Matthewb12456 Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 (edited) Hello and thanks for reading my post. I have been dating a woman for a few months now, and I am trying to make sense of how I feel, and am looking for some advice. So to start, I didn't feel ready to date, but she said she really wanted to try dating, so I said ok Ill give it a shot. On an overall level it has been ok, but obviously some challenges otherwise I wouldn't be writing this. I am feeling confused because on the one hand, I am just not feeling it. I am not really very attracted to her, somewhat but not very, I don't get very excited to hang with her, our conversations in person seem strained, and I'm overall just not in the best or happiest mood when I am around her. The other part of this though is what is so strange. She is so good to me. She is by far the kindest woman I have been with. She supports me in everything that I do, she wants to see me succeed and she is always sending me links and events and anything she thinks I would be excited about. She is extremely open minded to different walks of life, and is always open to listening and improving herself. These are all things I've told myself I want in a partner. I am going to keep dating her because one, I feel like I am being pretty tough on her(in my own head) and two, it is early on and perhaps my emotions will become stronger in the future, but right now I am just not very excited about any of it. Any thoughts and feedback would be appreciated. Thank you! Edited September 11, 2015 by Matthewb12456
travelbug1996 Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 its not gonna happen. I mean you could try to force it but you guys would probably be best as friends. Has the relationship become sexual?
paigej91 Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 I am feeling confused because on the one hand, I am just not feeling it. I stopped reading here. If you're not feeling it, end it so you don't waste your time or hers. Sometimes you date someone who you can't find anything really wrong with, but who you also don't "click" with. There's no reason to continue dating in that kind of relationship.
LilaMarie Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 (edited) "True love takes time. It’s an earned comfort that tells you she’ll be right there beside you no matter what you do, not necessarily happy with your every action, but faithful to you just the same.” -Richelle Edited September 11, 2015 by LilaMarie
Siquijor Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 With millions of women out there, it makes no sense being with someone who you have no desire to be with. The best solution here is for both parties to go their separate ways because this relationship won't be good for either of you in the long term.
Zippy2000 Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 First of all thank you for sharing your post. Also being brave and giving it a chance. Sometimes love can develop slowly. However proceed with caution and dont force things. Mybe give your self some time or a timescale to see how things develop and if nothing changes by say 6 months or to 12 months then you will know. Good luck out there but give yourself a chance.
J21 Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 Pretty much been there, done that. It didn't work out for me, I had to eventually break up with her because I felt guilty of how I felt. To me, I was being selfish being with someone I wasn't crazy about, when there was someone out there that is. I'm sure people will split hair over this next part, but generally speaking, the guy has to have more (or equal) interest than (as) the girl. Or else the relationship will go bland quick. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 Pretty much been there, done that. It didn't work out for me, I had to eventually break up with her because I felt guilty of how I felt. To me, I was being selfish being with someone I wasn't crazy about, when there was someone out there that is. I'm sure people will split hair over this next part, but generally speaking, the guy has to have more (or equal) interest than (as) the girl. Or else the relationship will go bland quick. Men just don't have the emotional make up to fall in love slowly. At the very least, strong sexual attraction must be present at the start. If I were in her place, I would want you to let me go ASAP.
MoreAmore Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 I think feelings can grow, but if they're this low a few months in already, I would not continue. I can also guess she would not want to continue, if she knew. Doesn't she deserve better than that? Neither of you would be happy long term. 1
angel.eyes Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 You've been dating for a FEW months now and still can't dredge up feelings for her. It's not working. I would end things before she gets even more emotionally invested. I took things to five dates once, and the guy was pretty hurt. My rule of thumb since is to stop after 2 or 3 dates if my feelings aren't growing. Sometimes the person has everything you want, but there is just no attraction. Both compatibility and attraction are important in a healthy relationship.
katiegrl Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 "True love takes time. It’s an earned comfort that tells you she’ll be right there beside you no matter what you do, not necessarily happy with your every action, but faithful to you just the same.” -Richelle Yes true love "does" take time to develop and grow, but if there is zero attraction and desire to be with someone, then there is no foundation for anything to develop from. It's like expecting a flower to blossom without planting seeds first. NOT gonna happen. OP, obviously you like her as a person. Awesome. Be friends if she's open to that. But by continuing to date her when you feel no romantic attraction, you are doing her and yourself a tremendous disservice. Break up with her so she can find a man who IS attracted to her and feels it with her. That would be the kind thing to do here... 1
scooby-philly Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 I agree with @katiegrl (who I don't always agree with ! ) You can't force it. Sure, "love" builds over time - affection, care, warmth, support should grow over time. But the initial spark needs to be there. There's plenty of times when our hearts and our heads are at a disconnect. You may say you like all these things about her, but if you don't enjoy spending time with her, then that's it. There's nothing to be ashamed about either or fearful of. Most people would respect you for doing you and her the favor. Stay as friends if you can.....you never know what could happen down the line...
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