LateLastNight Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 I need opinions. All my life I've had the ability to read people, even before I've met them I can tell the kind of person they are, how close they are to their family. I can tell a lot about a person before I've met them, even with just a few conversations either verbally or written. I met this guy a few months ago and we dated for a a while until one day out of the blue he was like 'i'm not in the right place for this' now from the first minute I met him I knew a lot of things and everything I learnt after that confirmed it. He wasn't long out of a relationship (I wasn't looking to get married), he had emotional problems, mental problems and he used exercise to try and forget his problems. Like he was train until it hurt. But at the same time I could also tell he was attracted to me but then one night we got closer than we had been previously. Which included sharing stories about our past and the next day. I knew before he said anything that he was pulling away. I could see it. But then he came out with 'I'm not attracted to you, i'm not in the right place' I knew he was talking bull but I went along with it. I guess what people would call me is an 'empath' I hate that word but it's what some would call me. I can read people well, I know things without having to tell them and I've always had very vivid dreams, some of which end up happening in life. It's been a while since I last seen him and in fact my phone randomly called him the other night whilst I wasn't even touching it (weird) but I can't stop thinking about him because my guy instinct has never been wrong... I guess what I'm asking is... Should I trust my guy instinct that's never been wrong in my 20 plus years of life or do I trust what an emotionally problematic guy says even although everything I sensed about him upto and including that point was correct?
Got it Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 The guy said he wasn't interested and wasn't attracted to you. So outside of everything else I think you should default to listening to what he has to say. So let it go. 3
Author LateLastNight Posted September 10, 2015 Author Posted September 10, 2015 The guy said he wasn't interested and wasn't attracted to you. So outside of everything else I think you should default to listening to what he has to say. So let it go. I know he was attracted to me. I'm not an idiot. I know when someone is attracted to me or not. There's some things that can't be faked.
Got it Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 I know he was attracted to me. I'm not an idiot. I know when someone is attracted to me or not. There's some things that can't be faked. Good lord. Then run rickshaw over top of everything he said to you and tell him what he really meant. I am SURE that will go over well. 4
eye of the storm Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 When someone tells you they are not interested/attracted, listen. Telling someone that you are not interested is hard and takes thought and effort. Feeling an attraction to someone is easy and is basically a chemical reaction. You may be an "empath" but you sound pushy to me. You know him better than he knows himself? And I highly doubt your phone didn't randomly call him. I have done "butt-dialing" or "texted the wrong person" before just to talk to someone. Just accept that you like him more than he likes you and move on. It has happened to all of us. It sucks and I am sorry. There is a radio show that does 2nd date calls. It's premise is someone went on a first date with someone and then for whatever reason the other person isn't calling them back. The callers all talk about what a wonderful date it was and how great it went, then the hosts call the other person...and it is a totally different story. 2
popcornpuff Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 (edited) It's been a while since I last seen him and in fact my phone randomly called him the other night whilst I wasn't even touching it (weird) but I can't stop thinking about him because my guy instinct has never been wrong... I guess what I'm asking is... Should I trust my guy instinct that's never been wrong in my 20 plus years of life or do I trust what an emotionally problematic guy says even although everything I sensed about him upto and including that point was correct? It sounds like you're trying to "lead" us into telling you that you're correct. Sorry, it seems like he's not ready to do anything with you. He's fresh out of a relationship, remember? Even if he is attracted to you, he may need some time alone to heal. I know it's not what you want to hear from us. He's just not in the right place for you. Time for you to move on. Edited September 10, 2015 by popcornpuff Made my post shorter 1
