LookAtThisPOst Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 Noticed I said "some", recently I saw a post from a woman that was complaining about how someone that liked her, wanted more than just a friendship from her. Then she went to the extreme that "friendship = love" while "wanting to bang me does not." It seems some women seem to fault men wanting to "bang them" ONLY or "Oh, that jerk was just trying to get in my pants" And I'm like "Nooo, chances are he genuinely likes you in a romantic way..and wants to date you. This is how our parents met, made love, and procreated. But it seems that some women tend to shame men into thinking he just wants to "f**k", when it's really more than that. I was wondering why some women throw this shaming around towards men, calling us jerks for wanting more? They don't seem to put themselves in the men's shoes.
mrldii Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 A male friend of mine (yes...he truly was "just a friend") once told me that women who say "Men only want one thing...sex" and its derivatives, do so because it is her reality - that the only thing she does have to offer men is her "sex". This man had proven in his relationships that he can open up and become involved with women, but he also proved that he could "pump and dump" with the best of 'em. If she could not hold a conversation, wasn't fun to be around, and/or brought nothing else to the table, then yes...he "just wanted sex" with her. Personally, if I was a man, I'd treat this type of sentiment coming from a woman as a huge red flag. 7
nescafe1982 Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 It's the men who want more, are told no, and who continue to press the issue that are the problem. I think when women complain about this, they are in essence complaining about the pervasive men's culture that refuses to respect women's stated boundaries. When you make an advance on a woman, and she says no, you really have two options. You can strive to be satisfied with platonic friendship (which is hard if the feelings are romantic and not purely sexual), or you can distance yourself from her. But hanging around, pretending to have platonic intentions while holding an ulterior motive comes off as manipulative. Women don't like that, for the most part... and women who will continue to invite such advances are usually stringing a guy along (these women exist too, and they are just as manipulative). 5
BlueIris Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 Noticed I said "some", recently I saw a post from a woman that was complaining about how someone that liked her, wanted more than just a friendship from her. Then she went to the extreme that "friendship = love" while "wanting to bang me does not." It seems some women seem to fault men wanting to "bang them" ONLY or "Oh, that jerk was just trying to get in my pants" And I'm like "Nooo, chances are he genuinely likes you in a romantic way..and wants to date you. This is how our parents met, made love, and procreated. But it seems that some women tend to shame men into thinking he just wants to "f**k", when it's really more than that. I was wondering why some women throw this shaming around towards men, calling us jerks for wanting more? They don't seem to put themselves in the men's shoes. I didn’t see the post you’re referring to, so this is a general comment. There are lots of guys who ask for sex and couch it in intentionally vague statements about wanting “more” or something else that’s ambiguous- but they just want sex. It’s common enough that some women draw that conclusion. Some people “fault” them because the get annoyed or disgusted by people wanting something from them that is more than they want to give. I feel the same way toward telemarketers and fundraisers who want my money. “Leave me alone. I don’t want to hear about what you want from me any more than you want to hear what I (might) want from you.” 2
Frank2thepoint Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 I want sex and a relationship. Can any woman decode what I want? If your answer is "just sex", then you are half right. 1
GemmaUK Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 To be fair to men the ones who are just after sex are easy to spot. Those who aren't you can just tell IMO. My radar hasn't failed me on that as yet. I have met a few guys 'as friends only' (my words and they said they were of the same mind set) who thought a relationship was inevitable (as if I had no choice in it - ugh!!) but I soon blocked them. That's a bit different though. 1
Shining One Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 I've wanted the "whole package" from certain women in the past. When they made it clear to me that sex was not on the table, I walked away. Some of them reached the conclusion that I only wanted sex when I declined their offer of friendship. In the course of dating some women, I discovered incompatibilities between us. As a result, I stopped dating them. We've usually had sex by this point, so I can see some of them coming to the conclusion that I was only dating them for sex.
