Truth34 Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 Hello everyone, I've been dealing with a "break up" for about two months now. I'm in a better place today than I have been for sure. In the early stages I googled things and found this site, so I've spent a few nights perusing the forum from time to time. I guess I'm deciding to post today because I am coming to terms that this will forever change my relationship with this girl, and while the past is the past, it really prevents things from ever going back to "normal". It's a long story with a lot of details that made her amazing. Like anyone who falls in love, the moments where your heart beats so strongly for someone can catch you by surprise. Anyway, onto the story. It was almost two years ago when we bumped into each other on the internet. Not a dating site, just a chat site. She was younger than me, like way younger, so I immediately thought to keep moving. But we ended up talking and being friendly, learning little things over the few hours we talked. So much enjoyment that we exchanged phone numbers and social media profiles. I was 21 and she was 17. I had a full time job, she was in HS. So we would txt every so often and the conversations were as innocent as can be. Like I said, she was young and I truly wasn't looking for anything out of this. She was clearly interested in me in some way, and I recognized this so I felt obligated to be who I am and go with it. And lets make this clear, there was never any flirting or any of that. Strictly conversations, probably would put a lot of people here to sleep. But they were fun for her, and I admit that I found it cute that she would keep txting me even after we hadn't talked for a few weeks. I really didn't understand what a HS girl saw in me, I wasn't some underwear model or some badass with tattoos and giant biceps. Just a kid who liked to have conversations and some may consider cute. Anyway, we continued talking off and on, most Sunday nights we would chat for a few hours. Then a few months since we had met she didn't txt me for a month and a half or so. Not being real consumed by this casual friendship, I didn't really notice or mind. But then out of the blue she txtd me one day. I was pretty surprised, and I mentioned how she must have found a boy. She kinda joked and said yes, she had, and how did I know? I said well it's pretty obvious, and so we talked a little bit about him and I said I was happy for her. So we still talked from then on every so often. I could see her posting pictures on social media with him and she seemed pretty damn happy. It was all good. It was the winter of 2014, so already a year since we first met, when I was at home and my phone rang late at night. It was her, which caught me off guard because we never talked on the phone. I answered and it was her friend who started asking who I was and how I knew Abby, that I knew she had a BF and all this. They had been drinking, and I remember plenty of these moments at parties in my HS days so I kinda just chuckled and went along with it. She was able to get the phone back and apologized for her friend, and clearly she was embarrassed for it all. I said no problem and we continued txting that night for a while. So the winter moved on, and one night she txtd me and asked if she could ask me a question. She explained how she had lost her boyfriend and wanted to hear what my opinions were on it and what she should do. How she should do it, why would he do it? So i offered my opinion and we talked a bit that night, she was appreciative about it and we started to talk just a little more often since that. The next big step was when she was on spring break with her GF's down in Florida. One night I was laying in bed and she txtd me asking what I was up to. Being from the frozen tundra of the Midwest, I explained I was freezing my ass off. She offered to help me with that, and I still remember reading that with wide eyes. It was the first time she had really hit on me, and I rolled with it. I was pretty surprised but obviously she was also coming off a rough patch with her relationship. Over the next month I fired off a txt joking about being in her college town, and that I would take her to lunch. I was, of course, sitting in my room over 10 hours away from this town. But I do travel for vacation so It wouldnt be that crazy for me to be there, and she knew this. (And I have been to this town before). So she got excited, and asked me "really? You're here?" and I rolled with it for a txt or two before telling her I was just kidding. She was pretty mad at me apparently, and later she told me she remembers getting that txt and thinking how she needed to get back to her dorm to get ready. Told me she remembers exactly where she was, etc.. After that I said that I would be driving pretty close by when I take my vacation in early May. So maybe we could meet up. Fast forward to my vacation, and we had already talked much more over the last two weeks. She ended up not being able to meet me because she had to pack her stuff up to leave the dorm the next day. But regardless