NTYCE Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 ok, so heres the story, ive been going out with my g.f for about 7 going on to 8 months. the past month, we have been going through alot of trouble. her birthday in this weekend and i just found out (text message) that her love issnt as strong as it used to, in other words, she is falling out of love with me. im not sure what to do. i told her that im not sure if im going to her party, because i cant bare looking at her. this is the second time ive been through this and i cant do it again. (i used to post here bout 2 years ago, under a dif nick) should i go to the party or just stay put and work things out...
ConfusedInOC Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 Originally posted by NTYCE ok, so heres the story, ive been going out with my g.f for about 7 going on to 8 months. the past month, we have been going through alot of trouble. her birthday in this weekend and i just found out (text message) that her love issnt as strong as it used to, in other words, she is falling out of love with me. im not sure what to do. i told her that im not sure if im going to her party, because i cant bare looking at her. this is the second time ive been through this and i cant do it again. (i used to post here bout 2 years ago, under a dif nick) should i go to the party or just stay put and work things out... Trust me, now is the time to walk away. If she's falling out of love with you, you'll end up getting hurt. I JUST went through something very simliar. Go into strict NO CONTACT mode. Don't call her, email her, text, IM or anything. Resist all urges. Don't tell her sappy things like you can't bare looking at her. All it does is confirm to her you're not self confident. Don't go to the party, don't contact her. If her love is strong, she'll realize it and contact you sometime down the road. If not, as they always say, it was never meant to be and you'll be on your way to dating someone else...
lindya Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 You need to find out why she said her feelings for you were dying. Did she text you this because it's genuinely how things are, or did she say it because she was feeling angry and hurt about something, and wanted to lash out at you? Only she can give you an answer. It's hard to say whether you should go to the party or not. In that situation, I'd probably go round near the beginning of the party - armed with a modest present, a card and a good excuse for not staying very long.
whichwayisup Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 You're hurting alot so I would say skip the party. It's only going to make you feel worse. And also, if she talks to another guy - That is going to bug ya! Wondering if she's interested in somebody else, or even if she's just flirting....All of it will get you going. I agree with Confused. Get out now, go NC and try to keep busier. You don't want to stay with someone who doesn't feel the same as you do. You deserve better than that! Don't ever settle for less!
Author NTYCE Posted May 14, 2005 Author Posted May 14, 2005 i thought about driving up to her house during the week and handing the present over.. to answer your question, she said it out of the blue... it came as quiet a shock, it knocked me out of my chair. im actually at the point where i just dont want to bother with it anymore. i don want to go through the same thing again, 2 years ago this happen and i dont want to get hurt again.. so i guess ill sit back and watch...
whichwayisup Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 so i guess ill sit back and watch... Well, keep us posted. Hang in there...
Angeleyez2583 Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 Ok here's the thing. I said the same thing to my ex after 2 years. I think it was because I was bored or w/e and things felt like they were changing. He didn't act the same. We didn't see eachother enough, etc , etc, Let me ask you a question: How romantic are you with her? Do you compliment her at all? How much time do you spend together? etc etc. Once I told him how I felt he got very very scared and did a complete 180. I also realized what I had said was a mistake. EVERYTHING was amazing for about 4 months until the breakup (fight involving drinking). So maybe she's bored, maybe she needs her space or w/e. Give her space and see what happens, but also, act like you did when you first met her.
Angeleyez2583 Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 (we were dating when I said I didn't feel the same about him as I used to) see above message
ConfusedInOC Posted May 15, 2005 Posted May 15, 2005 Originally posted by Angeleyez2583 Let me ask you a question: How romantic are you with her? Do you compliment her at all? How much time do you spend together? etc etc. Question: My ex said "I love you but I am not IN love with you..." and I did every romantic thing I could think of. I guess I am going to answer my own question: I AM REALLY LAME I guess she either wasn't ready, willing or able to accept my love or something else? Thoughts?
Angeleyez2583 Posted May 15, 2005 Posted May 15, 2005 well I said it b/c i was bored with the relationship. He wasn't changing, and i just didn't know if I wanted to be with him anymore. I realized what I said was a mistake on my own account. Sometimes the guy needs to back off the girl but other times there needs to be a change of scenery in the relationship
Author NTYCE Posted May 15, 2005 Author Posted May 15, 2005 well... i just dropped of the present and left pretty much straight away. all was said was happy birthday and thats about it. now its the waiting game... she didn seem too emotional, but hey, i think she getting over me. to answer your question, yes. we did romantic things. everytime we went out with was something nice or special. but hey... what more can a guy do? he cant always be romantic, it would just get to boring. i wont see her for awhile, next time ill see her will be at a show, she going to go with her borther. so im garenteed to see her there. i can barely look at her so it will be interesting to see her in 2 months... time to sit back and see what the future lies...
