tinydancer324 Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 I met someone (a divorced dad) 2 months ago. For the first month it was totally platonic and he pursued me anyway, even though I wasn't interested because he's not my usual type. We have tons in common and it made sense as a friendship anyway. We hung out several times and he'd always text me to say hi and check on me even when he was traveling; he was obviously interested in me. Eventually I started to feel attracted to him, in part because he was so attentive. We have fun and laugh together. And also because he has an interesting life that I could see myself fitting into long-term. He even introduced me to his kid and friends. A month ago we started sleeping together, and it has been unexpectedly amazing. We see each other about 3 times a week. But because of logistics (I might have to move and have had to take a 1-month job out of town), I had to have a conversation about what's going on with us. He said he thinks it could really develop into something--that I'm the first person he's met since his marriage worth building a real relationship with. He really enjoys spending time with me and wants to keep hanging out. BUT he also said he's been grappling (since he met me) with thinking about whether he wants a partner at all. His marriage and one relationship since both ended badly, and he wasn't expecting to meet someone. His life is sort of on autopilot right now, and he's just used to things being the way they are. The other thing is that while he's very good about always texting me every day, he doesn't pay me a lot of compliments. I am always super-affectionate. He told me he is cynical about relationships and I can sense he has a wall up around him. I want to try to stay put and not move. Do I end it (or tell him I need a break) and tell him I need to be with someone who wants to be with me and that he should think about whether he wants that? Or just pull back in terms of being less available? Or just see what happens with the location stuff (which obviously complicates things)? Obviously him saying he might not want a partner isn't ideal, but I don't know if it's a red flag or just typical guy stuff that I need to let him sift through.
Gaeta Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 Women are really their own worse enemy. He has huge red neon lights flashing over his head !!! If you are serious about finding a man for a life together than dump this one and keep on searching. This one is broken and he doesn't even care to be glued back together for now. Why would waste your precious time and affection? 1
BlueIris Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 Don’t modify your plans for your own life because of him. He said he’s cynical and doesn’t know whether he wants a partner at all. He is NOT in love with you and is saying he doesn’t foresee it happening. This is emotionally one-sided. If you DO want a life partner, don’t waste any more time on him.
Ruby Slippers Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 He's not ready for love. It's possible it will take him years to love again, or it's possible he might check out from it completely. Also, this thread including the title are all about him and what he wants. What do you want? It sounds to me as though you want what every woman wants - to be treasured by a man who is sure of his love for you. This guy is waffling, so he's either not ready, or not that excited about you. From what you wrote, it sounds like he's not ready period. But the reason doesn't really matter. What matters is that your intuition is telling you this isn't going to work for you.
Poppygoodwill Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 I think take him at face value and try not to overthink it. If he says he likes your company but isn't sure he's ready for a big commitment, then believe him. He's being honest it seems; better than telling you what you want to hear and trapping you in his lies. So once you know how he feels, you decide what's right for you based on how you feel. If you keep spending time with him, be sure you're not secretly expecting he's goign to walk in one day and ask you to marry him. Cause you'll be disappointed. And also be prepared to keep looking at the same time, if what you want is a serious long term relationship. So that might mean not taking him or yoru time together that seriously. Maybe he's Mr. Right Now, while you're looking for Mr. Right? But if you can't split your thinking that way,a nd tend to get all emotionally involved with a guy even if it's got an end date stamped on it, then perhaps back out now before it gets more complicated. Either way: believe what he says, and do what's right for you.
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