Made a huge mistake

[Wanderlust2386]

I made a huge mistake. My ex broke up with me about 2 weeks ago now. I've been very devastated. We've been texting this whole time, mostly about our stuff that we need to get sorted. I'm already moved out, and she has to be out in 4 days because she is moving out of state (3 hours away) Anyway, yesterday I went over to return a few shirts I accidentally took. I ended up helping her vaccuum the bedrooms and clean the house for the showing to new people that day. What struck me is that she seemed completely fine. She was acting like my friend. Asking me how I was, how my job interview was going, asking me about my recent diagnoses got at the doctor. She was being super nice and even told me that I looked very nice and gave me a long hug goodbye. I managed to put on a pretty good front. I wasn't happy but I acted normal and friendly. But it killed me that she thinks we can just magically be friends after 6 years together.

 

Well hers the bad part. I left and came back later when she wasn't home to clean up the backyard. I ended up drinking a few beers and having a good cry in the backyard. All these memories came flooding back to me and I wanted them back so badly. We weren't very intimate these last few months because of our problems but all of a sudden that's all I could think about. So in a moment of weakness, I texted her something very inappropriate. I didn't really expect a response, I wasn't thinking at all. But she said "wow, that took a lot of courage to say! Why are you thinking that?" So I told her why and she FREAKED out. She told me that she thought I was okay when she saw me today and wanted to know what happened. She said she did not feel the same, nor have any other feelings for me and asked why I would say that to her. It made me feel even worse, because she's never vocalized that she lost physical attraction to me as well. We just had sex a couple days before the breakup and she told me it was the best time she ever had. All of a sudden not even being physically attracted to me pretty much confirmed my greatest fear, that she is sleeping/found with someone else. So listen, I know it was a bad idea but how do I fix this? I feel so embarrassed and feel like any good feelings she had towards me is gone. Should I try to implement NC? Is there any chance of ever get her back now? Or have I ruined my chances for good over this text? She is moving away in days and I feel like she thinks Poorly of me. I can't be just her friend, especially after only 2 weeks. I am still very much in love and my emotions have a dangerous grasp on me. I also have to see her the day before she leaves to help clean the house. I feel like an idiot. What do I do? I know there is no guarantee of getting her back, but what are my best chances in the situation I'm in? A part of me still thinks she broke up with me because she is moving away for a year and has been under extreme stress. She's going to be a new city all alone in a trailer, going to school. It's what everyone thinks, because we had a pretty good relationship and she went from wanting to do anything to make us stronger and loving me and having this 3 hour space as a good building tool, to friendzone over night. Just a month ago we were having the time of our lives in Vegas. My friends and family say that she just needs this time to herself as it is a big change and if we are meant to be then we will find each other again. I don't know what to believe, she couldn't totally be over me and with someone new for a I know, I don't know why she would start anything when she's moving but that's how she deals with pain, she can't be alone. I just need a little guidance because I'm so upset right now over what I did. I know it's over. I do. I haven't begged or anything besides the night of the breakup and our conversations have all been friendly and civil since then. I really just made a mistake and felt like I went backwards. I'm losing my house and animals and girlfriend all at that same time and it's oberwhelming. I'm doing the best I can.

[PaperCrane]

She distanced herself because LDR rarely ever work out. 3 hour difference is big. It limits you to weekends and cuts away at personal time.

 

When dating my LTR, in the beginning she was a solid hour of driving away. That made it hard enough.

 

The best thing to do is give her exactly what she's asking for. Space.

 

Use NC right now to help heal your wounds. Reply to nothing. Send nothing. Block on all social media; facebook, snap, whatsapp, instagram, etc etc etc.

 

The side effect is she will miss you but that's not the goal here. The goal is for you to not spend nights in the old back yard crying over beer.

 

Be strong. That's all you can do.

[Wanderlust2386]

I understand LDR are hard. But if she had every intention of breaking it off for that reason, it would have been nice to know more than a week before she leaves. She led me to believe she wanted it to work. The only reason I couldn't go at this time was that I have a very good job and have to take care of my mother. I was planning on moving up there with her in time. It was just a huge surprise to me and it makes it much more difficult. Especially knowing that someone who you thought was in love with you and made promises to you, totally crushes you.