Mary3 Posted May 15, 2005 Posted May 15, 2005 This is for Confused in OC . I have been on both sides. I have wanted to break up with someone I no longer had feelings for. Would it have mattered if he flew me all the way to Hawaii ....or bought me 10,000 roses....the answer is no....It would not have changed anything and I would have felt bad to continue to accept romantic gestures. I have also been on the receiving end of closure where someone else wanted to end it with me. Thankfully I found this place when we started have his ex gf issues and I stayed with this site and prevented my self from too much humiliation when posters here suggested NC. Man if I wasnt reading from this site at the time I would have looked pathetic , begging and all we do to keep it alive... To the original poster...I feel your pain...make your pain less by having some self respect and staying away from the party...I dont know what made you draw to the conclusion that she was slipping away but trust your gut on that ....if she is dropping hints....Its a long road but someday you will find someone that will love you again....just like some of us here who might be looking for that special magic again
ConfusedInOC Posted May 15, 2005 Posted May 15, 2005 Originally posted by Mary3 This is for Confused in OC . I have been on both sides. I have wanted to break up with someone I no longer had feelings for. Would it have mattered if he flew me all the way to Hawaii ....or bought me 10,000 roses....the answer is no....It would not have changed anything and I would have felt bad to continue to accept romantic gestures. I have also been on the receiving end of closure where someone else wanted to end it with me. Thankfully I found this place when we started have his ex gf issues and I stayed with this site and prevented my self from too much humiliation when posters here suggested NC. Man if I wasnt reading from this site at the time I would have looked pathetic , begging and all we do to keep it alive... Well to my credit, I haven't begged or pleaded with her to work at at reconciling. If it wasn't for me breaking NC last Sunday I would have been fine. But I realize my mistake. We had a few conversations earlier in the week and basically at the end of it, I explained a few things and said I understand where we are at and why. But I did BREAK NC today again, but in a positive way. I bought a new bed yesterday and she had mentioned that her brother needs a new bed. So I called and left her a VERY CHEERFUL voicemail explaining that I bought a new bed and if her bro needed the old one, just let me know. Otherwise I'd donate it to charity. The thing is, the message was very positive and upbeat. If she calls back, I'll keep it on that subect and maintain my happy go lucky attitude. I need to maintain that attitude to survive without her.
Mary3 Posted May 15, 2005 Posted May 15, 2005 That is the very best thing you can do : To show her that you can live without her and that life DOES go on... I want you to think of it this way instead of the " I cant survive without her mode " You ARE alive and breathing and for now thats all that counts. You survive each day and the NC is very valuable right now. We go on and someday we find someone else. Just as you were whole before you knew her and you are getting whole now so you can make your next relationship 1000 times better because you dont want to walk into a new one with old feelings of the past and hurt your new gf that you will get ... Start thinking of TODAY and your tomorrows and who will fill your days someday but for now, just breathe in life and patiently wait for this to clear your mind.
ConfusedInOC Posted May 16, 2005 Posted May 16, 2005 Originally posted by Mary3 That is the very best thing you can do : To show her that you can live without her and that life DOES go on... I want you to think of it this way instead of the " I cant survive without her mode " You ARE alive and breathing and for now thats all that counts. You survive each day and the NC is very valuable right now. We go on and someday we find someone else. Just as you were whole before you knew her and you are getting whole now so you can make your next relationship 1000 times better because you dont want to walk into a new one with old feelings of the past and hurt your new gf that you will get ... Start thinking of TODAY and your tomorrows and who will fill your days someday but for now, just breathe in life and patiently wait for this to clear your mind. Thank you. I'd love to do that but I've been crying non stop for a week. I just wish I could stop.
Mary3 Posted May 16, 2005 Posted May 16, 2005 I know exactly how you feel. I know about being devastated and feeling the whole world is dark and the crying. Crying each day... its a release of pain. One of the steps in grieving the loss of what you had. You need to cry 10 times a day then do it. If you need to do 100 other things ( erasing memories, beating the pillow, whatever ) then do it.. I really feel for you . My sadness was replaced ( eventually ) with acceptance . I learned alot about myself. I am verrry strong now. And take each day one at a time. 2 weeks from now, 2 months from now, it all changes and so will you..... So will she and life circumstances. One day you wont be thinking 24/7 about her. Good Luck
RecordProducer Posted May 16, 2005 Posted May 16, 2005 I think you need to find out if she is mad at you because of something that can be fixed or if it's how she feels about you overall.
Author NTYCE Posted May 17, 2005 Author Posted May 17, 2005 ummm... hrmm ok.. well.. after the first day of NC, she msg me, saying hi and telling me how bored she is... wtf? whats she up to? what could this mean?
whitewhale Posted May 17, 2005 Posted May 17, 2005 Originally posted by NTYCE ummm... hrmm ok.. well.. after the first day of NC, she msg me, saying hi and telling me how bored she is... wtf? whats she up to? what could this mean? for me "bored" isn't a good sign. did you reply? you might ask what is she so bored with. or if she expects u 2 do sth about it. then perhaps you'll know if you're in or out of the relationship actually.
ReluctantRomeo Posted May 17, 2005 Posted May 17, 2005 Originally posted by NTYCE after the first day of NC, she msg me, saying hi and telling me how bored she is... wtf? Could be any number of things.... she's bored and wants entertainment, she wants to check you're ok, she is beginning to miss you already. Bottom line: Sami is right - all you know is that she wants to communicate. I'd be "busy" today and msg her back in a day or two.
Author NTYCE Posted May 17, 2005 Author Posted May 17, 2005 hrmm, so what happened to nc? if i contact her in a few days that means i gave in.. hrmmm??
ReluctantRomeo Posted May 17, 2005 Posted May 17, 2005 Have I misunderstood? You're still officially dating, yes? A bit early for full NC, IMO. I'd just play it cool and be a lot less available. Not returning phone calls immediately makes you look mysterious and strong. Not returning them ever looks rude... and will make her think that *you* have dumped *her*.
Author NTYCE Posted May 17, 2005 Author Posted May 17, 2005 no, we officially broke up a few days ago... just got a msg from her again.. hrmm
Illusion24 Posted May 17, 2005 Posted May 17, 2005 CO...why does every thread end up talking about your problems...Come on buddy help out NTYCE it's his thread!!! Don't take this the wrong way, but give it a break others need advice too. Just a thought?
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