missbrenda Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 In need of some outsider clarification. I have been dating someone for about 3 months now, (i am 26, he is 31...not your typical 31 year old) i know its still new but this is one of those relationships where the spark ignited the day we met. When we met, i had a boyfriend at the time, but 4 months later boyfriend and I broke up and out of nowhere me and new guy started talking to each other frequently. We are somewhat co workers, he works at the corporate office i work at and we had constant communication via email throughout the 4 months after we met regarding work, but it was never anything serious. After we finally went out on our first date, it's like we knew. Nothing for me has ever felt more right. We started seeing eachother more and more frequently, i started sleeping over his house (no sex until about 2 weeks in) and things couldn't feel greater. One thing i can say, i knew he had some kind of underlying issue because he seemed like he had a fear of some kind. He wouldn't say much, but our connection was undeniable. We did things with each other we never did with anyone else, we were so happy when we were together and we hated being apart. Last night, we were having sex and he came fairly quickly. Thats where the issue started. He kept saying he didn't understand why this happened, because it never happened with anyone else. One argument to the next, i told him... "well maybe we should end this if its such a big issue for you" Thats where his doubt came in. He started saying things like "you'll probably find someone better than me in a week", "i'm sure you can get a boyfriend real fast". Then he finally told me of his fear of committing, and the fact that things always end up bad, he knows himself and he knows things are going to end eventually. That made me so mad i started to argue with him. He kept telling me things are so great with me, too great even. So i told him i want to be with him and i am willing to take a risk and see where this goes, because you never know where things lead you. But i also told him, I'll do whatever you want. If you want me to leave, i'll leave. He said he didn't want me to leave but he needed time to think about what he wanted because its not fair for me if what i want is a relationship with a title. Never have i ever asked for anything in this relationship, most relationships for me have been about the title, but they have been empty. For the first time, i just want him, i just want to be happy. I don't care about a title at the moment, as long as we are monogamous, i am fine. He kept saying, "i know thats what you want, and i don't know if i can give it to you" I asked him.."how do you feel when you're with me?" he said...."Happy" why end a relationship where we make eachother happy??? makes no sense to me He wouldn't go to sleep if i didn't cuddle with him, finally we cuddled and eventually went to sleep. After two hours of sleep, As we were getting ready in the morning he came back from the bathroom, laid down on the bed and told me...."i need to make sure i'm making the right decision (hands on his head, deep breaths, i knew what was coming) i need to end this, its for the best in the end" i was in shock. I said to him..."how can you throw away something good just like that? we have nothing going wrong with us" he said... Tears in his eyes, "I don't know, and maybe i'm not thinking straight right now, but i need to end it because of how good its going...eventually things go bad and they're going to end anyways" He gave me a hug before we said our goodbyes but i couldn't hug him back. He kept saying sorry. Long story short, i called him to his cell on our way to work... he talked as normal and he said we should keep the work communication the same, i told him i couldn't and i don't need to talk to him regarding work. He kept practically begging me to keep out work relationship (although we are technically not co workers). He said we shouldn't talk, if i text him he wasn't going to write back. I said, no worries.... but i don't know how long i can keep away. He also said he has strong feelings for me, and this was hurting him like hell but he had to do it. When we got off the phone, he text me a while later saying he was blocking my number because it had to be done to get it over with. This is by far one of my most painful breakups. My gut and heart tell me this is not over. I am left in shock, not knowing what to think. Only my gut feelings and scattered thoughts. I am thinking he has a fear of committing and is scaring himself at the fact that his feelings for me are stronger than what he wants them to be. What should i do? I care about him so much, and when you know, you know. I don't think this is the end for us. The story probably makes no sense but pleaseee, advice is needed! I ask myself and him....why end a relationship that doesn't need to be ended? Why end something so good? We had no bad, only our self doubts and fears.
Tobin Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 Sounds to me like things were good until the big argument after he prematurely ejaculated. You got mad, it went from one argument to the next.. so we're talking two different issues here. 1 is your lack of understanding to his sexual issue and 2 was your uncontrolled anger which led to one argument after another. If it was me and I had a woman react this way to me I'd kick her to the curb without looking back, and in fact I did as much with a woman I dated for a couple of months. It was hot and heavy but way too much arguing. I didn't need the stress it just wasn't worth it despite the good parts of the relationship. I totally get where he's coming from.
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