 

I'm really trying to let go, but it was a huge chunk of my life and what I thought was my future. It makes me feel awful that it's so easy for her to just say goodbye. And she gets to run away on top of it.

[Samuel_22]

I made a huge mistake. My ex broke up with me about 2 weeks ago now. I've been very devastated. We've been texting this whole time, mostly about our stuff that we need to get sorted. I'm already moved out, and she has to be out in 4 days because she is moving out of state (3 hours away) Anyway, yesterday I went over to return a few shirts I accidentally took. I ended up helping her vaccuum the bedrooms and clean the house for the showing to new people that day. What struck me is that she seemed completely fine. She was acting like my friend. Asking me how I was, how my job interview was going, asking me about my recent diagnoses got at the doctor. She was being super nice and even told me that I looked very nice and gave me a long hug goodbye. I managed to put on a pretty good front. I wasn't happy but I acted normal and friendly. But it killed me that she thinks we can just magically be friends after 6 years together.

 

Well hers the bad part. I left and came back later when she wasn't home to clean up the backyard. I ended up drinking a few beers and having a good cry in the backyard. All these memories came flooding back to me and I wanted them back so badly. We weren't very intimate these last few months because of our problems but all of a sudden that's all I could think about. So in a moment of weakness, I texted her something very inappropriate. I didn't really expect a response, I wasn't thinking at all. But she said "wow, that took a lot of courage to say! Why are you thinking that?" So I told her why and she FREAKED out. She told me that she thought I was okay when she saw me today and wanted to know what happened. She said she did not feel the same, nor have any other feelings for me and asked why I would say that to her. It made me feel even worse, because she's never vocalized that she lost physical attraction to me as well. We just had sex a couple days before the breakup and she told me it was the best time she ever had. All of a sudden not even being physically attracted to me pretty much confirmed my greatest fear, that she is sleeping/found with someone else. So listen, I know it was a bad idea but how do I fix this? I feel so embarrassed and feel like any good feelings she had towards me is gone. Should I try to implement NC? Is there any chance of ever get her back now? Or have I ruined my chances for good over this text? She is moving away in days and I feel like she thinks Poorly of me. I can't be just her friend, especially after only 2 weeks. I am still very much in love and my emotions have a dangerous grasp on me. I also have to see her the day before she leaves to help clean the house. I feel like an idiot. What do I do? I know there is no guarantee of getting her back, but what are my best chances in the situation I'm in? A part of me still thinks she broke up with me because she is moving away for a year and has been under extreme stress. She's going to be a new city all alone in a trailer, going to school. It's what everyone thinks, because we had a pretty good relationship and she went from wanting to do anything to make us stronger and loving me and having this 3 hour space as a good building tool, to friendzone over night. Just a month ago we were having the time of our lives in Vegas. My friends and family say that she just needs this time to herself as it is a big change and if we are meant to be then we will find each other again. I don't know what to believe, she couldn't totally be over me and with someone new for a I know, I don't know why she would start anything when she's moving but that's how she deals with pain, she can't be alone. I just need a little guidance because I'm so upset right now over what I did. I know it's over. I do. I haven't begged or anything besides the night of the breakup and our conversations have all been friendly and civil since then. I really just made a mistake and felt like I went backwards. I'm losing my house and animals and girlfriend all at that same time and it's oberwhelming. I'm doing the best I can.