we started txting every day over my vacation. It was getting rather flirtacious at this point and so while driving back home (Ohio-MN) I stopped in Chicago to get gas. She had asked earlier if "maybe we could talk on the phone tonight?" to which I said definitely. So I called her while leaving Chicago (ironically I was only about 45 minutes from her house at this point) and we talked for the whole six hours it took me to get home, almost 5 in the AM when I walked in the door. The convo wasn't that good on her part, but she kept me awake and you could tell she enjoyed it. I gave her crap about it and all that, which she laughed about and told me she was trying. It was cute. Anyway, so now its middle-late May and we are in full swing in terms of phone convos, learning more and more about one another each day. Sexual frustration is becoming undeniable and so we plan a weekend for her to come up to see me. It was agreed to be a week into June, but that actually changed when I txtd her to "come here" the Saturday before that weekend. She said she had to ref a soccer game (her side job in the summer) and I said screw that. So she said okay, well what should I tell my mom? We went on a little about that and she said okay I'll leave at 5pm. I couldn't believe she was actually just going to drop everything and come the six hours to see me like this. I didnt get off work until 1005 that night, and she was on schedule for about 11. So i rushed to the gas station, got her favorite beverages, got home and cleaned the house in a frenzy, hopped in the shower, and when I got out she had sent a txt "2 mins away". I threw on my clothes and jogged outside. And there she was. Almost two years in the making. A person it seemed like I had known forever. The smile on her face was something so beautiful. Relieved to finally meet this person she had dreamed about, talked to for hours and hours, all of these emotions were there. So I carried her stuff in and we had an amazing weeked together. She got to my place Saturday night and she left Tuesday morning. I took her around my city one day, and the others we just went and got food and laid around. It was amazing, and upon her departure it hit me. Her eyes when she looked at me told me so much. We would just hold each other and smirk. She was so comfortable and happy to be in my arms. And I was taken back by home strong these feelings came rushing in. Over the next month we continued talking, telling one another how important this is. And how happy we were to have met, the crazy way we did. And to be where we are now. It wasn't dating, but it was a real attraction and care for one another. I wanted to plan a weekend to come see her, and it was fathers day weekend so she had to clear it with the family. When she said it wasn't going to work I said no problem, we'll do it soon. She burst out in tears and said how much she misses me and how much she wanted to see me. So the next weekend I decided to come down and she was thrilled. The whole way down she was asking me where I was and telling me when she would be back home to be ready. I got there and she was wearing my favorite outfit, and we drove around her town so she could show me where all these places are that we had talked about. That night, after meeting her family and going into her room (which was an amazing feeling for me, since thats where she was when we first met) we got a hotel room so we could spend the night together. The next morning we left, and she had put on her favorite band while we drove to get food. It was a song that I txtd lyrics to her while she was sleeping, not knowing it was her favorite song. She loved that I took interest in it, because its not really my style of music. So of course thats the song she puts on, and in my truck she sat right next to me holding my hand and just playfully dancing and singing along. Especially to the part that I had texted her. We ate, and we went back to her home to watch a movie before she had soccer practice. It was upon leaving that I started tearing up, knowing that this is what love feels like. I knew I loved this girl, and at the exact moment I started to tear up I looked at my phone and she had txtd me "I MISS YOU ALREADY", which made me go into full wuss mode. That drive home was great, but sad because I knew that I was becoming very attached to this. It was a fairy tale. Fast forward, I had surprised her the next weekend by showing up with her favorite iced coffee and throwing something at her window to wake her up. Literally out of a novel, I know. So she came down and just gave me this look like she though I was crazy to drive down in the middle of the night. We spent about five or six hours together before I had to drive home (I know, I'm nuts) and It was a good day. This time I left and I felt more confident, like Im showin her how distance isnt a big deal at all. And we had chatted about her possibly transfering colleges after this (2015) years is over. And we talked about me coming to visit her this year in college and all that. !!!! I gotta run, but I'll come back and add to this shortly!
