Reached a new level - epiphany

[Yummm]

For all those suffering after being heartbroken I have some positivity to give to you and I will tell you that it DOES get easier.

 

Today marks 4 months post breakup of my first love.

 

It was traumatizing, it broke me into pieces and over the last 4 months I have been putting myself back together piece by piece and i'm still getting there.

 

The first month I was broken, couldn't eat, sleep, kept having vivid dreams and 'what-ifs'. I allowed myself to grieve but I would focus on work and friends during this time to push forward. Days felt like years, but you really have to take it day by day. My ex works 2 minutes from me so I used to see her and her car daily, it killed me.

 

The second month is where I finally 'let go of hope'. This really put some finality into situation. After breaking NC over the first month by checking her facebook and whatsapp and seeing things that hurt me, I decided enough was enough and went strict NC. The 'detachment' was horrible, it was like waning myself off a drug, but it HAD to be done. I was lonely, I was miserable, but I forced myself to the gym, forced myself to go out with friends and interact with people and I only tended to think about her during the evening or when I bumped into her at work.

 

Month 3 things were picking up - I went on an incredible holiday with my friends, saw amazing people, cultures and places and it gave me a different perspective on life. I really appreciated what I had back home and all the support I had from my friends and family. I finally saw the silver lining.

 

Month 4 has come and today was an epiphany for me. The road to indifference is even closer. I casually bumped into my ex and her dog during lunch today. I didn't have a heartsink, I didn't feel awkward, I went in with confidence and approached her. We had a little chat, acknowledged eachother, wished her well and I went on with my day.

 

I'm finally feeling no resentment to her and all the pain that she put me through, even though i'm still incredibly attracted to her I would NOT take her back, I genuinely want her to be happy and hope she's well.

 

I'm desirable! Over the last 3 weeks i've been on 9 dates, had someone fall in love with me and have girls attracted to me. I'm eating healthy, excersizing, socializing and working hard. Do I still feel lonely? Yes, but after dating people who find me desirable I realise that it's because i'm a sensitive guy and I miss the connection that I had with her in the relationship. Do I still think about her? Only when I'm feeling low and associate my negativity with her looking after me.

 

The silver lining is near, we WILL get through this. We are desirable, we deserve to be loved as much as we give love.

 

Thanks for reading, i'm feeling really positive today

 

Sending positive vibes and hugs to all xox

[scooby-philly]

@Yummm

 

Thank you for the honesty and the depth of your post. I'm going through my second tough breakup since I started seriously dating...so to speak. I'm happy this one is over. It's been 2 months and yes - I get lonely at times too. Gotten 2 numbers in the past month from OLD, haven't had any dates - but I'm okay with that. I'm too focused on what other people feel, too focused on pleasing others that I'm finally learning to just do what the **** I want to do and be happy with my life.

 

Quite honestly - and I'd be open to disagreement - but I think nice guys, family oriented guys - can have it very tough. We hope for the best but often settle for women who simply see us a stable and "usable".

[Yummm]

Thanks for your reply scooby.

 

I'm glad that you liked my post and hopefully it will give you some hope.

 

2 months is still pretty raw, unless you are tough skinned I wouldn't suggest starting to casually date yet as you aren't emotionally available. Give yourself more time to think about YOU - all of this heartbreak gives you a chance to dig deep into yourself, your values and core and find out who you really are, what you really want.

 

You'll get through it, by the looks of your threads you were in a toxic relationship, it's good you got out of it. The fact that you have said you are happy it's over says enough, keep at it!

 

Emotional detachment is hard, i'm still getting there @ 4 months in. I'm definitely not completely indifferent yet, I still enjoyed speaking to her and found her ridiculously attractive today, but I didn't feel uncomfortable, I didn't get a heartsink & would NOT take her back if the opportunity came.

 

I've also been casually dating for the last few weeks. It is great to meet new people, build confidence and see different types of personalities so you can be more clear of who you want for the future, but it does take it's toll. So I agree with you there to an extent, us sensitive guys really do need that emotional connection, so casual dating is quite disappointing at times, as i'm left with an 'empty' feeling afterwards when I didn't make a good connection with somebody.

 

We will get through this

[scooby-philly]

@yummm

 

Understood about the emotional availability. In this case, I'm over her - any anger, regret, etc is more projected on myself. I'm not expecting to find the "one" any time soon - sure if it happens - but yes - it's a good time to just focus on myself. I'm already planning - if I'm still employed at a good job and can afford it - to take the vacation of my dreams - 2 weeks in S. France and N. Italy next year. If I meet someone between now and then I'd invite them, but also I've learned that time away is okay.