Satu Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 I need opinions. All my life I've had the ability to read people, even before I've met them I can tell the kind of person they are, how close they are to their family. I can tell a lot about a person before I've met them, even with just a few conversations either verbally or written. I met this guy a few months ago and we dated for a a while until one day out of the blue he was like 'i'm not in the right place for this' now from the first minute I met him I knew a lot of things and everything I learnt after that confirmed it. He wasn't long out of a relationship (I wasn't looking to get married), he had emotional problems, mental problems and he used exercise to try and forget his problems. Like he was train until it hurt. But at the same time I could also tell he was attracted to me but then one night we got closer than we had been previously. Which included sharing stories about our past and the next day. I knew before he said anything that he was pulling away. I could see it. But then he came out with 'I'm not attracted to you, i'm not in the right place' I knew he was talking bull but I went along with it. I guess what people would call me is an 'empath' I hate that word but it's what some would call me. I can read people well, I know things without having to tell them and I've always had very vivid dreams, some of which end up happening in life. It's been a while since I last seen him and in fact my phone randomly called him the other night whilst I wasn't even touching it (weird) but I can't stop thinking about him because my guy instinct has never been wrong... I guess what I'm asking is... Should I trust my guy instinct that's never been wrong in my 20 plus years of life or do I trust what an emotionally problematic guy says even although everything I sensed about him upto and including that point was correct? You should accept his words as meaning what they say. Anything else is disrespectful of his right to make his own decisions. 5
Author LateLastNight Posted September 10, 2015 Author Posted September 10, 2015 Good lord. Then run rickshaw over top of everything he said to you and tell him what he really meant. I am SURE that will go over well. I did something similar to that. He agreed with everything I said. He's emotionally stunted. When someone tells you they are not interested/attracted, listen. Telling someone that you are not interested is hard and takes thought and effort. Feeling an attraction to someone is easy and is basically a chemical reaction. You may be an "empath" but you sound pushy to me. You know him better than he knows himself? And I highly doubt your phone didn't randomly call him. I have done "butt-dialing" or "texted the wrong person" before just to talk to someone. Just accept that you like him more than he likes you and move on. It has happened to all of us. It sucks and I am sorry. There is a radio show that does 2nd date calls. It's premise is someone went on a first date with someone and then for whatever reason the other person isn't calling them back. The callers all talk about what a wonderful date it was and how great it went, then the hosts call the other person...and it is a totally different story. I wasn't even touching the phone. I heard the ringing and picked it up. I didn't want to talk to him. I ended it and deleted his number because I didn't even know I still had it. And we dated for nearly 2 months so it wasn't like a 2nd date and I'm hung up on him. I know he was attracted to me, I know he was developing some sort of feelings for me. As I stated before my gut instinct has never been wrong. I know when someone wants something from/with me and I know when they don't. I've backed out of a few relationships when I've felt the wind change. I don't hang around where I'm not wanted.
Satu Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 Hanging onto a person who doesn't want to be with you, is like hanging onto a lottery ticket that didn't win you anything. 1
Author LateLastNight Posted September 10, 2015 Author Posted September 10, 2015 Hanging onto a person who doesn't want to be with you, is like hanging onto a lottery ticket that didn't win you anything. I agree and I'm not holding on. I just... My gut instinct has never been wrong in 20+ years and I believe he said everything he did just because he was hung up on his ex and because he was scared. I haven't spoken to him, I haven't contacted him I just wanted to vent because I'm also finding it hard to date other guys. I just can't be bothered.
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 (edited) Um, if this guy really liked you and was truly attracted to you, he would NOT tell you that he's NOT attracted to you and that he's NOT in the right place and time for whatever it is that you're after. As someone else here has stated, when a guy tells you that he's NOT into you...believe him. EDIT: I've just read your last comment. Okay then...even if your gut instinct is telling you that he really IS attracted to you and he's only saying that because he's still 'hung up on his ex', you should STILL move on from him. Seriously. Then, in the future, if he ever gets over his ex, maybe he'll contact you. Until then, I still think you need to abandon ship. . Edited September 10, 2015 by BlackOpsZombieGirl Read the OP's most recent post & wanted to address it 2
Author LateLastNight Posted September 10, 2015 Author Posted September 10, 2015 I've abandoned it. It's sunk quicker than the Titanic and I don't plan on resurrecting it but my phone spontaneously calling him got me to thinking. 1
craw Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 Your gut instinct isn't wrong. However, this wishy washy behaviour isn't acceptable either. It seems like he's attracted to you, but is hesitant. buh bye.