Author Truth34 Posted September 11, 2015 Author Posted September 11, 2015 I typed out a whole reply.. ugh. So back to this novel. The following week things started to change. One night she just told me she felt weird. And she didnt elaborate on it, but she had done this once before. So I knew it wasnt good. So that week I kept my composure even though our convos suffered. No more cute messages, the excitement was gone. That following weekend she came up to MN with her family and we did meet up, and actually had a good night. I gave her a stuffed animal and she named it after one of my nicknames. I brought up the convo issues that week and she apologized saying she didnt mean to make me feel like that and not to worry. On my way back to drop her off she held my hand and gave it a few kisses. I talked a little about the meaning of words and truthfully I was going to lead into telling her I loved her. But when she didnt express a lot of excitement when I asked her if she would like me to read something, I decided against it. The next morning I left for Ohio and the following week is when the warning signs became just regular signs. We talked infrequently which NEVER happened, the convos were never cute, the names we called eachother stopped too. It was terrible. We used to always talk around Midnight on Thursdays, so we did that week as well. I asked her up front what was wrong because it couldn't be more obvious. She assured me she still had feelings she had just wanted to get away from her phone and that she thought we were already in a relationship. And with college coming up she didnt want that. I agreed and thought this would ease her, and it didnt. The lack of communication killed me but I held it together long enough so I could stop by and see her on my drive home from Ohio. We met up by her house after her miscommunicating my stopping by, but I respect her for still coming out to see me instead of making an excuse which would have been far easier. We talked a little, and she avoided eye contact. I went in for a kiss and it was just a peck. I asked her to kiss me for real and she said she couldn't. At this point I grabbed her hand and said alright, lets go. I didnt want to make this any worse for her than it already was. We went back to our cars and talked a little. Both our eyes teared up at times, we hugged and she said this doesnt mean I dont ever wanna see you again. To which I said well, I can't just go back to being friends again. She said txt me when you get home, drive safe. So we txtd a little when I got home. I brought up how confused I was and she tried to console me saying that she didnt lose feelings she just didnt want to do this with college going on and whatnot. That she needed time to think. With her Canada trip coming up we agreed to both give space. So since that time I have since finalized my thoughts with her. I was upbeat about it at the end, although I did send one rather heavy txt in between that you could tell she didnt know what to respond with. I told her im not saying goodbye but just when she thinks of me, let me know. That was around early August. Since that time we have had snapchats and txts, but all but one time it was her who communicated first. She got moved into her apartment and sent me a snapchat with my stuffed animal in her hands. I thought that was nice. August 31st she txtd me late at night. We talked a little and she said she missed talking to me and that we should catch up soon. I said sure. Havent heard from her in almost two weeks now though. I have never loved a girl like this. The complete 180 is hard for me to believe. I lost 10lbs and couldnt sleep early on. I lost a great friend. A lost a fun girl. And its sad to know that no matter what, this ending will always be part of our history. No matter how peaceful it was. I suspect an ex in the mix based on some hints on social media, but im not 100%. And I believe the long distance thing along with whatever else was also part of it, but obviously there is a bigger picture. She is 19 now. She told me back when we first met, a month or so later she wrote about me in her diary. It blew my mind when she told me this. She was really enamored with me somehow. And that is gone. Opinions? Thoughts? Thanks to all that read this novel. I know it was dreadfully long but I tried my best to create the picture without generalizing.
Author Truth34 Posted September 11, 2015 Author Posted September 11, 2015 Anyone? Grab a beverage and take a swing at this please! We last talked on Aug 31st. Class is now in full swing and she said she misses talking and we should catch up. While I wasnt exactly bubbly in our convo, I didnt keep her waiting and was pleasant. Now two Thursdays have gone by (she had txtd me the previous three thursdays as usual) and not a peep. I guess I want to hear opinions about a young girl who was so happy to talk and be around me. Who always kept contact over long periods of time. I was never rude to her during the end. I expressed nothing but confusion but most of all that I would be here whenever she needs me, no matter how much time had passed. And to add, the reasons we quit being affectionate were college, long distance, and just her feeling different. That is what I was told, at least.
DrReplyInRhymes Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 (edited) To me it sounds like a relationship that ran its course, You both had feelings, probably still do, but it's beating a dead horse, She's made her decision obviously, as hard as it may have been, But I'm happy you got to experience it, even if it had to end. The reason for the breakup is a natural response to organize the confusion, However, it's often is an exercise in futility and could cause a hypothetical contusion, For, you may justify the reasons for the breakup as much as you can, But quite simply, you are not her, so it's hard to understand. Young love often comes and goes as quick as night and day, I like to believe it's due to inexperience, and not knowing the way, Take the feelings you felt for her, and store them inside, For those feelings are amazing, they remind you that you're alive! EDIT: added Don't dwell on the breakup, but rather revel in the time shared, She made you feel alive, and showed you she cared, Thing is, any woman who loves you at some point can do this too, I just hope the next woman you meet will be the one for you. Edited September 11, 2015 by DrReplyInRhymes
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