Have you ever been out with someone not knowing it was a date or not?

[craw]

It has happened to me that I've been totally clueless that a guy was interested in me.

 

How would you ask without being too blunt? I am blunt, but not when it comes to awkward situation such as this.

[XianErick]

Actually, I haven't been on many "dates" per se,

 

When i'm simply hanging out with a girl, taking her places, that's me inching towards asking her out.

 

Usually it ends up being labelled a date when the night ends with a kiss, or we end up dating.

 

Maybe you can just ask him if he likes you?

[Frank2thepoint]

How would you ask without being too blunt?

 

I would recommend just ask if it's a date. But then I am blunt myself.

[PaperCrane]

I ask out on 'dates' and I use the word specifically. Everyone is so wicked freaked out about being direct. Everyone in the world would like to have someone try and pursue them romantically so why approach it with a "hey uhh...haha...uhh wanna like go drink coffee and share pictures of cats?"

[Redhead14]

It has happened to me that I've been totally clueless that a guy was interested in me.

 

How would you ask without being too blunt? I am blunt, but not when it comes to awkward situation such as this.

 

It was usually pretty clear to me, but there was one time when that happened and what I said at the end of the "date" was "I've enjoyed this evening. I hope it was a date I'd like to do this again sometime soon." This guy, said, you didn't think this was a date? I guess I'm off my game here. Will you go out with me again on Xday? I gotta make up for this one

[shet]

Constantly. I hate beginning associating with someone personally by making it about me getting in their pants, and I'm kind of a demi-sexual (look it up) so for various reasons I'm very often only aware of things being only friendly, too late. After I already want them. OLD has helped tremendously here - beginning everything from the explicit understanding you're both here to look for a partner cleans the process up considerably (with the side effect, for me, that as a demisexual I actually don't really fancy them much for a couple months until I feel bonded to them, and often the prettiest women are the hardest to bond with).

 

In the end, if its not clear, you have to question it. I haven't found a way to avoid "bluntness". Questions gotta be asked. I've had women I've danced with and kissed end up surprised I was into them and thinking we were friends, much later. Women seem capable of some great mental acrobatics to avoid confronting very obvious attraction, if they don't feel the same.

[Frank2thepoint]

I ask out on 'dates' and I use the word specifically. Everyone is so wicked freaked out about being direct. Everyone in the world would like to have someone try and pursue them romantically so why approach it with a "hey uhh...haha...uhh wanna like go drink coffee and share pictures of cats?"

 

Oh yeah, it's funny but true. I agree that being direct from the start, throwing in the word "date" anytime you are asking a person out, alleviates any confusion immediately.

 

Unfortunately, there are people that don't like using the word "date", rather like the fantasy of it, while trying to figure out if that quick chat and drink was a date or just two people hanging out. Some people just love that type of drama.

[craw]

Ok now I'm on a computer, I can respond.

 

I ask out on 'dates' and I use the word specifically. Everyone is so wicked freaked out about being direct. Everyone in the world would like to have someone try and pursue them romantically so why approach it with a "hey uhh...haha...uhh wanna like go drink coffee and share pictures of cats?"

 

I laughed so hard when I read this, it's sooo true. Yeah I need to be upfront and say btw we're hanging out and not on a date.

 

It was usually pretty clear to me, but there was one time when that happened and what I said at the end of the "date" was "I've enjoyed this evening. I hope it was a date I'd like to do this again sometime soon." This guy, said, you didn't think this was a date? I guess I'm off my game here. Will you go out with me again on Xday? I gotta make up for this one

 

This is beautiful, I'm so glad I posted this thread and got this response.

 

Usually, I am crass and blunt - SO IS THIS A DATE OR WHAT? WANNA FIGHT?

 

ok not like that, but once I was seeing someone and I said over the phone [big mistake] so what's going on between us? He disappeared after that.

It kinda pisses me off that it's such a big deal just to be straight forward.

 

Anyway, thanks for your response.

[guild11]

I had an insane on someone, she is my supervisor at work.

I asked her out, she stated from the start that its not a date, just a hangout and even when we met she said again "its not a date"

The same evening she made it clear that she isnt interested.

 

Aaaaaand fast forward - we are together for 4 month now, she confessed she loves me and so do I.

 

[Frank2thepoint]

but once I was seeing someone and I said over the phone [big mistake] so what's going on between us? He disappeared after that.

It kinda pisses me off that it's such a big deal just to be straight forward.

 

It is unfortunate that the man, and any other men, have disappeared from you asking if it was a date. You are not the only one this has happened to, so welcome to the club. But look at the positive, by you being forward and the guy disappearing, you were quickly presented with the fact the guy wasn't for you. You no longer have to waste your time.

[PaperCrane]

Usually, I am crass and blunt - SO IS THIS A DATE OR WHAT? WANNA FIGHT?

 

Cool, I got the wrestling ropes set up around the bed.

 

The younger a person is the scarier the word seems to be to them. Directness isn't appreciated much until you're older.

 

When you're younger you just both feel physically attracted to each other mostly and bang it out for a couple months. Things implode because Peter didn't compliment your best friend Sally's dress, and that was just soooo mean, and Peter doesn't give a piss about dresses. Later this will be breakup thread #74231.

 

Relationships scare people and going in saying you think you'd like to see if that person cold fit your bill they start fast forwarding everything in their head instead of just spending a couple days to see if this person is likewise to yourself.

[craw]

I had an insane on someone, she is my supervisor at work.

I asked her out, she stated from the start that its not a date, just a hangout and even when we met she said again "its not a date"

The same evening she made it clear that she isnt interested.

 

Aaaaaand fast forward - we are together for 4 month now, she confessed she loves me and so do I.

 

 

That's a very cute story.

 

Also this is exactly what I want to avoid.

[E-Squared]

Actually, yes, I have been there, but I was not sure about what the deal was for the first one. I remember a long time ago, I was told by a friend of mine that this girl who I got friendly with liked me, and we had talked on the phone quite often until then. However, I did not get vibes from her. Of course, at some point, she started giving me vibes but then covered them up. We went out to lunch one day and then we went back to her place afterwards and mostly hung out. I remember talking with some friends about this, and they told me that if a girl invited me in, then I should have made a move. Of course, I was oblivious to any sort of non-verbals she may have given me.

 

Another one was that I sort of knew that it was a date, but it was not until that night that the girl told me that she paid for both of our movie tickets because my birthday was a few days before. In that case, I should have chosen another movie that I wanted to see, but she wanted to see a comedy movie, whereas the one I wanted was an action movie.