girlfriend broke up with me

[Mike19]

My situation is so weird.... my ex girlfriend and I broke up on Monday.. she broke up with me.. We were long distance(not too far, about an hour or two away) and I'm a little bit older.. I'm out of college and she just started... So on Monday, we broke up cause we had a little argument... I think it was on her mind for a little bit.. she was completely honest with me(something I've never gotten from an ex before) she was like I love you but I'm not in love with you like the way you want me to be... and she was saying how over the past few weeks that whenever she went out with her friends.. even though she was faithful.. she felt leftout that her friends had stories to tell her and she didn't really have any.. and she wanted to experience things in life(not even about guys) that she couldn't really experience while taken... so instead of dragging me along and potentially end up either cheating or hurting me other ways.. she thought she would break up with me.... then she was like "there isn't a chance to get back together" but then yesterday she said one of the reasons she said that was because she didn't want me to give up on doing things in my life and wait on her..

 

it's weird, because.. ever since the breakup it seems like we actually talk more... especially on the phone.. we don't text as much as we use to.. but our phone convos seem to be longer.. and there is literally no boring moments in them... like we literally act the same exact way as when we were together except for talking about relationship type stuff or being mushy/lovey dovey and sexual convos.... besides for that.. everything is the same..... usually it takes me some time to get over ex's.. but with her.. who I loved more than any other ex.. it seems like I'm almost over... it's like I still think about memories in the relationship or certain things... but I don't want to like cry myself to sleep, mop around, not enjoy shows/songs/etc that we have in common or things like that...

 

this is honestly one of the most weirdest break-ups I ever had.. Like I believe her reasoning.. but in the back of my mind.. I think I was either saying things/doing things that overwhelmed her,stressed her out or pushed her away... cause literally a day before the break up we were acting normal.. then I think I said something stupid... and she was almost like "i can't do this anymore" cause she is 100 percent honest... so i know if she was feeling those feelings for awhile she would have told me.. but like my thing is... I'm actually cool with being her friend...like we are really close and feels like getting closer and closer... in the back of my mind... I kind of hope we have another chance in the future.. but like I'm not really expecting us to... but like it's weird... in my brain and my heart... I feel like eventually we will get back together.. usually when people think that.. they wait around and mop... but I'm actually planning on living my life and going out and having fun.... so I really don't know what to think... like what do you think she feels? i mean we literally talk on the phone almost 3-4 hours a day... sometimes less

 

 

 

to go along with this.. whenever I need closure.. about a certain memory or whatever.. she always talks to me about it... ex's in the past.. would ignore me

 

 

I'm also a few years older than her... she is 18

[Chi townD]

She gave you the "I love you but I'm not IN love with you" Speech. And when you hear the "ILYBINILWY" speech, there's usually another guy.

 

 

Now, was she cheating? Probably. Maybe not physically. Maybe emotionally. Probably during one of these parties that she goes to with friends, she met someone. Maybe she needed to end it with you before going with this guy, or maybe she already has. My point is, dollars to donuts, there's another guy.

 

 

So, why is she still in contact with you? Maybe because she's unsure of this other dude. Maybe she can't gage if he's interested in a relationship with her or if he is just "hitting it". So, she's keeping lines of communication with you just incase this other dude doesn't work out. Then, she has you as a back up plan.

 

 

You need to stop talking to her. She broke up with you. She made the choice to have you out of her life. She basically stated that your services as boyfriend are no longer required. Therefore, you owe her nothing! You need to start NC. She needs to see what life is going to be like with you in it. You need to block her from all of your social media.

 

 

Time to heal and move on dude.

[Mike19]

She gave you the "I love you but I'm not IN love with you" Speech. And when you hear the "ILYBINILWY" speech, there's usually another guy.

 

 

Now, was she cheating? Probably. Maybe not physically. Maybe emotionally. Probably during one of these parties that she goes to with friends, she met someone. Maybe she needed to end it with you before going with this guy, or maybe she already has. My point is, dollars to donuts, there's another guy.

 

 

So, why is she still in contact with you? Maybe because she's unsure of this other dude. Maybe she can't gage if he's interested in a relationship with her or if he is just "hitting it". So, she's keeping lines of communication with you just incase this other dude doesn't work out. Then, she has you as a back up plan.

