ilovemusic3 Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 I'm a 26 year old female, and I've met alot of guys from online dating and social events, but only weird guys want to date me. One guy told me he was missing me and had all these feelings after a 45 minute date. Another guy turned out to be a drug dealer, others just don't seem to act normal. I'm average looking, and I try to look nice, and I think that I act normal, what could I be doing wrong that no decent guy wants to date me? 1
mystikmind2005 Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 hmmm yea, two dates i went to last month, the dates went very well, then the lady asked me will i be dating anyone else?? I mean, how do you answer that without spoiling the mood? because its just a first date, should i drop everything and commit to them? sheeesh, lol But back to your question, there have been a few 'average' women that i dated - what turned me off is that it just seemed like they did not have much of a life.... in terms of interests, hobbies, other activities. And guys are just as wary as women when it comes to trusting a date who says they enjoy this or that activity we introduce them too - what we really think is that she is just saying that and later on when we are attached, she will fade out of that activity,,,, men really hate this! So it is best to be involved in activities before you meet him, then he will trust you really do enjoy it
Zippy2000 Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 I'm a 26 year old female, and I've met alot of guys from online dating and social events, but only weird guys want to date me. One guy told me he was missing me and had all these feelings after a 45 minute date. Another guy turned out to be a drug dealer, others just don't seem to act normal. I'm average looking, and I try to look nice, and I think that I act normal, what could I be doing wrong that no decent guy wants to date me? I wouldnt say no decent guy wants to date you. A lot of ladies nowadays dont give us avergae guys a chance. Im average and "normal". I use a term normal as I dated a girl who didnt think i was right for her. I kept in touch but after 4 failed relationships with men who had metal health issues. She finally said I was "normal" and then asked me out. Give some of us a chance. Thats all. 1
Gaeta Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 Don't worry it's normal. I met 10s and 10s of weird guys. I had stalkers, men showing up at my office with flowers after 1 date, got kidnapped, got lied to many times, name it.. 1
lgspot Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 Don't worry it's normal. I met 10s and 10s of weird guys. I had stalkers, men showing up at my office with flowers after 1 date, got kidnapped, got lied to many times, name it.. And then you have us LoveShack weirdos Gaeta. I'm trying to figure out who to stalk for the weekend...., Hang in there Lovemusic. There are good guys out there. It's not you. We all have our ups and downs.
Lokin4AReason Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 people define normal on different level(s) from what I have noticed. depends at what your so called normal is or people just seem to clingy in the beginning ... from what I have noticed =0/
BlueBlood Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 Hm. I hope I don't offend anyone by this but I did/do have a friend that was seeming to reel in the "weird" guys and she was not a fan of it, to say the least. She saw herself as normal and average. In truth... and this sounds shallow, she wasn't exactly putting her best foot forward. Now she is a lovely person, on the inside. Loyal, giving, caring, and quite book smart. She has a lot to offer. But she wasn't 'trying' with her outward appearance. She was sorta doing the minimum and it showed. After a few gal pals did her makeup (a no makeup look but just focusing on highlighting her eyes and giving her softer looking skin and barely there blush) it took away a lot of the hard lines. Getting a few lowlights and better conditioner gave her hair a low maintenance vibe but it looked richer and healthier. We nixed some of her outfits (she had asked for this makeover) because while she has great legs, her midsection wasn't her best asset and some attire was doing her no favors there. It really was all about making her look younger, warmer, and more elegant. She really was surprised and very pleased, she was glowing and smiling non stop. She carried herself differently after that. I think it impacted who she attracted, she wasn't getting socially awkward sorts any longer. All she wanted was a good guy. Someone that had a job, was honest, was capable of sharing time with and maybe one day having it become something deeper and more meaningful. I dunno. Maybe I'm spinning my wheels here. All I know was she had not updated her look or really taken any steps to make herself feel at her most attractive in years. By doing so her self image and career, outlook and powers of attraction have all improved, I think due to her smile and inner confidence. She looks beautiful, she embraced her pale skin and stopped fighting her natural coloring. She enhanced herself and it shows in her emotions/attitudes. Just my two cents, sometimes stepping back and seeing what we project to the world does wonders. It's a lifelong thing. Even married, I don't rest on my laurels. I usually will check out a makeup tutorial that fits my personal level of makeup intensity once or twice a week. I research new hobbies. I read the news. I invest in making me a prettier and more interesting me, if that makes sense? It helps me feel empowered. 3
Zagan Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 Don't worry it's normal. I met 10s and 10s of weird guys. I had stalkers, men showing up at my office with flowers after 1 date, got kidnapped, got lied to many times, name it.. You got kidnapped?
Gaeta Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 You got kidnapped? After our Saturday morning coffee at starbuck it was raining hard so he offered to drop me at my metro station 2 streets away. I stupidly accepted. He never dropped me at my metro station. He drove 40km on highways across the city refusing to let me go. I had the scare of my life. He finally let me out after I promised him I'd spend the next day with him. (do I need to say it never happened).