hotpotato Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 Sometimes it really is just about the sex. Plenty of men will do or say just about anything to get a piece. Wanting to have sex does not equal love, in that she would be correct. Many men are not selective when it comes to partners. Id rather a man be extremely upfront rather than vague. We are adults, be honest, and let me say yes or no. Imo a guy may be a "jerk" if hes forthright, but that is better than other alternatives. If im on a date.and guy asks for sex right off the bat, thats an automatic no. If a man is stuck in my friendzone, he will never get out. If i want to be friends, i want to be friends. I usually choose guy friends who are extremely unappealing to me romantically and sexually (not to say they are bad people).
hotpotato Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 A male friend of mine (yes...he truly was "just a friend") once told me that women who say "Men only want one thing...sex" and its derivatives, do so because it is her reality - that the only thing she does have to offer men is her "sex". This man had proven in his relationships that he can open up and become involved with women, but he also proved that he could "pump and dump" with the best of 'em. If she could not hold a conversation, wasn't fun to be around, and/or brought nothing else to the table, then yes...he "just wanted sex" with her. Personally, if I was a man, I'd treat this type of sentiment coming from a woman as a huge red flag. I can understand just not feeling someone. However some guys will nake promises knowing full well they do not want to see her again. Most guys arent going to say, "We dont really click but i wanna,tap dat." 2
anduina Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 It's never as simple as this. Some men are only looking for sex where others are looking for more or looking for friendship. This is the female challenge of discerning underlying agenda. Something similar could be said for the male challenge. In other words, people aren't always transparent with their motivations. 2
preraph Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 Lookatthispost, yes, there are some guys who want to date you, but when you're in your 20s and even 30s, there's far more just looking to get laid. This is true for most women, save the very few who every man wants because they're super hot or whatever. You can't expect women to turn this knowledge off. If they don't want to just be used and discarded, they aren't going to just cooperate, and I don't think it's out of line some of them get testy about it considering screwing around with a guy who just wants to screw around could land them single with an unwanted baby and an irresponsible baby daddy. Much more at stake, you see. You want a woman, treat her with respect. Get to know her at least a little before you try to nail her. 1
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 The reality is...most guys want sex from a woman - straight up. That is their ultimate goal, regardless of the other things they might want along with that. I mean sure, some guys would also like to be in a relationship with a woman too, if it's feasible and desirable...but like another poster has stated, if the woman they are targeting doesn't appeal to them in other ways such as personality-wise, physically or chemistry-wise, then yeah - they would absolutely be happy with just nailing her and then moving right along to the next woman they want to pursue. A lot of people say it's in mens' "nature" and in their "biology" to behave this way and to primarily want sex from a woman first and foremost before desiring anything else of her and from her. Everything I have stated in this post could be the reason why you think some women seem to fault guys for "wanting more" - because they're smart enough to know that the "more" 99.9% of the time means sex. And for those particular women who want to be wanted for more than the sexual pleasure that their vaginas and breasts will give to a guy, interacting with men who usually "want more" can make some women irritated...and just sick and tired of even having to deal with it to begin with. . 3
casey.lives Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 we all have categories: the ones we want to be friends with(cool dude/chic), the ones we want to sexually consume/devour/conquer(hot dude/chic) and the beautiful individual we want to marry and birth children with(unique eye beholder thing).
RedRobin Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 A male friend of mine (yes...he truly was "just a friend") once told me that women who say "Men only want one thing...sex" and its derivatives, do so because it is her reality - that the only thing she does have to offer men is her "sex". This man had proven in his relationships that he can open up and become involved with women, but he also proved that he could "pump and dump" with the best of 'em. If she could not hold a conversation, wasn't fun to be around, and/or brought nothing else to the table, then yes...he "just wanted sex" with her. Personally, if I was a man, I'd treat this type of sentiment coming from a woman as a huge red flag. That's a pretty extreme example. Of course it should be a red flag to bin an entire gender as only wanting one thing. That's ridiculous. OTOH, I don't have respect for 'pump and dump' men at all... um, 'with the best of them'?? What does THAT mean? Seems to me those guys should know whether she could hold a conversation, or was fun to be around, or brought something to the table before having sex with her. Accountability anyone?? If he took part in early sex with someone he hardly knows or did so knowing he wasn't that into her when she was into him, he can rightly be held accountable for the accusation that 'he just wanted sex'... and all that comes with that judgment... A 'pump and dump' guy would never make me believe he is capable of opening up in a relationship or is trustworthy. To me, pump and dump = irresponsible. So... pass...
