back on Monday night, but he didn't mention meeting up. I know I haven't asked him to meet up but I knew work has been so busy for him. I asked him last night if he wouldn't mind helping me fix my chest of drawers (hint for please come over) but he said he needed to go visit his mum who lives 3 hours away. Originally he didn't know when he was going so I thought he would have said he would come see me as we haven't seen each other in 11days!!! He text me back saying he is travelling there tonight and will be back on Sunday but didn't say anything else!! Should I be worried he is losing interest? I just feel he has been really distant with me. We aren't 'official' yet but the fact his family know about me makes me think he must like me a bit. Argh I'm just sooooo confused at the moment! Please help!!! I'm going crazy
Gaeta Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 You've been dating 2 months it's long enough for you to stop playing. He initiated all of the inviting so far. I think it's time you start your part and invite him on a date. 3
Author GilesB Posted September 11, 2015 Author Posted September 11, 2015 I feel like I could be needy asking him for a date if I asked him to come over and help me and he said no. I mean he did say he would be back on Sunday so I don't now if he is giving me a hint but I want to invite him to the pub quiz I go o every Sunday. Shall I just ask him or will he think I'm being needy?
Gaeta Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 I feel like I could be needy asking him for a date if I asked him to come over and help me and he said no. I mean he did say he would be back on Sunday so I don't now if he is giving me a hint but I want to invite him to the pub quiz I go o every Sunday. Shall I just ask him or will he think I'm being needy? Explain to me how it is cligny to ask out a man you date? Cligny is: Blowing up his phone with texts and calls. Asking where he is at every moment of the day. Complaining and nagging to always have him with you. Constantly asking him if he likes you or thinks about you. Enough of this 'I am afraid to appear cligny' what you're risking here is to appear uninterested. And no, asking a guy to come and fix something for you is not the same as inviting him out (and paying for it). He had a legitimate reason for declining to go to your house. If he has 3 hours driving on Sunday chances are he won't feel like spending the evening in a pub and he'll have to get his things ready for work the following day. Do you usually see each other on week days? if yes then invite him out to a burger and movie Tuesday or Wednesday. 2
Author GilesB Posted September 11, 2015 Author Posted September 11, 2015 So he won't think I'm being needy by asking him to hang out next week? How shall I word it?
Gaeta Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 So he won't think I'm being needy by asking him to hang out next week? How shall I word it? OMG lol, no he won't think you are needy!!! Why would a man think you are needy for inviting him on a date after 2 MONTHS of him doing all the invites?
stillafool Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 Just say "Would you like to go to the Pub Quiz on Sunday"?
Diezel Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 I know I haven't asked him to meet up but I knew work has been so busy for him. Stop doing this. If you want to ask, ASK. Stop being passive aggressive about this and just do it. You're stewing and it's your own fault. 1
TunaCat Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 If you want to keep dating this guy, you've got to show some interest. Show some initiative or he is going to think you're no longer interested in him. Ask him out with a specific time & place. It's really not that hard to do. 1
Author GilesB Posted September 11, 2015 Author Posted September 11, 2015 Thanks guys. I'm sorry to seem so silly but he is the first 'real' relationship I've had and I don't want to screw things up. I know men need space but I thought it was him who was off with me. I use watsapp to text him and I saw he hasn't read my reply so I'll wait until he replies and ask him this evening. I felt bad last night because I called him and he was in the shower so he asked if he could call me back and I said I would call him because I was busy at a pub quiz. Two hours later the pub quiz hadn't finished so he sent me a text saying he was going to bed. I read that as he was losing interest in me but maybe it was my fault!!
Author GilesB Posted September 11, 2015 Author Posted September 11, 2015 I think also I thought he was off with me because he didn't text me when he was on vacation and I had to send him a text he day after he got back because I hadn't heard from him as I was worried but I just asked how France was and he replied straight away like nothing was wrong. He didn't appologise for not texting me because he said he would send me photos and he didnt. Usually he keeps to his word so that's why I've been off with him but I need to chill I guess and focus on the now. I also didn't text him whilst he was on holiday as didn't want to bother him
Gaeta Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 If he loses interest there is nothing you can do about it. Sh$t happens. But it's much better you know asap than you keep on worrying and dragging this forever. When a man is interested in you he won't be turned off because you're showing interest by keeping in touch and organizing dates. That's what both parties are suppose to do. When you ask him on a date if he declines then you'll know he lost interest. If you do nothing and you wait and wait than you're looking at another 1-2 weeks of not knowing, worrying and wondering. 1
Gaeta Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 Two hours later the pub quiz hadn't finished so he sent me a text saying he was going to bed. I read that as he was losing interest in me but maybe it was my fault!! He text you to let you know he's going to bed and you see it as losing interest? I don't understand your thought process. By sending you a text he was being considerate toward you otherwise he would have turned his phone off and go to bed without a word and let you hang.
