soulseek Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 i haven't been in a relationship in sometime, and I've always been used to a guy straight up saying "will you be my girlfriend". Now that I'm a bit older, Im having troubles deciding on what his choice of words mean.. He has said that when he's gone out to bars he's had no interest in talking to other girls. He loves to hang out with me etc... All those nice things However, this would be a long distance thing, where we have talked about the future and the potential to see eachkther once a month or so. Last night he said he "wants to be with me"... I was looking for that security that he wasn't going to be sleeping with other girls, and he said when he was interested in someone he would never do that. So I feel like there's all the right signs, I'm just confused about what this all really means... What are we?
Jj66 Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 Two lost souls swimming in a fish bow? It's really tough for some guys, me included, to label things. Even if we have no intention of being with anyone else. 3
coryreply Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 Two lost souls swimming in a fish bow? It's really tough for some guys, me included, to label things. Even if we have no intention of being with anyone else. What do you think drives that, jj? Fear of intimacy? Fear of rejection? Or something else entirely?
Gaeta Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 i haven't been in a relationship in sometime, and I've always been used to a guy straight up saying "will you be my girlfriend". Now that I'm a bit older, Im having troubles deciding on what his choice of words mean.. He has said that when he's gone out to bars he's had no interest in talking to other girls. He loves to hang out with me etc... All those nice things However, this would be a long distance thing, where we have talked about the future and the potential to see eachkther once a month or so. Last night he said he "wants to be with me"... I was looking for that security that he wasn't going to be sleeping with other girls, and he said when he was interested in someone he would never do that. So I feel like there's all the right signs, I'm just confused about what this all really means... What are we? And what kind of nice things do you tell him? It's like he wants to say he only wants you but he's unsure where you stand so he's not saying it right out. 1
Jj66 Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 What do you think drives that, jj? Fear of intimacy? Fear of rejection? Or something else entirely? I think for me it's tied up in dreading a nasty breakup. It's a silly fear. It's going to suck whether she's my ex girlfriend or just someone I used to know. 1
Author soulseek Posted September 12, 2015 Author Posted September 12, 2015 And what kind of nice things do you tell him? It's like he wants to say he only wants you but he's unsure where you stand so he's not saying it right out. What's interesting is that he's told me he has a harder time communicating his feelings. And now that I think about it, I feel like I've pulled back because he has a hard time telling me how HE feels. I always figured that he wasn't being upfront about what he wants so it give him the freedom to do what he wants (perhaps I feel this way because I've been cheated on.. Also because I know this new guy has no issue finding girls..)
Author soulseek Posted September 12, 2015 Author Posted September 12, 2015 I don't want to be too upfront. But I also want to know exactly how he's going to be acting at home. Seeing other people? Hooking up with people? But I don't know how to ask... Plus I've tried to have this conversation with him, and it's always initiated by me pulling back.. Always seem to have the same conversation because I don't know how to ask.. Don't know what to say without him saying "woah we are two different pages.."
J21 Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 You guys are not in a relationship yet. In my opinion, until you both clear up you are each other's bf/gf, one shouldn't jump into that assumption. It may head in that direction depending on how you play your cards, but it's just not there yet so don't get caught up with identifying "what we are"--because who cares what it was if it fizzles out. The guy probably doesn't know what you're thinking, but he's definitely dropping hints. You better hint back or be more obvious if you're interested. When he said he "wants to be with you", what was your reply? Silence or something like "I want to be with you too". Maybe being "timid" is his personality (loosely using the word there), or maybe he's not sure because of the distance thing. So if you're interested, make sure you send the right kind of signals back. He's shown indication he is interested. Time to do your part and not leave him guessing.
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