Author Jonp219 Posted September 11, 2015 Author Posted September 11, 2015 While I can relate to this feeling, and it hurts, I also know this: the one thing you want the most, that you strive for and means the world to you, you will not receive. You will not get the external validation that you are looking for. Why? Simply because you are looking for it. Life is cruel in this way. Things come easy to those that don't want them, and hard to those that do. The only way around this is to completely change your priorities. Once you do, you will be genuinely happy, which will attract others in turn. But getting there takes a lot of self-work. I suggest starting with therapy. I do it, love it, and it's helping me find myself again. I understand but I can't do therapy again. I did it 3 times and its a waste of time. I think the advice is great but nothing has done wonders for me. I keep finding myself in the same place. I think I've made some improvements, but in order to be happy I need social proof. I need to know from others that I am good enough. I know that goes against everything that is said here, but just like companies need feedback for their products I need feedback for myself. And no, family and friends are the WORST people to ask because they care about your feelings and won't tell you the truth even if you beg for it. I just want to know if I'm good enough, that way I won't have to waste my time anymore. *sigh* idk what came over me it's been a rough week.
Oregon_Dude Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 I just want to know if I'm good enoughI hear you - I understand - I do, I really do, I promise - but there is no one on God's green earth that can give you this feeling of being good enough. No one but you. I know it's cliche, and I have days where I also question my value. But if you're looking for someone else to give it to you, you will fail, every time. You will fail because they will reject you. You will fail because they will love you, then reject you. You will fail because people are imperfect and selfish and don't care about validating you. You need to do some serious soul-searching to understand, fully grasp that you are good enough exactly as you are now. 1
Author Jonp219 Posted September 11, 2015 Author Posted September 11, 2015 I hear you - I understand - I do, I really do, I promise - but there is no one on God's green earth that can give you this feeling of being good enough. No one but you. I know it's cliche, and I have days where I also question my value. But if you're looking for someone else to give it to you, you will fail, every time. You will fail because they will reject you. You will fail because they will love you, then reject you. You will fail because people are imperfect and selfish and don't care about validating you. You need to do some serious soul-searching to understand, fully grasp that you are good enough exactly as you are now. I know, but I'm still hurt. I don't know how to do this soul searching stuff. I'm very inexperienced when it comes to women and relationships so I don't have much to look back on to say that I'll be OK. Every time I go outside I look all around me, maybe I'll see her car maybe I can avoid it? I try not to go meet new people, sometimes I have to force myself, but that pain comes back when I get to my front door. I'm trying to do amazing things with this pain but i think I've reached my peak in life, it doesn't get better than this. It can't. I feel my relationship was a result of luck. I keep telling myself it wasn't good for me or her, but I feel like I can't do better. This happiness or peace I'm suppose to be looking for, for some reason doesn't want me to find it.
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 I understand but I can't do therapy again. I did it 3 times and its a waste of time. I think the advice is great but nothing has done wonders for me. I keep finding myself in the same place. I think I've made some improvements, but in order to be happy I need social proof. I need to know from others that I am good enough. I know that goes against everything that is said here, but just like companies need feedback for their products I need feedback for myself. And no, family and friends are the WORST people to ask because they care about your feelings and won't tell you the truth even if you beg for it. I just want to know if I'm good enough, that way I won't have to waste my time anymore. *sigh* idk what came over me it's been a rough week. Hey Jon. Sorry you're having a rough week bro. I also had a $hitty week, but now that the weekend's here, I feel relieved and glad. I read through your thread and your responses to other members' posts and I noticed something that you hadn't mentioned in any of your responses: have you ever tried Speed~Dating or Face Time or Skyping or Yahoo Instant Message Camming with women from Tinder, FaceBook or from any other dating site/chat site? I tried that a few times, and for the first few minutes it was a little nerve wracking lol but after that, it was actually fun! With each person I interacted with, I got more confident in talking to them...and being able to SEE and HEAR their reactions and SEE their facial expressions while we were talking to each other gave me the feedback that I needed! Just thought I'd mention this to you in case it was something you haven't thought of or looked into yet. You're a nice looking guy that's just downtrodden because of not having had many social interactions and/or dates with women lately - and that's understandable! You need to stop being so hard on yourself. You just need to realize that most people in 2015 are picky, they've had their hearts broken, they're too cray (lol) and they just have wayyy too many selections of people to choose from thanks to apps like Tinder and the plethora of OLD sites that are in existence. IMO, dating in this day and age is the hardest it's ever been for people to date and find love connections! Trust me Jon...the stark reality is: Most of your friends who are now blithely "engaged" or are happily "married" will be dealing with infidelity, break ups, separations and divorces later on down the road. Hopefully they won't; but, most of them eventually will. So, don't be too jealous of them. Finding the right fit in the right person for a long lasting relationship is difficult for everyone to do; it's a minefield that everyone has had to go through or is currently going through. Only a small percentage of the population has it easy with regard to dating and entering into relationships - the rest of us have to take our lumps while going through this process. Like someone else on here said, take a hiatus from OLD for a while! There's nothing wrong with re-charging your spiritual, psychological and emotional batteries while taking a respite from the circus that is OLD. Not only that, but it'll be therapeutic for you. Take a month or two off of dating in general while going on with your life doing other things. When you begin dating (IRL or on OLD) again, you'll have a renewed attitude about it. You'll also feel refreshed and rejuvenated while going through the familiar process of meeting women, striking up convos with them and then asking them out on dates. There's no magical formula for going through this stage of life. You're just gonna have to feel your way through this one. .
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