Maggie4 Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 It's the problem with online dating. You chose to meet based on a profile, and you did not choose wisely. You're 26, you should have no problem meeting men in real life. People were dating just fine before the internet. You can do some online dating, just don't start thinking it is a good representation of the real picture. 1
angel.eyes Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 You got kidnapped? I know!! Gaeta, you can't throw out a bomb like that and just leave us all hanging! OP, my advice would be to do a better job of screening. Then you won't end up on dates with "abnormal" guys, however you define that.
angel.eyes Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 After our Saturday morning coffee at starbuck it was raining hard so he offered to drop me at my metro station 2 streets away. I stupidly accepted. He never dropped me at my metro station. He drove 40km on highways across the city refusing to let me go. I had the scare of my life. He finally let me out after I promised him I'd spend the next day with him. (do I need to say it never happened). I hope you filed a police report and also reported him to the dating website. How scary!
Gaeta Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 OP, my advice would be to do a better job of screening. Then you won't end up on dates with "abnormal" guys, however you define that. The screening is hard, people are on their best behavior when they first talk to you. My daughter is 28 and also tries online and she runs across the same problems I do and I'm 49. 1
mrldii Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 Dating has always been a numbers game, mostly leaning towards a craps-shoot. Common sense alone would suggest that OLD is simply going to be an even more skewed numbers game. OLD (just by its own nature) would automatically feature higher numbers of social outcasts, introverts, those with social anxiety, medical conditions, unemployed, those under house-arrest, etc. It's safe to assume that there will be more "weirdos" to sift through than the general population you'll run into in the real world, which is full of people who are coming-and-going, doing real-world things and having real-world involvements. As others have suggested, OLD is a great way to hone filtering skills; excellent filtering skills is practically a necessity in OLD if one wishes to avoid complete mismatches. Good luck to you, OP... 2
autumnnight Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 OLD (just by its own nature) would automatically feature higher numbers of social outcasts, introverts, those with social anxiety, medical conditions, unemployed, those under house-arrest, etc. This. And I say this understanding that I am also labeling myself somewhat. People who do most of their living and expressing online and virtually tend to do so BECAUSE they have trouble "in real life." So you are going to get more people who haven't quite mastered the nuances of interacting like a regular human. If you can distance yourself from it a bit, it is actually fascinating, and lots of studies have been done about the demographics of personality types in real life versus the demographics of personality types in various online communities. In other words, the virtual world attracts more weirdos 1
down hearted Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 I'm a 26 year old female, and I've met alot of guys from online dating and social events, but only weird guys want to date me. One guy told me he was missing me and had all these feelings after a 45 minute date. Another guy turned out to be a drug dealer, others just don't seem to act normal. I'm average looking, and I try to look nice, and I think that I act normal, what could I be doing wrong that no decent guy wants to date me? There's nothing wrong with you, there is always someone for everyone, maybe your too focused on looking to find someone. once you stop looking is when you least expect it you'll find someone.
Keenly Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 Keep an eye out for the right wierdo. Might just surprise you. 3
scooby-philly Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 There's a great action movie with DeNiro and Jean Reno from 97/99 called Ronin. In it Sean Bean's character (surprise - he actually doesn't die!) bugs DeNiro's about his favorite weapon. DeNrio (a CIA agent in hiding) says....they're just tools. You put the tools in the toolbox and he goes to work. I agree with the several comments that say OLD is just another tool. Let's put it this way - in this day and age where we can go half-way around the world for college, or across the country after graduating for a job, where one person lives here and another friend lives there - it's a great tool to have. Think of it along the same lines as FB. You can stay in contact with people, but the reality is eventually you stop checking FB and go out and have fun in the real world. I'd further agree that with OLD, especially the free sites, you need a strong filter. However, for those of us that are "normal", for the "nice" people out there, for the introverts looking for a real connection - think of it as practice. Yes, we all want the dream life - married by x, VP of a this by age y, house in the burbs or a condo in a fancy high-rise by z, but that doesn't happen for us all. Accept where you are, what you are, and discover what you need to work on. the post about the person and their friend who wasn't trying hard enough. That's a true story for many young women in their 20s & 30s - but that doesn't seem to be what you're describing. You get out of it as much as you put it - so keep at it. There's no magic bullet to effort
angel.eyes Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 The screening is hard, people are on their best behavior when they first talk to you. My daughter is 28 and also tries online and she runs across the same problems I do and I'm 49. Screening is really not that hard. I've used OLD twice and met countless guys. Screened thousands to get the ones I actually dated. Both tries resulted in LTRs. Chat with guys, ask them relatively simple questions, and LISTEN. They will tell you everything you need to know. Many women are so focused on filling every moment of time with their own chatter and more interested in impressing and trying to get a date than in trying to figure if the guy is actually right for her. I dated maybe 5% of the guys I spoke with on the phone. I don't think it was luck that led to great dates. It was asking the right questions, making them comfortable enough to open up...and you would be surprised at what people share when they feel completely comfortable. So, better screening. That's my two cents anyway.