 

 

You need to stop talking to her. She broke up with you. She made the choice to have you out of her life. She basically stated that your services as boyfriend are no longer required. Therefore, you owe her nothing! You need to start NC. She needs to see what life is going to be like with you in it. You need to block her from all of your social media.

 

 

Time to heal and move on dude.

 

 

 

Another guy may be true.. I mean I don't put stock in anything girls say... because they always say one thing but mean a different thing.. but she will always say things like " I don't really want to be in a relationship until I'm like 21-24 because I want to experience life first like going on trips,doing things,etc."

 

 

but yeah I have an ex that broke up with me around like a year and 4-5 months ago... and we ended up becoming really close and are like best friends now....So I wouldn't mind if this girl and I eventually became really close.. but I guess me posting this on a message board, is proof that I'm not over her

[Chi townD]

The "ILYBINILWY" speech is straight out of the cheater handbook. It's a classic and is used often by both genders.

 

 

You need to move on dude. But you need to block her from all your social media because she's going to start posting pics with her going to parties and having a grand old time while you're still mending a broken heart. And sooner or later, she'll start posting pics with her and another guy. Dude, you don't need to see that crap while you're trying to heal.

[Mike19]

Another thing a few people have said is... she might not have a guy in mind... but she defiantly wants to go out and have more fun, without feeling the need to be committed.. so that basically means... hookups and ****.

[Mike19]

The "ILYBINILWY" speech is straight out of the cheater handbook. It's a classic and is used often by both genders.

 

 

You need to move on dude. But you need to block her from all your social media because she's going to start posting pics with her going to parties and having a grand old time while you're still mending a broken heart. And sooner or later, she'll start posting pics with her and another guy. Dude, you don't need to see that crap while you're trying to heal.

 

 

Thankfully I don't have her on any social media anymore.. we mainly just text and talk on the phone.. so it will probably be easy to avoid hearing/seeing other guys... but then again.. if she thinks I'm her friend.. she might start feeling the need to tell me these things.... I actually think you're right.. I need to let go

[Chi townD]

Another thing a few people have said is... she might not have a guy in mind... but she defiantly wants to go out and have more fun, without feeling the need to be committed.. so that basically means... hookups and ****.

 

 

And that would be true also. It's called GIGS (Grass Is Greener Syndrome). But, rarely have I seen someone with GIGS use the ILYBINILWY speech. GIGS means she'll go hog wild. Partying a lot, experimenting with drugs, and sleeping with a lot of folks. A lot of times, it's self destructive behavior. Again, you don't need to see that either.

[Mike19]

And that would be true also. It's called GIGS (Grass Is Greener Syndrome). But, rarely have I seen someone with GIGS use the ILYBINILWY speech. GIGS means she'll go hog wild. Partying a lot, experimenting with drugs, and sleeping with a lot of folks. A lot of times, it's self destructive behavior. Again, you don't need to see that either.

 

 

Damn.. I actually feel bad for her.. cause I honestly think when her "fun days" are over.. she's gonna wish she had someone like me.. I know that sounds cocky.. but like we literally had everything in common... I'll honestly feel bad for her if she self destructs and by the time she's 23-24 she looks 40

[PaperCrane]

However she won't ever appreciate or have the "I wish I had you..." feelings until she goes ham and gets slammed into 15 different beds a year and guys who put up the good act until they're bored.

 

Or, she could find literal prince charming tomorrow.

 

Doesn't matter one iota anymore though.

[Mike19]

I've realized this last night to be honest... I don't think I actually miss her.. I think I miss the memories we had... but I realized, especially with what you said.. to get over those memories.. I have to let her go.

[Mike19]

However she won't ever appreciate or have the "I wish I had you..." feelings until she goes ham and gets slammed into 15 different beds a year and guys who put up the good act until they're bored.

 

Or, she could find literal prince charming tomorrow.

 

Doesn't matter one iota anymore though.

 

 

 

So I'm guessing there's probably a 99.9 percent chance we won't ever get back together, especially during her "wild years"

[mightycpa]

I've realized this last night to be honest... I don't think I actually miss her.. I think I miss the memories we had... but I realized, especially with what you said.. to get over those memories.. I have to let her go.