kilgore Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 The reality is...most guys want sex from a woman - straight up. That is their ultimate goal, regardless of the other things they might want along with that. I mean sure, some guys would also like to be in a relationship with a woman too, if it's feasible and desirable...but like another poster has stated, if the woman they are targeting doesn't appeal to them in other ways such as personality-wise, physically or chemistry-wise, then yeah - they would absolutely be happy with just nailing her and then moving right along to the next woman they want to pursue. A lot of people say it's in mens' "nature" and in their "biology" to behave this way and to primarily want sex from a woman first and foremost before desiring anything else of her and from her. Everything I have stated in this post could be the reason why you think some women seem to fault guys for "wanting more" - because they're smart enough to know that the "more" 99.9% of the time means sex. And for those particular women who want to be wanted for more than the sexual pleasure that their vaginas and breasts will give to a guy, interacting with men who usually "want more" can make some women irritated...and just sick and tired of even having to deal with it to begin with. . I think that is selling men short. Many men prioritize a meaningful relationship
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 I think that is selling men short. Many men "prioritize a meaningful relationship" Right, and in my post I did state that some men do want a relationship! (My post wasn't intended to 'sell men short'. ) I didn't use the word many, as you did. As a woman, this has been my experience with a lot of men; and for some women it has been their experience with men also. You're a guy...so, you've never been on the receiving end of what a LOT of other guys' intentions are (unless you're gay, then you probably have experienced this). My point is, that a man's reason of 'prioritizing a meaningful relationship' with any woman is to have regular and consistent sex with her IN ADDITION TO loving and caring about her and having that reciprocated. It's rarely in the reverse - men don't prioritize a meaningful relationship with a woman to love and care about her *in addition to* having regular sexual intercourse with her. Maybe some men feel that way, but I wouldn't say many men feel this way...however, I could be mistaken, Idk. .
kilgore Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 Right, and in my post I did state that some men do want a relationship! (My post wasn't intended to 'sell men short'. ) I didn't use the word many, as you did. As a woman, this has been my experience with a lot of men; and for some women it has been their experience with men also. You're a guy...so, you've never been on the receiving end of what a LOT of other guys' intentions are (unless you're gay, then you probably have experienced this). My point is, that a man's reason of 'prioritizing a meaningful relationship' with any woman is to have regular and consistent sex with her IN ADDITION TO loving and caring about her and having that reciprocated. It's rarely in the reverse - men don't prioritize a meaningful relationship with a woman to love and care about her *in addition to* having regular sexual intercourse with her. Maybe some men feel that way, but I wouldn't say many men feel this way...however, I could be mistaken, Idk. . When I was single I was never out looking for a one night stand. I always wanted a relationship - which to me included the emotional piece and the sex. Equally.