 

you're right - sensitive guys can have it rough because we're conditioned to want that emotional connection with people and when we don't get it we often blame ourselves instead of just realizing that 1. It's not our fault. 2. You don't need an emotional connection with everyone 3. People often - mostly subconsciously - take advantage of our generosity and sensitivity.

 

Yes - it was a toxic relationship. At 39 with 40k in debt, 15k on a car at 27% APR, and just now going into a real degree program with 2 kids (thankfully she doesn't have them for her own sake) that's way too much to begin with. but then, to be a self-centered, taker - of course though - that's why she ruins everything she touches.

 

I'm surprised to hear you say you're still seeing/talking to her - what about the NC rule?

[casey.lives]

if you're online talking ... you still have a ways to go. sorry.

[Yummm]

if you're online talking ... you still have a ways to go. sorry.

 

I don't see the value of your post?

 

I never said i'm over her completely, if you cared to read - I said i'm getting there, reached a new level etc.

 

Online talking? Meaning i'm on this forum talking about my journey over the last 4 months and trying to give some hope to people still suffering whilst telling myself through my own posts that it'll be okay?

 

Sorry, your post was unnecessary IMO

 

@Scooby - I'm not still speaking to her regularly, as stated in my post she works 2 minutes from me, I pretty much see her everyday. Was trying to avoid her by changing my lunch hours in the beginning due to it hurting me and making me feel worse.

 

Now i'm at a point where I don't care to bump into her. I have started going to a Young Professionals event that I used to go to and she also attends. I stopped going for a few months because I needed to go strict NC and move away from her. It's inevitable that i'll be bumping into her there, so i'm glad that I broke the ice by not avoiding her and approaching her today just to clear the air.

 

We bumped into eachother and I had the courage to speak, rather than awkwardly ignore as I have been doing for the past few months, that's the only sort of interaction I had. I wished her well and felt no sadness and awkwardness when doing so, that for me is a big achievement.

Edited September 10, 2015 by Yummm

[15Love]

You're doing really well. Don't let anyone take any of that from you. You're an inspiration to me that time really can help. Keep trucking!

[ScienceGal]

if you're online talking ... you still have a ways to go. sorry.

 

no, from a simple update post, you can't determine how far someone has gone or has to go. We all move on at our own pace. He's making progress, quit putting a negative spin on it.

[scooby-philly]

@yummm

 

I did see that you work near her....I wanted to see how you might respond to the question and that's a dead perfect response. If they old you would have hid or stop going to things that's great that you're doing what you want to. I had that recently too as the group my ex and I met through and did some activities had another meetup about a month after we broke up and about 2 weeks into NC - had a good time, didn't interact with her, and even her kids say hi to me.

 

So good for us!

[Oregon_Dude]

Over the last 3 weeks i've been on 9 dates, had someone fall in love with me and have girls attracted to me.

Someone fell in love with you over the last three weeks? I don't want to burst your bubble, but you're either flattering yourself, or she's way rushing it with her feelings.

 

I'm glad you're doing well, and I like your mindset. I'm sure you are desirable. Just be careful not to turn confidence into arrogance.

[Jonp219]

For all those suffering after being heartbroken I have some positivity to give to you and I will tell you that it DOES get easier.

 

Today marks 4 months post breakup of my first love.

 

It was traumatizing, it broke me into pieces and over the last 4 months I have been putting myself back together piece by piece and i'm still getting there.

 

The first month I was broken, couldn't eat, sleep, kept having vivid dreams and 'what-ifs'. I allowed myself to grieve but I would focus on work and friends during this time to push forward. Days felt like years, but you really have to take it day by day. My ex works 2 minutes from me so I used to see her and her car daily, it killed me.

 

The second month is where I finally 'let go of hope'. This really put some finality into situation. After breaking NC over the first month by checking her facebook and whatsapp and seeing things that hurt me, I decided enough was enough and went strict NC. The 'detachment' was horrible, it was like waning myself off a drug, but it HAD to be done. I was lonely, I was miserable, but I forced myself to the gym, forced myself to go out with friends and interact with people and I only tended to think about her during the evening or when I bumped into her at work.

 

Month 3 things were picking up - I went on an incredible holiday with my friends, saw amazing people, cultures and places and it gave me a different perspective on life. I really appreciated what I had back home and all the support I had from my friends and family. I finally saw the silver lining.

 

Month 4 has come and today was an epiphany for me. The road to indifference is even closer. I casually bumped into my ex and her dog during lunch today. I didn't have a heartsink, I didn't feel awkward, I went in with confidence and approached her. We had a little chat, acknowledged eachother, wished her well and I went on with my day.

