loveisallaround Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 I can tell things are getting easier but I have those times, such as right now, where things seem completly hopeless. I miss his friendship. I miss cuddling with him. I miss watching tv with him. I miss his general presence in my life. I know that even if my wishful thinking of a second chance came around, I would probably shoot him down. Our few conversations (voicemails, etc) since then have proved to me that he's an emotional juvenile and I'm questionning who I ever dated. I really loved him. How do I push past this? It seems like he doesn't even care - although I know he does. We were pretty hot and heavy and I genuinely got this from him. His attempts to be my friend (or make this accomodating for me) prove to be masked attempts to soothe his selfish/guilty thoughts and actions. He did this on a whim, I know he did. It still ****ing hurts like hell. He gave very little explanation to his logic behind this except he thought I was taking up too much of his time. Something that was solvable by COMMUNICATING. Not wanting to be 'just friends.' How do I push past his selfish actions? I still have major feelings for him. Thanks for letting me vent!
Fallen_Angel Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 Hey there! I tried to send you a PM, but I got an error message. Are you set up to receive them? Today marks 6 weeks. I woke up angry and depressed like it was day one. Sigh. I'm not sure if things for me are getting easier so much as I'm just more...I can't say accepting, because I hate accepting this!...sheesh, there isn't a fitting term. I'm simply 6 weeks removed, and all I can say is I'm still doing the mundane things I do everyday. Oh, and I was offered a new job. I start next month. More $$$, closer to home...woo hoo! You deserve major props for being able to say if he came back around, you'd shoot him down. Seriously. I feel light years away from being able to say that, though that's not to say I wouldn't make my ex grovel a little if he did come back!! (I don't care if that sounds girly or manipulative - he'd deserve it after the pain he's put me through.) He called me the other night and there were more tears and more of him calling me sweetie and saying he needs time, blah blah blah. And he said he'd be busy for the next few weeks, but would like to get together after that "if I'm ready." I told him I'd like to see him, but I don't see how doing so wouldn't fuel my hopes, and I am so damn tired of hoping. He seemed minorly upset after I said that, but he figures maybe in a few weeks I'll be "better." Venting will go a long way to helping you feel better. Of course, don't vent at innocent (?) drivers on your way to work like I do. I think we both need more time too, love. Even though it's been a few weeks, most of the pain is still very fresh. Have you been going out at all? I have, to some extent, though not quite as much as I think I should! I don't want to sound like a guy-basher (though I can't help it; I'm a bit pissed at you all! haha), but I've come across quite a few of them who can't express their feelings clearly and end up taking rash actions instead. It's infuriating, but I guess it's part of their DNA. The hope I DO need (and you too, you know!) to keep believing in is that I'll find someone better in time. There's a guy out there somewhere who will appreciate me and not have any doubt as to how he feels about me. Like I said, I'm going to try to repeat things like this to myself until they stick in my stubborn head. You should do likewise.
Author loveisallaround Posted May 14, 2005 Author Posted May 14, 2005 You've got to cut him off sister! It's so much easier said than done, but believe me, when the kabosh is put on the communication - you heal much faster. Although I'm definitely not 100%, I'm better off than If I was talking to him. I've been trying to get out too. Working both in the film and service industry, my plate is usually full so that keeps me busy. But then I have moments like these where I have a day off (basically) and I NEED to relax and be by myself - and the thoughts come crawling back. Props to you for the new job. The stresses and joys of learning something new or attaining a new position should keep your hands full during the week. And who couldn't use some more moolah? It's a new you! I'd advise you to do other new things: Think of this time in your life as a new beginning. You're stronger and wiser. I radically cut my hair (I used to have quite long, curly, dark hair) and now it's short, edgy and quite a bit lighter. The many positive comments alone have fueled my self confidence. This week (excluding today) hasn't been that bad. I had a million functions to attend - basically a few premieres of films I've worked on. It was great - seeing everbody and acknowleding a life that existed before he came into it. Although my fabulous posse of girls were there, it was hard not having him to share it with!
Author loveisallaround Posted May 17, 2005 Author Posted May 17, 2005 I tried sending you a private message (again) and got the same error. How's everything going on your side?