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 When I was single I was never out looking for a one night stand. I always wanted a relationship - which to me included the emotional piece and the sex. Equally. Nooo, you missed my point! I don't mean that some guys are out 'looking for a ONS' only... I meant that some guys' intentions of wanting to get into a relationship with a woman is FIRST for the regular and consistent sex *IN ADDITION TO* the emotional components that comprise love, respect and caring for one another. Observe Frank's post: I want sex **and** a relationship. Notice how he typed that he 'wanted sex' first before typing '...and a relationship'. Sure, it could just be semantics (or a coincidence)...or it could be that his base mindset proves my point (of my prior post). It's not that a mindset like this is 'negative' per se...but, it could be a reason why some women seem to fault men for "wanting more". Like I said before, I could be mistaken - this is just my opinion and what has been my (and other womens') personal experience with this...I don't know this to be a fact. . 3
kilgore Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 Nooo, you missed my point! I don't mean that some guys are out 'looking for a ONS' only... I meant that some guys' intentions of wanting to get into a relationship with a woman is FIRST for the regular and consistent sex *IN ADDITION TO* the emotional components that comprise love, respect and caring for one another. Observe Frank's post: Notice how he typed that he 'wanted sex' first before typing '...and a relationship'. Sure, it could just be semantics (or a coincidence)...or it could be that his base mindset proves my point (of my prior post). It's not that a mindset like this is 'negative' per se...but, it could be a reason why some women seem to fault men for "wanting more". Like I said before, I could be mistaken - this is just my opinion and what has been my (and other womens') personal experience with this...I don't know this to be a fact. . No I got your point. My point which i did not express well is that for me the sex and the emotional connection and relationship were equal, not sex first
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 No I got your point. My point which i did not express well is that for me the sex and the emotional connection and relationship were equal, not sex first Well then sir, YOU are in the minority. Hopefully I'll meet a guy with this mindset one day! For me, it depends on the girl. When I am single, I can get laid, that isn't an issue. So, I don't think about a woman wanting sex and a relationship. If I meet someone, and I think they are just awesome, I'm usually thinking about how she is probably the type of girl I'd want a relationship with. On the other hand, when I meet an attractive, yet undateable girl, it's all about the sex. Make sense? Yep, that makes perfect sense. What makes a woman 'undateable' to you? And just so you know...those women who you viewed as undateable might've been bothered that you only wanted sex with them without seeing them as relationship potential - and there are some women like this out there who are bothered and irritated at guys who don't see them as relationship potential and only see them as a woman to be nailed. . 2
RedRobin Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 FTR, the only times I've ever been bothered by a guy who just wants sex is when it is an inappropriate situation (ie boss, professor, etc) or when I've made it clear that I'm only interested in men who are looking for a relationship. Another poster likened it to a telemarketer... great analogy. Guys who just want NSA sex should focus on women who are also looking for the same... they shouldn't be going after relationship oriented women or ones they are just so-so about and try to turn her into a FWB... and especially not using weasel words and other such nonsense. That's what ticks a lot of women off. We don't like our time wasted anymore than guys like to spend money on insincere women. It's really not fun having some guy burning up my phone or 'stalking' my favorite hangouts trying to get me to sleep with him. Even worse, when they try to allude to their friends that I actually DID have sex with them... or at least leave some doubt about it. Of course, it always backfires on them. Yes, these are grown 'men' I'm talking about. This is what a lot of women can't stand. If a guy were honest, it would be a different story. I've never met a 'just wants sex' guy who was honest. They play nice for, like, a phone call or two... or a date or two, then their real motivation comes out. Next. There was another guy who swore UP AND DOWN that he really wanted a relationship with me... but he kept coming up with excuses not to get STD tested, blah blah. I won't have any kind of sex with a guy who won't get tested... condom or no condom. It became a minor battle of wills for a week or two, until I realized he was just full of shyte and I stopped answering his calls...and I told my friends that the guy makes a habit of trying to have unprotected sex with women without even getting tested. He didn't get another girlfriend for, oh, at least two years after that. That's the kind of guy we're talking about. I have no problems 'shaming' those men. 3