If you've graduated, it should be pretty easy to let go of her, and find some women to date. Nothing wrong with college girls, but women in their 20's are a ton of fun, and they seem to be more understanding if you date a few women at a time.

[Mike19]

This girl must be the sneaky type of girl then... Cause I've had girls in the past who would break up with me.. for the "I love you but not in love with you" thing. and I knew for sure they were talking to other guys...but they would completely ignore me and give me like no closure.... but this girl has tried giving me closure on basically everything.. so it just kind of surprised me? cause I never had an ex like that.

[Chi townD]

I've realized this last night to be honest... I don't think I actually miss her.. I think I miss the memories we had... but I realized, especially with what you said.. to get over those memories.. I have to let her go.

 

You don't miss her because you're constantly communicating with her.

 

 

You need to do NC and it's going to be hard ignoring her texts and letting her calls go to voicemail. But, you need to do that to heal.

 

 

Then, you need to start making positive changes in your life. Get new hobbies. Go to the gym everyday. Travel! Go see what's out there! The point is, KEEP BUSY!!!

[Mike19]

You don't miss her because you're constantly communicating with her.

 

 

You need to do NC and it's going to be hard ignoring her texts and letting her calls go to voicemail. But, you need to do that to heal.

 

 

Then, you need to start making positive changes in your life. Get new hobbies. Go to the gym everyday. Travel! Go see what's out there! The point is, KEEP BUSY!!!

 

 

 

 

That's a good point... and this is probably helping her more than it's helping me, while hurting me more than it's hurting her..cause she either has another guy she's into,wants to mess around with multiple guys at parties,clubs,etc.. and also doesn't have time to miss me either cause I'm still there for her emotional support.

[PaperCrane]

Once again.

 

It doesn't matter if she does or doesn't. It's over.

Done.

Finito.

"It's dead, Jim."

 

If she does come back, woohoo. But once again, it doesn't matter.

 

You need to accept the fact you two are done. Just because she is acting differently than other girls doesn't mean it isn't just as done.

 

If I smash a watermelon with a hammer, or decide to drop it from a building, the watermelon is still done for, it doesn't matter the avenue.

[Mike19]

Once again.

 

It doesn't matter if she does or doesn't. It's over.

Done.

Finito.

"It's dead, Jim."

 

If she does come back, woohoo. But once again, it doesn't matter.

 

You need to accept the fact you two are done. Just because she is acting differently than other girls doesn't mean it isn't just as done.

 

If I smash a watermelon with a hammer, or decide to drop it from a building, the watermelon is still done for, it doesn't matter the avenue.

 

 

That's true.. I'm actually planning on going out this weekend to start meeting/talking to other people... as well as even trying some dating apps... I'm not looking for a relationship right now... But I'm not gonna keep myself down

[Mike19]

You guys know that saying... sometimes you don't realize what people are saying until you find out for yourself.... yeah.. I realized I need to no contact policy here... i was in denial before and now I'm in acceptance... i can't keep doing this to myself... I feel like she kept her in her life.. to still have that person she can lean on emotionally. and also to have control over mine.. even if she says nice things, she knows as long as I'm stuck on her... I won't go out and do things...

 

like when we talk on the phone or text.. old memories get reminded of.. just the little things.. and then sometimes I'll ask her stupid questions like "you know how people will look at an ex and in a few years say what was i doing with him/her? and then I was like "I really was your type of guy right"? or "you didn't break up with me cause you didn't find me attractive anymore, right(basically trying to get her to call me cute) and just all these other things that are hard to understand.... or things like "if someone asked about me, you would tell them you loved me and i was a good boyfriend" or like if someone was like "did you love your ex you would say you did at the time , right" so I'm basically looking for her acceptance.. which is sucky... i didn't realize this at the time... but now I do... i CAN'T TALK TO HER OR BE FRIENDS WITH HER.. ESPECIALLY IF I ASK THINGS LIKE THIS, CAUSE IT'S PRETTY OBVIOUS TO HER THAT I'M NOT OVER HER EVEN IF SHE DOESN'T SAY IT, SHE KNOWS IN HER MIND I'M NOT OVER HER SO SHE HAS ME WHERE SHE WANTS ME..