Gaeta Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 I dated maybe 5% of the guys I spoke with on the phone. I don't think it was luck that led to great dates. It was asking the right questions, making them comfortable enough to open up...and you would be surprised at what people share when they feel completely comfortable. So, better screening. That's my two cents anyway. What questions? Because I feel I ask a ton of questions
oldshirt Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 (edited) I agree with the last two posts - OLD is going to have a higher concentration of misfits than what you'll be subjecting yourself to in the real world. If you are having trouble attracting the caliber of people you want in real life, you need to work on numbing up your own game and not going online to find a match. OLD is kind of a funny creature and there are some ironies. The people that do well in real life and don't need to go online, can actually do fairly well online. The people that struggle in real life think that they can magically hit one out of the ballpark online but in reality go down in flames. Guys that are "normal" ie employed, sociable, clean, fit, healthy, aren't drunks/druggies/mentally ill/criminals etc do fine in real life and don't have to hit on strangers on the internet. They have activities, friends and dates in real life. It's the socially awkward, less attractive and the ones that struggle with normal every day interactions that flock to OLD. And along with the awkward and the nerds who may be a little socially inept but are otherwise decent people and harmless, there are also all the misfits, losers and fckups that look to OLD as a default since they are incapable of getting anyone IRL. OLD is going to have a much higher concentration than what you'll encounter at Starbucks or local watering hole. IRL you can spot those people when they walk in the door. Online they can hide behind a well taken picture and a wall of description that they can make up about themselves to sound good. Edited September 11, 2015 by oldshirt 1
Gaeta Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 The people that struggle in real life think that they can magically hit one out of the ballpark online but in reality go down in flames. Guys that are "normal" ie employed, sociable, clean, fit, healthy, aren't drunks/druggies/mentally ill/criminals etc do fine in real life and don't have to hit on strangers on the internet. They have activities, friends and dates in real life. It's the socially awkward, less attractive and the ones that struggle with normal every day interactions that flock to OLD. And along with the awkward and the nerds who may be a little socially inept but are otherwise decent people and harmless, there are also all the misfits, losers and fckups that look to OLD as a default since they are incapable of getting anyone IRL. I hope you don't really believe that. What is your experience with online dating by the way? Your opinion of online dating is about 20 years too old. It was seen the way you do years ago, nowadays if you are single and not online than you're the misfit. About 75% of single are online. It's today's reality like it or not. I have met men in RL, I was set up on blind dates by friends and family, I was approached in parks, stores etc. They were even bigger misfits than those I find online. 1
Maggie4 Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 The people that do well in real life and don't need to go online, can actually do fairly well online. I dabbled in it. But I won't pay, and I don't post a picture. So I didn't do well. I don't have trouble meeting people in real life, so there is no incentive to put much effort into OLD.
Gaeta Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 I wouldn't do it if you paid me but my friends and I met 100s of people who do and I'm excluding the "online daters" who post here where clearly many of "online daters" stimgas apply. Then you have no personal experience with it which makes your entire opinion based on hearsay and not much valuable. All the people I know in the many circles I run in... The various stigmas (tons of them) attached to online daters as a general rule are true. Hearsay again. I have never used social media. Every girl I have ever dated thought it was manly, refreshing and loved it. 80% or more of them had VERY BAD experiences at the very least emotionially cheated and most were physically cheated on by someone / many someones their Exes met / sought out / were tempted by / flirted with, etc. via Facebook and other social media sites. Also, one in five divorces involve the social networking site Facebook, according to a new survey by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers and it's sited in the divorce filings. A staggering 80 per cent of divorce lawyers have also reported a spike in the number of cases that use social media for evidence of cheating and Facebook is the number one subpoenaed company in the world. I'd say 80% of my guy friends are not on social media and the ones who are only use it to promote a brand / product / service or monitor their kids.. No clue why you ramble about FB and social media.This thread is about online dating and online dating websites. I'd say 25% of my girl / guys friends tried online dating and realized within a few days / weeks it is mostly for people that the online dating stigma applies too and quit. I would not trust the opinion of someone who tried something for a couple of days or couple of weeks. I have been online dating for 3 years. I could write an entire book about it, the pros and the cons. Sure, most of us do. At least I know I am actually talking to a woman, what they look like, actually height, actually weight and if their is an attraction or not. I don't have to dial a prayer and be pen pals for 6 weeks just to determine those basic facts (which most online daters lie about). Not to mention, how romantic is it to get a mass email along with 50 other people from someone sitting on the toliet while they are taking a crap? IT'S NOT! Non sense and again it shows your lack of personal experience with it. 98% of men I met looked exactly like their pictures. Everyone I know that is using online has never ever correspond 6 weeks before meeting. Most meeting happen within 72 hours of making contact online.
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