hotpotato Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 (edited) The reality is...most guys want sex from a woman - straight up. That is their ultimate goal, regardless of the other things they might want along with that. I mean sure, some guys would also like to be in a relationship with a woman too, if it's feasible and desirable...but like another poster has stated, if the woman they are targeting doesn't appeal to them in other ways such as personality-wise, physically or chemistry-wise, then yeah - they would absolutely be happy with just nailing her and then moving right along to the next woman they want to pursue. A lot of people say it's in mens' "nature" and in their "biology" to behave this way and to primarily want sex from a woman first and foremost before desiring anything else of her and from her. Everything I have stated in this post could be the reason why you think some women seem to fault guys for "wanting more" - because they're smart enough to know that the "more" 99.9% of the time means sex. And for those particular women who want to be wanted for more than the sexual pleasure that their vaginas and breasts will give to a guy, interacting with men who usually "want more" can make some women irritated...and just sick and tired of even having to deal with it to begin with. . Yep. Lookatthispost, imagine if you had a DAUGHTER. Would you want her to go through that? Some women who date actually want to...date... I havent done any appreciable dating in years save a date here and there bc i dont want to deal with the crap. Ive even had guys pretend they wanted to be my bf when they really just wanted sex. Yes, they even admitted their little game at some point. Imagine that happening to a woman you care about-your wife, gf, daughter, sister, etc. Edited September 12, 2015 by hotpotato 3
E-Squared Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 It's the men who want more, are told no, and who continue to press the issue that are the problem. I think when women complain about this, they are in essence complaining about the pervasive men's culture that refuses to respect women's stated boundaries. When you make an advance on a woman, and she says no, you really have two options. You can strive to be satisfied with platonic friendship (which is hard if the feelings are romantic and not purely sexual), or you can distance yourself from her. But hanging around, pretending to have platonic intentions while holding an ulterior motive comes off as manipulative. Women don't like that, for the most part... and women who will continue to invite such advances are usually stringing a guy along (these women exist too, and they are just as manipulative). I have read about something like this on a sub-reddit. The thread was related to guys lying about being not being virgins when having sex with a woman and owning up to the mistake, but what the woman said did come across a good example of my bolded quote. She said something along the lines of how her best friend, who was a male, wanted her to take his V-card and ultimately told him no, as it did not feel right for her to do that. But at some point, he lied to her about hooking up with a woman, and then a few days later invited her over and kind of did some things that led to the two having sex. Right after the sex, he ultimately told her that it was his first time and said some things like he felt it was the right thing to happen. Of course she was angry about it and later ended the friendship. I don't blame her at all considering it was a manipulative and deceitful act that the guy did.
Frank2thepoint Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 Observe Frank's post: Notice how he typed that he 'wanted sex' first before typing '...and a relationship'. Sure, it could just be semantics (or a coincidence)...or it could be that his base mindset proves my point (of my prior post). It's not that a mindset like this is 'negative' per se...but, it could be a reason why some women seem to fault men for "wanting more". Like I said before, I could be mistaken - this is just my opinion and what has been my (and other womens') personal experience with this...I don't know this to be a fact. Touché BlackOpsZombieGirl. My remark was meant as a quip to the original post, but I do agree with your assessment, to a degree. As man, I do derive from being in a relationship as also having consistent sex. But this wouldn't just be a man's desire alone. Women - that want a relationship - do also desire to have sex from the relationship as well. To be honest though, when I think about having a relationship, the usual first thought that goes through my head is I get to do non-sexual activities that I could not do with friends. But that's just me.
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 Touché BlackOpsZombieGirl. My remark was meant as a quip to the original post, but I do agree with your assessment, to a degree. As man, I do derive from being in a relationship as also having consistent sex. Yep, the part of your post highlighted in bold is the point I was trying to make with my prior posts. I realize that regular and consistent sex isn't the only thing that a lot of guys are after while in a relationship with a woman - but it is definitely THE FIRST and most IMPORTANT THING (to them) that they're after when they're in a relationship with a woman. For a lot of guys, love is grand...but if there's no regular sex from the woman they're involved with, most men would drop her in a heartbeat. But this wouldn't just be a man's desire alone. Women - that want a relationship - do also desire to have sex from the relationship as well. To be honest though, when I think about having a relationship, the usual first thought that goes through my head is I get to do non-sexual activities that I could not do with friends. But that's just me. Of course we want regular and passionate sex from any guy we're in a relationship with, Frank! But, for a LOT of women...regular and consistent sex is NOT the FIRST thing that we're after from a relationship with a guy. A LOT of us are FIRST looking for what you've stated in the last sentence of your post: Being with a guy in non-sexual situations and doing activities with him that don't revolve around sexual intercourse - like hanging out together, going to different places together, having interesting convos with each other and having fun doing NON-sexual things together. A lot of women look for having personality and physical chemistry with a guy and having fun doing things with him FIRST *before* seeking regular and consistent sexual intercourse with him. Sex is always important to most guys FIRST - and general compatibility and personality/physical chemistry is always important to some women FIRST. .
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