Why do you do this to yourself? I mean, does it really matter now? she has lost interest emotionally or physically? your ego has been hit, and I get you, but tell me something? do you think super models, actors and actresses, never get dumped? they do...does it mean they lack something? does it mean they are not attractive? does it mean when the dumper dumps them, they have definitely found someone more attractive? the answer to all of those questions is ''NO''....the truth is the law of attraction is really strange and at times it does not make sense...my girlfriend dumped me 1 month ago to go back to her ex, she told me she had lost interest in me, that she wanted to go back to her ex, and gave me a couple of messages that she did not what she was doing was right, and she might come back etc..and there I was where you are now...has he found someone better? well I saw the dude 2 weeks ago, and he looked like ****...I couldn't believe she dumped me to be with him...so stop looking at it from this aspect... the second part is that, you want her back? I'd ask you why? all my posts are available here on loveshack...I was posting every single night, I want her back, I can't forget her, help me help me...NAH why do you want someone who ignored all your emotions, all that you did for her back? why do you want someone whom you trusted and gave her your life and heart, but she broke them both, back? if she loved you, she would never leave you...I know what you expect me to say, to say well she loved you, but circumstances made her choose? how do I know? because I wanted to hear the same thing on those days, everyone that told me otherwise was a prick...face the reality mate...it is over, you can not change what has gone by nor should you...just stay cool...grieve for the loss, be man enough to face the reality, be man enough to stay NC, be man enough not to look back, be man enough to say ''HELL NO'' even if she showed up again...let a month pass...it is the hardest month a head of you...focus on yourself, try to become your better version. Sometimes you just have to say ''TO HELL WITH IT'', and let **** go... You will be fine soon I promise...trust me on this

[PaperCrane]

I understand LDR are hard. But if she had every intention of breaking it off for that reason, it would have been nice to know more than a week before she leaves. She led me to believe she wanted it to work.

 

She did this to ease her own pain and acclimate to the new situation that you now find yourself in.

 

The only reason I couldn't go at this time was that I have a very good job and have to take care of my mother. I was planning on moving up there with her in time. It was just a huge surprise to me and it makes it much more difficult. Especially knowing that someone who you thought was in love with you and made promises to you, totally crushes you.

 

They usually are a big surprise. It wasn't your fault. Something in her triggered the decision and she has to live with that. You have to live with the fallout but you can chew the cud of memories forever or you can go make new ones.

 

I'm really trying to let go, but it was a huge chunk of my life and what I thought was my future. It makes me feel awful that it's so easy for her to just say goodbye. And she gets to run away on top of it.

 

So do you. You're free again. The freedom seems daunting because you haven't placed a purpose on your new freedom yet. Go start exploring and stuff. Talk to people. It probably wasn't so easy for her. Dumpers take a long time to muster the courage in most cases. When it happens they've checked out already so what you're seeing is the last stage of your own grieving process; acceptance.

 

 

The best and most helpful thing to do is not ask why. Questions lead to more questions and it becomes an infuriating itch. It helps nothing, UNLESS it was something you did in fact do wrong (alcohol, drugs, abuse, anger, reckless behavior, unattentive, etc) which are character flaws that need addressing. Otherwise it's a moot point.

[mightycpa]

Too late now. You showed your cards, and she doesn't come close to where you are in this.

 

The good news is that she's 3 hours away, which means you won't be bumping into her. Eliminate reminders about her from your life and cut communications off. Tell your friends you don't want to know about her, if them filling you in is a possibility.

 

Embrace the emotional pain, work through it, then examine the relationship and yourself to see what truths and lessons you can extract from it. No doubt you'll see things you don't like.

 

As for her, I think she was a coward. She's known this for a while, but decided not to drop the bomb until her escape was near. Don't expect to hear from her, and if you do, do yourself a favor... ignore her.

[Wanderlust2386]

I know why she left. I had been depressed and sick for over a year. I did everything I could to get better but the doctors told me it was all in my head. She had a very hard time with it. Well right after she broke my heart, I found out I had celiac disease which was the cause of all these problems. It makes it extra hard to know that because of something I had no idea how to fix at the time, it led to this. I know it was hard on her. I don't blame her but I wish I could have that time back that I wasted being sick. Bottom line is she got tired of me not getting better. I was unable to go out much or anything because I was sick all the time. I told her about this news, but her mind is already made up.

 

 

 

I know there is nothing I can do now. I am just experiencing a lot of regrets. I know she tried and I have no ill feelings towards her because she was good to me and we had an amazing relationship up until this point. I just always believed that if someone really loved you, they would stick by you no matter what. Relationships, especially long term ones are hard. But I supposed that answers my own question, she didn't love me enough.