Fallen_Angel Posted May 18, 2005 Posted May 18, 2005 Hmmm. I've been having problems with my internet connection lately, so I'm guessing that's the culprit. Your job sounds like fun! I miss having a group of closeknit friends. I had that in high school, and for a time in college...then everyone went off in separate directions. Now I have a select few close friends who don't know each other, but have nonetheless been instrumental in maintaining my sanity. I want to get my hair highlighted again soon. Very, very soon! I posted something in the rant section about the last contact I had with my ex (yesterday). Guess the consensus is I "overreacted." But I figure if the situation was reversed and involved ANYONE I knew, much less someone I dated for a long time, I'd call back! Ugh. At the very least, this latest wrinkle has made me angry at him. He's not acting very "friendly." I'm working on my self-confidence, but it's tough because I never had a whole lot to begin with. And I wish I knew what the heck was wrong with my internet!
Author loveisallaround Posted May 18, 2005 Author Posted May 18, 2005 Highlights would be a very cool idea - the summer is coming up and all! I read your thread in the Rants section. I do agree with you, you atleast deserved an apologetic voicemail. Thats what a FRIEND would do. Hypocritical exes, a dime a ****ing dozen I tell you. Have you tried visiting the gym more often? Or home exercise videos? I recently got a couple of Carmen Electra DVDs that have yielded incredible results and a great boost in my self confidence. He's lost his chance with this fine sister! It's been almost two weeks with my ex - not a peep in from either side. I haven't felt better. I'm moving in a few weeks (to his area - another whole story) and I'm not positive if I should forward him the "Address Change" e-mail my address book will be getting.
Fallen_Angel Posted May 18, 2005 Posted May 18, 2005 Thanks for understanding. Like I said, if anything this gives me reason to be angry at him. Ugh. I've had a gym membership for a while, but my gym attendence was subpar during the relationship. Now that it's over I find myself trying to structure my hours away from work so I'm not stuck thinking about him. So Tuesday and Wednesday nights are now spent at the gym (and Thursdays too, starting next week since this week is the season finale of The OC...another guilty pleasure I don't feel quite so guilty about now that he's out of the picture!). I've been told before that I have nice legs and a nice @$$, so hopefully going to the gym more often will make them look even better and make me more irresistible. Plus, I've found the very BEST distraction is spending an hour walking briskly on the treadmill with my discman and a magazine. By the time I'm finished with the magazine I've briefly forgotten where I am!! Every day is a triumph, right? And now you have 14 triumphs behind you! Yay!! I'm a little torn regarding notifying your ex of your impending address change, but my gut instinct says no. My ex said he wanted me to keep him posted about the new job. Well, jerk, if you're not going to contact me, what do you want me to do? Use ESP? Smoke signals? As my friend put it, he has to realize what he's given up by doing this to me, and that includes a friendly voice to discuss life's generalities with. My only concern is what happens if you run into your ex once you do move. Do you run in the other direction, a la Miranda on Sex and the City?!? :lmao: Or perhaps simply offer a mysterious smile and keep walking?
Author loveisallaround Posted May 18, 2005 Author Posted May 18, 2005 Originally posted by Fallen_Angel My only concern is what happens if you run into your ex once you do move. Do you run in the other direction, a la Miranda on Sex and the City?!? :lmao: Or perhaps simply offer a mysterious smile and keep walking? Probably run the other way - but since I usually don't wear my glasses, he'd see me first. Congrats on the superb gym attendance. Keep it up! You'll be ready for bikini season in no time flat! Have you thought about deleting his number from your cellphone? I did it and I must say it's PRETTY liberating. Of course, you can write it down and store it somewhere (just incase) but atleast when you're out and about you'll have to struggle to remember the number! I don't think I'll include him in the e-mail. If he's so "frustrated" with me, then I'll do him a favour and never "frustrate" him again. I'm strong, I have a life - totally his loss.
Fallen_Angel Posted May 18, 2005 Posted May 18, 2005 I can't bring myself to delete him from my cell phone, nor delete several text messages he sent me. The last one was from two months ago, but it still seems like yesterday. I love how you worded that: "I'm strong, I have a life - totally his loss." Damn straight!!
ConfusedInOC Posted May 18, 2005 Posted May 18, 2005 If you can't receive PMs it means you do not have not posted enough messages to have PM access. Not sure of the number required, and to the LS moderators, I think it's a silly rule. It just encourages post wh*ring
Recommended Posts