XianErick Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 Let's say you are right, Your instinct is completely infallible, and you know what it's saying. Hear me out though. Does love grow when you're sitting next to someone, or when you're off thinking about them the following days? Let the distance nurture his feelings for you while he clears his head, just don't smother the guy when he's asking for space!
bluefeather Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 Maybe... your "ability" is getting rusty. for 20+ years, you've been reading people who were easy to read. this guy has mixed emotions. you actually like this person a lot and it's clouding your judgement. you're in denial. 1
Author LateLastNight Posted September 10, 2015 Author Posted September 10, 2015 Maybe... your "ability" is getting rusty. for 20+ years, you've been reading people who were easy to read. this guy has mixed emotions. you actually like this person a lot and it's clouding your judgement. you're in denial. He's not the first guy I've ever dated that I've been able to read like a book and they don't have to be easy to read for me to read them... but on saying that he was. Yes I liked him. Is that clouding my judgement? No. Because before I developed "lik" feelings for him I'd read him like a newspaper already. I'm in denial? Denial about what? Putting aside my ability to read people well... A woman or man for that matter knows when a member of the opposite sex is attracted to them. You can tell if someone is attracted to you or faking it after the first but if not definitely the 2nd date and he wasn't using me for sex because I wouldn't sleep with him because he hadn't long come out of a relationship and im not a moron.
bluefeather Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 I'm in denial? Denial about what? About him not being very attracted to you.
angel.eyes Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 To summarize using your own words: Emotionally problematic guyEmotionally stuntedHung up on his exTold you he doesn't want to date you in multiple different ways. Empath or not, what about this scenario is attractive to you as a dating option? Please leave the poor man alone. Someone can be attracted to you and still not want to date you. It happens all the time. Dating compatibility is about way more than just physical attraction. Please accept that he's not interested in being with you and move on to someone else.
Author LateLastNight Posted September 10, 2015 Author Posted September 10, 2015 About him not being very attracted to you. Nope not in denial and I never said he was very attracted to me. I said he was attracted to me. After nearly 2 months he decided he wasn't. I just called bull. To summarize using your own words: Emotionally problematic guyEmotionally stuntedHung up on his exTold you he doesn't want to date you in multiple different ways. Empath or not, what about this scenario is attractive to you as a dating option? Please leave the poor man alone. Someone can be attracted to you and still not want to date you. It happens all the time. Dating compatibility is about way more than just physical attraction. Please accept that he's not interested in being with you and move on to someone else. I'm not a clinger. I haven't spoken to or seen him since it ended. Only reason I wrote my original post was because somehow when I wasn't even touching my phone it called his number and it got me thinking about him again but I haven't seen or spoken to him in over a month... If that's your definition of a 'clinger' I think you need to work on it. I haven't at any point said 'I want him back' because I don't. He had many mental and emotional issues . I just like honesty and he was lying.
angel.eyes Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 Who cares what reason he gives for breaking up?!? You're broken up, and he doesn't want to date you. That's all that matters. Let it go and find someone else. It's irrelevant whether you're physically attractive.The bottom line is still that things have ended.
bluefeather Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 Nope not in denial and I never said he was very attracted to me. I said he was attracted to me. I understand. Then I will respond to that with, "so what?" Attraction does not equate to romantic relationship. People can be more or less attracted to other people. It does not mean a relationship will come out of it. Even then, people can feel one thing and then not. What if you do trust your "guy instinct?" Will you then pursue this man and try to convince him that you know him better than himself?
Quiet Storm Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 I think he was attracted to you, but probably got turned off by your know it all behavior and emotional immaturity. Good lord. Then run rickshaw over top of everything he said to you and tell him what he really meant. I am SURE that will go over well. I did something similar to that. He agreed with everything I said. He's emotionally stunted. Just accept that he's no longer attracted and try not to think about him. Attractions can be fleeting. It doesn't mean he wasn't attracted, just that he isn't anymore. You also may want to delete him from your phone so no more phantom calls are made. You could also be a little introspective and think about why his behavior (mental & emotional issues) pulls you in instead of turning you off. Even if you aren't contacting him, he's on your mind, and why waste brain space on someone like him? Use your gift wisely and find an emotionally stable, mature guy who isn't still thinking about his ex girlfriend.
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