 

I'm finally feeling no resentment to her and all the pain that she put me through, even though i'm still incredibly attracted to her I would NOT take her back, I genuinely want her to be happy and hope she's well.

 

I'm desirable! Over the last 3 weeks i've been on 9 dates, had someone fall in love with me and have girls attracted to me. I'm eating healthy, excersizing, socializing and working hard. Do I still feel lonely? Yes, but after dating people who find me desirable I realise that it's because i'm a sensitive guy and I miss the connection that I had with her in the relationship. Do I still think about her? Only when I'm feeling low and associate my negativity with her looking after me.

 

The silver lining is near, we WILL get through this. We are desirable, we deserve to be loved as much as we give love.

 

Thanks for reading, i'm feeling really positive today

 

Sending positive vibes and hugs to all xox

 

Good stuff man! I'm proud of you

 

Question, how are you meeting girls and getting dates? I feel this is the reason I can't fully get past my break-up. I haven't went on any dates since my break-up (7 months ago) and because of that I tend to slip into a depression and start believing i'm not desirable. It's tough meeting nice girls out here, I feel like they're needles in a haystack.

[Yummm]

Someone fell in love with you over the last three weeks? I don't want to burst your bubble, but you're either flattering yourself, or she's way rushing it with her feelings.

 

I'm glad you're doing well, and I like your mindset. I'm sure you are desirable. Just be careful not to turn confidence into arrogance.

Thank you mate

 

I didn't intend to sound cocky or arrogant at all, sorry if it came across that way. What was intended by 'I am desirable' was that once I got broken up with, for a while I tended to feel that I wasn't lovable, desirable etc, but I know that I am. I found that through my own healing but seeing girls attracted to me recently has definitely helped that feeling.

 

Yeah, if you've seen my previous threads I was chatting to a girl for 2 months online and when we finally met a couple of weeks ago she was pretty much in love, way over the top. I got a shock and didn't feel comfortable so I stopped seeing her (funny story after that though).

 

@Jonp - thanks mate! heard that you've been doing pretty well yourself, good for you!

 

I've been attending a Young Professionals event lately and managed to get 2 dates from there, but the rest have been through OLD. I just get their number, find out a little about them and ask to meetup. OLD is brutal and it can be disheartening so do be prepared, but out of the 9 dates 2 have gone really well and i'm seeing them again!

[Firstheartbreaksux]

You've been following my story and always given me a pick me up, even while dealing with your own healing. Thank you for that man. I'm glad your doing great, it DOES give me something to look forward to. Its great looking back and seeing what we have learned and how far we have come. Its even better doing that with other caring people. Keep it up man.

[Yummm]

You've been following my story and always given me a pick me up, even while dealing with your own healing. Thank you for that man. I'm glad your doing great, it DOES give me something to look forward to. Its great looking back and seeing what we have learned and how far we have come. Its even better doing that with other caring people. Keep it up man.

 

Thank you mate. We will all get through this at some point. I'm always looking back every month and saying "wow look how much self control I had, look how far i've come" and hopefully every month continues like this.

 

Sure, I have blips, sure I feel low at times, I tend to try keep out of my own head and stay super busy all the time (which isn't great) but I'm moving on and have come so far in this journey.

 

Needing some hugsssss haha

 

Have a great weekend everybody! xox:

[Yummm]

So something crazy happened last night and i'm not too sure what.. some insight would be appreciated.

 

I was in bed thinking about my ex, trying to pinpoint bad traits that I saw in her during the relationship...

 

Suddenly, I uncontrollably smiled for about 10 mins, to the point of my jaw hurting... It literally felt like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders, I felt like my ex has finally been removed from this pedestal that she's been on this whole time.

 

Has this ever happened to anyone before? Was it just a moment of relief or a genuine step in the right direction? I'm feeling at ease today, it's strange.

 

I then read this, and it really made me feel good - http://www.dpaki.com/uncategorized/read-this-if-theres-someone-you-cant-forgive/

[scooby-philly]

@yummmm

 

I tend to chuckle and smile when something is amusing to me in my mind. And yes I've found myself doing it when a revelation or insight comes to me. Not sure if its a complete weight off but it's definitely a new understanding of something that happened

[Yummm]

@yummmm

 

I tend to chuckle and smile when something is amusing to me in my mind. And yes I've found myself doing it when a revelation or insight comes to me. Not sure if its a complete weight off but it's definitely a new understanding of something that happened

 

Thanks mate - the high has wore off, but I definitely feel a long lasting effect from the other night, like her pedestal has come down and stayed down.

 

Good feeling

 

Apart from the $hitty weather here in London, UK, positive morning