ladybug0425 Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 Hi Guys! In desperate need of your help. I’ll try to make this as short as possible. I am a thirty-one year old woman, divorced with one child and have a fantastic job. I have absolutely no drama in my life, know what I want and am absolutely not afraid to pursue after it. In October of last year, I decided to jump back into the dating scene after 3 years of being single and focusing on my career. I met a man online and we hit it off. We both love being physically active, so we met at the gym for a quick ‘hello’ and then followed that up with coffee the next day. I had butterflies the whole entire time. He is also my age. However, his career is less stable, he’s still going to school, his finances are not in the greatest place and overall, he just hasn’t found the right foundation to build stability on. Our lives are polar opposites. He also didn’t have the best loving, supportive family growing up. By our fourth date, we went to his place and had the most amazing sex. Our physical chemistry is just off the charts … And that was when I started to panic. Things were moving a bit too quickly for me. So I asked him to take it slow and be friends, just to give me some time to adjust. Yes, I “friend zoned” him for a bit. That would never work between us, as we were too physically attracted to each other. I’ve always been in great relationships in the past that flowed. His relationships were always rocky, tumultuous and his outlook on it was rather bleak. He felt like everything would end up in heartache. After a four months of dating, I asked him what he wanted; Whether to move forward and be a couple or not. He was always unable to give me an answer. I know part of that stems from his insecurities of not being enough for me and because of his past. He has made comments before about not measuring up to what I needed. I was patient and on more than one occasion, tried the ‘no contact’ rule (on more than two occasions) to move on, but we would always get sucked back into the same cycle of seeing each other one day, he would disappear and back off for a bit, then back on. It is coming up one year now since we met. In that time, I’ve met one of his friends, but have never been asked to go out with any of his other friends or meet anyone else. We aren’t even friends on Facebook. When I bring it up , he tells me he doesn’t want to see other guys commenting on my page (I am a model with fitness photos, so guess tend be very flirty) or that he had an ex before and when they broke up, she went crazy and started harassing his friends about him. So his page is private. But he will add other people who he is friends with. If I’m dating him, shouldn’t I be treated fairly? A few days ago I decided to just lay it out there. I told him what I wanted out of him; which was a relationship, because I just couldn’t do this on/off thing anymore. Something has to stick. I told him I cared for him, but I’m not afraid of walking away and moving on. He had to let go of his insecurities and let me in – and that means 100% into his life. I needed to be a priority. He told me he wasn’t expecting my admission and just fell dead silent on me. When we continued the conversation a little while later, I grew impatient at his dodging (which he’s done several times in the past) and wished him a good night. He followed up with, “Just delete my number. I’ll never make you happy.” By this time, I was exasperated so I replied with, “Done." and stopped all communication and blocked him. The ironic part is that he is always drawn back to me. I know I’ll eventually hear from him again. But I am tired of his go-around. I’ve tried changing the song to change the dance, but I feel like we still repeat old patterns. We are nowhere closer to a deeper connection than we were nearly a year ago. I’m fully committed to walking away, moving on and staying away. I have a fantastic life and in no need to have someone to keep me company because I’m bored and need attention. I do love and care for him, and I know eventually he will be back to reconnect. But I have boundaries and self-love too. What do I do then? I’ve already laid out what I wanted and got that response. Lost and needing help.
d0nnivain Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 Stop second guessing yourself. You are doing the right things. If he can't commit, why continue to waste your time? Sadly, it wouldn't shock me if after you walked away he came crawling after you. Normally I don't think people come back or that it's healthy for them to do so. I don't think it would be the best idea for you to consider him if he did that but it also wouldn't be the worst if he really did grow up, learn his own mind & become willing to commit. I further predict, that if you took him back, he would not have actually changed & you would simply end up dumping him all over again, but he's one I might take a 2nd chance on but notice the emphasis on the word might.
Author ladybug0425 Posted September 10, 2015 Author Posted September 10, 2015 d0nnivain, thank you so much for taking the time out to reply. That is so true. I guess it's hard for me to let go of something that I've invested time into - because I'm always pulling and rooting that the other person would grow up. I suppose I laid it out as best as I can and now I'm walking away. I guess the 'other' chance would have to depend on the change.
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