ExpatInItaly Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 He text you to let you know he's going to bed and you see it as losing interest? I don't understand your thought process. By sending you a text he was being considerate toward you otherwise he would have turned his phone off and go to bed without a word and let you hang. I second that. He just got tired and wanted to let you know he couldn't wait up any longer. It's not a big deal. As the others have said, you need to let go of this fear you're being clingy. You're not. Just ask him directly to get together. Don't try to drop hints (ie. asking him to fix something) but be direct. Then that way you will know where his feelings are at. 1
Author GilesB Posted September 11, 2015 Author Posted September 11, 2015 Thanks for all your advice. I think I just need to learn not to read into every signal and relax. I'm making things worse by panicking and I always think negative because of my past relationships. I'll ask him once I hear from him if he wants to go to this restaurant I know we both love. I've been craving to go there. I also know he needs to go to IKEA so I may see if he wants to go there at some point but I'll stick to the dinner date for now!
katiegrl Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 (edited) He text you to let you know he's going to bed and you see it as losing interest? I don't understand your thought process. By sending you a text he was being considerate toward you otherwise he would have turned his phone off and go to bed without a word and let you hang. Hell yeah, especially since he had been waiting TWO HOURS for *her* to call after her pub quiz. If that were me, I would not have bothered texting you at all .....would have just turned off my phone and went to bed, just like Gaeta said. I would also presume YOU didn't give a shyt. I mean seriously, a pub quiz? Come on now. Also, in your initial post you said HE was doing ALL the initiating and you "didn't mind." Lol, that is hilarious. Of course you didn't mind, why would you? HE was doing all the damn work, what were you doing? Nothing. Not from what you wrote anyway. It appears your fear of not wanting to *bother* him is having the opposite effect. Yes he may very well be losing interest, but not for the reason you think. He is losing interest because you are acting like a spoiled princess who wants HIM to do all the work... Yes ask him out for next week. Suggest something fun, your treat. He either says yey or ney, and if it's ney, then you know and can move on. Good luck and keep us posted! Edited September 11, 2015 by katiegrl 2
fitnessfan365 Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 (edited) So he hasn't seen you for a week and he gets a text from you saying "Would you mind fixing my chest of drawers"? Talk about anti-climactic. Now I know you were simply trying to come up with an excuse for him to come over. But after not seeing you for a week, he probably wanted to hear about how badly you missed him and how turned on you were thinking about seeing him again. In the future, don't hint. Be direct. Since you're in a relationship, there is no need to play games and beat around the bush. Edited September 11, 2015 by fitnessfan365
katiegrl Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 (edited) In the future, don't hint. Be direct. Now I know you were trying to come up w-an excuse to get him to come over. ***But after a week of not seeing him, all you come up with to say is that you want his help with a home improvement project? That would personally rub me the wrong way. *** My guess is that he wanted to hear about how badly you miss him and how turned on you are thinking about seeing him again. Since you're in a relationship, you should be able to be real and straight with each other. ff, I agree. Giles, why not ask him over for a nice home cooked meal ..... instead of asking him to do something for YOU? Again, goes back to what I said about you wanting him to do all the work. Plus, cooking together is a lot of fun ...he can help with the salad! Lol Some of the best and most intimate moments with my bf are spent cooking together.... Edited September 11, 2015 by katiegrl 1
stillafool Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 ff, I agree. Giles, why not ask him over for a nice home cooked meal ..... instead of asking him to do something for YOU? Again, goes back to what I said about you wanting him to do all the work. Plus, cooking together is a lot of fun ...he can help with the salad! Lol Some of the best and most intimate moments with my bf are spent cooking together.... I agree about the home cooked meal. Nothing says you care more than someone taking the time to prepare you a meal. I'm sure he would enjoy that more than going to a pub. 1
katiegrl Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 I agree about the home cooked meal. Nothing says you care more than someone taking the time to prepare you a meal. ** I'm sure he would enjoy that more than going to a pub.*** Or fixing her chest of drawers ....lol. :bunny: 1
Author GilesB Posted September 11, 2015 Author Posted September 11, 2015 Well he looked at my text and didn't reply but I'm not too worried because I know he is probably busy. That's the only thing that annoys me with watsapp, especially because when you can tell someone has been online but not 'read' your message. I think I just need to leave it and go to bed
katiegrl Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 Well he looked at my text and didn't reply but I'm not too worried because I know he is probably busy. That's the only thing that annoys me with watsapp, especially because when you can tell someone has been online but not 'read' your message. I think I just need to leave it and go to bed When did you text him and what did it say? Did you ask him out?
Author GilesB Posted September 11, 2015 Author Posted September 11, 2015 No we did text before the chest of drawers. I was the last to text before he left for France and then again when he got back so that's why I've been hesitant to contact him as much. My Granny took a turn for the worse while he was away so I felt I needed his support but I was too afraid to ask him. I really want to call him but I'll wait until Sunday as I don't want to disturb his time with his Mum and friends
Author GilesB Posted September 11, 2015 Author Posted September 11, 2015 No I asked his about the chest of drawers and then he said he was going to visit his mum and friends but wasn't sure when so I replied saying 'that sounds nice. Let me know but don't worry if you can't' he then said 'I think I'm going tonight now and coming back on Sunday' and I replied saying 'okie dokes. Have a great time ' and he didn't reply but I saw he has been on watsapp but it doesn't say he 'read' my message
katiegrl Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 No I asked his about the chest of drawers and then he said he was going to visit his mum and friends but wasn't sure when so I replied saying 'that sounds nice. Let me know but don't worry if you can't' he then said 'I think I'm going tonight now and coming back on Sunday' and I replied saying 'okie dokes. Have a great time ' and he didn't reply but I saw he has been on watsapp but it doesn't say he 'read' my message Sweetie, what you texted back ("okee dokes, have a great time") does NOT warrant a reply .... So you could be waiting quite awhile for his response.. Text him (or call!) and ask him out ...something fun, your treat. Or invite him for dinner. Don't wait for him to reply, like I said your last text does not warrant a reply. Take a risk! You will never get anywhere in this world, or in your relationships if you don't take some risks! 2
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