 

 

 

 

what would your guys suggestions be to get over an ex.. I'm so use to talking to her for the last 8-9 months.. so like I literally need things to fill in the time

[PaperCrane]

It's easy! Take up smoking, drinking, porn addiction and cursing at cooking shows.

 

Honestly though? Think of something fun or healthy that you enjoy. Each time you start to think of contacting her, do that thing instead.

 

Reading is good. Exercise. Art. Anything is literally better than wasting time thinking about an ex.

[Mike19]

I've been trying to think about this more clearly and deeper the last few days.... and I kind of believe her reasons of falling out of love and wanting to do other things.... but in a way I think I did this to myself.. over time.. I ended up changing from the person that she really loved,liked,cared about,etc.. to a person that neither of us knew anymore... like after awhile in the relationship... I stop doing my own thing besides for work, I would basically be dependent on her every day... then If we didn't talk.. I would bitch,whine and moan "I'm gonna be so bored without us talking tonight my life is boring right now and sucks" and so much other clingy things I have never done before...

 

I think most of her reasons.. came from about a month of me being unbearable... she would show me signs also, she would be like "I think you are starting to lose your admiration and one of the things I need in a guy is admiration" and just things like that... as of late.. I've been having more fun.. and realizing with an open mind what I did..

[Mike19]

She gave you the "I love you but I'm not IN love with you" Speech. And when you hear the "ILYBINILWY" speech, there's usually another guy.

 

 

Now, was she cheating? Probably. Maybe not physically. Maybe emotionally. Probably during one of these parties that she goes to with friends, she met someone. Maybe she needed to end it with you before going with this guy, or maybe she already has. My point is, dollars to donuts, there's another guy.

 

 

So, why is she still in contact with you? Maybe because she's unsure of this other dude. Maybe she can't gage if he's interested in a relationship with her or if he is just "hitting it". So, she's keeping lines of communication with you just incase this other dude doesn't work out. Then, she has you as a back up plan.

 

 

You need to stop talking to her. She broke up with you. She made the choice to have you out of her life. She basically stated that your services as boyfriend are no longer required. Therefore, you owe her nothing! You need to start NC. She needs to see what life is going to be like with you in it. You need to block her from all of your social media.

 

 

Time to heal and move on dude.

 

 

 

I just wanted to say.. I honestly think you were right... I mean she still talked to me like two and a half weeks after the breakup.. and then randomly about a week ago she said "we should only talk occasionally and not so much like we did when we were dating, cause we'd basically have everything we did while dating" She didn't come out and say it, but I know it has to do with another guy most likely... Chi Town was 100 percent right... she wanted to keep me around for awhile just to see how the other guy was..

 

I honestly wish I would have listened from the start, but I was so blinded and acting off emotion.. Thankfully it's been about a week since I haven't contacted... I don't plan to ever contact her again.. it sucks because we had a really good connection... even after the breakup... but It seems like she did have GIGS.. or something.. so if anyone new is going through a breakup.. make sure you go no contact IMMEDIATELY.

[Mike19]

Just a little update

 

Basically 10 months after I made this thread... Looking back, I realize how stupid I was LMFAOOO... I basically believed everything she said, especially the "I'm going to stay single until I'm 21-22 part" What she meant to say was she just didn't want to be with ME anymore, but she wanted a relationship..

 

Honestly, if you're new here.. I would take the advice right away.. go NO CONTACT right away.... save yourself the hurt..

 

Stupidly, I stayed in contact with her till like January... in December she got with this new guy she said she met him just then and then on a dating app, but I honestly believe she always knew him... up until a month ago... she use to text me randomly, so I'm assuming they are still together... but I never replied back to her... so I guess she got the hint.

 

but not listening when I first came here, I basically prolong the hurt until the start of spring, because even though we weren't together, we still talked a good amount..

 

The perfect solution is.. GO NO CONTACT RIGHT AWAY... Honestly looking back, I wish I would have started it the day I came here, but most of us who come onto this forum are so hardheaded,stubborn,etc... we end up prolonging are hurt more than necessary..