Did he move on ? Or will he contact me again ? Should I contact him ?

[kadmoore]

Hi everyone. Thank you for reading and responding to my thread in advance.

 

I met this guy on POF ( an online dating site ) about a month ago. We exchanged numbers the first day of conversations on the site and he texted me everyday since then. We went on a total of 4 dates together in two weeks. After the first date, he told me he had deleted his online dating account. He texted me in the morning, afternoon, evenings, basically all day. I was very responsive. I replied immediately and always said yes when he asked me to do something. I was flirty and nice even though I did not initiate the conversations. I showed interest. And I was always the first one to text him goodnight. He was very sweet and things started up very fast. He started calling me baby and complimenting me after our first date. I thought things were going pretty well.

 

Fast forward to three weeks of dating and he tells me that I never ask him to do anything. This may have been the case, but he always beat me to it. I told him I understand and I will try to change that. We had then arranged to see each other that week on a Friday, time or place planned. Then that Friday came and I did not hear from him until noon (I was at the mall at that time ). At that point I asked him around what time he would like to meet, and he said when I would like. Then he proposed a movie that I did not want to see and I said : I dont think I want to see that movie, but if you really want to go we can see each other another time. After that he got mad and told me I was not ready for a relationship and that he was more invested that I was and I was not demonstrative enough. It is true that he did initiate plans and the texting, but he never gave me time to initiate or plan anything. He constantly texted me and asked me to do things, maybe if he would have cooled down, I would have eventually asked him or texted first. In any case, he then told me I needed to think about things. It takes me time to warm up to someone, I would have initiated more eventually, maybe when we were an official couple. I was not open and vulnerable right from the get go but I showed interest.

 

I did just that and told him that things were going a bit fast and that I needed more time to open up to him and that I would initiate more from now on which I did. However, since that day, he stopped texting me first and went completely cold and distant. I had asked him to do something with me and he kept saying he would get back to me and never did. I did do my best to be more demonstrative and show my interest. But his behavior did not change so I asked him what he wanted and if he wanted to continue dating me. ( this was a week after him being cold and distant ). I was interested in him, but maybe I did not open up fast enough when he was putting in effort..

 

His response was:

 

I will be super honest with you. When we first started dating I was very interested in you and I still am a lot. But you were distant in the beginning and what happened made me think a lot. I think about it a lot since it happened. I do not think that either of us is ready for a long term and serious relationship. You have work and school, and I am not saying that you would not be able to make time for me but I also have a complicated work schedule and I am thinking of going back to school as well very soon. It seems like the timing isn't good. And you also made me realize that people should not rush into things, which is a flaw that I have. I think the best thing to do is to let things just evolve without pressure and see where things go. Those who are made for each other find a way back to each other. I really believe that. I want to tell you that I sincerely enjoyed every moment that I spent with you and I think you are a great and beautiful woman. I have a feeling that we will meet again I just think that right now I am indecisive and confused and I do not want to make you wait for nothing. I do really wish you all the best, but I would like to stay in contact with you if you want to. I hope you are not mad at me, I though for about 4 hours before sending you this message. Have a nice night and I hope with all my heart that you would want to keep in touch with me. Please let me know how you feel about this.

 

I replied by saying that I understand and that we could keep in touch. His response was :

 

I am so happy that you want to stay in touch. It makes me so happy! Have a great day and talk to you soon.

 

It has been 5 days I did not hear from him. He is adding a bunch of women on facebook and has a new dating account up on POF. ( I dont know if this was going on the week he went distant or the day after he texted me ) It made me very suspicious of his true intent.

 

I am very confused as to what happened here and what this all means. Was it my fault ? Did I do something wrong ? Does he really want to stay in touch ? Was he really that interested if it was so easy for him to walk away after I opened up to him ? A part of me blames myself for what happened. But should I ?

 

Please any perspective or opinion would be appreciated.

[EO422]

GO NC...that's it. Do not keep contact. He is a lying sack of BS...

[pidgeon1010]

Always be cautious of a guy who starts hot and heavy at the beginning because chances are, he is not sincere and is just trying to fast track you into the bedroom. I believe he realized you wouldn't be an easy lay so he just moved on.

 

 

I am like you in that I tend to hold back at the beginning of dating and let the guy initiate. In my last relationship, I unintentionally kept that going even after my ex and I became an official couple until he drew my attention to the fact that I never ask him to do or anything or initiate texts. I become more cognizant of it and made efforts to show him I cared and was interested. That's all you can do. If a guy is genuinely interested, he will continue getting to know you.

 

 

Don't maintain contact with him. He sounds like he is full of sh*t. He is contradicting himself- let things evolve without pressure and see where it goes but then doesn't want to invest time in you to see where it goes.

 

 

Do not contact him. He knows how to reach you if he decides he wants to move forward but I wouldn't hold my breath for anything substantive to come out of this. His sudden change of heart is a red flag.

Edited September 10, 2015 by pidgeon1010