niceguy69 Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 The demons just dont go away man. My first thought waking up is her and my first thought going to sleep is her. She dumped me after 1.5 years for another guy and that totally wiped out my ego and self-respect. Love really is a mental illness that is incurable. I like to think that since this was my first love, that I'll be immune to this pain later in life, but I dont know. Sleeping only 4 hours a day for days and days takes its toll on you and keeps you spiralling further down.
westernxer Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 First loves can do that to you... it'll get better if you let it. Just takes time, that's all. Make sure to refrain from all contact. That's the first rule of thumb. Next is to get on with your life and have fun meeting new people. Love is like a jungle... once you learn its rules your odds for survival will improve drastically.
greenhorn Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 Hmm, getting dumped for first time is indeed difficult and takes a heavy toll on esteem and self respect. Right now your first priority should be to gather yourself, and then go for getting back your self respect and esteem. To get rid of her memories, whenever her thought comes in your head just shrug it off and start thinking something else, if nothing then start watching Discovery. You need to put this firmly in mind that She is gone for ever &for good, and she is not coming back. For the part of not getting sleep, do some heavy strenous excercise, like play tennis or do 2 hour workout, that will create enough fatigue in you ensuring sleep. When you wake up with her dream, you will start thinking about her so at that time only start doing something else, go start making breakfast or call a friend on phone or put on your shoes and go off for jogging, it is so nice to jog in the summer mornings. Slowly slowly try to gather yourself, dude this is life,love and lose but never stop loving. Love is a great risk, but the greatest risk in life is not to take risk. Good Luck
Author niceguy69 Posted May 15, 2005 Author Posted May 15, 2005 Love really is painful. But thats true, if you don't keep trying you'll never find it. The only good I can find in this pain is that it makes you stop and look at yourself from another angle. You definitely learn a lot about yourself.
bstill Posted May 15, 2005 Posted May 15, 2005 THe first one seems like the most painful. Youhaven't got any real previous experience when these things happen, so you end up trying everything. THe pain you feel will last about a month. Then it will get better, and then it will be gone, and a new girl will be telling you all the things you'd wish your ex had. It will probably happen again. Dealing with someone leaving you takes practice. You didn't really ask for advice, but here is some if you want it: I think you've got a very mature attitude about this, which will make the learning curve drastically steeper, though. Keep your head up and go and brush your shoulders off. I suggest listening to lots of hip hop. Jazz too. Don't go near anything with strummed guitars and pale white dudes at the microphone. And do keep on eye on your health. Make sure you are eating. When I went through what you've gone through, the week after the breakup I lost almost 10 pounds, got maybe 10 hours of sleep, didn't eat, and just smoked cigarettes and drank coffee all day. Your body is capable of sustaining this kind of torture and neglect because your body is very resilient and strong, so switch it around a little. Work out. A lot. And when you are too tired to work out, work out some more. Your body can handle it, in fact it is probably screaming for that kind of physical release and exhaustion, and it will help you sleep. Get some new clothes and a great pair of shoes. You'll look like a million sacajawea dollars, and soon you'll start feeling that way. Talk to lots of women. Talk to your female friends, your female relatives, whatever. Just talk to them. It will keep you from becoming bitter about women. And when you're out with your boys, whine about women all you want, it will keep you from becoming bitter longer than should be necessary for grieving. And after you've done this for a few months, and after you've first examined anything you may have wished you had done differently in your relationship, start thinking about all the pleasure you shared with your exgf. I will never forgive mine for the way she treated me, and I myself made some pretty grevious errors, but the things that were good....I wouldn't give those up for anything. Remembering the good stuff eventually is what finally leaves your ex gf behind, though it is painful for a while. Trust the people you speak to who have been through this before. When they offer advice, take what you want from it, but when they say it gets better, believe them. It will take a long time to see much evidence, but just believe them. I'm gonna go give my evidence a back rub, and then ball her for a while.
Author niceguy69 Posted May 15, 2005 Author Posted May 15, 2005 The other night I saw a girl I used to date a few years ago at the bars. We never actually had sex before, we only went out for a week or two, so there was no drama or anything when we broke up. Well we talked about how I was kind of hurting from just getting dumped and eventually we went back to her apt. We were both drunk and we started making out for a while. But I just felt so guilty I had to leave. This girl is hotter than my current exgf too. Its weird but I guess when you set your mind on being faithful to one girl for the rest of your life, its hard to break the spell. Also, part of it is just that my ego and self-esteem are still back at point 0. Its like all my experience with girls disappeared and I'm 13 again and nervous around girls. I just dont have the motivation now. But you think in a month things will look brighter?
bstill Posted May 15, 2005 Posted May 15, 2005 Yeah, that kind of hook up happens. The guilt happens. My strategy when I have been rejected was to mope for a few weeks and then go out and get the next sexual encounter over with; even just making out will do it. My mostrecent break up left me pretty nervous about bedding down a new girl, but I felt comfortable walkingaround with my most recent sexual partner being my ex gf. And it is very good for your ego. I think it would be better to keep your hurt over your ex to yourself, though, unless you are actually dating the girl you make out with. Casual flings don'tneed to know, as grateful as you are for having a sympathetic ear, and if your ex hears you are back in the ball game but also hears that you are miserable, she will think you are only interested in finding ways tosoothe the pain she caused. Even though she would be absolutely right, don't let her thinkthat. People are sick that way; it doesn't make them think they made a mistake treating a person the way they did, it only makes them feel powerful. Instead, let her think you are back inthe game because you aren't hurting at all, and because you are having a very good time. There isn't a time frame for how you are feeling, but in a month I promise you will be feeling much better. The thing is, I am not tellingyou that you will feel good in month, just much better. Whatever you do, don't do anything regarding your ex. No matter how mcuh you think what you might say or do will help, it will not. That girl messed you up, and you are not thinking straight. I've read some of your other posts, and everything you've thought about is natural, as long as you don't acutally think about doing any of that stuff--the tellingher parents about her sex life especially. And leave the new guy alone. He doesn't matter. If anything, feel a weird kinship with him; he did you a favor, and will probably, if they stay together, end up feeling like you do. If she approaches you, there is a lot of advice around this siteon how to behave. If she doesn't approach you, after six months or a year, send her a letter or brief email saying that you are surprised to have not heard from her, but that you understand, and that you only wanted to be able to tell her in person that you really enjoyed your time together, and that you wish her the best. IT will be good for you, and you will look like an incredible man (because you are). The thing to keep in mind at all times is that if she comes back, it might take a very very long time. And she probably won't be coming back.
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